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Terrible terrible jokes!

I saw a man yesterday who was so bald that I could see what he was thinking.
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Q: Why do a group of birds fly in a arrow-like pattern following one bird?
A: Because he's the one with the map.
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The popular American cartoon, The Flinstones, has been banned in Dubai, Sharjah, Fujairah and Ajman. However, The Flinstones remains on show in Abu Dhabi.
Official sources say that most of the UAE doesn't have a sense of humour but those in Abu Dhabi Dooooooooooo!
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The Met Office have issued a Yellow Darkness Warning! ⚠️ It will start getting dark around 3:53pm. People are advised to exercise caution and not travel unless absolutely necessary. Santa may have to come after 8:08am!
 
Which school subject was the witch’s favourite? ....Spelling.

What do you call an angry carrot? ....A steamed veggie.

What do you call a factory that makes okay products? ....A satis-factory.
 
Did you hear the one about the book section at Walmart?
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Q: Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.
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A man arrives for a consultation with a psychiatrist, who asks, "What is your occupation?"

The man replies, "I'm a car mechanic."

The psychiatrist says, "Get under the couch."
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I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer to wash my face.
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Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick!
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A pancake, a rasher of bacon and a sausage walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."
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Managed to get rid of my old vacuum cleaner on ebay

Well, it was only gathering dust
 
Contused said:
A pancake, a rasher of bacon and a sausage walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."
Click to expand...
:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Two sheep walk into a bar.
Bartender points to the door, "Out! You two are Baaaaaaed".
 
That pigs in blankets joke has the added bonus that it upset a bunch of outspoken vegans. I'm fine with someone following a vegan diet, as long as they don't get all preachy and self righteous about it.
 
I was once addicted to line dancing, but my therapist put me on a two-step programme.
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Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He didn't have any body to go with.
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Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.
The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
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Dad Joke.
I thought that I would re-post this one here as it is being ignored elsewhere and I'm feeling desperate for validation.
 
Chris Hobson said:
View attachment 33012
Dad Joke.
I thought that I would re-post this one here as it is being ignored elsewhere and I'm feeling desperate for validation.
Click to expand...
We’ve had the whole family working on this. I reckon it’s a reference to the Holly and the Ivy carol chorus,.'The holly bears the crown'
 
1734376071364.jpeg1734374873925.png1734374894435.png

Beat me to it @Robin, but I was trying to get into the spirit!
 
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What do you get when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? ....An udder disaster!

What do you call a fish that got pregnant by itself? ....Sturgeon Mary.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?.... A can't opener!
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