Hello all
Oh my, seems we are all in the same boat! Northerner, appreciate your gentle and sympathetic nurturing...
First, Bev: I'm so sorry about the ecg deal. Oh dear. I do hope too like everyone that it passes without any indicators of anything. But I think you're right to identify stress in all this. As Adrienne says, the relentless and often devastating nature of all this just doesn't ease, really, being parents. For me, the agony of the constant decisions at the moment, the balancing of my welfare against E's, is really quite wearing...More on that later...
I guess I would say Bev what do you do for yourself? If as we all hope nothing particularly concrete shows up on the ecg, it'll be worth looking at how you can give yourself the occasional break. I confess that if I ever feel in the clear, children settled or in school etc, I do things like a) go to the gym or for a swim, unscheduled! b) go for an hour around the town c) meet a friend for coffee or indulge in the sending of many texts to friends...
It's so hard to find space in all this. Always hard as a parent who cares and is attentive to their children, but more so within the vigilance necessary in managing diabetes. What are your hobbies? Loves? Passions? What have you had to give up that you can get back to?
I'm speaking to all of us, perhaps...And I think that the beginning of school year stuff is hard, very hard. Autumn is a melancholy time generally, as well as an uplifting one, with a particular poignant slant of light, etc...I personally have already begun to dread the darkening days, and the fact that we enter yes another year with this day to day thing -- which we have yet to really feel on top of.
Lou -- what's up with your numbers, darlin'? It must be so frustrating and cross-making. What about women's cycle stuff? Know *nothing* about it from experience, but could that be a part? Or just worn out, stressed?
Mand, do PM. I feel worried about you.
Last night was a case in point that we just can't know it all. You will all know that we are in the position of running and stopping to keep up with E's growth and sudden shifts and spurts...Numbers since the Day of Four Hypos have been very good, but the last two days I've had sneaking nighttime basal issues... thinking he actually *was* dropping between 3 and 7am...Well last night, he was 12 at 11pm (baked potato anyone?), long after active insulin was a factor. Pump wanted to correct fully. As is our practice for nighttime, we under-corrected by about a third. Despite real exhaustion, we knew we had to check things at 1.30pm -- which I duly did: 6mmols. Blast! The last two nights had, in my memory, seen him drop about 3mmols, and I felt I just couldn't take the chance at that number until we knew for sure. On the other hand (thought I, in the middle of the flaming night!), if he *wasn't* dropping, 6mmols is a very good nighttime number...Around I went for 15 minutes. Finally woke OH. We decided we *didn't* really know if he was dropping, so left it, and that setting a temp basal would defeat the purpose of trying to understand what was happening at night...
Half an hour later I was still talking myself around to the wisdom of this, so decided to play absolutely safe and set an alarm. I couldn't leave him. And I reasoned that having a reading later would be useful anyway...
So up I got at 4.30am, reasoning that if he *were* dropping as I thought, the other nights showed it was after 3am, and that I would catch the drop before it got bad. Lo and behold, he was 4.3mmols. Blast again. Woke him up for some juice. Thought about temp basal. Rejected it, as we would be moving at 7am anyway (first day of school for my daughter!). At 7.45am he was 4mmols -- at this point, we set a temp basal because he really couldn't face juice. At 9am he was down to 2.9. Treated it. By 10am the temp had had some effect, and he was up to 9mmol. Needless to say, we haven't treated this, giving breakfast and let's just see where the heck we are when the dust settles and the temp is now OFF.
Argh. Clearly the nighttime basal is too much. This morning the numbers have gone into the computer (while I took daughter to school) before OH went to work, and we are lowering the early morning basal, as I suspected might be necessary two days ago. But it's just so hard to KNOW until he's gone through so much! This has been one of the hardest things for me all along -- he needs to suffer to some degree before we really understand anything. I mean, how unfair is that! Every decision is taken in hindsight.
We've also decided that with another reading like 12mmol at 11pm, we will just pop in one unit rather than some fancy calculation of 1:4 correction (which is what we did last night to arrive at under-correction figure from pump) -- and LEAVE it. He would have been fine on 7 or 8mmols all night, even with a slightly unstable basal. There's room to drop there. BUT we were trying to do it right, rather than just do a balanced best...
Cripes. That's my rant. So the day in front of me is another exhausted one, where I can't seem to do anything other than the bare minimum. And with his return to school looming on Monday, I feel quite defeated what levels to start with, etc...So tired of him being put through the mill, not to speak of us! Yet we haven't ever properly stabilised. I *know* this is partly his age and stage -- but am dreading the next round!
***
Lou, I know what you mean about the thread. I miss it too really, can't seem to get the 'narrative' going again on this more general one. I'm not sure how much it matters, but maybe it does? I'm also now thinking seriously about resurrecting my own blog, which began to deal with diabetes issues back in March, but has languished since. I guess you guys might as well know if you don't already that I'm actually a writer, teaching writing at university...which is why some kind of record of all this I think is paramount for me, important to my own reflection, recovery and understanding maybe?
And of course the strength gained from others, from sharing, has come to mean more and more. A dialogue is important for that, whether through a forum or through comments on a blog...
I've also started a book on all this, if you want to know the full truth!
So -- what should be do?
I'm kind of too tired to think straight. Northerner, do you have thoughts? Everyone else?
Bev, I confess, to missing a record of your own trials and tribs regarding pumping. You are doing such a good job, with successes and setbacks, and I'd love to read more about it all...
I'm waffling now.
xxoo
