Dealing with the haters

[KookyCat]

Well I'm going against the tide here, but I suspect the man is either very lonely or he's a bully. If it's the former then I'd give him a chance to change is behaviour, if it's the latter then I'd advise against getting embroiled in an argument (because bullies live for that). As a former anti bullying coordinator in the workplace I realised two things, the first, British social etiquette is the perfect breeding ground for bullying because we don't express our discomfort. So express it. Tell him that you don't enjoy his comments and will need them to stop, short, clinical and assertive. Then don't engage if he continues. The second thing I learned, bullies chose their victims expertly. They gravitate towards those who are respectful of other people's feelings and don't want to hurt other people. These are very positive traits, but they can create a very unfortunate dynamic when bullies enter the equation. If he's socially inadequate and lonely he'll most likely respond to being told to cease and desist with the food conversation, if he's a bully he'll most likely not. At the point it becomes clear he's a bully disconnect from any notion of social etiquette is my advice and tell him you don't want his company. If he continues to be a problem don't mess around engage with the college (they will have harassment officers) and let them deal with it. Don't get drawn into a conflict with him. Bullies are usually very good at conflict, and 99% of the rest of us are not because we worry about how to handle it, how to feel comfortable with that person afterwards and all the normal human things. Once you're in that space it's harder to deal with. If he's a bully you can't control his behaviour, but it's his problem not yours, keep as much emotional distance as possible. Hope you manage to resolve it, and he's just a lonely slightly awkward chap who responds to a bit of school teacher type instruction

 

[Mini-Vicki]

Actually - I reckon that T1 is actually far far easier than T2 !

Having been treated as both a T2 and now a T1, I definitely feel more in control as a T1.
Hats off to all you amazing T2s out there 🙂

 

[Northerner]

When I thought I was type 2, I was told more than once that it was lucky I didn't have the 'serious diabetes'
😡😡😡

 

[Rosiecarmel]

When I thought I was type 2, I was told more than once that it was lucky I didn't have the 'serious diabetes'
😡😡😡

That's exactly how my mum sees it. When I go see her she brings up my weight as she's read online that losing weight can reverse diabetes. Which is true but she doesn't understand about carbohydrates and protein etc. She keeps telling me to eat more pasta!

My uncle lost an extraordinary amount of weight yet is still T2 and still takes medication for it yet my mum cannot understand why! 🙄

 

[Stitch147]

That's exactly how my mum sees it. When I go see her she brings up my weight as she's read online that losing weight can reverse diabetes. Which is true but she doesn't understand about carbohydrates and protein etc. She keeps telling me to eat more pasta!

My uncle lost an extraordinary amount of weight yet is still T2 and still takes medication for it yet my mum cannot understand why! 🙄

I get the same, people say to me "but you've lost 7 stone, how can you be diabetic?".

 

[Northerner]

I get the same, people say to me "but you've lost 7 stone, how can you be diabetic?".

When I was diagnosed my BMI was around 17 and I weighed 8st 4 - a friend sent me an email suggesting ways I could lose weight! 😱 🙄

 

[Stitch147]

It's mad! But now im MODY, I just tell them mines genetic!

 

[trophywench]

I bet if you'd run the Stockholm Marathon, you'd never ever have got diabetes Alan. It's your own fault for not taking enough exercise to avoid it - so don't get making feeble excuses, like - what is it these great fat people are trying to fool us with these days? - auto-immunity is it?

Well - dunno who the hell they think they're kidding - we ain't stupid, now - ARE we?

 

[Northerner]

I bet if you'd run the Stockholm Marathon, you'd never ever have got diabetes Alan. It's your own fault for not taking enough exercise to avoid it - so don't get making feeble excuses, like - what is it these great fat people are trying to fool us with these days? - auto-immunity is it?

Well - dunno who the hell they think they're kidding - we ain't stupid, now - ARE we?

Yes, clearly instead of running marathons for the previous 30 years I should have been running ultramarathons, what a fool! 🙄 😉

 

[trophywench]

Well absolutely Alan. But as usual - we all have 20/20 vision with the benefit of hindsight, don't we, dear?

(ROFL)

 

[Pumper_Sue]

At a coffee morning last week there were mince pies, biscuits, cakes and sweets, a very smug lady turned to face me and accusingly stated I couldn't eat any of it could I? So I smiled ever so sweetly at her and said no but I was in good company as she would have problems due to her false teeth movement 😡

Felt a real pig saying it but pleased in a way she then felt as uncomfortable as she made me feel.

 

[HOBIE]

so there's this guy in the class I'm in, older gentleman, who has no problems telling me I'm a burden on the NHS, that I'm going to bankrupt the NHS, and that all diabetics cause it themselves.

I don't believe that is the case for most type 2s, let alone the fact that I am type one and I have told him how diabetes actually works. For some reason, he seems to think I like him, because he sits with me at lunch. But then he goes on to judge everything I eat. I'm also coeliac, and everything is cross contaminated in the canteen except for the chips, which they cook in a separate frier just for me. And I am a fussy eater. So often I just end up having a bowl of chips. Now I'm not a low carber. And what I eat is my own business. But he constantly has a go a me, without me inviting any conversation on to the topic of health.

He moaned at me the other day because my pump went off in class, telling me it should be on silent. And when I was treating a hypo once he came up to me and said 'no wonder you're diabetic, drinking that.'

I've tried to explain to him about diabetes, but he doesn't listen. Instead he talks about how the NHS is going to go bankrupt so I shouldn't rely on being able to get insulin (he seems to think you only need insulin for when you eat sugary things, and fails to realise that his body produces insulin all the time.)

I don't know what to do. As I say, he seems to think we are friends or something because he comes and joins me for lunch. But I'm sick of hearing what a burden I am. I already feel that way. I don't need him reminding me of it all the time.

How do you deal with such people who aren't willing to even listen to what you say? Have any of you come across someone who's as stubborn as this? It's beyond just normal misconceptions.

Tell him he would have a sore face if he said any of that cr-- to me 😉. When I was at school a kid in the year above me thought he could pick on me but it took me a couple of mins to put him on the deck. 😱. I would run etc the same as any other kid in the school & not let them beat me. Life

 

[Bloden]

At a coffee morning last week there were mince pies, biscuits, cakes and sweets, a very smug lady turned to face me and accusingly stated I couldn't eat any of it could I? So I smiled ever so sweetly at her and said no but I was in good company as she would have problems due to her false teeth movement 😡

Felt a real pig saying it but pleased in a way she then felt as uncomfortable as she made me feel.

You're fab, Pumper Sue! They should bottle what you got and sell it...🙄

Excellent explanation and advice, Kooks.

I hope you can get this old duffer off your back, Amberzak. You seem to attract these people!

 

[Amberzak]

I do seem to attract these people. I think it's because I just sit there and take it. I never stand up for myself and I always wish I had the confidence to make witty remarks like you all do. It's very rare that I ever stand my ground with people like that.

However, yesterday when he say with my and a friend who is doing an A level in biology, he started on at me again because I was eating a bowl of custard. My Friend Pete just got his biology text book out and turned to the pages about diabetes. He handed him the text book, pointed at the section on type one, and said 'read this, it'll tell you all you need to know.' The guy took a look, and didn't say anything else for the rest of lunch. 🙂

 

[Pumper_Sue]

However, yesterday when he say with my and a friend who is doing an A level in biology, he started on at me again because I was eating a bowl of custard. My Friend Pete just got his biology text book out and turned to the pages about diabetes. He handed him the text book, pointed at the section on type one, and said 'read this, it'll tell you all you need to know.' The guy took a look, and didn't say anything else for the rest of lunch. 🙂

Nice one, hopefully things will be better for you now.
Perhaps photo copy the page and carry it with you so anyone who starts, hand it to them to read.

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

I really like this 10-point 'etiquette' card for people who *don't* have diabetes but the Diabetes Research Institute.

https://www.accu-chek.com/documents/resource-center/etiquetteonepage.pdf

 

[Stitch147]

I like that. Gonna print one out and put it up at work.

 

[FergusC]

Also applies to some other diabetics!