NHS waiting lists

[Bruce Stephens]

I’ve throughly done my research and it doesn’t affect my vision.

And judging by the summary on the NHS website this minor surgery wouldn't improve your vision so it would just be cosmetic. (Which isn't necessarily trivial but you're not interested. I can believe lots of people I meet have such minor things that I just don't notice. I have seriously wonky teeth that were never corrected while I was a child; my dentist (when I first met them) suggested I probably could get them fixed, but then talked about breaking my jaw more than once and moving it, so no, not going to happen thanks.)

 

[Leadinglights]

They may be thinking that you will be entitled to the correction on the NHS whereas if you decided you wanted it done later and it was for cosmetic reasons you would have to pay for it.
A bit like orthodontal work can be done for free if under 18 but if an adult you have to pay.
A colleague who had a squint always struggled to use a microscope.

 

[Lily123]

Is it the fact it’s not your choice that’s the issue @Lily123 ? That you feel you’re being controlled? If so, don’t let that colour your feelings about the operation. Two things can be true at the same time. You shouldn’t be pushed into an operation as though you have no agency: the operation would benefit you. Both those statements can be true.

There is no medical benefit to it,at the current time at least. If I feel like it’s medically necessary in the future,then of course I will rejoin the waiting list to get it sorted.

 

[Lily123]

And judging by the summary on the NHS website this minor surgery wouldn't improve your vision so it would just be cosmetic. (Which isn't necessarily trivial but you're not interested. I can believe lots of people I meet have such minor things that I just don't notice. I have seriously wonky teeth that were never corrected while I was a child; my dentist (when I first met them) suggested I probably could get them fixed, but then talked about breaking my jaw more than once and moving it, so no, not going to happen thanks.)

Thanks @Bruce Stephens , my eye is noticeable if you know it’s there,otherwise people just look past it. I can’t see my own eye (obviously) so I don’t care,but that’s not good enough.

That jaw surgery would have been painful,ouch!

 

[Lily123]

They may be thinking that you will be entitled to the correction on the NHS whereas if you decided you wanted it done later and it was for cosmetic reasons you would have to pay for it.
A bit like orthodontal work can be done for free if under 18 but if an adult you have to pay.
A colleague who had a squint always struggled to use a microscope.

That’s a good point, but even so if I would have to pay for it in the future,it would be something I’d have to do myself,not something that would be involving my parents,it’s not as if they would be paying.

 

[Bruce Stephens]

That jaw surgery would have been painful,ouch!

To be fair the dentist didn't try and suggest it would be fun, and I didn't get the impression he thought there was much chance I'd be interested. While it didn't lead to pleasant dreams that night, I think I'm glad he outlined what would be involved because now I don't need to wonder about it (I'm definitely not interested).

 

[Lily123]

To be fair the dentist didn't try and suggest it would be fun, and I didn't get the impression he thought there was much chance I'd be interested. While it didn't lead to pleasant dreams that night, I think I'm glad he outlined what would be involved because now I don't need to wonder about it (I'm definitely not interested).

True,it’s better to know that the option is there if you did ever want it.

 

[JJay]

Ah @Lily123 I do feel for you. I can (just about) remember how it was to be 16 and at odds with my parents. The truth is, parents come from a different age with different values (mine had spent their teenage years living through a war).

However I’m a great believer in “jaw-jaw not war-war” (you might have to look that one up!) and I second @Sally71’s idea of getting round a table, ideally with the consultant/nurse, to discuss all the implications - that way both you and your parents get the opportunity to put their concerns to a professional and get honest answers. I don’t think anyone could say that was a selfish or immature approach on your part.

Good wishes to you whatever you decide.

 

[Lily123]

Ah @Lily123 I do feel for you. I can (just about) remember how it was to be 16 and at odds with my parents. The truth is, parents come from a different age with different values (mine had spent their teenage years living through a war).

However I’m a great believer in “jaw-jaw not war-war” (you might have to look that one up!) and I second @Sally71’s idea of getting round a table, ideally with the consultant/nurse, to discuss all the implications - that way both you and your parents get the opportunity to put their concerns to a professional and get honest answers. I don’t think anyone could say that was a selfish or immature approach on your part.

Good wishes to you whatever you decide.

Thanks @JJay , what you and @Sally71have suggested may help. The only issue is that my parents are recusing to take me to my appointment if I won’t go through with the surgery.

 

[Inka]

@Lily123 If you phone the hospital switchboard and ask to be put through to the consultant’s secretary, they will usually give you an email address that you can email them on which will then be forwarded to the consultant. You could then ‘talk’ via email ahead of your appointment.

Why are your parents so set on this operation? Are they concerned about something? Have similar history themselves?

 

[Sally71]

Thanks @JJay , what you and @Sally71have suggested may help. The only issue is that my parents are recusing to take me to my appointment if I won’t go through with the surgery.

So tell them you think you will have the operation, go to the appointment and then use it to find out all the pros and cons and exactly why your parents are so desperate for you to have the operation. And then make the final decision yourself after you've considered everything. It sounds like they are struggling to get used to the fact that you aren’t 5 years old any more and can start to make your own decisions about your life and aren’t fully under their control any more. Letting go can be hard!

 

[Lily123]

@Inka they’re so set on this operation because my mum has a squint,she never got it corected and they believe that it affects my confidence. It doesn’t, my confidence is none existent anyway, but that’s a whole other mess.

 

[Lily123]

So tell them you think you will have the operation, go to the appointment and then use it to find out all the pros and cons and exactly why your parents are so desperate for you to have the operation. And then make the final decision yourself after you've considered everything. It sounds like they are struggling to get used to the fact that you aren’t 5 years old any more and can start to make your own decisions about your life and aren’t fully under their control any more. Letting go can be hard!

Thanks @Sally71 , it’s an idea. There is a lot of background to this which I’m not comfortable sharing,but tricking them and then they found out would mean it would become emotional hell. But in theory,it’s a good idea.

 

[trophywench]

Oh, dear.

My big sister fell out with my mom at that age. Her best friend who she'd known since they were 5 got pregnant - and friend got her set up with another chap who was mates with the very chap who'd done the deed with her friend. My mother instantly ordered her to never see Margaret again or have anything whatever to do with her again. Ridiculous.

When sis got married to the friend she did alter her demeanor but anyway - by then I'd avoided the potential wrath by being exceedingly risk averse, a trait I'm not at all proud of. BUT it has certainly many times ensured that I find out all the pros and cons of anything I decide to do, before doing it.

One thing you need to ask about the modern squint operation is concerning scar tissue. I know 100% that the state of the NHS when my sis had hers operated on in the 1950s produced scar tissue which my sis should really have had 'revised to reduce it' as it was affecting her sight from when she was 40 ish onwards. ie she could actually consciously see it, always. It didn't affect her being able to read, drive, watch TV or normal things like cooking but I did say to her I think I'd have had it done. 20 ish years ago one of my hairdresser's little boys aged about 7 had his done. I went for my usual haircut the day after and his wife brought him in to see Dad and get his hair washed as they weren't to risk getting soap in the eye for a week - and Ken said the backwash was far easier to ensure that thing - but Dad had to dry it. I said Just get on and do it please - he's much more important than me! He'd had a pad taped over the eye yesterday and overnight but that could come off when he woke up, and did. So - no outward sign whatever - not even a bloodshot or watering eye - apparent.

Answer this - might anyone else be distracted by it if they ever needed to have a long serious conversation with you?

 

[Elenka_HM]

I've been reading this thread and at some point I was very tempted to say something not too kind about your mum. Then I'm aware I don't have all the background, and I am not a mother, and people have made good points.

I might be wrong but I think you mentioned in the past they were not very supportive about mental health and such. In any case, I guess the relationship with your parents is complicated. Sending hugs XX.

 

[Lily123]

@trophywench , I don’t think anyone would be distracted by it,as whilst it’s obvious,sometimes when I’m concentrating it straightens itself.

Thanks @Elenka_HM

 

[trophywench]

@trophywench , I don’t think anyone would be distracted by it,as whilst it’s obvious,sometimes when I’m concentrating it straightens itself.

Only thinking it could possibly become distracting. The reason my parents got my sister's sorted asap was that Dad never had his sorted so in adulthood his squinty eye just constantly 'wandered' . My first husband was very distracted by it as he said he could never tell whether Dad was looking at him or not, whereas of course anyone that already knew him well enough including his old customers who'd also known him years just spoke to his head generally rather than eyeball to eyeball. Would he even have fancied me in the first place with a noticeable squint? We all do it when not directly face to face but if the other person happens to be a bit or especially a lot deaf even when wearing top of the range hearing aids with cochlear implants they usually still get as much from lip reading and facial expressions as they do through their earholes so not much point in speaking to their head. Who knows what career you might land up with - or how you might get on in job interviews, further Ed interviews or whatever situations you might find yourself in, with whom, in the future!

 

[Lily123]

I’ve cancelled it. I’ve had a letter for the pre-op assessment and the opening time has passed so I can’t ring today but I’ll ring tomorrow and cancel that.

 

[Lily123]

@trophywench ,I’ve considered that and I think that if someone’s making a judgment of me based solely off of my eye then that’s not my issue. Yes,I’ve been told that’s immature,but that’s how I see it (pun intended)

 

[Sally71]

I hope it all works out for you Lily and that things will calm down with your family. I think your mum must regret not having her squint corrected and thinks her life has been made worse because of that decision, and she doesn’t want you to suffer in the same way. Which I can understand, at the end of the day though it’s still your decision. I can also fully understand you not wanting to have an operation that isn’t strictly necessary, especially if you feel that it isn’t affecting you negatively. Hoping you can all move on now and that it remains no problem for you.