It takes all sorts...

[Northerner]

...to make a forum! Many people who come here may be using a forum for the first time, and often that can leave them unprepared if they encounter responses to their posts that they may find jarring or unsympathetic. Like any group of people anywhere, members are very diverse in character, and it's often not easy to spot nuances in language and presentation through text-only messages - there are no visual clues, or aural ones, so you just have to go on content and any prior experience of a particular person's writing style to determine if they are 'joking' or not. It's an age-old problem, and the chances of misinterpreting things are generally higher the greater emotional state the person reading may be.

Because of this I would like to ask that members bear these facts in mind, in posting, reading and responding - try and always put yourself in the other person's shoes, and if it conjures up any doubts about what you want to say, and how, then try and think of how you might reword things.

Remember always that this is a support forum and by that very fact people posting may be nervous, frightened, confused - or of course, confident, no-nonsense and brash. As I said, it takes all sorts, but try always to be first and foremost supportive 🙂 Above all, no personal insults or inflammatory statements - nothing wrong with rational, passionate debate, but not directed at individuals, such posts will be removed by the moderators. 😱

If you find that you don't like a particular member's style then I would urge you to use the 'People I ignore' option on your profile settings: you can input member names and then no longer see content from that member.

Hope this helps! 🙂

NB See also:

General courtesy guidelines when posting

 

[Caroline]

I agree this can often be a difficult way to communicate and sometimes people respond in a certain way because they don't have all of the facts. I have found it best to come back to a post later on if I want to reply but am not sure how to immediately.

 

[Amigo]

It's a difficult area because sometimes people can forget that a rather strident approach in an attempt to give factual information can appear harsh or critical to someone who is feeling vulnerable. And whilst experienced posters may be giving the advice for the hundredth time, the enquirer may be asking it for the very first time.

I didn't know a 'people I ignore' option existed to be honest. I wouldn't use it personally because I'd prefer to respond honestly to anyone who upset me and tell them but it's a good option for those who wouldn't feel able to do that.

 

[Redkite]

Good advice Northie!

However if Ian Duncan-Smith ever came on here, could we be mean to him please?

 

[bigheadmike]

I wouldn't be able to help myself in that case Redkite

 

[Northerner]

Good advice Northie!

However if Ian Duncan-Smith ever came on here, could we be mean to him please?

I wouldn't be able to help myself in that case Redkite

Hmm...we might have to construct a list of 'Fair Targets' 😱 😉

 

[Flutterby]

Really good point Alan, I find this applies a lot with text messages, facebook and of course a forum like this. Good advice.

 

[ypauly]

It is a good post Alan, I have often said that what I type can be misunderstood as people can't see that I am smiling or just having a jovial "pub chat" that is just an exchange of opinions. Sometimes too, some people are more sensitive than others and you have no idea which ones those are from behind the screen but I doubt very much indeed that anybody here would deliberately or knowingly upset another member, I know I wouldn't but also accept that sometimes I may have without realising.


Oh and can we add Corbyn to the target list? he is on everybody elses LOL

Oh and, of course, Hunt now he has shown himself to be incompetent.

 

[Redkite]

Politicians should be fair game!

 

[trophywench]

Politicians should be fair game!

 

[Caroline]

Can I add Boris Johnson to the list?

 

[AlisonM]

It's difficult sometimes to remember just how scary and confusing those first few weeks and months are after diagnosis, but I always try to keep that in mind when dealing with new chums or our more fragile members. We have a wealth of experience here to share that can be an invaluable help to new folk joining us but I think it only works if we tread softly and forget the big stick. Things that seem so obvious to us are often puzzling and possibly frightening to new members, and it takes time for them to absorb the huge amount of information being pushed at them. If folk don't take on board what they're reading at once, we need to give them time to absorb and learn, we all learn at a different pace anyway. A slow and gentle approach, allowing folk to proceed at their own pace, and never assuming they know what is obvious to us is the best way, IMO.

As for politicians, especially IDS, they deserve all they get. Can we do what they did in Lewes and burn them in effigy?

 

[Caroline]

As for politicians, especially IDS, they deserve all they get. Can we do what they did in Lewes and burn them in effigy?[/QUOTE]

isn't that what November 5th is for? I know lots of men who burn mothers in law in effigy form...

 

[Highlander]

It's the SNP for me, they are using funds from the NHS for other purposes. So many hospitals are under funded.

 

[Mark T]

I think a list of "Fair Targets" is always going to be a bit dodgy and some people will get their hackles up. Personally I'd outlaw all politics and religion throughout the known universe, but apparently they are necessary to society 😛.

 

[pottersusan]

Its not just our new chums... we all have good days and more fragile ones. Is there a diabetic in creation who has never had a bad day?🙄 Some days I can take on the world and others where I just want to hide.
Also I would ask if there is enough paper in the world for a list of fair targets?😛

 

[trophywench]

LOL Susan! Redkite - no idea what happened when I repeated you, except that I agree - obviously!

I'm limiting myself to what I say at the mo since I seem to have upset quite enough people.

But there again - I'd like to say this.

When this forum first started, as it got going there were very few people who actually gave any advice to anyone and it seemed full of people who just said There There dear - I know, OOOOh I know! - which was NOT what most of us need when we come looking for help. God - your own family and friends colleagues and neighbours give you all the hugs etc they can - but they can't HELP you - they know it and you know it.

So you don't WANT people to just give you more of the same! You WANT people who not only truly understand how you feel, which we'll take as read if everyone is diabetic or closely associated with it (parents especially as they have to do the same thinking as adult diabetics have to except it's worse cos it's their baby LOL) but more importantly might be able to suggest summat that might/could possibly make you feel better even if it tastes horrible or sounds totally ridiculous to start with! Does any of that make any sense?

 

[Andy HB]

LOL Susan! Redkite - no idea what happened when I repeated you, except that I agree - obviously!

I'm limiting myself to what I say at the mo since I seem to have upset quite enough people.

But there again - I'd like to say this.

When this forum first started, as it got going there were very few people who actually gave any advice to anyone and it seemed full of people who just said There There dear - I know, OOOOh I know! - which was NOT what most of us need when we come looking for help. God - your own family and friends colleagues and neighbours give you all the hugs etc they can - but they can't HELP you - they know it and you know it.

So you don't WANT people to just give you more of the same! You WANT people who not only truly understand how you feel, which we'll take as read if everyone is diabetic or closely associated with it (parents especially as they have to do the same thinking as adult diabetics have to except it's worse cos it's their baby LOL) but more importantly might be able to suggest summat that might/could possibly make you feel better even if it tastes horrible or sounds totally ridiculous to start with! Does any of that make any sense?

I think the point of the thread is not to say that advice, no matter how 'to the point' it is, is not needed. It is more how it is delivered, especially to new members who don't know our styles.

Personally, I think most (if not all) of what you say is good advice and is to the point so I, for one, would encourage you not to limit yourself.

Andy 🙂

 

[trophywench]

'LIke' is inappropriate - I mean 'Thanks!'

 

[BobbieH]

It's a difficult area because sometimes people can forget that a rather strident approach in an attempt to give factual information can appear harsh or critical to someone who is feeling vulnerable. And whilst experienced posters may be giving the advice for the hundredth time, the enquirer may be asking it for the very first time.

I didn't know a 'people I ignore' option existed to be honest. I wouldn't use it personally because I'd prefer to respond honestly to anyone who upset me and tell them but it's a good option for those who wouldn't feel able to do that.

This post hits the nail on the head for me. When I was diagnosed I was advised to seek this online forum for help and advise.
I was very nervous and unsure of the way forward with my diagnosis. I was given different advise from my nurse as was given here which made me all the more confused.
I found some members very quick to point out what I was doing wrong, using terminology I was totally baffled by and making me feel more inadequate than I already felt. I now restrict myself to Davids quizzes which I enjoy and I like Northerner's humour. but I would never post now regarding my diabetes.