Comments can feel unhelpful at times

[Ditsy daisy]

I just had a hypo and my carer family member says coz she's stressed," well you can't blame anyone else for it, it's something you've done that's made it go like that." Sorry if I sound oversensitive but I said back to her " don't say that! it hurts me! sounds like you're blaming me saying it's my fault!" I was very distressed by this comment I never blame her or anyone else I shout about the diabetes blaming it and I blame myself aswell then I feel miserable. So she said if she can't be herself around me we need to live apart. I don't think that's the problem I think the language she is using is unhelpful and is causing me pain I discuss it but she refuses to change. Ah well . Here we go again.

 

[Ditsy daisy]

Sad frustrated and anxiety over what I've done to have a hypo maybe I did something wrong did I eat not enough? I left out chocolate to lose weight maybe that's why? Or maybe I should have eaten more carbs? Or maybe I did too much insulin???

 

[Robin]

Sad frustrated and anxiety over what I've done to have a hypo maybe I did something wrong did I eat not enough? I left out chocolate to lose weight maybe that's why? Or maybe I should have eaten more carbs? Or maybe I did too much insulin???

Perhaps you should read/show her this thread! 42 different things that can affect your blood glucose, no wonder we don’t always get it right,
https://forum.diabetes.org.uk/boards/threads/42-factors-that-affect-bg.84836/

 

[Thebearcametoo]

Hypos are a fact of life for anyone with type 1 diabetes. There’s no point in anyone blaming or feeling guilty for them any more than there is for the wind.

 

[Tee G]

Im so sorry you were spoken to like that, I fear some people just dont understand things, maybe its time to educate them!......we CANNOT help what happens to us at times, the human body is a complicated piece of machinery and many things effect it. Levels go up and down like yo-yo's. All we can do is keep checking, try to stay within our own guidelines.

I dont take meds at the moment but i remember just after i had my initial visit to the GP last April (when i was shockingly told 'im diabetic' ) I had a hypo moment. Right in the middle of Canterbury Cathedral on a w/end break, (I felt really ill, in a cold sweat, really shaky, eyes all funny, it was scary!) I grabbed one of the ancient pews to sit down, as it was the only thing near me! (The vicar was so kind and had brought me a bottle of water, he joked that it was ok to sit there "they were 800 years old so my behind wasnt going to break them"! 😱) And a kindly old kiosk lady brought me over a mini pack of jelly tots which she told me she kept on her person at all times for such events, having a dear friend who was diabetic and sometimes gets caught out too)....

And there's my point. We cannot help when these things take hold of us / We dont ask for it to happen. I do remember one of my episodes (long before I knew I was diabetic) was the day after i had a little too much chocolate, so for me, that obviously did it. And I wont be repeating my mistake any time soon. I know im only just on/over the threshold of diabetes, i know it can be very different for people with more intense/disruptive levels & meds to control their readings.

All you can do is keep monitoring yourself, making adjustments as you go. And im sure you know there are many and varies things that can 'set us off'... You are doing a great job under difficult circumstances, chin up, and ignore rude comments. We are glad you were able to share your story with us today and I hope you will let us know if things have settled down for you - all the best

 

[Drummer]

By all means try to analyse the problem, see if you can find the situation which set off the process so you can avoid it - but things happen, and it is rather foolish to ascribe blame for such a complex problem as going hypo.
Those seats along the cathedral walls - they are there for exactly the purpose you used one - they had not invented compassion fatigue back when they were being installed.

 

[Tee G]

@Drummer Those seats were cordoned off LOL but i still unhooked it and sat down, i didnt think i was going to make it to the modern pews ! Phew! 🙄

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

I’m really sorry you’ve had difficult conversations with your family @Ditsy daisy

Perhaps they don’t realise how difficult it can be to manage blood glucose levels (as @Robin points out above), or how hurtful some of those comments can be.

Perhaps you could use the ‘diabetes etiquette’ card as a starting point for some conversations about how to have more helpful exchanges in the future:
http://behavioraldiabetes.org/xwp/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/BDIAdultEtiquetteCard.pdf

 

[Ditsy daisy]

Hi I've read all the comments above thankyou for everyones helpful comments. Things have settled down a bit lately with my carer/family member. She was very stressed and frustrated with her own life ( we are domestic abuse survivors ) things have gone wrong in the past with past partners etc I think she needs some help with her mental health also. But I agree that her comments are not helpful sometimes. Although she does understand about my diabetes mostly she has even stuck up for me before to other people. I think it's the stress and frustration causing the arguments.

 

[Tee G]

@Ditsy daisy - Hi again. Stress is a very damaging commodity! I think the secret is 'keep the lines of communication open' be understanding and a good ear when needed. We all have problems and we all need help sometimes, in one shape or form and having someone there to listen to us is of huge help. And vice versa. Im glad things have settled again. I often advise my sons (if they are having arguments) Say nothing at the time, it just fuels the flames. But talk about the problems when things are calmer, you achieve more that way. All the best.