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Terrible terrible jokes!

I used to be a student studying genetics and decided to cross a homing pigeon with an alligator.
I'm sure it will come back to bite me.
(All groaning permitted)
 
When I was a kid my Mum would give me a 10 bob note and send me down to the shop. I would come back with a pound of potatoes, half pound of cheese, ten rashers of bacon and half a dozen eggs. Can't do that now…

…too many security cameras!
 

Where can you buy soup in bulk? At the stock market.​

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines.

​

 
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener!

What do you call a fish that gets pregnant by itself? Sturgeon Mary.

What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? An udder disaster!
 
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What did the mayonnaise say when someone opened the refrigerator door?
Could you close the door, I'm dressing.

Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Could you give me my quarterback?
 
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
 
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I asked my wife if she'd still love me when I'm old and wrinkly.
She said "of course I do".
 
My husband asked me one day "what would I do if he wasn't around" My reply was ' buy an electric start lawnmower' as I always had to get him to start our petrol pull cord one.
Then Ryobi brought out an electric battery mower :D:rofl::rofl:
 
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