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My Journey in Poetry

Status
This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
M

Michael7

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
An open road called diabetes lays in front
Many signs are there of the does and don'ts
My first week in and I'm trying to come to terms
There are so many lessons that have to be learned

The nurse advised me of the basic needs
My wife was there to ensure I take heed
Now she monitors my medication too
As she tries to check the foods I consume

As the days progress snippets come back
Of the things she said whilst I was under duress
Now I take them one at a time
And try to embed them in this brain of mine

Come January another blood test for me
An insight of the life before me
The level of stabilisation can be seen
Then the work begins as I will no doubt see

So until then medication I will take
My diet will be modified for my own sake
Four more weeks to learn as much as I can
So then I'll understand and life will be grand
​
 
One week in

Each day that passes and the medication increases
Subtle changes in my body I am feeling
No longer going to sleep at inopportune times
And my legs now want to walk and I'm beginning to feel 'fine'?

My eyes no longer focus with my short vision glasses
My vision becoming clearer what is it that’s happening
So many changes my goal should become clearer
But right now I'm concerned at the speed of the changes

I still can't take in the amount of information
Of dietary needs that my body should be craving
If I was a 'foodie' I would be having a great time
But I'm not, it’s just fuel, I just don't understand

Balance this food with that, then go for a walk
Measure your glucose this you should not baulk
Keep a chart and a diary for reference later on
To see which foods for you are clearly wrong

I'm 60 now and have had a good life
Never been one to chart or write a diary
Just taken each day the way my work would let me
And now I've to change and concentrate on singularity

It's only been a week and I can feel the changes
The information keeps coming in and it is quite dazing
So I may be wrong but there is something I just have to do
Is to put it all-aside, now where is my brew!
​
 
A start of realisation

Nearly two weeks now down this diabetic road
The shock worn off I can now come to terms
Some things that were said I now recall
Unfortunately not much makes any sense at all

One thing I remember and that was to call
If I had any worries at all
Well yes I am worried but I don't know why
So I don't call, I just sit and 'stew' a while

It feels like I'm in a room all on my own
Waiting for something to get me to move
To tell and show me what to do
Then I remember to wait until the next 'bloods' come through

So another wait until the New Year
When my 'bloods' will tell if I have adhered
To a review of my diet to achieve a goal of balance
That includes sugars which no more can be added

Maybe then more will become clear
And I'll wake up from this living nightmare
It’s no big deal in the scheme of things
Unless I ignore the advice and do my own thing

So many things going around in my head
How to react to that what’s been said
My wife keeps hovering monitoring all I eat
Until I accept and take responsibility for the condition I'm in
​
 
Thrid week in

Type 2 diabetes is what I've got
Right now it doesn't mean an awful lot
More tablets to take each and every day
And change my diet right away

Another blood check in a few weeks
Then they will decide the regime I must take
I can understand the problems some perceive
Trying to come to terms with something they can't see

Depression and under active Thyroid now Diabetes as well
Blood Pressure, Cholesterol are starting to tell
That many tablets I can forgo a meal
And I've nothing to show that I'm feeling unwell

Any questions I have the internet can answer
Support forums exist if I feel I'm going under
But isolation is still there hanging around
Now waiting for me to finally go down

Isolation is real and it pervades my entire being
The internet forums sometimes just don't feel real
For the level of despondency cannot be gauged
By reading a few lines of a heartfelt plea

My mind is so full but I have no questions to ask
For I don't really know the place that I'm at
I don't understand what is happening to me
I'm probably scared of the answers I may hear

Now I've got this off my chest I shall try to go forward
For doing nothing but moaning will continue me to feel unwell
Surely I'm not on my own in feeling this way
When you come out from the doctors with just a piece of paper to wave
​
 
Things WILL get better for you Michael, and you will start to feel better than you have in a long while. A diabetes diagnosis is a horrible thing to get, but it is a condition that you can do something about and take positive steps. It takes understanding and time, but it is more than possible 🙂
 
One month down

Just over a month now down this road
Still not believing this truth I'm told
Taking the tablets religiously
Not feeling different from that I have been

Another blood test at the doctors done
Wait until tomorrow for the results - so much fun!
Will they now tell me what to do?
Or will it be just take the tablets and we'll watch you

Trying to carry on is not easy for me
Picking up bits of detail as I stumble along
And now the start of another New Year
New plans I make don't gel with this unknown I fear

My depression now has something real to grip
And I can feel it enveloping with every step
Just to carry on feels the right thing to do
And mask any feelings and not let them through
​
 
Whats happening and lesson learnt

I've been battered now from many sides
Bits of me not working now making me tired
So many pills to take I sometimes lose track
And now my confidence is going and I'm taken aback

Comfort food now can't be considered
A few pints of ale will cause attrition
I've got to be sensible in all I eat and drink
Or the payment I'll have to make is not worth considering

I'm sat at work my head in a whirl
Just back from a meeting it seemed absurd
But hopefully it will focus my mind on something not me
Then my confidence will return and I'll not want to flee

I sometimes live in fairy land as maybe you can see
This slippery slope has now entangled me
In isolation I know I will never get through
I have to come out and tell all of you

I am worried and scared and now out of control
Too many things happening I don't know which to go
My heads full of work and what personally I have to do
I think it will be my writing that will finally get me through

Reading this through I feel much better than before
Maybe I need something to bring my feelings to the fore
For keeping them in is like encasing a demon
And never knowing when that demon will gain freedom

So my advice to myself is to accept what I've got
Don't be afraid when your feelings feel fraught
Let them go and let others be aware
It’s like a weight being removed when you learn to share
​
 
It's good to see you are not bottling it up Michael - you will get there! 🙂
 
It's a beautiful poem Michael and your wife is such a wonderful support. We are all here to support one another should you ever need it
 
The Weekend is Nigh

The end of the week and the storm clouds are brewing
Will this mean within my house I'll remain just stewing
Or shall I brave the weather and get out and about
And have the cobwebs of my mind blown inside out

Therapeutic living is what i need
A combination of needs that i have to fulfil
Medication in isolation cannot possibly work
I have to force my body and mind to carry on living

So tonight I'll start with a beer and a curry
In pleasant surroundings where children aren’t near
Then tomorrow some work for an hour or two
Before again going out and relish some living

As yet no details have come to my head
But they will as soon as i get out of my bed
My wife and I have to cherish what we have
Our grown up children can sort themselves out, now isn’t that sad (sic)
​
 
Frustration setting in

Now 6 weeks in from that fateful day
When I was advised to change my ways
Tablets given and religiously taken
Weight coming down and my high sugar level abating

I'm due to see the nurse in two weeks’ time
And I will tell her that I am feeling fine
Irrelevant is the actual state of me
As I just have a need to be set free

Right now I feel as though I have no control
as I don't know if I am high or low
So I will ask again about the self-monitoring device
Maybe then the information given will be good advice

By seeing the levels on a daily basis
Will help me to acknowledge that I still have to face it
Being honest now it will be so easy to let go
And 'forget' this regime that is aiming me low.

I am in such a quandary about what to do
And not having a plan to see it through
I have no control and therefore no data
Now it’s preying on my mind making me feel unstable

This now written down I feel a way forward
To buy a device, they don't cost a fortune
Maybe then by seeing I can what is happening
And freeing from this that I feel is entrapment.
​
 
Nearly two months now

The weeks are now rolling past
Since diagnosed with diabetes and told to fast
I know, I know I have weight to loose
And it'll probably help other problems to ease

A few times now I have felt 'off colour'
Still at work and busy with others
Telling myself to 'buck up' there is nothing wrong
But underlying thinking I'm trying to hang on

A couple of questions on this forum I'm with
Pointed out reasons for the condition I'm in
So maybe it a sign telling me what to do
And check or reappraise the fuel I put in

The end of next week I see the nurse
And I shall try and write down these things I've learnt
Maybe she'll advise the time to start
With a glucose meter I can make a new start

I need something positive that I can do
And see results that I can monitor too
Maybe then my motivation will get the boost it needs
And cure myself of my moaning whinge
​
 
A learning curve with many lessons to be learnt

It’s good to talk so many say
And it’s fortunate if you are made that way
Some though prefer to write
Then they can hide if it does not come out right

In small groups I don't mind to be
But larger crowds intimidate me
So I keep myself to myself
Then the outside world cannot hurt me

Diabetes though is making me think
Doing this alone does make me ill
I must somehow break out of this shell
To be a 'part' will no longer make it feel hell

Habits of a lifetime are hard to break
But to move on I surely must face
To get out more or join a group
And do those things and move on up

Medications I am up to date
My diet I (reluctantly) continue to take
Listening and talking I will learn a way
By using that word 'together' how to stay
​
 
Today is a different day

A diabetic angel swooped down on me
And showed me just what I can eat
Anything I want as long as I take care
For over indulging now I will surely pay

So take a taste and make it last
Savour the moment your taste buds have
But be aware that you now have to help
With the things your body used to do so well

To go out and enjoy yourself
Does not mean to drink to excess as well
Be more active don't just sit and moan
Being happy is better than being forlorn

So now I have been placed upon a road
To follow its course but not on my own
Avoiding obstacles that have been put in my way
By asking for help will share your pain
​
 
I'm fed up with my melancholy

A cold and bitter wind, driving rain, sleet and snow.
Leaden skies cover overhead, no hope as yet it will go.
No birds flying in the sky, no rabbits in the field.
Just people in cars rushing past, insulated behind their wheel

The forecast is for snow to come, disruption surely will then follow.
For the animals in nature as well as us makes the beauty a little hollow.
My bird feeders are full with grain and fat, water is in good supply.
For breaks in the weather the birds will come and that sight will make me happy.

As the days roll by Spring becomes nearer.
And the extreme of the weather will go.
Once again we shall see the wonders in Nature.
In the plentiful things that grow.

Shoots of green emerge to greet the light.
And then spread out with colours so bright.
Canopies in trees and a sea of green.
Puts closure to those winter's nights.
​
 
Spring is coming which lightens my mind

The deepest blue colour signals the dawn
As from the East the sun begins to adorn
Each day that passes in this New Year
Heralds that spring is becoming ever near

Each day a little longer the sun does shine
Waking the flowers from within the ground
Breaking the blandness on the forest floor
With pockets of colour to which I'm drawn

This is still a memory yet for me
But soon it will turn back into reality
For as the sun begins to warm the ground
It warms my heart, my soul and mind.
​
 
Status
This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
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