Give up

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spell said:
Staying alive to be ill
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That’s why we try our best to control the diabetes - for our own benefit not its. Everyone can get ill, diabetes or not. It’s not unique to us.

It depends how you look at life. Do you appreciate the good things, however small, or do you turn away from them and focus relentlessly on the bad things? Do you want to focus on the bad things? It’s a distraction for you, you’ve said, and that’s understandable, but it’s also an awful waste @spell
 
Inka said:
That’s why we try our best to control the diabetes - for our own benefit not its. Everyone can get ill, diabetes or not. It’s not unique to us.

It depends how you look at life. Do you appreciate the good things, however small, or do you turn away from them and focus relentlessly on the bad things? Do you want to focus on the bad things? It’s a distraction for you, you’ve said, and that’s understandable, but it’s also an awful waste @spell
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I don't think anything anyone say at the moment will help.
 
Could you phone the Samaritans @spell ? Offload to a stranger? If you’re feeling really down, get some medical support. Medication isn’t a magic answer but it can dull things.
 
You can always self-refer to what was formerly IAPT but which is now called Talking Therapies. Just google it for your area and it will give you an email address and a phone number. You can also search for Single Point of Access NHS for the relevant service in your area. There's usually a waiting list for IAPT but SPA should be able put you in touch with your local crisis team who can react quickly. I hope someone out there can help @spell x
 
spell said:
I don't think anything anyone say at the moment will help.
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I think you are right. For this reason alone, this is why any change no matter what the problem, be it alcoholism, weight loss or making any kind of major change has to be self led. YOU have to be ready, YOU have to be totally and wholeheartedly dedicated and committed to changing how YOU think, feel and behave.

It's really a matter of finding a spark to get you started in the right direction.

I think everyone on the forum has tried to give you that spark, something that will just turn things around in the right direction.
 
spell said:
I don't think anything anyone say at the moment will help.
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Hello, don’t think I can help. But I’ve noticed from your profile we are about the same age. You would have been a year above me, if attending the same school. I went through the 2nd stage of the “7 ages of man” pretty much hypoglycaemic. It’s amazing I learned anything? Blurred eyesight regarding blackboard or book. Cognitive inparment. (It was a Daisy trip getting through that period.) Was it a curse? I saw a challenge the last time I walked out the school gates. I was free for the 3rd stage.
find what I mean here.if unfamiliar? https://genius.com/William-shakespeare-the-seven-ages-of-man-all-the-worlds-a-stage-annotated

Now I’m going to be blunt. You are putting yourself through the “wringer” & it’s no one’s fault. It’s not even mine.
I’m a humble man with treasured simple conquests. Your profile picture suggests “beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances;” (to quote the above in the link.)

Best wishes.
 
Hi Spell,
I totally get where your coming from, your aloud to hate your diabetes, I hate it to. Your right people do not understand what it’s like to have this crappy disease, I hear you loud and clear. You have been living with it for a very long time, and it wears on you. I’m feeling the same. And there isn’t much help or understanding in the medical community. I found that out to. Sounds like you have had not much support. I’m type 2, for 11 years, and I agree it’s not what you asked for. I struggle to. Sounds like you have diabetes distress. This needs to be addressed more in the medical community which I don’t think they know much about. You say you have other medical issues because of the diabetes, that would be very stressful. I have an eye problem where I need injections every few months, I find it stress full to. I have so many things in my life that have caused trauma, my brother in-law died by suicide and has caused ptsd.
You said your brother was killed? That is very traumatic, that’s where you need the help, sounds like ptsd to. If you can get the support for this and a really good therapist who is sympathetic and understanding and has trauma expertise I think your diabetes would fall into place. When you’ve been through horrific trauma you need to get the right help.. please don’t give up, If your thinking bad things, it cause so much pain to the family. Please get the RIGHT help. I sympathize with you so much. My husband was diagnosed with type 2 also and I do think stress can cause diabetes
This happened a few years after his brother passed away from suicide. Then his other brother passed from cancer a few years later. You never know what trauma can do to your body. My heart goes out to you. Don’t give up on life. I hear you. I was there where you are 3 years after diagnosis, I was going to give up on life. I talk to a counsellor now, and I have depression and anxiety to from this disease. I can relate. Hang in there.
 
AJLang said:
@spell I don’t know the right response to give you I thought that I would share my experiences. I’ve had Type 1 diabetes for 53 years since I was two. I have a range of health conditions both related and unrelated to diabetes. They have taken away so much of how I want to live my life plus the career that I worked so hard for. Yes there are many times that I’ve wanted things (life) to end BUT there is absolutely no way that I’m going to let that happen or my health stop me from living. Today all I’m capable of is watching the tv whilst taking a myriad of different medications and being in pain but I’m determined to do something nice this weekend. It might be looking at funny things on Instagram, or if I’m feeling well enough do some crafting. Last week I got non diabetic related very bad eye news. I could have sat down and cried but instead I went to the pub and had a few drinks, the next day I went to Madam Tussauds, had to come back early because I was exhausted but I did it. And I will carry on doing the things I can for as long as I can. I hope you somehow find the strength to feel the same.
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You always have such a way with words and life and you are incredible how you enjoy life as best as you can. It is an active choice and effort to make the most of everyday.

@spell you might not feel like it right now but some elements are in your control, and it will get better. Is there anyone in your life who can help you. Just talk or listen to how you feel.
Take care
 
spell said:
I don't think anything anyone say at the moment will help.
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I've been at this place many times before. I'm not even sure that I'm not there at the moment. Generally, I wish to have never existed, and would prefer not to be here. But at the moment I live for others. I can face it all, knowing that the alternative would destroy a decent-sized handful of those around me. And that's just not on...for me. It's a (non-religious) cross for me to bear.

For me, this is not diabetes related. And medication has definitely been helping. More than that, my general day-to-day is not all doom and gloom. It's just an overall sense.

I like to keep anonymous, for various reasons. But if you ever need to really unload, send me a DM.

And now comes the cliché

 
Just checking in to see how you are today?? Sun's shining here so hope it brings you a smile . Sorry I been ill with COVID over weekend so apologies for not replying. I've been in head space like yourself....... I just stepped back asked professionals to give me space...., all their constant appointments didn't help. But they WILL give you space. I'm 7yrs from a stroke that took my live music and many films away from me as I can't do flashing. Can't walk much and showering well that's a two person job. Then March 2024 hit with diabetes after managing it with food for 6 yrs now on insulin. So I get the shock......... Make time for you be it music or quiet time in a park or garden. Appointments can wait a little while.
 
beating_my_betes said:
I've been at this place many times before.
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Hi,

Depression, anxiety, negative thoughts and thinking, emotional issues etc all of these things take a lot of inner work to resolve for the long term (medication can help in the short term for some). Methods like talking therapies where they just trawl over and dig up bad experiences, to me seems like quite the opposite of what one needs e.g release -- what's happened has happened -- not regurgitation.

Inner work requires time, careful and conscious effort to let go of past experiences (acceptance/letting go), keeping the mind in the present moment (not the past or worrying over what might happen).

It's just finding a good/slightly better day to make a start. I'm not saying it's easy though.
 
Amity Island said:
Hi,

Depression, anxiety, negative thoughts and thinking, emotional issues etc all of these things take a lot of inner work to resolve for the long term (medication can help in the short term for some). Methods like talking therapies where they just trawl over and dig up bad experiences, to me seems like quite the opposite of what one needs e.g release -- what's happened has happened -- not regurgitation.

Inner work requires time, careful and conscious effort to let go of past experiences (acceptance/letting go), keeping the mind in the present moment (not the past or worrying over what might happen).

It's just finding a good/slightly better day to make a start. I'm not saying it's easy though.
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Thanks so much! Feel bad for diverting this thread, but appreciate you comment.

I think we're pretty much on the same page regarding therapy, though I think that there are clearly people for whom that kind of therapy works. I think I'm just too cynical for all that, though. I did however try it, some decades back. But once I realised the therapist was really just bouncing back my own thought back to me, I realised I could probably do it myself.

What followed was many years in and out of meditation retreats, yoga practice and self-help research. And I'm now at a place where my day-to-day experience is not that bad at all, and my state(s) are very clearly defined. I do suffer mood issues related to high blood-sugars, and especially when I eat too much junk-like food. But really my depression these days is more existential and situational in nature. And while it's not exactly always a fun ride, at least I can see where the boundaries lay and can identify why I'm feeling the way I am. It'd be much simpler if I fully embraced nihilism, but I'm not sure that kind of disconnect would help.

Thanks again 🙂
 
beating_my_betes said:
Thanks so much! Feel bad for diverting this thread, but appreciate you comment.

I think we're pretty much on the same page regarding therapy, though I think that there are clearly people for whom that kind of therapy works. I think I'm just too cynical for all that, though. I did however try it, some decades back. But once I realised the therapist was really just bouncing back my own thought back to me, I realised I could probably do it myself.

What followed was many years in and out of meditation retreats, yoga practice and self-help research. And I'm now at a place where my day-to-day experience is not that bad at all, and my state(s) are very clearly defined. I do suffer mood issues related to high blood-sugars, and especially when I eat too much junk-like food. But really my depression these days is more existential and situational in nature. And while it's not exactly always a fun ride, at least I can see where the boundaries lay and can identify why I'm feeling the way I am. It'd be much simpler if I fully embraced nihilism, but I'm not sure that kind of disconnect would help.

Thanks again 🙂
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It really does sound like you have broken the back of it. I think for most common mental health issues, self help is the best and most effective kind of help, after all, there is only you and everything is happening in your head, not someone else's.

Meditation is very good as it takes you out of the picture. It shuts off the incessant, negative, anxious, depressive thoughts and gives one some downtime. It's really a matter of conquering the mind.

Outside of the meditation (real daily living) to turn the corner you have to be acutely aware of all the inner talk, which many aren't even aware of. Breaking the cycle of feeling depressed which creates more negative thoughts which make us feel bad. Its a vicious cycle that has to be broken. Once the cycle is broken, that's when one starts to make real long lasting change and progress.
 
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spell said:
4 times dka hospital in a month that's my life now
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But it doesn’t have to be. You said you weren’t taking your correct insulin, presumably hence the DKAs. Take your insulin as close to what you should have as you can cope with.
 
Satan’s little helper said:
That sounds rough. Where do you feel it’s not quite right on the managment?
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Diabetes overload can really lead to this. I am not type 1 but I know I can eat
the same things and my diabetes is out of control. So type 1 must be similar.
This is where really we need to be able to have a good DN or come here with our readings and ask for advice.
WE HAVE TO TAKE CONTROL.
Do not blame yourself and feel it's better to be dead and live through that. I know I have been there and life goes on and your mood is like the diabetes going up and down and you feel the roller coaster you cannot get off scenario.
However, do take control.
Step one is being honest with yourself. Reward yourself and tell others. They have helped me here a thousand times from not topping myself. That will not help. You either have the aftermath and the disaster of not succeeding or the others you gave no thought to will. Yes, selfish one. think of the others, who will have to deal with you not coping with yourself.
So tough love get to it you can and need to do it. Everyone will agree tough but YOU CAN DO this.
Cowards are not brave as you own up to how you feel but I know folks support me for doing my best.
Now the Diabetic nurse of the hospital must help you with what insulin and food to take.
Even if you go wrong. Draw a line, make a plan, and get through this. Let us know start from now to the next meal and so on.
We are all here to help and if you take that help we will all befriend you. You are no different from me and I have had so much love and support here. I thank them all.
 
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