I need help

[EmmaL76]

Just remember Emma, it is a waste of money if you don't advise the Endo of the full circumstances ie. Your eating anxiety and very strict diet. They need to know the full picture, so don't down play that. It is a really important and relevant aspect with respect to the diagnosis.
Also it might be helpful to mention about the urine C-peptide tests you have had done and perhaps enquire about a blood c-peptide.
Personally I think you would be wiser spending the money on counselling to help you overcome your issue with food as that is still going to be a problem regardless of your diabetes diagnosis/treatment and something you obviously need help with.
I wish you lots of luck in finding some clarity. When is the appointment?

I plan to write it all down and give it to him at the start of the appointment or maybe email it across as discussing it often provokes tears then nothing gets sorted. I’m not sure when the appointment is, they asked me to send all the consultant letters from previous to them and they will get back to me xx

 

[EmmaL76]

If you have the E-mail contact of the person you are going to see perhaps you could send them an outline of your situation and any test results you have as they may not have access to your NHS record.
It would mean they can be prepared and be able to ask pertinent questions at your appointment.

Thankyou for that thought, I was thinking that myself too. I have his secretary’s email, I was talking to her last night and she said there has been a massive surge in endocrinologist demand and they can hardly keep up !

 

[EmmaL76]

@EmmaL76 I know anxiety isn’t always logical but remember that non-diabetics commonly see blood sugars of 7 or more. I’m very glad you have an endo appointment but I absolutely second @rebrascora in saying that you must give them the full picture. If you don’t, there’s the possibility your diagnosis will get messed up again and this will drag on and on. Be frank, be clear. If you prefer to write it down then that might be easiest. Trying to explain something when you’re emotional is hard, and it’s also hard for the listener to retain key facts.

Nothing in my brain is logical, I honestly do realise this, I’m quite frustrating to others as they can see what’s happening with me but I carry on with my own set ways. I do plan to put this all on paper for the consultant. I just want my life back and if that means owning up to the fact that I’m a self sabotaging idiot then so be it lol xx

 

[rebrascora]

Sometimes we can all be our own worst enemy. I know I can certainly make life much more difficult for myself than it needs to be.
It sounds like you have a good plan. I think you have overachieved already so give yourself lots of gold stars for those things and good luck with the Birthday cake which would take me an immense amount of effort to get my head around, so you can have another gold star just for contemplating it.

 

[EmmaL76]

Sometimes we can all be our own worst enemy. I know I can certainly make life much more difficult for myself than it needs to be.
It sounds like you have a good plan. I think you have overachieved already so give yourself lots of gold stars for those things and good luck with the Birthday cake which would take me an immense amount of effort to get my head around, so you can have another gold star just for contemplating it.

I never thought I could bake, then at the start of covid I gave it a go and got really good then D day so now I just bake for others, but still really enjoy it x

 

[Inka]

Nothing in my brain is logical, I honestly do realise this, I’m quite frustrating to others as they can see what’s happening with me but I carry on with my own set ways. I do plan to put this all on paper for the consultant. I just want my life back and if that means owning up to the fact that I’m a self sabotaging idiot then so be it lol xx

Most things in life are a balance. If you’re prone to anxiety (I am too) then if you find some set ways are a comfort and harmless then it’s ok to keep those things even if others wouldn’t. But when your set ways and ways of thinking become harmful, then that’s the point at which to intervene and put them back in their place. And you can do it 🙂

Food is a popular control mechanism - but it’s not a good one. When someone feels things around them are spiralling out of control, food is one of the few things they can control. Eating disorders are misplaced action, in a way. You say you use food to punish yourself, and you’re far from alone in that. Controlling food intake gives an illusion of control over life, but it’s just that - an illusion.

If someone has problems because of X, Y and Z in the past or currently, then that anxiety and fear can turn into disordered eating. Food will be controlled very strictly and control exerted. But when you stop to think about it, how is that helping the completely unrelated and actual problems of X, Y and Z? It’s not. Dealing with past and present trauma and upset is the way forward. Once you begin to see how disordered eating is really a displacement activity and no help at all, then it can help channel your energy into beating it.

Life is short. Time spent on worrying about food could be much better spent. Don’t let the worries steal time from you.

 

[Leadinglights]

Thankyou for that thought, I was thinking that myself too. I have his secretary’s email, I was talking to her last night and she said there has been a massive surge in endocrinologist demand and they can hardly keep up !

If you do that as soon as you can then they may realise the urgency of you getting an appointment. We have found the Consultant's secretaries are pretty good at getting things done.
On another note, do your children live at home, if so could they not help with some of the things you are struggling with.
However old your children are you never stop worrying about them, mine are in their late forties but I never stop being concerned but know they would always be there for me if I ever needed help.

 

[EmmaL76]

Well I’m in next Thursday with another endo. Let’s see what happens this time. Sorry I haven't replied to a couple of messages. I’m a bit all over the place atm, just wanted to tell you all that it’s booked xx

 

[gll]

I have a 12 year old son, and my daughters are 18,22 and the eldest is 24 on Friday. So making a cake is what I will do today for my win points lol. I know my mental health is a bigger challenge than the diabetes, so I have booked and appointment with my doctors for that side of things (do I get another point for that ? ) xx

you win today!!!! (and get extra shiny bonus stars for booking the appointment)

So later on, if you are having a crappy moment, remember you made a cake today and you didn't give up.

I hope you at least try the cake yourself (even a teeny bit) but no judgment here if you don't x

huge hugs xxx

 

[EmmaL76]

you win today!!!! (and get extra shiny bonus stars for booking the appointment)

So later on, if you are having a crappy moment, remember you made a cake today and you didn't give up.

I hope you at least try the cake yourself (even a teeny bit) but no judgment here if you don't x

huge hugs xxx

I didn’t just make 1 cake, I made a big lemon drizzle and lots of little cakes. Thanks for the stars and the hugs. Very much appreciated xx

 

[AndBreathe]

Thankyou for that thought, I was thinking that myself too. I have his secretary’s email, I was talking to her last night and she said there has been a massive surge in endocrinologist demand and they can hardly keep up !

Unless the Endo you are seeing doesn't do any NHS work, he will be able to access your NHS records. Whether or not they should is one of those moral dilemmas, but they do. I know this from personal experience.

 

[EmmaL76]

Unless the Endo you are seeing doesn't do any NHS work, he will be able to access your NHS records. Whether or not they should is one of those moral dilemmas, but they do. I know this from personal experience.

Yes they said they will be able to access all my records. So hopefully we can hit the ground running, I’m hopeful that he will be able to make some sense of it all but being careful not to get my hopes up too much that I come out of there feeling worse when I don’t get any answers xx

 

[AndBreathe]

Yes they said they will be able to access all my records. So hopefully we can hit ground running, I’m hopeful that he will be able to make some sense of it all but being careful not to get my hopes up too much that I come out of there feeling worse when I don’t get any answers xx

Hopefully you can transfer to his NHS clinic.

I don't see an Endo for my diabetes, but do for my thyroid challenges. My initial consultations with him were privately, then he suggested I transfer to his NHS care as the issue is likely lifelong, and of course insurers won't countenance routine care of chronic conditions.

Sometimes it really is a case of working out which order to play the pieces of the puzzle. Frustration doesn't cover it, for sure.

The words that scream through my head as times like you are experiencing at the moment are, "it shouldn't be this hard to try to look after ourselves."

 

[Mrs Mimoo]

What a lovely way to look at it. I’m so sorry you suffer too with depression. Sometimes it seems much easier to let it take you over than to get yourself out of it. I made my sons favourite tea, which he was really grateful for so that a little victory. I will try my very best to make some progress every day, but you know when you get up and you just know it’s another one of those days and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I’m so tired of it, I don’t look forward to anything, I don’t enjoy doing anything. Thats a lie, I look forward to going to bed, and I’m being deadly serious, I can’t wait to go to bed so that I have an excuse to just lie there are do nothing but I hate mornings ! Xx

Please try to be nice to yourself, you are doing a good job for your family, you need to have time too. At the very least have a nice bath, or sit and listen to your senses to try to self sooth. A therapist taught me to sit and test my senses. So, listen for all sounds, smell all smells, see what I you can see and then what you are nearest to touch and then just try to centre yourself. After this little ritual, I you may feel a bit better (I am anxious all the time). xxxx

 

[EmmaL76]

Thankyou for your message. I’m still hanging in there just by a tiny thread. A lady I used to work with talked me through that technique a while back, I have tried lots of things. She also told me to sit at a window and take everything in, now I have these French doors in my bedroom and rolling fields as a view so it couldn’t be more ideal but my mind carries on racing. Once my therapist at the time was trying to do some kind of reversal technique where you replay a traumatic event like a video but add bits or change them. I think I was supposed to be in some kind of hypnotic state, I made out I was, but really I was thinking that I needed to go to the shop on the way home for lunchbox snacks! For someone often called an airhead in my youth I have terrible trouble emptying my mind

 

[Proud to be erratic]

Keep hanging on there Emma. You already know, from the number of thank you responses that you have written in the last few days, that there is a huge will of support and best wishes for you.
Personally I'm not sure what is better: having an empty mind or being chock-a-block with distractions and irrelevances. Probably its better to not to try and answer that question - unless it makes a pleasant philosophical distraction; maybe just move on and take the good bits or 'wins' and mentally, actively, step away from the bits that are daunting.
If I've understood correctly is it this Thurs you've got your Endo appointment?
Best wishes.

 

[EmmaL76]

Thank you for the encouragement, well it’s funny you should ask as I’ve just been going through my appointment confirmation email and happened to notice the date as tomorrow the 8th!! The receptionist said next Thursday on the phone so good job I checked.

 

[Inka]

Thankyou for your message. I’m still hanging in there just by a tiny thread. A lady I used to work with talked me through that technique a while back, I have tried lots of things. She also told me to sit at a window and take everything in, now I have these French doors in my bedroom and rolling fields as a view so it couldn’t be more ideal but my mind carries on racing. Once my therapist at the time was trying to do some kind of reversal technique where you replay a traumatic event like a video but add bits or change them. I think I was supposed to be in some kind of hypnotic state, I made out I was, but really I was thinking that I needed to go to the shop on the way home for lunchbox snacks! For someone often called an airhead in my youth I have terrible trouble emptying my mind

No need to empty your mind to meditate (otherwise I’d never be able to do it!) 🙂 You can sit and concentrate on your breathing. When thoughts and feelings appear, observe them ‘from the outside’ and let them go. This is often described as watching clouds scud across the sky, which I think describes it perfectly. Your breathing is your centre, and you can just watch the ‘clouds’ pass by in a detached way.

Good luck with your appointment. You know you have all of us sending you positive thoughts. X

 

[AndBreathe]

Thank you for the encouragement, well it’s funny you should ask as I’ve just been going through my appointment confirmation email and happened to notice the date as tomorrow the 8th!! The receptionist said next Thursday on the phone so good job I checked.

Good luck tomorrow, Emma.

If there's any resistance, or "can't do that", then ask for him/her to explain exactly what the blocker is. For me, it's really important to understand stuff, and that means the why nots as well as the why you shoulds.

 

[EmmaL76]

No need to empty your mind to meditate (otherwise I’d never be able to do it!) 🙂 You can sit and concentrate on your breathing. When thoughts and feelings appear, observe them ‘from the outside’ and let them go. This is often described as watching clouds scud across the sky, which I think describes it perfectly. Your breathing is your centre, and you can just watch the ‘clouds’ pass by in a detached way.

Good luck with your appointment. You know you have all of us sending you positive thoughts. X

Thankyou so much inka, I’m going to try my best to stay relaxed and I will report back later xx