TRIGGERING Mentions suicide

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gail2

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Type 2
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Caution mentions suicide
Moderators please feel free to delate this post I will understand


Its taken me some time to make my mind up about weather to post this or not. Please dont judge me you cant me feel any worse about myself than I do right now I know by posting this Im asking for a lot of understanding, maybe I dont have that right who knows. I know Im very stupid in what I did


oK 6 WEEKS ago i was feeling really bad, didt want to be here anymore. I suffer from Bi-Polar and Borderline Personality Disorder and sometimes it gets this bad. I obtained extra insulin in as the crisis team said a very sneaky way. I took the lot. A friend found me and a ambulance was called. Because of past things this also means the police turn up. I kicked off because I didt want to go to hospital and I didt want any treatment. So the police detained me under the Mental Health Act and i had no choice in the matter then. Got to hospital, by this time they had me in handcuffs and leg restraints. The duty team(2 psychiatrists and a social worker) were called and they accessed me and sectioned me UNDER THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT. When you are sectioned you have no choice in the matter about staying in hospital or accepting treatment, they can do this by force. I spent a week in hospital. My blood sugars went really bad. I did have some fits. I cant remember that week completely. I can recall odd bits having a drip fitted in my arm, security holding me down on the bed because i tried to leg it, The last day I saw the diabetic consultant this is a woman I have seen before and dont like as she comes across as an arrogant Im doctor I know best attitude. She told me its important you loose weight , insulin makes it impossible to do that so Im gonna stop it. Stop it she did. They let me go after a week, got told by the psychiatric liaison lady that both my psychiatrist and Community Psychiatric Nurse were happy for my section to be lifted and for this to be done.
Since then I have had no insulin at all just been taking Metformin and Pioglitazone as usual. I was on 70 units a day. Well since then my blood sugars have ranged between 17.2 and HI and I have keytones a lot of the time. I see my GP every week and hes very concerned about my levels. As he says its impossible to control your blood sugar without insulin. Hes been in touch with the consultant at the hospital about getting the insulin back and has said in the end they will have no choice in the matter but to give you it back. It was because of the overdose she stopped it not because i need to loose wieght, I knew that anyway.
Would like to know what damage could be done to my body by lack of insulin what complications may possibly happen
Last week my bs read HI for a couple of days, my vision went blurry. For the last week I have been drinking so much water it hurts my tummy (around 7 one liter boltels a day)
 
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Can I put it another way? If you take insulin as recommended, then you may not have any complications nor damage. No point worrying about any damage that might already have been done; best to concentrate on minimising any furture problems.
I really hope your GP, mental health and diabetes teams can work together with you to find something that works and addresses all your problems. Good luck and let us know what happens.
 
Gail, I think that you are incredibly brave to tell us your story, and I really feel for you with all you have been through. I do hope that you can get back on a sensible insulin regime soon, those highs are the kind that many people experience before they are dignosed, not after. Is it possible to have a close friend or relative or someone who could be entrusted with your insulin so that it is only available to you when you need it? It might give you some 'breathing space'. A reduction in your levels would also help your moods considerably. You need to get your strength back. Please keep writing, we are all here for you. {{{{{Gail}}}}}
 
Wow

Gail that's a post and a half; well done for finding it in you to post this.

We all have very high levels when we are first diangosed: for short periods, 'hi' levels are survivable, but long-term with high BG, side effects e.g. to the kidneys and nerves (feeling in your feet etc), can appear. What extent / timespan of 'high BG' results in side effects, varies from person to person, so there's no way you can work out what potential damage might have been done, if any. All you can do is try to keep your BG as normal as possible from now on: focus on the future. The past is gone.

All the best. You'll need more bravery yet to get through this, but the fact you summoned up the courage to post such a personal story, implies that you want to sort your levels out- and I'm sure you will.
 
Hi Gail xxxx hugs etc etc well done for writing all that down , you will not judged here by your actions we are all here to support you. xxx
 
Hi Gail, bless you. i'm glad you wrote your post, i hope it gives you some kind of relief. I think sometimes the problem with doctors is that they can only see one problem at a time, my friends with other long term health issues say the same thing. If you see a doctor about one problem, that's all he or she will look at. My friend has rheumatoid arthritis, and she had a bad infection last year, the doctors would only treat her infection, and didn't seem to bother considering the effects of her arthritis on the infectionb and vice versa. I feel like i'm stamped with a big rubber stamp saying "Diabetic" and by GP will only bother with that. Has anybody bothered seeing how your blood sugar affects your mental health or vice versa? Having high blood sugar certainly affects the way i think and feel.
Don't worry too much about "blips" in blood sugar, i think you have to have had high blood sugar for a long time before the serious complications start to set in. The blurred vision should dissapear in time, I had that before i was diagnosed, and it went away very quickly once i got treatment.
Good luck with your struggle, and don't hesistate to tell us how you feel, if i can help in any way at all, please tell me.
Rachel
 
I can't add to what others gave said. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope things work out for you.
 
Hi Gail,

Brave post- I'm sorry I am rushing but will write properly later.

I really, really hope things are improving for you. Im so glad you are on this forum and share with us. Life is hard and I cant imagine where you get your strength from, but I am glad you do. Lots of love to you Gail, Lou xx
 
Thank you all for your kindness its made me realise how lucky i am to have this site i know im messed up in the head but i am trying so hard to fight my demons
thank you again I love you guys
 
Hi Gail,

Your post is refreshingly honest and I am sure it will help someone else to relate to you if they are feeling as down as you did.

You are not 'messed up in the head'. You are just suffering from bi-polar and the stresses of what life has thrown at you. We all have our demons, its just that for some people they take over and dominate their lives. Never ever feel that you will be judged! The only person who has that right is you and it seems to me that you are judging yourself far too critically. You cannot help how you feel and you must'nt let this make you feel like you are a failure.

You are a wonderful person who has helped lots of people on here and you need to be kind to yourself and learn to see what others see.

I cant advise on what the doctors are doing about the insulin as i think they are just worried that you make feel depressed again and may try to take your life again. I am wondering whether they could just let you go to the GP or chemist every day to collect or inject that day's insulin as you cant be left alone without insulin or you will become very ill. Have you asked them for this sort of thing? I do hope life starts to improve drastically for you and you can learn to like yourself and stop blaming yourself for being ill. Take care.🙂Bev x
 
Hi Gail, sorry you have been through so much and have the insulin option removed from you.

Not much I can add as I am not on insulin but just want to add my support and let you know people on here care for you.

Best wishes, Margaret
 
Hi Gail, thanks for being so brave in telling us at least some of your story!

I only hope that you gain strength from the replies you have had. Please believe that there are people who care for you warts and all 🙂 lets face it we all have demons of one kind or another. Trust me you are not the only one who has tried to leave this life behind, I have on several occasions, and have been very close to doing the same again in recent weeks. :(
Anyway if I can be a listening ear for you please PM me, and I'll do my very best to help.
Take care of yourself, love and hugs, shirl x
 
You are incredibly brave and show enormous courage in everything you have written- be encouraged by that, you have more strength left inside I'm sure of it.
Just a thought re the insulin..would there be the possibility of a community nurse coming to your house to do/supervise your injections? Maybe worth asking your GP or psychiatric nurse.
Keep going my friend 🙂
 
Carynb said:
You are incredibly brave and show enormous courage in everything you have written- be encouraged by that, you have more strength left inside I'm sure of it.
Just a thought re the insulin..would there be the possibility of a community nurse coming to your house to do/supervise your injections? Maybe worth asking your GP or psychiatric nurse.
Keep going my friend 🙂
Click to expand...

I was going to say the same about getting someone in to do your injections.. I was given that option by my GP when I got so low I wouldn't take my injections. Take care Gail, you are not on your own..
 
Thats a very lucid and sad story Gail, I wish you all the best.
Has anyone suggested that you diabetes be treated with Byetta? I understand it's unusual to switch from Insulin to Byetta but don't know why. But it is supposed to help with weight loss as well.
 
Hi Gail, just want to say that i have walked in your shoes several times, you are very brave. Stay strong and take care we are all thinking of you. Love and hugs.
 
hi gail

i think that you are a very honest and brave person i canot say anything different to what everyone else has said, please look after yourself x x
 
Hello Gail,

I just wanted to chip in here and offer you my support too.

I can't offer much, just a lot of understanding without any judgement.

Andy
 
Hi Gail.

Thanks for your post. I hope you feel better soon.

Take care.
 
Hi Gail,

I'm sure sharing your story with us will help take a bit of the load off of your mind.
Knowing that others know how you are feeling can make alot of difference instead of bottling things up inside.

My sister is Bi-polar and it took years before she was diagnosed and she went through alot of bad stuff before she got the correct treatment, so I know where you are coming from.

Hope things start getting better soon.

Take care.
 
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