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Terrible terrible jokes!

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Q: Why did the bee cross the road?
A: To get to the buzz stop!
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I've developed an irrational fear of German sausages.
I fear the Wurst.
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What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

Why did the bike fall over? It was two tired.

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one.
.
 
High rise buildings. Wrong on so many levels.
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Q: Why did the bee fly around with his two back legs crossed?
A: He was looking for a BP station.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman.
Before marriage and after marriage.
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Did you hear about those 2 guys the police nabbed?

One was eating batteries....the other was eating fireworks

They charged one and let the other one off
 
What do you call a snowman riding in a car? A snowmobile.

Have you ever gone camping? It's in tents.

Why did the Sun skip going to college? It already had a million degrees.
 
I am addicted to brake fluid

But i can stop any time i want
 
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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Q: Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
A: Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit.
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Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no point in two people remembering the same thing.
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Contused said:
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Click to expand...

Bizarrely about a decade ago, a couple of streets from my sister, an OAP died. For six months nobody bothered despite him not paying his rent or council tax (he did not believe in DDs), energy bills, phone, collecting repeat prescriptions from the GP, collecting same from the local chemist, etc. He was only found when a neighbour complained about the smell. My sister was taken aback by the fact nobody appeared bothered that t hey had not seen him for months! It's a sad world at times!
 
Any one know a plumber.....just found a nasty leek under the sink


Screenshot_20241206-092142_Chrome.jpg
 
What’s the best way to put a spaceship to sleep? Rocket.

What causes dry skin? A towel.

Did you hear about the deer that went to the dentist? It had buck teeth.

How do football players stay cool? They have many fans.
 
the OR bird is so called because it lays square eggs From The Good Life
 
It isn't fair that only one company makes the game 'Monopoly'.
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Q: Why did the spider cross the street?
A: To find the next website.
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I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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gail2 said:
the OR bird is so called because it lays square eggs From The Good Life
Click to expand...
Alternatively…

The Good Life - Silly But It's Fun (26th December 1977). "The ooh-ah bird is so called because it lays square eggs"
 
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