Hi Melissa
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I can only give you my perspective as a parent, but after 48 hours in hospital with my son who was 15 at the time, having been really strong emotionally for the whole time there, it was the homecoming that opened the floodgates. My husband and I both spent the next week propping each other up. I went to pieces (silently) in the car on the way home from the hospital, feeling out of my depth, absolutely gutted for my son, just completely overwhelmed and thinking no-one else would truly understand. For the next few days I too would just randomly burst into tears, anytime, any place, anywhere. On one of our phone calls from the DSN team (it was over the Christmas/New Year break so we had different on call nurses ringing us) I went utterly to pieces about the fact I had bought all this party food for my son's 16th birthday and that he wouldn't be able to eat it. I really lost the plot then and had a good howl down the phone. The days I felt stronger, my husband seemed to get upset. Our son meanwhile, seemed to take it all in his stride.
Initally that was great for him, but once he started back to school that's when massive anxieties began, and things got really hard for him. I became his security blanket and he didn't want to leave the house without me. It was a tough time, but the school, his school nurse/first aider and our DSN were all really supportive. He went through a rough spell for quite a few weeks, some days it was a real battle to get him to school and it was his GCSE year so really important he didn't miss too much. Some days he was sent home, some days he spent more time with the school nurse than in lessons. He got there though, and though he is currently going through a period of rebellion/denial, he did make it back to school properly after a few weeks and sat his GCSEs in the summer and did very well, all things considered.
I guess I too am trying to say it's still very early days for you, you really do need to take just one day at a time and 'go with the flow'. Listen to your inner self, allow yourself to be emotional and not feel guilty, it is one hell of a big thing you have to deal with. It will take time to fully accept. Unless you are in that position, or a parent/carer, I truly don't think you can have half an idea just how involved it all is. I had a friend whose son was diagnosed aged 3. I thought I knew a lot from her, but of course I have now learnt I knew very little really.
Are you a very private person, or is there someone you could really open up to, show them all your kit, explain as much as you can/want to, so that someone else other than you has some idea of just how complex the whole thing is? My son is VERY private but I had to have this outlet for my stress, so I have 3 or 4 close friends who now must want to run every time I approach as I must have bored them to tears in the early days with every new bit of information I had learned. If I haven't mentioned my son for a while they do ask me how he is, or if they hear of any diabetes related information on the news, they are all dying to tell me.
If there is no-one you can really talk to, just keep coming on here. I have found this such a friendly and helpful place, it certainly helps to keep me sane. Just reading other people's comments can help to lift you and everyone just wants to help. Just be yourself, and 'let it all out'. It's perfectly normal to feel how you do, but don't try and fight it. If you feel you would benefit from time off, ask to be signed off, but you would probably then sit brooding about having to go back and face everyone. I personally think getting life back to 'normal' is the best tonic in the long run.
Good luck.
