Dealing with the haters

[Amberzak]

so there's this guy in the class I'm in, older gentleman, who has no problems telling me I'm a burden on the NHS, that I'm going to bankrupt the NHS, and that all diabetics cause it themselves.

I don't believe that is the case for most type 2s, let alone the fact that I am type one and I have told him how diabetes actually works. For some reason, he seems to think I like him, because he sits with me at lunch. But then he goes on to judge everything I eat. I'm also coeliac, and everything is cross contaminated in the canteen except for the chips, which they cook in a separate frier just for me. And I am a fussy eater. So often I just end up having a bowl of chips. Now I'm not a low carber. And what I eat is my own business. But he constantly has a go a me, without me inviting any conversation on to the topic of health.

He moaned at me the other day because my pump went off in class, telling me it should be on silent. And when I was treating a hypo once he came up to me and said 'no wonder you're diabetic, drinking that.'

I've tried to explain to him about diabetes, but he doesn't listen. Instead he talks about how the NHS is going to go bankrupt so I shouldn't rely on being able to get insulin (he seems to think you only need insulin for when you eat sugary things, and fails to realise that his body produces insulin all the time.)

I don't know what to do. As I say, he seems to think we are friends or something because he comes and joins me for lunch. But I'm sick of hearing what a burden I am. I already feel that way. I don't need him reminding me of it all the time.

How do you deal with such people who aren't willing to even listen to what you say? Have any of you come across someone who's as stubborn as this? It's beyond just normal misconceptions.

 

[Ralph-YK]

I've just to put up with the bloody woman. She's my older sister.

 

[grovesy]

I am afraid some people won't listen.

 

[Stitch147]

I know I definately didnt cause mine as im MODY and its genetic! If it was me i'd tell him to do one! Ive been really lucky at work, everyone has been really supportive and helpful.

 

[Northerner]

Sorry to hear this Amberzak I'd be tempted to ask him what makes him such an expert? Has he spent the past X years, 24/7 in a detailed study of the theoretical and practical considerations of controlling blood glucose levels in the absence of a functioning pancreas? No? You have, so tell him to go and stick his head up a dead bear's bum so he can talk out of someone else's a*se! 😱 🙂

Seriously, it sounds like he is a fixated armchair expert who demonstrates every time he opens his mouth that he doesn't have a clue!

 

[Amberzak]

Brilliant Alan. I'll remember that.

 

[Redkite]

That would bring out the tiger mum in me Amberzak! Obviously it's different for me because it's my son with diabetes, not me, but nobody gets away with telling me he brought it on himself or he's a drain on the NHS, grr! I'm afraid I would be angry and probably cause an embarrassing scene 😉. What a complete prat - even if he holds these obnoxious views, who is he to lecture you on what you should eat etc? I certainly wouldn't be able to tolerate him hanging around with me at lunch.

 

[Amigo]

I'm afraid I'd have to ask him what dreadful childhood experience has so profoundly stunted his emotional growth and caused him to be such an ill-informed, insensitive bore. I'd be saying its bad enough having diabeties but his affliction is so much worse! 😱

But then he wouldn't be sat with me after the first insult. You're obviously a very tolerant person Amberzak.

 

[AlisonM]

You're a saint Amberzak! I'd have given him an earful after the first insult as well. I'd ask him how much it cost the NHS every time they have to restart his braincell.

 

[Austin Mini]

Hey, why not tell him not to sit too close as he might catch it too!

 

[Sally71]

Why don't you criticise everything he eats and see how he likes it. Although people like that tend to only listen to their own voice and nobody else's, so it might be better just to stay away from him and tell him quite plainly that unless he can find something other than your health to talk about, which is none of his business, then you don't want anything to do with him any more.

 

[Robin]

Ive just come back from lunch with my cousin slightly seething, and was going to start a new thread, but I think it's appropriate to post here.
She made a comment about not being able to give me chocolate or biscuits for Christmas as I obviously can't eat them. Explained patiently that although I didn't eat many biscuits, because they tend to be a 'stand alone' snack and therefore aren't good for avoiding spikes in my BG, I could and did enjoy chocolate, because I tended to have it to end a meal, and I inserted a patient explanation of insulin and carb profiles here, in laymans terms.
Her rejoinder? (with a patronising look) 'Well that's what you've convinced yourself, anyway'

 

[Northerner]

Ive just come back from lunch with my cousin slightly seething, and was going to start a new thread, but I think it's appropriate to post here.
She made a comment about not being able to give me chocolate or biscuits for Christmas as I obviously can't eat them. Explained patiently that although I didn't eat many biscuits, because they tend to be a 'stand alone' snack and therefore aren't good for avoiding spikes in my BG, I could and did enjoy chocolate, because I tended to have it to end a meal, and I inserted a patient explanation of insulin and carb profiles here, in laymans terms.
Her rejoinder? (with a patronising look) 'Well that's what you've convinced yourself, anyway'

Only slightly seething? I would have been erupting! 😡 😱 It really is the height of arrogance for people to believe they know more than someone who has actually been living with it for years! Why is this? Where do they get their knowledge from? Is there some secret knowledgebase that only Muggles have access to? 😱 🙄

 

[Lurch]

... older gentleman, who has no problems telling me I'm a burden on the NHS, that I'm going to bankrupt the NHS, and that all diabetics cause it themselves....
...I don't know what to do. As I say, he seems to think we are friends or something because he comes and joins me for lunch. But I'm sick of hearing what a burden I am. I already feel that way. I don't need him reminding me of it all the time.

How do you deal with such people who aren't willing to even listen to what you say?

Oh dear. I'd ask the old gent if he knew whether "bugger off" is spelt with two g's". I can confidently state that nobody would ever mistake me for a friend if they talked to me like that just once. Old curmudgeon, self, but at peace.

 

[Robin]

Only slightly seething? I would have been erupting! 😡 😱 It really is the height of arrogance for people to believe they know more than someone who has actually been living with it for years! Why is this? Where do they get their knowledge from? Is there some secret knowledgebase that only Muggles have access to? 😱 🙄

I did rather explode as I left the coffee shop. But it occurred to me that she has told me in the past that she has a friend 'whose diabetes is obviously far worse than yours' who doesn't eat anything sweet at all, ever. I assume this friend is probably a Type 2 who has put herself on a strict diet and exercise regime, and all credit to her if that's what works for her. But I think my cousin, being a mere Muggle, probably doesn't understand that all diabetics are different, (or that there are different types and different treatments, although I have tried to explain....) and anyway, is one of those people who is always convinced she's right.

 

[Dasroots]

This sounds like my nan. It's driving me mad. I have no clue how to deal with my family's ignorance. My steroids have been increased so my weight has gone up. I had hospital yesterday about my asthma and it didn't go very well. Poor lung function and just not where I should be. I called my nan to tell her how I got on and she said did they say anything about your weight? I was like no why would they. They understand that my weight is a direct result of the medication they have put me on and the fact I struggle to do any physical activity due to my asthma. She was you can at least loose a few inches. She then went on about how there was a woman in the newspaper who cured their diabetes. I was like nan I'm type 1 it doesn't work like that. I've explained over and over and get nowhere. My family make me very angry. I find strangers more understanding. Sorry I have no advice for you. And I've just rambled on. Just tell him to F off.

 

[trophywench]

Oh some woman told me her mate's diabetes - must be worse than 'yours' - obviously, cos he's had to have one of his feet amputated.

I was just taking the deep breath to issue the diatribe when I heard my dear husband say very swiftly and in no uncertain terms NO! - it means that Jen's is far better controlled than his! Because she always puts the work in to do it - and whilst no the NHS don't tell you how to do it exactly, they can't because every person is different - she takes every single opportunity she can possibly find to educate herself more in order to prevent such things - and I can tell you - it's HARD work at times, too!'

Brill. I was just going to explode.

I love the bear's bum analogy. I must remember that Alan !

 

[Caroline]

for those sort of people I take so much and then use two words, the second one is OFF.

Is there a mentor or a person in authority who could have a word? This person sounds a real pain in what we sit on

 

[Mini-Vicki]

When I thought I was type 2, I was told more than once that it was lucky I didn't have the 'serious diabetes'
😡😡😡

 

[trophywench]

Oh yeah Vicky, us serious diabetics have a far far harder time of it than the easy simple Type 2s. Well known fact we do ....

Actually - I reckon that T1 is actually far far easier than T2 !

Of course by the nature of the disease - we just die quicker and more dramatically whereas T2s die slowly and normally, in agony. (I mean of untreated - or indeed over-treated! - diabetes itself - not should we get run over by a bus or some other unrelated cause.)