Mental health / Gratitude

It's the function room at a pub out in the country, The pub itself is very old, The function room itself may be a converted barn, I'm not sure. I've been there before, I lived not far away from it for a few years (many years ago).
 
Just want to spread some positive thoughts and let you know that I’m thinking of you all.
 
ColinUK said:
Just want to spread some positive thoughts and let you know that I’m thinking of you all.
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Awww thanks @ColinUK - that’s really kind.

I can’t speak for others, but that long, cold, grey, wet winter/spring/winter again/more winter was pretty tough going and I felt I had to go back on tablets for a lot of it.

But the days have lengthened (though we reached the tipping point yesterday), the weather has brightened a little, and now I’m in a better head space and my ‘down escalator’ of mood isn’t driving so hard. Plus some festivals and nice summery things to look forward to.

How are things with you?
 
everydayupsanddowns said:
Awww thanks @ColinUK - that’s really kind.

I can’t speak for others, but that long, cold, grey, wet winter/spring/winter again/more winter was pretty tough going and I felt I had to go back on tablets for a lot of it.

But the days have lengthened (though we reached the tipping point yesterday), the weather has brightened a little, and now I’m in a better head space and my ‘down escalator’ of mood isn’t driving so hard. Plus some festivals and nice summery things to look forward to.

How are things with you?
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Oddly I’m kinda ok.
 
ColinUK said:
Oddly I’m kinda ok.
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Ah that’s great news @ColinUK

With all the *stuff* you’ve had to work through, that’s a pretty inspiring place for you to have been able to reach.
 
everydayupsanddowns said:
Ah that’s great news @ColinUK

With all the *stuff* you’ve had to work through, that’s a pretty inspiring place for you to have been able to reach.
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It’ll fluctuate on a day to day, hour to hour basis as always. But right when I posted this I was fine. Overnight however not so fine. Brain running at a million miles an hour bouncing from problems and fears to distractions and back again.
 
Consider too the carers. 24/7/365 no rest, or peace, waiting for the next trauma, trying to do anything to avoid creating a trauma, no freedom, no joy, just a long, hard thankless, painful task, with the occasional glimmer of sunshine quickly blotted out by dark thoughts from the one who is ill.

It's no fun at all!!!
 
@Gwynn Mental Ill health impacts not just the patient but also everyone around them, none more so than those that care deeply for them.
 
I think for me the worst time was living with severe depression at the same time as caring for my mum with dementia and having two very disruptive sisters who did nothing to help me , never gave me any support and in many cases belittled and bullied me

I am surprised I didn't end up in psychiatric hospital again
 
A common one with me is the brain feels hyperactive, but I'm unable to focus on anything or actually think logically ... my brain effectively acts like a rabbit caught in a cars headlight - just frozen
Taffyboyslim said:
I think for me the worst time was living with severe depression at the same time as caring for my mum with dementia and having two very disruptive sisters who did nothing to help me , never gave me any support and in many cases belittled and bullied me
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I went through a similar thing. My brother bullied me physically and emotionally when I lived in my mothers house. Since I refused to be physically bullied this resulting in frequent physical fights. He is almost 2 years older than me but I did my very best to hurt him as much as he was hurting me.
When my mother got dementia he just tried to put all the caring on me even though i was was dealing with my own depression.
 
s'nic said:
A common one with me is the brain feels hyperactive, but I'm unable to focus on anything or actually think logically ... my brain effectively acts like a rabbit caught in a cars headlight - just frozen

I went through a similar thing. My brother bullied me physically and emotionally when I lived in my mothers house. Since I refused to be physically bullied this resulting in frequent physical fights. He is almost 2 years older than me but I did my very best to hurt him as much as he was hurting me.
When my mother got dementia he just tried to put all the caring on me even though i was was dealing with my own depression.
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Every human has his or her struggles

But when you suffer with anxiety or such on top of other problems and you also have the stress of caring for someone close then I find it unbelievable that educated and seemingly kind and caring family members or close friends add to that stress by behaving so badly and spitefully.

Until or unless I get an apology and acceptance of the hurt and serious additional stress my sisters caused me by their actions , attitude and lack of support that's it , I don't want to have them in my life .

It's a terrible shame but that's my line in the sand .
 
Taffyboyslim said:
Every human has his or her struggles

But when you suffer with anxiety or such on top of other problems and you also have the stress of caring for someone close then I find it unbelievable that educated and seemingly kind and caring family members or close friends add to that stress by behaving so badly and spitefully.

Until or unless I get an apology and acceptance of the hurt and serious additional stress my sisters caused me by their actions , attitude and lack of support that's it , I don't want to have them in my life .

It's a terrible shame but that's my line in the sand .
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My views exactly.
I never viewed my mother or brother as kind or caring, and even though my mother favoured my brother she said he would swear black was white if it suited him (which says a lot). My brother will never admit or apologise for the hurt and distress he caused, and I am happy to not have him in my life.
I have not seen or spoken to him, or had a birthday / xmas card off him since approx 2017, I will be happy if the non-contact continues.
It's sad but true, but if he knocked on my door tomorrow I would not let him enter my house. He's crossed too many lines and I take the view that I have no brother.
 
s'nic said:
My views exactly.
I never viewed my mother or brother as kind or caring, and even though my mother favoured my brother she said he would swear black was white if it suited him (which says a lot). My brother will never admit or apologise for the hurt and distress he caused, and I am happy to not have him in my life.
I have not seen or spoken to him, or had a birthday / xmas card off him since approx 2017, I will be happy if the non-contact continues.
It's sad but true, but if he knocked on my door tomorrow I would not let him enter my house. He's crossed too many lines and I take the view that I have no brother.
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Same here really , there is what I think are pathetic occasional messages over our shared family website ......but it's meaningless

You have to put yourself first
 
For sure, your health comes first.
Remember you aren't alone in this, and never fall into the trap of blaming yourself for their behaviour. Their shortcomings fall purely on them.
Going through counselling for my depression and talking about the past made me realise ... I'd never had a mother, she kept the house clean, kept us fed and made a point of treating us the same (spending same money on presents etc). But she did not treat us the same.
Even as a child I picked up on it very early. Who tells a younger child to stay downstairs alone while taking a long time to put the older child to bed first? A few questions to my brother got the answer - he was having some quality time and getting a bedtime story. All I got was put to bed lol.
Also, what person that hates men being violent to women turns a blind eye to what is happening in their own home?
My brother had a mother, I had a housekeeper.
 
I’m lucky insofar as I grew up in a family home full of love. That doesn’t mean that it wasn’t also subject to anger, fear, disappointment, guilt, emotional blackmail etc at times but I accept that my parents were doing the best they could. And they still do but age has somewhat reduced what that best is.

One thing that I cling to though is the belief, and it’s one that by its very nature has to be universally applied, that every sentient creature, at the time they make a decision, any decision, is making the best decision they are capable of making at the time.

That in no way excuses behaviour that society deems “bad” but I’ve found that it opens the door to my meeting their pain and their lacking whatever it is that makes someone compassionate and empathic with generosity and dare I say it, love.

I’ve had to go through my actions that resulted in my being the victim of unwanted sexual violence. I’ve had to try and rationalise the behaviour of the perpetrators of said violence.

If I can understand my behaviour and decisions by acknowledging that they were the best decisions I was capable of at the time (not talking to my parents about my sexuality, not opening up to them about what happened, not turning to others for help because I worried that I’d upset them and they’d reject me) then I also have to accept that the perps had their own stuff going on.

I’ve never walked in their shoes. I didn’t live their lives. However I believe that their decisions were the best they were capable of making in that moment.

This does not excuse their actions nor does it absolve them of responsibility or guilt but without that kernel of understanding and acceptance I can’t hold on to the belief that there is an innate humanity in all of us and that we’re all just trying to survive.

Having expressed this thinking in many survivors groups over the past two years or so I understand that some find it reductive in the extreme. I get that. It was the same for me for decades. Clinging on to the hatred and anger I felt towards the perps was important. That was the best I could do at the time. Given the passage of time though that notion of what’s “best” evolves. Now it’s clear that the best thing I can do is meet their actions with understanding and compassion. At least in part. I also want to see them strung up and die slow painful deaths.

I guess what I’m saying is that holding on to our own anger may serve us short term but if we’re unable to forgive behaviour in others how can we ever forgive our own.
 
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