NHS waiting lists

[Lily123]

Thanks @AndBreathe and @Lucyr .

I’ll see if I can get the NHS app as that may let me know the department.

 

[Lily123]

Thanks for all your help everyone.

A letter came through this morning confirming my appointment (I’ve been on the waiting list years so this is unexpected) is in less than a month. My parents won’t let me make my own choice and do not care that medical consent is at 16.

So I’m getting my eye corrected without my consent would be the short version of that.

Thanks for all your ideas to help though everyone,it’s appreciated.

 

[Inka]

As you’re 16, you’re entitled to refuse consent @Lily123 It would probably help if you had your reasons clear, but it would be your choice.

 

[Lily123]

Thanks @Inka , I am aware of that,but my parents are angry enough already so dealing with them after refusing it would be unbearable.

 

[Robin]

Thanks @Inka , I am aware of that,but my parents are angry enough already so dealing with them after refusing it would be unbearable.

I assume your parents will accompany you to the appointment? My daughter decided that she’d like hers corrected when she was in her teens, and I went with her to the preliminary appointment . The consultant was very thorough in explaining the procedure, and more importantly in setting out the risks (there’s a risk with any surgery). He actually recommended that she didn’t have it done, as when she’s wearing her glasses, nobody notices it. By the end of the appointment my daughter had changed her mind, and didn’t have it done, so there is the possibility for you that when your parents discuss it at the appointment, they’ll change their minds.

 

[Lily123]

Thanks @Robin I’ll try have some optimism towards it.

I had an appointment along those lines last year, because my squint is rather severe it’s obvious even with glasses.
I just hate that I’m having to even entertain the idea of it.

But thanks, I will try to stay positive.

 

[Tdm]

Thanks @Inka , I am aware of that,but my parents are angry enough already so dealing with them after refusing it would be unbearable.

So, you are considering having an operation that you don't want, and that's not medically necessary , so that your parents won't be angry?

Gosh. Thats not ok. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

This is your body, your life. Your decision.
They may be right that you should have the operation, but thats not the point. They are not right in insisting you have it, or making it hard for you to say 'no'. There should be informed consent. If you do not give, or withdraw, consent, there should be no op.

Is there another trusted person who may be able to help you with this? Would it be possible to leave a message with the medical professionals in confidence concerned telling them how you feel before the appointment...perhaps they can work with you in a none obvious way, eg suggest it may be best to wait a couple of years? Maybe they can insist seeing you one two one? Even if you can't do this, a switched on medic may pick on your reluctance even if your parents are there.

You shouldn't need to do this, of course, but perhaps, in the near future, when you are more independant of your parents, you will be free to make your own decisions for yourself.

 

[Inka]

Thanks @Robin I’ll try have some optimism towards it.

I had an appointment along those lines last year, because my squint is rather severe it’s obvious even with glasses.
I just hate that I’m having to even entertain the idea of it.

But thanks, I will try to stay positive.

Is it concern about the operation that’s the issue @Lily123 ? If so, could you write down your worries and questions beforehand so you can ask the consultant at your appointment?

Looking positively, it might be that correcting the squint saves you from potential future problems. I have astigmatism in one eye. It seems to have got worse with age. When I’m tired, working lots, or in low light, it makes my eye very tired. I’ve also had headaches from it. I don’t remember it being much of a problem when I was younger but it is now.

Just telling you that in the hope that it will be of some help. If you talk to the consultant, you can ask any questions you like to clarify things in your mind.

 

[Lily123]

So, you are considering having an operation that you don't want, and that's not medically necessary , so that your parents won't be angry?

Gosh. Thats not ok. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

This is your body, your life. Your decision.
They may be right that you should have the operation, but thats not the point. They are not right in insisting you have it, or making it hard for you to say 'no'. There should be informed consent. If you do not give, or withdraw, consent, there should be no op.

Is there another trusted person who may be able to help you with this? Would it be possible to leave a message with the medical professionals in confidence concerned telling them how you feel before the appointment...perhaps they can work with you in a none obvious way, eg suggest it may be best to wait a couple of years? Maybe they can insist seeing you one two one? Even if you can't do this, a switched on medic may pick on your reluctance even if your parents are there.

You shouldn't need to do this, of course, but perhaps, in the near future, when you are more independant of your parents, you will be free to make your own decisions for yourself.

Thanks @Tdm

I do have another trusted adult in this situation, at school I regularly speak to my head of house. She’s offered to speak to my parents but they can’t know I’m speak to my head of house as they’d be mad.I’m going to see if I can speak to her tomorrow.

I’ve only gor a phone number for the department and they imply that’s only to cancel the appointment so I’m not sure.

My parents have threatened to pull all support if I don’t so I’m a little stuck.

 

[Lily123]

Is it concern about the operation that’s the issue @Lily123 ? If so, could you write down your worries and questions beforehand so you can ask the consultant at your appointment?

Looking positively, it might be that correcting the squint saves you from potential future problems. I have astigmatism in one eye. It seems to have got worse with age. When I’m tired, working lots, or in low light, it makes my eye very tired. I’ve also had headaches from it. I don’t remember it being much of a problem when I was younger but it is now.

Just telling you that in the hope that it will be of some help. If you talk to the consultant, you can ask any questions you like to clarify things in your mind.

Thanks @Inka ,

It’s not concerns about the actual operation,it’s just as it’s not medically necessary and I don’t want it that I don’t want to have it. Apparently those aren’t good enough reasons.

I’ve been trying to work on my confidence for years,my eye hasn’t affected it in years. The only one who goes on about it is my mum, because she keeps on about how I can’t wear contacts because of my eye and that she won’t let me go through life looking life I do.

 

[Lily123]

Sorry to post again about something non-diabetes related but I just need to say this.

I just got into an argument with my mum about my eye. She says I’m being immature and selfish and that because I’m only 16 that I must be being difficult for the sake of it.

The appointment is a follow up to the one that originally put me on the waiting list. My mum’s telling me to cancel it if I don’t want it and that they will be “fine” about it.

I don’t know whether to get my eye corrected just to shut everyone (my entire family by this point) up about it or cancel and face the disappointment and anger of my parents.

It’s such a mess,if I could move out tomorrow just to be away from them then I would.

I’m aware no one can really advise,just needed a vent.

 

[Inka]

Don’t get it corrected for your family’s sake @Lily123 but if I were you I’d consider really carefully if you’d regret not having it done when you’re older. It’s hard to judge without seeing your eye but it’s not just an aesthetic thing. It can have some physical effects too as I said above.

 

[Lily123]

Don’t get it corrected for your family’s sake @Lily123 but if I were you I’d consider really carefully if you’d regret not having it done when you’re older. It’s hard to judge without seeing your eye but it’s not just an aesthetic thing. It can have some physical effects too as I said above.

Thanks @Inka ,

My eye doesn’t affected my vision at all and has never caused me headaches so far. Of course,it may do when I’m older but I’d be fine joining the waiting list to get something done about it if it was actually my choice.

Getting it done for my family’s sake may be my only option,I don’t see another way out of this.

 

[Robin]

Thanks @Inka ,

My eye doesn’t affected my vision at all and has never caused me headaches so far. Of course,it may do when I’m older but I’d be fine joining the waiting list to get something done about it if it was actually my choice.

Getting it done for my family’s sake may be my only option,I don’t see another way out of this.

It’s not an all or nothing scenario though, is it? If you decide not to have it done right now, it’s not a case of, right that’s it for the rest of your life, it’s open to you to ask to be referred back at a later date if you change your mind? That’s what my daughter did. I’d made the decision for her not to have it corrected when she was primary school age and it was being monitored, because I knew we could always change our minds at a later date. She decided when she was at Uni, I think, that she wanted to pursue it, so asked her GP to refer her. In the end, she decided against it, but the option was always there.

 

[Sally71]

Oh Lily, what a position to be in! For what it’s worth, my thoughts are as follows:
I had squints corrected when I was a child (it was pretty bad by all accounts). I don’t understand why these days all the eye doctors say it’s only cosmetic, my eyes now work perfectly together with my glasses on, whereas they didn’t at all before. Therefore as far as I’m concerned it isn’t just cosmetic, it has helped me to see better. So make sure you’ve done your research and are absolutely sure that you don’t want the operation (sorry if you’ve already done that)

However, I’m a parent of a child about your age (17). I’m trying to imagine how I’d feel. At the end of the day, you are entitled to make your own medical decisions and legally nobody has to ask your parents’ permission any more. I’d like to think that I’d let my daughter decide for herself about such things. She pretty much gets on with her diabetes control on her own now and anything that I’m involved with I always try to make sure she knows all the facts and has some say in the matter (or all of it even). She’ll be an adult in a very few months so I guess I’ll get no say at all after that!

Your parents say you are being selfish - how is it affecting them if you don’t have the operation? Aren’t they being selfish, trying to force you to have an operation that isn’t medically necessary and you don’t want? I wonder is there any way you could get some sort of mediation, get everyone around a table giving their reasons for what they think and then you reply to their concerns and give yours. It sounds like it’s all getting a bit heated, somehow you all need to take a step back and calm down and then have a sensible discussion. Good luck, I hope you can get it sorted.

 

[Bruce Stephens]

Getting it done for my family’s sake may be my only option,I don’t see another way out of this.

Presumably the appointment isn't actually for the correction itself, it's to explore further what kinds of correction might be appropriate and possible and so on? In which case going along to that would make lots of sense: you can discuss your views, find whether they think having whatever correction they recommend now might work out better than leaving it and (maybe) having it later, etc. At worst it's a waste of your time, but I'd guess you might well end up being more comfortable with whatever choice you make.

 

[Lily123]

It’s not an all or nothing scenario though, is it? If you decide not to have it done right now, it’s not a case of, right that’s it for the rest of your life, it’s open to you to ask to be referred back at a later date if you change your mind? That’s what my daughter did. I’d made the decision for her not to have it corrected when she was primary school age and it was being monitored, because I knew we could always change our minds at a later date. She decided when she was at Uni, I think, that she wanted to pursue it, so asked her GP to refer her. In the end, she decided against it, but the option was always there.

That’s my thinking @Robin , if I want it corrected when I’m older then I’ll get on the waiting list even if it takes years for it to actually happen.

My parents don’t see it that way,they think I’m being stubborn and difficult just because I can,and me saying no is not good enough.

 

[Lily123]

Presumably the appointment isn't actually for the correction itself, it's to explore further what kinds of correction might be appropriate and possible and so on? In which case going along to that would make lots of sense: you can discuss your views, find whether they think having whatever correction they recommend now might work out better than leaving it and (maybe) having it later, etc. At worst it's a waste of your time, but I'd guess you might well end up being more comfortable with whatever choice you make.

It’s a follow up to the one that put me on the waiting list.

My parents are telling me to cancel it because it’s a waste of their time and a waste of NHS time and resources if I then say no to having my eye corrected.

 

[Lily123]

Oh Lily, what a position to be in! For what it’s worth, my thoughts are as follows:
I had squints corrected when I was a child (it was pretty bad by all accounts). I don’t understand why these days all the eye doctors say it’s only cosmetic, my eyes now work perfectly together with my glasses on, whereas they didn’t at all before. Therefore as far as I’m concerned it isn’t just cosmetic, it has helped me to see better. So make sure you’ve done your research and are absolutely sure that you don’t want the operation (sorry if you’ve already done that)

However, I’m a parent of a child about your age (17). I’m trying to imagine how I’d feel. At the end of the day, you are entitled to make your own medical decisions and legally nobody has to ask your parents’ permission any more. I’d like to think that I’d let my daughter decide for herself about such things. She pretty much gets on with her diabetes control on her own now and anything that I’m involved with I always try to make sure she knows all the facts and has some say in the matter (or all of it even). She’ll be an adult in a very few months so I guess I’ll get no say at all after that!

Your parents say you are being selfish - how is it affecting them if you don’t have the operation? Aren’t they being selfish, trying to force you to have an operation that isn’t medically necessary and you don’t want? I wonder is there any way you could get some sort of mediation, get everyone around a table giving their reasons for what they think and then you reply to their concerns and give yours. It sounds like it’s all getting a bit heated, somehow you all need to take a step back and calm down and then have a sensible discussion. Good luck, I hope you can get it sorted.

Thanks @Sally71 , I’ve throughly done my research and it doesn’t affect my vision. Yes,it’s slightly weaker than my other eye but that’s not unusual.

My parents argue I’m being selfish because I’m not taking their opinions into consideration. Plus my mum has a squint and because it affects her confidence,she believes that my eye must affect my confidence. It doesn’t,it’s my parents going on about it that kills my confidence.

Any calm discussion goes sideways quickly,with either me or my mum getting upset or me getting yelled at. I don’t know if it’s worth another shot.

 

[Inka]

Thanks @Inka ,

My eye doesn’t affected my vision at all and has never caused me headaches so far. Of course,it may do when I’m older but I’d be fine joining the waiting list to get something done about it if it was actually my choice.

Getting it done for my family’s sake may be my only option,I don’t see another way out of this.

Is it the fact it’s not your choice that’s the issue @Lily123 ? That you feel you’re being controlled? If so, don’t let that colour your feelings about the operation. Two things can be true at the same time. You shouldn’t be pushed into an operation as though you have no agency: the operation would benefit you. Both those statements can be true.