Colin’s Cultural Corner
Hansel and Gretel - Humperdinck
6th January 2024
Royal Opera House, Covent Garden
My first Corner of the new year if you don’t count Saltburn as culture and I don’t. If it wasn’t for the nudity in that film I doubt anyone would pay it scant attention.
So, opera. Hansel and Gretel. In English. By Humperdinck. Honestly I’m still confused if it is the same Engelbert Humperdinck that represented the UK in Eurovision or not. I know he’s old but could he have been as old as necessary to write this? I dunno.
Clearly this production was marketed as being a family friendly opera. Hence the audience consisting of mainly families with children from the ages of maybe 5 or 6 upwards. I’m sure they’re all familiar with the basic story before seeing this and that’s going to have helped.
The orchestra strikes up the overture, the scrim that’s filling a false proscenium arch, crested by an ornate cuckoo clock, is displaying a typical Swiss mountain scene. Green fields, timber houses, mountains in the distance etc.
As the orchestra plays on, woefully lacking either cowbells or mountain horns, the lights come up to reveal the interior of a wooden house. A family of four are eating well and all is good. Lights dim. Cuckoo clock goes on huge fast forward… lights up. Same interior but it’s emptier. There’s no food. The family are hungry.
Lights dim and come up again as the scrim flies up to reveal the interior fully for the first time. Boy and girl (Hansel and Gretel) are singing to each other that they’re hungry and don’t want to do their chores. They play a bit. They dance a bit. They moan a bit.
Gretel (the elder of the two) torments her younger brother about a massive secret she is keeping. He sings that he doesn’t care about it and so she tells it to him.
She has secured a jug of cream!
They have no other food in the house but clearly neither of the kids have watched Junior Bake-off or anything of the sort as Hansel is overjoyed because it means that their mother can make custard. They have no eggs and no sugar. They also don’t have firewood. Unless there’s a version on Deliveroo operating locally that delivers custard he’s going to be disappointed.
Anyway as they’re both dancing around in the mistaken joy of the possibility of custard Gretel realises that they’ve not completed their chores for the day. In an unexpected plot twist that’s the precise moment that the mother returns home.
The children hide but Mother isn’t happy or stupid and sees them both. She berates them and calls them lazy and ungrateful etc. She breaks the jug of cream.
As punishment and in order to have something for dinner she sends the children off in to the forest to forage for strawberries. She tells them to not bother coming home until they’ve filled the bucket she gives them. Off they dutifully trot.
Papa comes home a little drunk after selling out of his handmade brooms. He’s bought lots of delicious foods to restock the cupboards and make sure they all feast tonight. He notices the children aren’t around. Mother tells him initially that she doesn’t know where they are. He then threatens to beat her with a broom. Under threat of violence Mother reveals that she packed the kids off to get strawberries.
Papa is apoplectic because of The Witch. Mother, who apparently grew up in the same area as Papa knows nothing of The Witch or that she lives in the forest and feasts on lost children.
They head off into the forest to find the children.
Meanwhile H&G have picked enough strawberries and can head home. But no they can’t! They’re lost!
They fall asleep and dream of angels and assorted fairy tale characters in a blatant attempt to cross sell merchandise.
They wake, sing a bit about the dream they each had last night and then decide that they’re actually cuckoos and use that as an excuse to scoff all the strawberries they’ve picked.
They stay lost a bit more and fall asleep again only to wake and find A Mysterious Cottage has appeared in the clearing.
Given that this is Hansel and Gretel you’d think that the cottage would be bedecked with sweets and icing and would be clearly made of gingerbread. I’m not quite sure who at the ROH signed off on the concept design for the house but it was really rather dull. Mainly in flat brown colours with only the tiniest hint of anything recognisable as a “sweet” it seemed to be a sugar-free house that wouldn’t have tempted any child more than maybe a trip to the dentist would.
Still, given the fact that there’s a plot, Hansel and Gretel run up to the cottage and lick various parts of it to discover that it’s made of chocolate, vanilla, sugar and other delicious things.
Enter The Witch. Dressed like a panto dame and about as menacing she introduces herself and sings that she is a baker extraordinaire. The kids love that bit. They don’t hear her also sing that she eats little children.
For some reason Hansel, under a spell, is tied to a chair in order to be force fed cake. Gretel is under a spell where she has to obey The Witch. Neither seem to be particularly good spells so I’m doubting that The Witch is really all that evil and might actually just be a slightly insane artisanal baker who’s overjoyed at getting customers.
As soon as The Witch is out of sight, going off to fire up the oven, Hansel and Gretel decide they’re going to kill her and escape. They’re doing this whilst under spells hence my questioning how powerful a witch The Witch is.
To cut a long story short Gretel shoves The Witch into (in this version) a large mixing bowl full of chocolate and she drowns. Hansel and Gretel are free! Hurrah!
They also free all of the other children that The Witch held hostage but didn’t eat even though her whole shtick is that she eats children.
Mother and Papa appear and everyone lives happily ever after.
Critically I’d say that the whole thing was off somehow. There was nothing wrong really with any part (other than the sweet less house) but it just didn’t hang together for me. It was lacking magic.
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