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Terrible terrible jokes!

What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi bud!

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderpants.
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Why don't programmers like nature?

Because it has too many bugs!
 
I told my computer that I need a break,

Now it won't stop sending me Kit-Kat ads!
 
Why don't you tell secrets on a farm?

Because the potato have eyes & the corn has ears!
 
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!

Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears.

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
 
A person at the bank asked to check their balance. So I pushed them over.

A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
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What do you call a Hippo with only one leg?
A Hoppo.
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My half brother and I aren't allowed to play with the chainsaw any more.
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What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
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What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment
and the other an oinkment.
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Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved.
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Rambler walks through a field & greets a farmer with the 2 legged pig. Loyal pig you got there, says the rambler. Yes he is. Said the farmer. Do you know that pig saved my life twice. Really? said the rambler. Indeed. First time I fell in a ditch blind drunk he alerted my wife, I would have died from hypothermia. The second time he pulled me out of a hopper shredding wood when I fell in? Wow, said the rambler. So what happened to the legs? Well, said the farmer. You don’t eat a pig like that all at once, do you.
 
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