Diabetes Support Forum Advent Calendar

[Northerner]

Thought I would revive an old tradition and post an Advent Calendar 🙂 This year I thought it might be an idea to post a daily diabetes-related poem, many of them written in response to things I have read over the years on the Forum 🙂

Day 1 - Nursing 101 😱 (from 2009)

Diabetes UK stirred up quite a controversy when they published a letter in their magazine ‘Balance’ from a nurse who said that the sight of diabetics injecting in public places was ‘disgusting’. It’s not the greatest thing in the world to have to inject insulin every time you want to eat, but it’s certainly not made any easier when we read of such intolerance and lack of understanding – particularly from a member of the ‘caring’ profession. Injecting is done discreetly, usually with tiny needles on pen devices, and should draw censure no more than an asthmatic using an inhaler, or a person blowing their nose into a handkerchief. To be sure, there are people who are scared of the sight of needles, but these aren’t huge hypodermics, they are barely discernible – particularly across a crowded restaurant. Here’s what I imagined about our ‘nurse’…

‘You’ve been a nurse for some time now,
So, let’s put you to the test.
We’ll give you some scenarios,
And you say which one’s best.’

‘You’re in a busy restaurant
And see across the way
A person injecting insulin.
What do you think you’d say?’

‘Would you, (a) Think it’s disgusting,
And should be out of sight?
Or (b) Think ‘What’s the problem?
I think that that’s alright.’?’

‘My goodness! You are seething!
Your face and neck’s gone red!
I think you’d better lie down!
Can someone find a bed?!!’

‘And now you’re spitting feathers!
And you can hardly speak!
You’re going apoplectic!
You’re staring like a freak!’

‘What was that you just spluttered?
They should be in a cage?
Don’t think a nurse has ever shown
Such incandescent rage!’

‘Now, calm down dear, and listen.
I think this test is done,
And you have failed, without a doubt,
Your Nursing 101!’ 😱

 

[Northerner]

Day 2 - The Tale of Milly Mole (from 2009)


Ever wondered what goes on inside those blood-testing meters that diabetics use to find out what’s happening with their blood sugar levels? All is revealed…

People with diabetes generally know that testing meters measure blood glucose in mmol/l (millimoles per litre), except in the US, where they use different units – but then this poem wouldn’t really work with milligrams per decalitre! For those that are unfamiliar with diabetes, insulin works as a kind of key that ‘unlocks’ receptors in cells to allow energy to be stored. Type 2 diabetics may produce their own insulin but their cells are resistant to it. Type 1 diabetics produce no insulin of their own, so must inject it or use an insulin pump…

The Tale of Milly Mole

Once upon a time
In a little earthen hole,
Lived a tiny little creature
Whose name was Milly Mole.

She had a thousand cousins who,
If laid limb to limb,
Could fill a litre measuring jug
Right up to the brim!

Their life was one of tedium
Within the mole-filled lands,
Until one day they chanced upon
A scientist wringing his hands.

He said, ‘My goodness, look at you!
You’re just the perfect size
For me to measure sugar voles –
I can’t believe my eyes!’

‘What do you mean?’ said Milly Mole
And all her cousins too,
‘We’d never even heard of sugar voles
Till we met you!’

‘Let me explain’, the scientist said,
‘And all will soon be clear.
The sugar voles live in the blood
And are a source of fear.’

‘They like to live in people’s cells
But sometimes can’t get in
Because they need to wear a coat
Of shiny insulin.’

‘There are some people who produce
Some droplets of this stuff
But as their cells have sticky doors
It’s never quite enough’

‘For some, their poor old Pancreas
Has given up the ghost,
And they produce no insulin
For when they need it most.’

‘The sugar voles remain outside
And there their numbers grow,
But if they cannot count them all,
The people never know.’

‘There used to be a way if they
Could pee upon a stick –
But it wasn’t very sociable,
And it wasn’t very quick!’

‘And so I’ve made a meter which,
With just a drop of blood,
Can count up all the sugar voles,
Or, at least it could…’

‘I need something to live inside
And, when the blood comes in,
To count how many sugar voles
Can balance on a pin!’

‘And when you know, dear Milly Mole,
How many voles you’ve seen,
Why, then you’d type the number up
And show it on a screen!’

‘The people then would know the truth,
And they could make a start
To save their kidneys, eyes and limbs,
And hopefully, their heart!’

Well, Milly and her family
Said they could hardly wait
To help the humans count their voles –
They thought it would be great!

So, when you take that drop of blood
And place it on the meter,
Remember please, the Milly Moles –
A thousand to the litre! 😱

 

[Northerner]

Day 3 - Oily fish is good for you! (from 2010)


Ode to Oily Fish





Oh oily fish! Dear oily fish!
By far and away my favourite dish!
Infuse me with your Omega 3,
Please oily fish, come dine with me!

Oh, take away my chicken bhuna!
Replace it with a slab of tuna!
And though I love the taste of gammon,
I'd much prefer some Scottish salmon!

Imagine eating with every course
Some pilchards in tomato sauce!
If every herring could be mine,
Then life on Earth would be divine!

So, fill me up with oily fish!
Believe me, it’s my dearest wish!
My heart’s desire, where have you been?
Embrace me now, oh plump sardine!

 

[Pine Marten]

Haha! Oh, Northerner, you've really cheered me up (not that I was miserable...!) - thank you for those pomes !

 

[Northerner]

Day 4 - Fancy a Ruby, me old china plate? (from November 2009)

Our Lahndun members might understand this better than those from The North


Fancy a Ruby, me old China Plate?


I like a good curry, the hotter the better – Chicken Vindaloo is a favourite of mine. Best served with basmati rice which has a relatively low glycaemic index (GI) than other types of rice, but only allowing myself a small portion of naan bread as that does tend to give me a high blood sugar spike. No reason I shouldn’t enjoy a beer with the meal! Alcohol has a sort of topsy-turvy relationship with blood sugar, sending it higher with the extra carbohydrate, but then lower as the liver turns to processing the alcohol rather than releasing glucose. Brandy would have the same effect, although some people find their control is better with spirits than beer.

Estimating the carbs in a plateful of curry can be difficult though, especially if served in a restaurant. As well as an indeterminate quantity of rice, there will also be sugars in the sauce. Generally though, the calculations for my insulin doses are reasonably good, and I always remember to include an extra amount for the sweet treat I indulge in after the savoury meal. Eating sweet things with the meal will help to lower the overall glycaemic load, so the cake or pudding can be eaten with less fear of a sugar spike – another good reason for eating curry!



I’m really looking forward to a nice Ruby Murray,
But I must do a Banting and Best,
For before you indulge in a hot spicy curry,
You must do a blood sugar test!

I’ll work out the size of my grandfather’s nose,
Before a peck of my old speckled hen,
For you must be precise with your insulin dose
When you inject with your insulin pen!

You can choose to be pecked in your Old Auntie Nellie,
Or perhaps in your Old Fife and Drum!
But in public it’s best to inject in your belly,
As your bum may be too much for some!

Would you Adam and Eve that a nice Britney Spears,
Or even a stiff Fine and Dandy,
Can be supped with your meal? (That’s a bottle of beer,
Or a generous helping of brandy!)

You might want to finish your Lilley and Skinner
With a treat like a big Sexton Blake –
With the lowered GI from the rest of your dinner,
There’s no reason you shouldn’t have cake!

 

[Northerner]

Day 5 - a seasonal one today 'Make My Christmas!' (from December 2009)


Make my Christmas!


When I awake on Christmas Day,
I’m hoping that you’ve gone away,
For though I’ve tried to learn to love you,
There’s many a thing I’d place above you!

Diabetes, I know you care,
You never leave me, you’re always there,
But I would cope if you should go,
Just thought that I should let you know…

We’re very close, that much is true -
At every meal, it’s me and you,
And each night – oh how close you keep!
And never leave me while I sleep…

You could leave me a Christmas gift,
Or just leave, and see my spirits lift!
So how about it, if you could,
Just pack your things and go for good!

I wouldn’t miss you, can’t you see?
It’s over between you and me!
You’re not the friend you think you are,
So sling your hook, and make it far! 😱

 

[Northerner]

Day 6 - 10 things I hate about you, diabetes! 😱 (from May 2011)

One, you never leave me,
Two, you’re always there,
Three, you’re so demanding,
Four, you never care,
Five, you’re so erratic,
Six, you’re timing’s bad,
Seven, sometimes dramatic,
Eight, you make me mad!
And if you haven’t worked out
What I’d pick for Nine and Ten,
Then please go back to Number One
And read the list again! 😱

 

[Northerner]

Day 7 - Low G.I. Bread! (from May 2009)


Low G.I. bread


As a person with diabetes, I’m aware that in order to keep good, even blood sugar levels it’s helpful to eat foods with a low glycaemic index (low GI). A friend related a story about how her local baker was offering ‘Low GI’ bread and, out of devilment, she thought she would go in and see if they knew what ‘GI’ meant…😱

Low G.I. bread

Down at the bakers, I’ve heard it’s been said,
There’s a good special offer on Low GI bread.
So I put on my coat and set off down the road
For something to lower my glycaemic load.

And there in the window in prominent view
Was a sign confirming what I’d been told was true:
‘Live your life healthy, for you’re a long time dead –
Come in and sample our Low GI bread!’

The devil inside me said ‘I wonder if they know?
They say ‘Low GI’, but what makes it so?’
So I questioned the counter girl, would she comply?
She looked rather puzzled, then gave this reply…

‘Well, the ‘Low’ means there’s less, and the ‘I’ means ‘Inside’,
But as for the ‘G’ I can’t really decide…
Could it be Garlic or Ginger or Goat?
Or (scraping the barrel!) a Gloucestershire stoat?’

‘Or Gherkins or Grapefruit, or maybe Goosefat?’
I suggested ‘Glycaemic?’ – ‘No, I don’t think it’s that –
Gammon? Or Gumbo? Or Guava? Or Gin?’
(She was beginning to wish that I hadn’t come in!)

Then a lady beside me said ‘Why would I pay more
For bread that has less of what went in before?’
That caused the girl’s listing of ‘G’ things to stop,
So we both turned round briskly and vacated the shop!

 

[mikeyB]

Much as I love this advent calendar, I prefer the one from Hotel Chocolat...

 

[Northerner]

Day 8 - The Eye Hospital 🙂 (from November 2010)


I went to the Eye Hospital as a follow-up to my retinal scan. The doctors were concerned that my eyes showed ‘diabetic changes’ so wanted to investigate further. The initial part of the appointment was very much the same as having a retinal scan – drops in eyes to dilate pupils to the size of dinner plates, wait for them to take effect, then have retinal photographs taken. Having your pupils dilate like that has the inevitable consequence of making everything seem exceedingly bright, and also makes it impossible to focus on any text smaller than large billboard size.

Imagine my surprise, therefore, when I realised that the waiting room was liberally spread with reading matter of all varieties – a bookshelf, stacks of magazines on a table, and an extensive range of pamphlets covering a broad spectrum of physical ailments, their symptoms and treatment. Looking around at the other patients it was clear (even through blurred eyes!) that none of them was capable of reading any of this without the aid of the Hubble Space telescope! I don’t think they had quite thought this through…!

Now you’ve had your drops, please go and sit down,
Before long they will call out your name…
You just need to wait whilst your pupils dilate
And your retinas start to inflame!

But let me just show you, for it may be some time,
Our library of books old and new!
We’ve novels and thrillers, and can’t-put-them-downs,
There’s bound to be one to suit you!

Or if you prefer, there’s a fantastic range
Of magazines to flick through and browse!
There’s fashion and cars and gardening and golf,
Or farming if you’ve a passion for cows!

If that’s not to your taste, take a look over here
At our leaflets displayed in this rack!
There’s all you need know about things ‘down below’
Or ways you might injure your back!

In an EYE hospital nurse? Have you quite thought this through?
It ought to be no big surprise
For the reason we’re here is abundantly clear –
We’ve got something wrong with our eyes! 😱

 

[Northerner]

Day 9 - If Disney did Diabetes 😱 (from February 2010)

If Disney did diabetes,
What a wonderful thing it would be!
For cute woodland creatures would all rally round,
And test strips would all grow on trees!

And hypos would sparkle like sunshine,
The meters would all dance and sing!
And a lancet called Burt would never, ever hurt,
And Lantus would no longer sting!

Insulin would be gathered from dewdrops,
Sucked up into colourful pens,
Metformin and gliclazide would be speckled eggs
Laid by clucking and magical hens!

Imagine if Minnie and Mickey
In the spirit of rodent romance,
Allowed you to see your HbA1c
Expressed through the medium of dance!

At the end of the heart-warming story,
We would all shed a tear when we hear
The Fairy Queen say that a cure’s on the way,
Diabetes? We’ve nothing to fear! 🙂

 

[Northerner]

Day 10 - The Dangers of Left Nostril Neglect 😱 (from October 2010)


The Dangers of Left Nostril Neglect


The world of health is truly bizarre. Common problems that have afflicted mankind through the ages have engendered many weird and wonderful theories about their origins and how they may be prevented or cured. One of my favourites of the day has to be the prevention of diabetes through the practice of ‘Nadi Sodhana’ - the yoga technique of alternate nostril breathing! Apparently, the yogis have known for centuries about the ‘nasal cycle’, whereby humans favour one nostril over the other for breathing. The preferred nostril in a healthy individual apparently changes over a period of about two hours, but should one nostril exceed its allotted time significantly then dire consequences can ensue!

Breathing predominantly via the right nostril is apparently one of the major causes of diabetes! But wait, you can’t escape by favouring your left nostril, for this will put you at risk of developing asthma! Fortunately, both diseases can be avoided by learning to optimise your nasal cycle. I feel this should be taught in every school…!

Madam, please excuse me, if I may be so bold,
I’ve noticed how you’re breathing, because the day is cold!
The vapours you’re emitting cloud the autumn air,
Revealing that you’re risking things you may not be aware!

What nonsense sir, please leave me be, and let me on my way!
You don’t know me from Adam, what a stupid thing to say!
I learned to take in oxygen since I took my very first breath
And I don’t intend to change my ways until I meet with death!

Forgive me madam, but you must! Or one day you might find
Your life afflicted by disease – the diabetic kind!
For you don’t use your passages to optimum effect:
The right one is in favour, but the left one you neglect!

My passages? How dare you sir! How could you be so rude?
Your language, sir, is intimate, and borders on the lewd!
Oh madam, let me clarify! I’m speaking of your nose!
For when you take in oxygen, that’s mainly where it goes!

You need to learn to use the left, and I can teach you how!
I’d like to stick my finger up – that’s if you will allow?
Be on your way you awful man, or we will come to blows,
And you’ll find trouble breathing when I spifflicate your nose! 😱

 

[Ljc]

Day 10 - The Dangers of Left Nostril Neglect 😱 (from October 2010)


The Dangers of Left Nostril Neglect


The world of health is truly bizarre. Common problems that have afflicted mankind through the ages have engendered many weird and wonderful theories about their origins and how they may be prevented or cured. One of my favourites of the day has to be the prevention of diabetes through the practice of ‘Nadi Sodhana’ - the yoga technique of alternate nostril breathing! Apparently, the yogis have known for centuries about the ‘nasal cycle’, whereby humans favour one nostril over the other for breathing. The preferred nostril in a healthy individual apparently changes over a period of about two hours, but should one nostril exceed its allotted time significantly then dire consequences can ensue!

Breathing predominantly via the right nostril is apparently one of the major causes of diabetes! But wait, you can’t escape by favouring your left nostril, for this will put you at risk of developing asthma! Fortunately, both diseases can be avoided by learning to optimise your nasal cycle. I feel this should be taught in every school…!

Madam, please excuse me, if I may be so bold,
I’ve noticed how you’re breathing, because the day is cold!
The vapours you’re emitting cloud the autumn air,
Revealing that you’re risking things you may not be aware!

What nonsense sir, please leave me be, and let me on my way!
You don’t know me from Adam, what a stupid thing to say!
I learned to take in oxygen since I took my first breath
And I don’t intend to change my ways until I meet with death!

Forgive me madam, but you must! Or one day you might find
Your life afflicted by disease – the diabetic kind!
For you don’t use your passages to optimum effect:
The right one is in favour, but the left one you neglect!

My passages? How dare you sir! How could you be so rude?
Your language, sir, is intimate, and borders on the lewd!
Oh madam, let me clarify! I’m speaking of your nose!
For when you take in oxygen, that’s mainly where it goes!

You need to learn to use the left, and I can teach you how!
I’d like to stick my finger up – that’s if you will allow?
Be on your way you awful man, or we will come to blows,
And you’ll find trouble breathing when I spifflicate your nose! 😱

 

[Ljc]

Asthma and diabetes , Now where did I go wrong

 

[Northerner]

Day 11 - A Whipworm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away 😱 (from November 2010)


A Whipworm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!


More bizarre research findings. Apparently, it’s been discovered that people infected with certain species of parasitic worm are less prone to autoimmune diseases and allergies, including Type 1 diabetes, asthma and allergy, Crohn’s Disease and Multiple Sclerois. What better programme, therefore, for the government to conduct than to intentionally infect the populace with these wondrous colon cohabitants? Imagine the huge reductions in healthcare costs if all these conditions could be averted! Surely a small incentive to the doctors in the community would encourage them to start prescribing without delay!

Given your family history
We think that it is critical
That you consume three times a day
A worm that’s parasitical!

A worm, you say? You must be mad!
What good would that do me?
Prescribing worms, good gracious –
What kind of doctor can you be?!!

I’ll have you know, dear patient,
I’m a doctor up to speed
On all the latest guidelines
That the government has decreed!

We have to get our patients
To consume three worms a day,
And if we do then they’ll come through
And triple all our pay!

Physician, keep your whipworms,
I’m afraid I must decline…
I suggest you take them back and stick them
Where the Sun don’t shine! 😱

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

Well done Alan! Keep em coming!

 

[Northerner]

Day 12 - All Hail the Pancreas!

Who would have thought a pancreas
Was such a complex thing,
And when it fails to function right,
The problems that could bring?

If you have diabetes
Does that mean it has no use?
Like your spleen or your appendix,
Or perhaps the male prepuce?

But no! It’s not just insulin
Our bodies need it for –
There’s glucagon and enzymes,
So it cannot be ignored!

All hail then to the Pancreas!
Hold on to your original!
It may produce no insulin,
But it’s certainly not vestigial! 😱

 

[Northerner]

Day 13 - Given the Choice...😱 (from 2009)

No diabetes – let’s see what that means,
A big slab of butter, some bread and some beans,
A huge stuffed crust pizza – pepperoni and cheese,
Sausages and burgers, as much as you please,
Chocolate cake, biscuits, and puddings galore,
A whole box of jaffa cakes – perhaps even more!
Pineapple fritters fried deep in a pan,
With a mountain of chips, all part of the plan!
A gallon of fruit juice, or as much as you like,
Without any danger of a blood sugar spike!
I’m not saying I’d eat all these things if I could,
But a choice in the matter? Now that would be good!

 

[Flower]

Brilliant @Northerner , so much better than my snowy stable scene! 🙂

 

[Wirrallass]

Thanks @Northerner. You have a great imagination and a penchant for penning poetry. Keep 'em coming. Looking forward to Day 14.
WL