Hi all, I think it's about time I got some help!

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1st Paradox

1st Paradox

Active Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1
Hi, Im Paul.

2 years ago I was tossed from pillar to post for around 5 months at a really bad doctors surgery (seeing 3 doctors in total maybe a total of around 14 times, with no real diagnosis beyond sleep apnea, an STD (Thrush) and life/work stress. Upon transferring to a new practice (at my initial inspection appointment) I was ordered to go straight to hospital, where I was given fluids (severely dehydrated) and told I had diabetes with a current reading of 27.1.

I will be totally honest here and say that I was a slow starter for self treatment and in understanding my illness, despite research and a high capacity to discern content I was in a state of denial for a long time. However, after 7 or 8 months I came to grips with being a diabetic and accepted my fate as it were. The problem however, is that I have manifested a wide range of coping mechanisms over my life, developing OCD and sticking to regular patterns and processes to aid me in controlling my life, and adapting to a new regime has been nigh on impossible for me. I have tried all the methods you can thing from getting meds out and putting them in front of my usual resting places, to setting alarms and getting told by others, yet, I still struggle greatly with self medication and even just taking readings (almost having a "I have got better things to do atm" attitude to it all).

In relation to my readings I have an average bg reading of around 18-20 throughout the day with at least 3 times a week the meter not being able to give me a result and just says 'HI' (I assume this is because I am above the 32 max that it can display).

I am currently taking 24 mmol Toujeo at 7am (when I remember) and a 2 to 1 ratio of humalog (when I do actually take it).

Now, I honestly believe that there has been an issue of subconscious self harm happening through this time but tonight I exploded at my 4yo for such a little thing it could have passed of as nothing (He almost started crying because the tablet battery was flat and it needed 5 mins charging before it would work. He could not understand why he had to wait so was getting upset that he was not allowed on it). This destroyed me almost instantly, I am not that sort of person... in fact I am in all honesty the complete opposite, I am complacent, quiet, avoid confrontation, have never raised my voice to anyone and am one of the most approachable people you could ever meet.
Now, I am lead to believe through what I have read, that this is common place (the anger) with rapidly fluctuating BG levels, especially those that go high and I have to get a handle on this, so here I am, trying to get as much support as I can.

On a side note and one of better ilk, Im the funny one, I love to have a laugh and joke, to play small pranks and just generally act a little silly all the time... oh yeah, and I'm a Uni Lecturer on a BA(Hons) Games Design degree, have 3 kids (4yo, 10yo, 19yo).

Anyway, thats pretty much me in a nutshell.

Any help and advice is always appreciated and accepted providing it is either critical or quizzical but always helpful.

Thanks for reading 🙂
 
Hi 1st
Firstly welcome to the forum wow those numbers are real high no wonder your flying off the handle i would be . It's quite dangerous to run that high for a long period of time . What's an average days food consumption for you? Glad to see your getting support we all need it from time to time. With regards your meds maybe get yourself an alarm set on your phone being complacent with your meds won't be helping take it from someone who knows I went months not taking mine more then likely the reason I'm now on insulin.
You be kind to yourself and most importantly please keep seeking and taking support given
 
Hi Steff,

Thanks for the read through and your thoughts. To be honest, in regards to food, at first I was much like most... thinking I can't eat this and I can't eat that. But my dietitian once said to me... "As a type 1, if you eat a Yoghurt, you will need to inject insulin and if you eat a loaf of bread you will need to inject insulin. Stop worrying about what you're eating and start worrying about how much meds you should be taking" and from this I became much better at my choices of food but have very very very bad eating habits due to a non structured work life I can go all day without stopping (there for not eating and drinking very little) to weekends where my mouth is chewing something every couple of hours.
 
Hi Paul.
It's best to get into a habit of remembering your meds on a daily basis sorry to say it again but anything we can do to help us stay on the right path we should.
Even if you were to make a packed lunch kind of thing for work would you still not stop and eat that at least it's with you and you don't have to go searching a shop for supplies.
If you have a look at the general message board and find a thread called what I ate yesterday there's loads of ideas on that
 
Good advice there Steff, just had a quick browse through and there are some inspirational meals in there. I think my main issue is that I have developed my life into that of a workaholics (averaging 18h - 20h per day working on something [High BG means less sleep, with me having no more than 3h a night for the past 2 years {the occasional crash of 10h or so maybe once every few months} , I honestly can't remember that last film I saw or when I last sat and watched a TV series or even episode tbh] causing me to habitually skip meals and then feast in one go. but like you say, this is something I should get more control of and make the time.
 
It is hard paul alot of us see diabetes as an inconvenience often feeling why should this condition dictate to me why should I inject, test my blood sugar change my diet etc etc for it, but it's got its way of bringing us back down to an earth with a bump that's for sure. What's support like at home? You have a wide variety there of your kids ages must be hard juggling parenthood around what sounds like a job that takes over your entire days as well.sorry to say but one day you are just going to burn out you can't continue to run at the levels you mentioned as well as stick to the lifestyle you have now.Our bodies are robust things but not unbreakable.
 
Another good point, I still have not reached that point where being diabetic is my first priority, I still put my family, job and students first. In all honesty my partner is great at dealing with our kids while I work or nip off for a nap, but she has very little understanding of my condition (I once asked her "If I collapse... what would you do?" and she said... "I just twist your pen thing up and stab you with it don't I?") so there I am having a hypo and my partner is gonna kill me off lol. In all seriousness, I do feel pretty much alone in dealing with D and as I mentioned in my first post, the subconcious self harm may be a call for help from those close to me, or at the least some recognition of its severity and need of support.
 
Hi Paul, and welcome to the forum 🙂
I'm glad you're here and asking for help, that's a good step in accepting, and controlling your diabetes I think.
I had a difficult start with diabetes too, so I can empathise with the denial side of things.
As you know, your levels are extremely high, and will certainly be making you feel awful, and definitely causing mood swings. With numbers like that, you are at a real risk of DKA, do you have a ketone meter to test for ketones? Both your insulins are equally important, but to make you less likely to become ketoacidotic, you must take your basal insulin.
As for work, I have an extremely busy work day too, today I have worked a 15 hour day with a few ten minute breaks. I know this is not healthy but it does happen, but it is important to fit in testing and eating throughout your day, even if only in small breaks.
Have you been on any diabetes education courses?
Have you seen a doctor or psychologist about your obsessions? I was lucky enough to be referred to a diabetes psychologist last year who really helped, so it might be worth asking your diabetes health team if this is a facility offered in your area.
Also Diabetes UK has a helpline if you need to speak to someone 🙂
You absolutely can get back in control of your diabetes, and I believe you will, like I did, feel so much better once your BGs are more normal, and you have regained control.
 
1st Paradox said:
Another good point, I still have not reached that point where being diabetic is my first priority, I still put my family, job and students first. In all honesty my partner is great at dealing with our kids while I work or nip off for a nap, but she has very little understanding of my condition (I once asked her "If I collapse... what would you do?" and she said... "I just twist your pen thing up and stab you with it don't I?") so there I am having a hypo and my partner is gonna kill me off lol. In all seriousness, I do feel pretty much alone in dealing with D and as I mentioned in my first post, the subconcious self harm may be a call for help from those close to me, or at the least some recognition of its severity and need of support.
Click to expand...

I know this is hard to do, but you have to start putting yourself first. I'm the same as you, I will always put other people's needs above my own, to the detriment of my health. I was ill recently because of this constant putting others above me, and my husband said 'it's all very well making yourself sick, but you have to look after your health, because what would I do without you?' So for other people rely on you, you have to be well.
There are some good books listed in the newbies section, I suggest getting your partner to read one of these, and if possible coming to all Diabetic appointments with you, if possible, so your partner knows what's going on. Hubby comes to all mine, and he's more of an authority on diabetes than me!
Also definitely teach her what to do if you hypo!
 
Right well firstly yup been there done that I've been diagnosed since 09 and can tell you for first 2 years I just maybe took my pills maybe twice a week. It sometimes takes a serious incident for us to sit up and take stock of our lives. Harsh as this may sound and before I say it I'm a parent to,you want to be around for your kids and partner for as long as possible dont you. I'd definitely hook your partner up with being more educated on how to help you when you become hypo your life could be in her hands literally x.

It's difficult but put yourself first you deserve it
 
Hi Mini-Vicki,

These long days are so hard aren't they! The main issue for me is that during the day, I am constantly surrounded by students or faculty and feel out of sorts 'showcasing my illness' to everyone.

I have been offered the DAFNE course a few times but it collides with my teaching so I am unable to attend (but really do want to go), I do have the ability to test for Ketones but rarely do as when I have they are always in range or low (0.1- 0.4) so suffering the finger prick pain again I feel mostly is for no reason and there for just tend not to.

I was also offered a diabetes psychologist from my Clinic but could never get an appointment to marry up with my time out of class. Again, putting my job before my health.

That helpline is great to know of, it was only 2 days ago that I said in a state of despair to someone that ' I think I'm just one of those people that needs to accept that I'm a dead man walking as I will never be able to get control of my D'
 
Whilst our jobs are important, your health is more so. If you become ill through not looking after yourself, you won't be able to work anyway.
You have every right to appointments, even during work time, technically, under employment law diabetes is considered a disability. Whilst I would never think of myself as having a disability, it is useful for knowing that for work reasons. The helpline has more information on that too. Give them a call 🙂
I'd highly recommend DAFNE, and taking your partner along too, but if you can't manage it at the moment, there's a similar course called BERTIE, which I think Plymouth or Portsmouth hospital run online (I can remember which, I'm sure someone will be along soon who knows!) so that would help in the meantime.
See the diabetes psychologist, honestly it was invaluable to me in accepting as controlling my diabetes.
You are certainly not a dead man walking, you have all the means to control your diabetes, you just need to use them appropriately, and learn to look after yourself. When I was not in control of my diabetes I was emotionally in a much, much worse place, I almost lost my husband because of it. Now I have regained control, and I know what my body is doing things are a hundred times better. You'll probably find you will feel better too 🙂
 
Thank you both so much for your kind words and advice so far. To be completely transparent, after taking my Tujeo at 7 am this morning, I have not tested or treated all day and after today's incident with my little man and how it made me feel I did not feel like I needed to test and treat but just felt like I deserved to feel as ill as I did for what I had just done to him. However, just speaking to you two has prompted me to test (25.2) and treat (8 mmol) so with a little luck I may get more than 3h sleep tonight and feel good in the morning.

I know I need to get to grips with control and just cannot understand why I am finding it so hard. Even when I know I should check and inject in that exact moment of time, I just don't.

I am in a medical mess atm with my D
Constantly thirsty, Have severe dry flaky skin on my face and head, the skin on/over my kidneys/lower back is severely dry, vision constantly loses focus/goes blurry, have crazy headaches and have had thrush solidly for 2 years now with no sign of it letting up, and finally I get stabbing pains in some of my organs on occasion: Kidneys, Intestines etc. and the cramps in my feet and shins, oh my gosh, the cramps are ridiculously painful and persistent, they even fight each other on my feet... so If it starts on the bottom of my foot curling my toes down and I stretch them out and up, then cramp in the top of my foot kicks in and there is no escape anymore until it feels ready to subside.

Thanks again for tonight. Ill be back on tomorrow after work (during if I get 5 mins peace).
 
Yes get off here and try and get a good night's sleep LOL
Work do know your diabetic yes
 
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Hi Paul,
Welcome to the site. I hope you don't feel quite so alone now, the amount of support available on here is brilliant and there is pretty much always someone around who "gets it" if you need to have a rant about D.
It sounds to me like you do need to start considering yourself a bit more as the levels you are describing do seem extremely high.
When I was first diagnosed I had similar problems (blurred vision, cramps, tiredness etc) but once my levels were more under control I felt sooooo much better and my moods are also alot more stable. And my 5yo definitely appreciates the fact I have more energy now!
Good luck with everything & see you around 🙂
zx
 
Hi Paul
Just want to wish you well on your journey ahead , @Steff and @Mini-Vicki have gave you good sound advice . Really hope to take time out and get well again .
 
Welcome
 
Hi and welcome, it sounds like you really need some help, please get some.
 
Hi Paul,
How has today gone did you find a smitghen of time to eat and test ?
Hope so
 
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