Feeling pretty scared.

[brisr949]

Got my recent hba1c and its gone up from 118 last August to 134 it took till friday to get result from my recent hospital stay and i have been a bit of a mess since, i made myself feel even worse by downloading an app and after it connected to my bg meter and uploaded all the info it came back with this.
I know i should be taking better care of myself but have very little self worth and I'll be blunt i think of winding my pen and jabbing, winding and jabbing, you get the picture, pretty much everyday...after i kicked the drink you have to lose that friendship group so i moved to this little village and pretty much kept myself to myself and have no close family so feel alone..
Ive mentioned before how i feel i just live for the next dose of my tablets and hate how they control my life...sorry guys, im not after sympathy i just really need some help and guidance.
I gave up talking to my doctor about anything as one time we were talking about the morphine and i happened to mention that of course after being on it so long i was going to be addicted to it, bang, it now sits on my record that im opioid dependent and feel like im treated differently, maybe its just me.
As for the chart, not sure if im kidding myself thinking its not a true representation as i dont have a strict testing regime or do i really need a size ten up the rear end.

 

[Pumper_Sue]

Good Morning Adam, even if it doesn't feel like that to you at the moment. I'm off to walk my dog now, so thought I would say hello so your not alone or think you are being ignored. I will be back later so will reply a bit more then.
((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
Pm's sent

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Ah Adam

I am so sorry to read this.

Big man-hugs to you. Diabetes can be isolating and can feel like it dominates everything - but the good news is that even small changes that you can make make a huge difference. And its slow moving - so its not too late to begin making small changes, checking BG more regularly, going back to basics, brushing up on carb counting, pattern spotting and all the rest.

Have you asked about counselling and psych support - sounds like you could really do with a good professional listener to talk things through with.

Hang in there buddy. You are important. You deserve to be happy. Things will get better. You can do this.

 

[Toucan]

Hello Adam,
So sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time.
I hope the forum can make you feel not quite so alone. You are a very valued member of the group, and often provide goosd help and support to other members.
I hope that things improve for you soon.

 

[Ralph-YK]

A number of social groups have gone online, using Zoom, Discord, Skype etc. (Discord was a thing before I believe. Text based, though you can do audio groups too.) You don't have to be in the same area, or meet up in a pub. Some people have used instant messaging to create groups in the past. (Though good ones can be hard to find.)

 

[Inka]

You’re not alone, Adam. We’re here. We’re all real people and we’re all your friends and on your side 🙂 I know that might sound trite but I mean it genuinely.

If the app is making you feel down, delete it. I’m not a fan of apps like that. Some people find them informative, I find them obsessive and judge-y. Think how you feel about them. Do they help you, do they give you the impetus to improve things? Or do they upset you and nag at you and make you feel it’s not worth bothering?

I don’t know if you have the available money, but counselling can help if can find somebody you trust to offload on. Talking about things can ease the pressure enormously. Finding people to meet with IRL is hard with lockdown, but finding local groups that might be of interest to you always helps.

As for your diabetes - you can improve things gradually. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect. Make small, regular changes and keep them up. The first one I’d suggest is testing more and regularly. Diabetes is a sneaky beast and it needs a close eye kept on it. Don’t let it win. Every ‘victory’ you achieve is another hit against it. Channel your dislike to sock it one!

Test, assess and react. Try to test after meals so you can nip any highs in the bud. If it helps you, plan out your meals as much as you can and stick to similar things for breakfast and lunch. I find that makes the mental work less.

 

[mikeydt1]

sounds like you have a lot on and kicking yourself down. the way forward is to look up mind on the internet and having a talk with them as they could start to help you through what is going on.

 

[stephknits]

So sorry to hear you are struggling. It is hard when you move to a new place and now is a difficult time to meet new people. Villages can be lovely friendly places, but the obvious social opportunities are limited if you can't go to the pub / are not religious or don't have young kids. Apart from the pub, I met people in my village doing yoga in the hall. We then all went for coffee and cake after.
All great advice above. Take care

 

[brisr949]

Thanks so much for the kind replies it really does mean a lot and welled up when reading them.
I think my biggest problem is i have no routine and not a good appetite at all..little mobility and 24/7 pain.
Living alone its so easy to just sleep when your tired and eat when you feel like it. I know you may chuckle at this but i would love someone to nag, err i mean motivate me but there isn't so i think a good chat with my doctors is in order as i really want to come off these tablets now as i know they are whats messing my routine up..just have to see what the pain is like off them but i know something has to change as losing my sight is the thing that frightens me most..ive skipped the last 3 years screening through fear of the results..

 

[KARNAK]

Good morning Adam can`t give you a size10 will a left and right size seven do? We`re all here for you mate virtual family 24/7 no strings attached but willing to help if possible.

Have quite severe DPN especially in the lower legs and feet but I thought sod it I aint going to let it beat me, spent most of last year having broken bones fixed and eye trouble with two weeks in hospital. If it wasn`t for the forum and a few close friends I wouldn`t be here, like you I have pain 24/7 but with the help of similar medication you have I am able to ignore it most of the time.

Yes first port of call is Drs tomorrow morning I think you know that, members have suggested other options which is a great help. Opioid dependency can`t happen unless a HCP prescribes them and keeps prescribing them and you because you trust them keep taking them a catch 22 situation.

Take care mate someone will be here all day so don`t be shy with your keyboard, man {{{HUGS}}} from me too.

 

[brisr949]

I have something called avascular necrosis and had total hip replacements at 33. At the time they said they said they could redo them as they last about 15 years, at my yearly checks they kept saying wait it out, wait it out but when it got really bad a couple of years ago they gave me the news that there wasnt enough mass there to do them again so was told to just live life till they finally give in to the bone crumbling..ive been so well looked after with my medical problems lol.

Thank you karnak i know you have huge problems of your own and really feel for you as i know what its like.
Hugs back.

 

[Ralph-YK]

and eat when you feel like it.

Oh, I've had to eat by the clock for decades! (And the plate/can size.)

 

[eggyg]

Oh Adam. I feel for you. I can nag you if you want. Apparently I’m good at it. 😉 As others have said you really need to talk to someone. I’m a befriending volunteer for Diabetes UK but as far as I’m aware it’s just in the Cumbria area at the moment but it might be worth calling the helpline and asking. They obviously can’t give you medical advice but it’s just nice to have a craic sometimes. Definitely phone your GP sooner than later. They are actually really quiet at the moment as the hypochondriacs are staying away! Take one step at a time, don’t try and tackle everything at the same time, you’ll get burnout. Decide which problem to sort first and so on. So there you go, your first nagging. Told you I was good! Elaine.

 

[Lucy Honeychurch]

Really sorry to read this (((hugs))). I hope you can get some help, take care x

 

[Ralph-YK]

I’m a befriending volunteer for Diabetes UK but as far as I’m aware it’s just in the Cumbria area at the moment

They used to do peer support, that was really good. You could do phone calls & email. They closed it down years ago though

 

[SB2015]

Hi Adam. Sorry to hear how you are feeling at present but glad that you posted on here. We are here for you.

As others have said a call to your doctor tomorrow for an urgent appointment is a good starting point. You are having to manage so much and some help would be good.

If you can afford to get counselling it can be a great help. It doesn’t take the problems away but it can really help you to view things in a different way. You could talk to your doctor about this too, and they would be able to direct you to a register of counsellors.

You mention that you have no routine. As you are in multiple daily injections you do not need to eat at any specific time during the day. You just need insulin to match the carbs. Perhaps pick just one meal and work on that. One step at a time.

Big virtual hugs Adam.

 

[Flower]

Hi Adam, I'm really sorry you are having such a tough time. Please don't beat yourself up. I haven't got a Size 10, my foot is a 5.5 but it's in a plaster cast and would hurt! (both of us)😱

Chronic pain makes blood sugar management a whole lot more difficult with the main tendency to raise glucose. I've had AVN in my ankles along with Charcot foot and the level of chronic pain that brings is so hard to manage. Please talk to your Doctor/gp and ask if there is a pain clinic you can be referred to - obviously things aren't running at present -but well worth asking to be referred especially when diabetes is in the mix. I've been prescribed Fentanyl patches for the fractures and bone collapse I've had and they are excellent pain relievers but are opiods and addictive. I made the decision to come off them a while ago after the discussion of whether I was becoming reliant on them despite living with ongoing fractures. I have struggled to find other medication that doesn't make me feel like a zombie but does allow me to function- this is still work in progress.

Dealing with all this stuff is hard work and needs support and it can be really hard to find, I go to one clinic about my diabetes, one about my feet, one about my bones etc my best help has come from this forum and talking to friends who just 'get it'. From my experience of crumbling bones and diabetes the best advice I got was to manage the pain as best I could and the follow on from that has been better control and me feeling more in control and less desperate.

I really wish you well 🙂

 

[Amity Island]

Got my recent hba1c and its gone up from 118 last August to 134 it took till friday to get result from my recent hospital stay and i have been a bit of a mess since, i made myself feel even worse by downloading an app and after it connected to my bg meter and uploaded all the info it came back with this.
I know i should be taking better care of myself but have very little self worth and I'll be blunt i think of winding my pen and jabbing, winding and jabbing, you get the picture, pretty much everyday...after i kicked the drink you have to lose that friendship group so i moved to this little village and pretty much kept myself to myself and have no close family so feel alone..
Ive mentioned before how i feel i just live for the next dose of my tablets and hate how they control my life...sorry guys, im not after sympathy i just really need some help and guidance.
I gave up talking to my doctor about anything as one time we were talking about the morphine and i happened to mention that of course after being on it so long i was going to be addicted to it, bang, it now sits on my record that im opioid dependent and feel like im treated differently, maybe its just me.
As for the chart, not sure if im kidding myself thinking its not a true representation as i dont have a strict testing regime or do i really need a size ten up the rear end.

Hi Adam,

I couldn't help but be impressed by the fact you gave up drinking alcohol AND left the drinking club behind. How many people can say that? I believe that alcohol has been, is and always will be a much bigger problem than corona virus ever has, will or ever will be.

I understand you've got other things to deal with, but these things don't in anyway lesson the achievements made so far. You also say you have very "little self worth", but you need to add "in your opinion" to that, as not everyone would agree with you!

 

[Hepato-pancreato]

PAIN, addiction the absolute hoplessness of hitting rock bottom with a bang. I can relate to that. In fact i've been there and back and got the t-shirt. No point lying it is an absolute nightmare. I have been sober for for 15 years, Quit smoking 5 years ago, but like yourself i'm opiod dependant due to my co- morbidities. Because i'm prescribed it i compartmentalise it's use as not falling of the wagon as medical proffesionals have sanctioned it's use. All i can say to you is things will get better. You have got to use all your inner strength to try and improve things which you can. one day at a time.

 

[freesia]

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. Reading the replies i hope you know that there is support and people thinking of you on this forum. Some have mentioned counselling. See your GP, talk to MIND and there is also a service called IAPT. I'm not sure if its in all areas but you could google it. Take care. Big hug