I need a way to make it fun and nice to eat these things. He’s so negative if I saw healthy eating and immediately thinks he’s only ever gonna eat rabbit food as he calls it. If I mention about controlling his blood sugars having seen it with my dad I just get the yeah I know approach. I’m just so tired most days after work, doing household chores etc I dont really fancy cooking so he does it and of course it’s not always healthy.
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New Here! Partner to Type 2 Sufferer And Really Need Help!
- Thread starter Beth33
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Inka
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Beth, that sounds awful 
Crying in the bath, being exhausted And your family are worried about you too.
It’s not your job to make his food fun and nice to eat. I bet he’d still fuss anyway. He’s an adult. He needs to get support with his negativity and his anger.
I think you’d be better off without him. You seem to be giving a hell of a lot more than you’re getting back.
You can’t help somebody who refuses to be helped. Put yourself first. X
Crying in the bath, being exhausted And your family are worried about you too.It’s not your job to make his food fun and nice to eat. I bet he’d still fuss anyway. He’s an adult. He needs to get support with his negativity and his anger.
I think you’d be better off without him. You seem to be giving a hell of a lot more than you’re getting back.
You can’t help somebody who refuses to be helped. Put yourself first. X
ColinUK
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 2
- Pronouns
- He/Him
In order to be there for him you need to be there for yourself. If that means stepping away from time to time for a short break or a day with your friends then do it.
If he’s short tempered with you then don’t react but do respond. By that I mean calmly explain that when he says X what you hear is Y.
Whatever he’s feeling allow him to feel however as it’s important that he does. What he’s also got to know is that his words can hurt you too though.
You mention sex and wanting children so perhaps when he says something negative to you do you hear that he doesn’t want children with you maybe?
That is just an example but whatever it is that you’re feeling and thinking he should be made aware of.
You’ve not mentioned dietary specifics but if you’re the one who cooks then you can slowly introduce changes without making a big deal about them and he may not even notice. Low carb dishes are delicious and are as far removed from being rabbit food as is possible. Simple things like steak and eggs with a side of green beans, a great omelette with mushrooms, spinach, cheese etc... fish pie with a cauliflower cheese topping are three which immediately come to mind as things you could just do because you wanted to try them out.
Exercise and depression are closely linked. In my experience when I’m not getting out enough my mental health plummets. Unfortunately when it dies it makes out much more difficult to then get out so it’s a vicious cycle. I’ve learnt to break it by shopping less so that I have to go out even if it’s to the corner shop for a pint of milk so perhaps you could both go to get a pint of milk or a paper from the local shop just to get out and about.
Don’t forget that for the mental health concerns that charities like Mind, Sane, Campaign Against Living Miserably and Rethink all have great resources that you can access yourself.
There also may come a time when you think that the relationship isn’t working for you and remember that if that does happen that it’s not your fault and that your own health and well being comes first.
If he’s short tempered with you then don’t react but do respond. By that I mean calmly explain that when he says X what you hear is Y.
Whatever he’s feeling allow him to feel however as it’s important that he does. What he’s also got to know is that his words can hurt you too though.
You mention sex and wanting children so perhaps when he says something negative to you do you hear that he doesn’t want children with you maybe?
That is just an example but whatever it is that you’re feeling and thinking he should be made aware of.
You’ve not mentioned dietary specifics but if you’re the one who cooks then you can slowly introduce changes without making a big deal about them and he may not even notice. Low carb dishes are delicious and are as far removed from being rabbit food as is possible. Simple things like steak and eggs with a side of green beans, a great omelette with mushrooms, spinach, cheese etc... fish pie with a cauliflower cheese topping are three which immediately come to mind as things you could just do because you wanted to try them out.
Exercise and depression are closely linked. In my experience when I’m not getting out enough my mental health plummets. Unfortunately when it dies it makes out much more difficult to then get out so it’s a vicious cycle. I’ve learnt to break it by shopping less so that I have to go out even if it’s to the corner shop for a pint of milk so perhaps you could both go to get a pint of milk or a paper from the local shop just to get out and about.
Don’t forget that for the mental health concerns that charities like Mind, Sane, Campaign Against Living Miserably and Rethink all have great resources that you can access yourself.
There also may come a time when you think that the relationship isn’t working for you and remember that if that does happen that it’s not your fault and that your own health and well being comes first.
Hi Beth,
I've come on here for help because I am a depressed and angry type 2 diabetic who is making life a misery for my partner, who is also mother to my two daughters, 6 & 8 years old. I'm lying in bed typing this message with tears streaming onto my pillow, silently sobbing. My partner is asleep behind me. So much of what you say resonates with me and I'm sure my partner feels as frustrated and upset as you do. I'm impatient and snappy towards her, and tbh, at the time my responses towards her feel justified. Upon reflection, I know I overreact in most situations. This isn't exclusively towards her but sometimes with management at work. At the moment I'm struggling to concentrate at work and I'm becoming more and more stressed. I literally have done nothing at all for the past 6 or 7 full days. Maybe just 4 or 5 emails sent. My emotions are about to explode at any moment during a working day. I'm always about to either scream and shout, burst into tears or both at any given moment. I must think if suicide 4 or 5 times a day. I know that my life is far better on the outside than many others. I make an ok, better than average salary, I live in a quiet cul de sac in a small and safe Norfolk village. I have a partner and two adorable girls, all of whom I love dearly. I feel awful and guilty for feeling the way I do. I'm not really sure what I meant to say. I guess I just felt empathy with both of you. Your post hit a nerve. You sound like a lovely person and deserve better. However, your partner may not currently have control over his emotions and might be beating himself up in private too. Maybe he needs to hear some ultimatums from a kind but tough Beth to kick-start his recovery. Good luck to you both.
ColinUK
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 2
- Pronouns
- He/Him
You deserve better too.
I’m T2 and have had depressive episodes at various times since I was 18 or so, I’m now 53.
You are not alone with either your diabetes or your mental health.
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