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Terrible terrible jokes!

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I can think of a good use for them :rofl:IMG-20220611-WA0001.jpg
 
My wife once had a go at me, saying how lazy i was

Shocked?.....i nearly fell out the shopping trolley
 
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Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO! What a Ride!"
 
AND…

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION…

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking American-English is apparently what kills you.
 
A man went to the police station hoping to talk to the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. The desk sergeant said, "You will get your chance in court."

The man said, "I just want to know how he broke into my house without waking my wife. I have been trying to do that for years!"
 
My wife and I met in a revolving door.

We've been going round with each other ever since.
 
I told my wife I was gonna build a car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I 'drove pasta'.
 
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Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night. Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
 
Why did the Easter egg fail his driving test? Cos he cracked under pressure....:rofl::rofl:

How many Easter eggs can you fit in an empty basket? Only One. After that, it's not
empty anymore.
.
 
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