Loneliness is a terrible problem for me

[Taffyboyslim]

A history of depression and anxiety and the social isolation that brings , many years of caring for my parents through dementia with no family support and now a diagnosis of type 2 just seems to weigh me down

How come some people seem to flit around like social butterflies ? I have plenty of time on my hands but just feel so isolated

Another bank holiday upon us and I the only contact will likely have is someone serving me in the local supermarket

It's so hard breaking out of this .....I am not at risk to myself but it's thoroughly depressing

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Thanks for being so honest and sharing your experiences @Taffyboyslim

Depression, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness and isolation are such a huge, and under-recognised problem in society. And some of the common suggestions like trying hobbies, joining groups or classes, or volunteering can be made much harder when one feels weighed down with low mood/depression and everything feels like wading through treacle.

Have you drifted away from things which you could try to return to? Are there times of the week (or times of year) you find a little easier?

Have you tried anything like CBT / mindfulness practice to attempt to separate you from your thoughts, and recognise that your thoughts were something separate that you dion’t have to identify with.

Be kind to yourself, and look for the glimmers of hope, and the smallest motes of light in the grey/drarkness.

 

[Taffyboyslim]

Thanks for being so honest and sharing your experiences @Taffyboyslim

Depression, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness and isolation are such a huge, and under-recognised problem in society. And some of the common suggestions like trying hobbies, joining groups or classes, or volunteering can be made much harder when one feels weighed down with low mood/depression and everything feels like wading through treacle.

Have you drifted away from things which you could try to return to? Are there times of the week (or times of year) you find a little easier?

Have you tried anything like CBT / mindfulness practice to attempt to separate you from your thoughts, and recognise that your thoughts were something separate that you dion’t have to identify with.

Be kind to yourself, and look for the glimmers of hope, and the smallest motes of light in the grey/drarkness.

I saw a very helpful support worker from Mind the other day who has encouraged me to join a local walking group so I will let you know how that goes

I am also blitzing the internet ....Google, Facebook, Meet Up .....to find groups of people who I can relate to

One of the problems I find is that single guys ....and gals of course .....of my age ....late fifties....without kids , employment etc ......really have to work at their social life!

I would say that friendly social media ....and this site is very friendly .....is a godsend ......

 

[Sharron1]

I saw a very helpful support worker from Mind the other day who has encouraged me to join a local walking group so I will let you know how that goes

I am also blitzing the internet ....Google, Facebook, Meet Up .....to find groups of people who I can relate to

One of the problems I find is that single guys ....and gals of course .....of my age ....late fifties....without kids , employment etc ......really have to work at their social life!

I would say that friendly social media ....and this site is very friendly .....is a godsend ......

The walking group sounds like a very good start.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

I saw a very helpful support worker from Mind the other day who has encouraged me to join a local walking group so I will let you know how that goes

Ah that sounds great @Taffyboyslim

Good to hear you are exploring other options for groups too.

 

[Taffyboyslim]

The walking group sounds like a very good start.

I am a very chatty person

It would be no good joining a meditation class , they would throw me out

 

[silver minion]

Hi @Taffyboyslim I am sorry to hear that your anxiety and depression is making you feel isolated and lonely.
Don't assume that the social butterflies are always having a great time. Some people are very adept at hiding their fears and anxieties.

I was referred for CBT some years ago when I was suffering from anxiety and struggling to cope. My mother had been diagnosed with dementia and shortly after my husband ended up in A&E with a heart condition. I had just started a new job with a lot of responsibilities and very little support. I left the job as in my husband's words i was spiralling round the plughole with anxiety. I saw my doctor and then
attended CBT sessions for several weeks. I found it helped me a lot.

Making new friends is not always easy. A walking group is nice as you can interact as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Don't forget that you have people on this forum who care. I read your posts and like to engage with regular posters when I have something to share.
Be kind to yourself. Try things even if it feels scary. Each small victory will help build up your self esteem and confidence.

 

[trophywench]

U3A usually arrange walking groups, as do the 'ParkRun' organisers in various places. eg in Coventry, Sky Blues in the Community arrange all sorts of activities that may or may not appeal. Also a nationwide organisation called Mens Sheds. Are you a member of any specifically local to you Facebook groups or do you happen to have a local news outlet - the Hinckley area as one called 'The Rock' who disseminate info to all the homes they distribute to, which stretches well beyond the Hinckley boundaries.

 

[Taffyboyslim]

Hi @Taffyboyslim I am sorry to hear that your anxiety and depression is making you feel isolated and lonely.
Don't assume that the social butterflies are always having a great time. Some people are very adept at hiding their fears and anxieties.

I was referred for CBT some years ago when I was suffering from anxiety and struggling to cope. My mother had been diagnosed with dementia and shortly after my husband ended up in A&E with a heart condition. I had just started a new job with a lot of responsibilities and very little support. I left the job as in my husband's words i was spiralling round the plughole with anxiety. I saw my doctor and then
attended CBT sessions for several weeks. I found it helped me a lot.

Making new friends is not always easy. A walking group is nice as you can interact as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Don't forget that you have people on this forum who care. I read your posts and like to engage with regular posters when I have something to share.
Be kind to yourself. Try things even if it feels scary. Each small victory will help build up your self esteem and confidence.

What a lovely post

 

[Taffyboyslim]

U3A usually arrange walking groups, as do the 'ParkRun' organisers in various places. eg in Coventry, Sky Blues in the Community arrange all sorts of activities that may or may not appeal. Also a nationwide organisation called Mens Sheds. Are you a member of any specifically local to you Facebook groups or do you happen to have a local news outlet - the Hinckley area as one called 'The Rock' who disseminate info to all the homes they distribute to, which stretches well beyond the Hinckley boundaries.

Thank you

I support the other CCFC ......Cardiff City

Shame cov didn't get promoted

 

[Taffyboyslim]

Hi @Taffyboyslim I am sorry to hear that your anxiety and depression is making you feel isolated and lonely.
Don't assume that the social butterflies are always having a great time. Some people are very adept at hiding their fears and anxieties.

I was referred for CBT some years ago when I was suffering from anxiety and struggling to cope. My mother had been diagnosed with dementia and shortly after my husband ended up in A&E with a heart condition. I had just started a new job with a lot of responsibilities and very little support. I left the job as in my husband's words i was spiralling round the plughole with anxiety. I saw my doctor and then
attended CBT sessions for several weeks. I found it helped me a lot.

Making new friends is not always easy. A walking group is nice as you can interact as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Don't forget that you have people on this forum who care. I read your posts and like to engage with regular posters when I have something to share.
Be kind to yourself. Try things even if it feels scary. Each small victory will help build up your self esteem and confidence.

I start a cbt course with mind next week ....covering self esteem , assertiveness, anxiety , etc

 

[silver minion]

I start a cbt course with mind next week ....covering self esteem , assertiveness, anxiety , etc

That is good news that a course was available so quickly. I was part of a small group, about half a dozen people. Good luck and remember that very few people get through life without experiencing some level of anxiety, depression or other mental health issue. You are not alone

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

I start a cbt course with mind next week ....covering self esteem , assertiveness, anxiety , etc

Hope you find it helpful @Taffyboyslim

I should really restart my daily practice again. It’s all to easy to drift off when things feel better, but harder to spot the creeping signs of lower mood.

 

[paultrose]

First thing you should realise is you are not alone......90% of your post i could have written

Its not my thing but look up mens shed association

Cbt practices are good.....find a hobby.....something to keep your mind active and distracted from the bad thoughts

I have something that helps when i just want people around me..... find your local cafe and start going in a couple times of week even if its just for a coffee......good just to be around people and after a while you become a regular....and the regulars all talk to each other......i have a ritual of going in twice during the week but always on a saturday (its on my walking route)....theyve told me they know what day it is if i pop in lol ...if i miss going in the owner panics and starts sending me texts to make sure im ok and if you think about it thats a nice thing knowing someone is thinking of you

Theres a famous saying.....no idea who by.........'i dont mind being alone, its the lonliness i cant stand'

 

[Leadinglights]

Is there any opportunity for volunteering in your area, for example helping in a charity shop, litter picking, local hospital friends.
I think I mentioned before that churches are in need of people to learn bellringing, bell ringers are a friendly group of people. St John Cardiff have an active band of ringers I believe but there are others, I'm not sure where you live.
You don't need to be religious to learn or even be musical.

 

[Lisa65]

Is there any opportunity for volunteering in your area, for example helping in a charity shop, litter picking, local hospital friends.
I think I mentioned before that churches are in need of people to learn bellringing, bell ringers are a friendly group of people. St John Cardiff have an active band of ringers I believe but there are others, I'm not sure where you live.
You don't need to be religious to learn or even be musical.

Bell ringing is good for making friends, I did it for quite a while and rang a few quarter peals (never braved a full peal)
Unfortunately I started getting ringing anxiety and vertigo so I had to stop, I miss it though.

 

[Drummer]

I go to several 'sessions' - a group of people get together and play music - some people come along just to listen at a little distance and often chat to each other - don't know what they say - could be 'this lot aren't very good' but at least it is interaction.

 

[Taffyboyslim]

First thing you should realise is you are not alone......90% of your post i could have written

Its not my thing but look up mens shed association

Cbt practices are good.....find a hobby.....something to keep your mind active and distracted from the bad thoughts

I have something that helps when i just want people around me..... find your local cafe and start going in a couple times of week even if its just for a coffee......good just to be around people and after a while you become a regular....and the regulars all talk to each other......i have a ritual of going in twice during the week but always on a saturday (its on my walking route)....theyve told me they know what day it is if i pop in lol ...if i miss going in the owner panics and starts sending me texts to make sure im ok and if you think about it thats a nice thing knowing someone is thinking of you

Theres a famous saying.....no idea who by.........'i dont mind being alone, its the lonliness i cant stand'

It's social interaction I need

I enjoy fishing , decorating and practical stuff but go days without speaking to people

I need social friendship

 

[Barrowman]

Just a thought @Taffyboyslim have you considered a pet? A past friend of mine got a dog and it changed his life around so quickly that it was remarkable.

The unconditional love and constant presence of a pet can help combat feelings of isolation. Dogs provide a reason to get up in the morning, a routine to follow, and a source of comfort during quiet moments.

Having a pet also encourages social interaction. Walking a dog often leads to conversations with neighbours or other dog owners, fostering a sense of connection with the community. Plus, the physical activity involved in caring for a dog—walking, playing, feeding—can be beneficial for both mental and physical health.

There’s something deeply reassuring about having another living being rely on you and offer companionship in return. Even something as simple as a wagging tail or a warm snuggle can brighten someone's day.... I wish you good luck in whatever path you choose.

 

[Leadinglights]

Bell ringing is good for making friends, I did it for quite a while and rang a few quarter peals (never braved a full peal)
Unfortunately I started getting ringing anxiety and vertigo so I had to stop, I miss it though.

There are quite a few who have been ringers who are here, I learnt as a teenager and am still ringing regularly though the spiral stairs are challenging since my accident causing the knee injury, It is a relief when there is a ground floor ring. I have rung about 20 peals in the past but it is a bit tortuous, a quarter peal is much more civilised. I am going on a 6 day tour in a couple of weeks ringing at 50 towers in Devon.
You certainly meet people from all walks of life and hear some fascinating stories. Everybody is amazingly friendly and welcoming when you visit.
Sorry to hear you had problems and had to stop, I know a few people who struggle with certain types of steps or when there is a balcony or the tower is very high. I have had a few scary moments but It hasn't put me off yet. If the steps have been particularly awkward going up I get distracted and worry about getting down again.