Terrible terrible jokes!

[Barrowman]

What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?
Answer: One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

Why do people say "break a leg" when you go on stage?
Answer: Because every play has a cast.

What do you call an alligator detective?
Answer: An investi-gator.

 

[Contused]

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 

[paultrose]

Cant member if ive posted this before....if i have then apologies

 

[paultrose]

 

[Contused]

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise programme?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

 

[paultrose]

Z

 

[silver minion]

Think the second bee was bred in Silicone Valley

 

[paultrose]

 

[silver minion]

 

[Contused]

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

 

[silver minion]

As some of you may know, we keep a small flock of chickens. None called Henrietta though.

 

[paultrose]

 

[paultrose]

 

[paultrose]

 

[Contused]

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 

[Barrowman]

Did you hear about the Italian chef who had an accident the other day? -- Unfortunately, he
pasta way.

What's the bad thing about birthdays? -- Too many of them will kill you.

Why did the deer go to the dentist? -- It had buck teeth.

Why should you be careful with what you say around eggs? -- They can't take a yolk.

 

[paultrose]