The nurses are adamant to give the dose right before or even after the meal...
That's also because (and this is incredibly cynical), for individual members of the health service, it's in their professional interest to have patients with high blood sugar readings.
There is a common misconception among people without diabetes that a hypo is the single most catastrophic thing that can happen to someone with diabetes, and must be avoided at all costs. Those with diabetes are aware that a hypo has the potential to be catastrophic, but also that a hypo can be dealt with so quickly and easy that effectively, they are minor inconveniences .
Because those in the healthcare professional believe hypos must be avoided at
all costs, they are prepared to sacrifice the long-term control of their patients to achieve it. Patients with higher blood sugars tend to not have hypos. And by advising patients to avoid taking actions which could potentially lead to hypos (such as injecting insulin earlier), the healthcare professional protects themselves against any accusations of negligence. If a nurse advises a patient to take their insulin earlier before eating, and that patient has the misfortune to suffer a catastrophic hypo, there is a clear and easy cause and effect that can be pursued through the courts - "the nurse gave the patient advice which caused the hypo, therefore the nurse is responsible for the consequences" would be the line used.
The complications from long-term high blood sugars, however, tend to take years to manifest themselves and cannot be attributed to one single piece of advice in the same way. So by the time a patient with a high A1C ends up with complications, the individual who advised them will likely be long gone either somewhere else in the health service, retired or even dead. Plus, there is the plausible deniability that the patient will have seen dozens of professionals during their time, and the ol' "the patient was non-compliant" line can be used.
That's why, for most people with diabetes, it is better to take on board the advice of healthcare professionals AND those with diabetes to determine what is best for them, and to rigorously test and take every precaution they can to balance out their blood sugar.
In other words, do what suits your little one not what suits them. And if thats pre bolus (10mins,30 mins, half and half in case she doesnt eat the lot, whatever) then pre bolus. And dont tell them if they kick up a fuss.
I would actually say that if one of us does something against the advice of a nurse/doctor that ultimately improves our control, we have a duty to each other to inform the nurse/doctor what we've done and why they're wrong. It might mean that the next patient they see ends up getting slightly better advice. It doesn't always work - it drove my last consultant utterly insane that I did the exact opposite of his diet advice ("you use butter for frying? Oh my god, no no no no no....") but my cholesterol ratio was effectively higher than optimal, my trigs were low even for someone without diabetes and my A1C was 0.1% over non-diabetic, and he still tried to describe me as non-compliant.