6.5 this morning.
Been awake since 4am. Went to bed at 12:30.
Yesterday I self referred to the mental health team, although it’s now called the Taking Therapies Team. And had my first Zoom group with Survivors U.K.
That was interesting and supportive but the emotional tsunami which hit a few hours after we’d finished was immense. I meditated. I read. I watched telly. I wrote. Read. Tweeted. Meditated. But just can’t seem to slough off this one just yet.
It’ll pass. I’m going out today in a bit. Least I want to do is a loop around Regent’s Park and then the intention is to pop to Selfridges for an Easter egg gift for a friend and then the huge Boots to find concealer to cover up the huge dark circles under my eyes. The skin there is now also generally puffy and needs tightening too but hopefully I can find something which goes with my skin tone and isn’t ridiculously expensive.
I’ll probably look at the L’Oréal for men eye creams and then the women's range for the concealer itself.
On a positive note, yesterday was the second day wearing a test pair of multifocal contacts and although they’re a compromise on the far vision I think that with a minor tweak to the prescription for the right eye they’ll be fine.
I’m not intending on wearing them everyday but it’ll be so good to be able to buy “normal” sunglasses again and to just have the choice not to wear specs.
Spoke with the folks yesterday. Mum’s not happy with dad. He decided to “tidy up” a couple of things in the garden.
They’ve been in this house for 33 years. The garden was landscaped about 30 years ago and the same gardener has modified it over the years and it’s perfect for them. Lots of mature trees, loads of interest, wildlife etc.
Basically dad got carried away and it’s now like a wasteland. Everything that was more than about 5ft tall he’s chopped down including all the trees. I should add he’s blind in one eye and has zero depth perception. He’s also an idiot at times.
Now they’re going to have to have the whole thing landscaped again so I’ve already submitted a few rough ideas for redesign and plant choices.
They’re also having scaffolding put up this weekend because the house needs re-roofing and the decimation in the garden has revealed that the entire fence needs replacing. So when I suggested that maybe I pop over and we have lunch in the garden that wasn’t too warmly received.
No work until possibly Wednesday as I’ve got a video taped police interview on Tuesday and I’m not sure how I’ll be on Wednesday. If I’m ok I can work but if not then I’m working Thursday anyway.
It is hard keeping all the emotional balls up in the air right now as I know you all appreciate.
GP has given me a PTSD diagnosis but not sure if that achieves anything as the majority of his consultation notes were incorrect (I’ve sent a correction to the practice) and I’m waiting for new prescriptions for Ramipril and Atorvastatin to be fulfilled by the chemist so I can start those.
A little trepidatious about them as I am aware that one of them, can’t recall which, can cause weight gain and that’s something I can do without. Reassuring thing is seeing that they’re not exactly uncommon things for others on here to be taking and my cholesterol has been high for a good few years and blood pressure is bonkers high right now.
Did discuss with the GP whether the BP was high because of everything which is going on right now and whether it’s not better to wait until the circumstantial stressors are no longer so acute. He said, quite rightly, that I’ve a family history of hypertension, strokes, heart attacks and that the body couldn’t care less if a stroke or a heart attack is caused by something acute or chronic but it’s got to be better to reduce the impact of the stress now than wait. I’m paraphrasing but he did basically say you can die of chronic things or acute things and with your bp being so high it’s a real risk (197/124 yesterday after the Survivors group and then 20 mins of meditation). So I’ll take the meds. And I really can’t wait until the gym is open again.
I’m not going to apologise for the rambling splurge of a post. I know it goes on but I appreciate the space and the support.
