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What I think
- Thread starter spell
- Start date
- Status
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
- Pronouns
- He/Him
One of the challenges facing a lot of people is to learn to accept themselves just as they are, including their imperfections. To be able to wish themselves well.
Self-criticism can be a route to improvement, but it can also lead to stagnation, self-loathing, low self esteem, and low mood. The ‘doing’ part of the brain is always on the lookout for things to ‘fix’, which can lead to a constant feeling of disappointment and frustration. Many of us (certainly me) need to relearn how to be human beings, not human doings. To just learn how to be.
The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.
You may be telling yourself things, and cycling around negative thought patterns that are not helping you. You don’t deserve to feel this way about yourself. You deserve to be as happy and healthy as it is possible for you to be. You deserve to be safe and free from suffering. You deserve to be at ease with yourself.
You are not your thoughts. These will come and go. But you remain.
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Sally71
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Parent
You really are having a rough time, aren’t you. I sort of get what you’re saying here, my daughter has had a terrible time over the last couple of years with mental health issues, to be honest in the middle of that for us diabetes was the easy bit. Then things were just starting to get better, she passed all her GCSEs and had just started college and had made load of nice new friends and was settling in brilliantly, now we’ve been hit with a new problem which has totally floored her again. Almost as if we aren’t allowed to be happy. But because she’s my daughter I have to be strong for her and somehow keep going, i want her to be able to do all the things she wants to do in life and be a useful person and not be stuck at home relying on everyone else. So we have to think positively and this is just a setback. Hard though, at times. I wish it was me with all the problems and not her, but then it might be harder to keep going.
I wish I knew how to help you but I don’t. I’m sorry I got off to a bad start with you on your other thread, I think at first maybe I didn’t fully appreciate your situation, you’ve obviously had a really rough ride and didn’t get the support you needed in the beginning which might have taught you how to manage things better. And after all this time it must be hard to change. Small steps though, I hope you can find someone among all these lovely people who can suggest something that makes you think “yes I could do that” or “that might be worth trying”. You’re not being punished, some people just seem to be very unlucky, life really isn’t fair sometimes but if you just sit and wallow in self pity then it can only get worse. You’re here so that’s the first step. Good luck
I wish I knew how to help you but I don’t. I’m sorry I got off to a bad start with you on your other thread, I think at first maybe I didn’t fully appreciate your situation, you’ve obviously had a really rough ride and didn’t get the support you needed in the beginning which might have taught you how to manage things better. And after all this time it must be hard to change. Small steps though, I hope you can find someone among all these lovely people who can suggest something that makes you think “yes I could do that” or “that might be worth trying”. You’re not being punished, some people just seem to be very unlucky, life really isn’t fair sometimes but if you just sit and wallow in self pity then it can only get worse. You’re here so that’s the first step. Good luck
Thebearcametoo
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Parent
Bless you. There is a common mentality that illness is a punishment either for our wrongdoings or for the wrongdoings of our ancestors whether that’s a curse or carrying sin, whatever your beliefs. The reality is that most people will end up with some sort of chronic illness and/or disability in our lives. The luck of the draw as to how young we are when that happens is often a mix of genes and environmental factors. Even if illness is a result of known harmful behaviour like smoking or other addictions it still doesn’t mean that the illness is a punishment it just means that as a society we can see links between some environmental factors and illness and so can create policies that can alleviate some of the harms for some people.
How we respond to chronic illness can follow similar patterns to the stages of grief (the stages of grief were originally about terminal illness) with a mixture of anger, depression, bargaining etc. Sometimes anger is directed outwards. Sometimes it’s directed inwards. There are ways you can help ease the despair and anger you’re feeling. You can self refer to Talking Spaces or ask your GP to refer you. You can talk to a trusted mate. There are ways to use meditation or mindfulness to help but I wouldn’t recommend mindfulness when you’re in the midst of a negative spiral.
A book I found useful for coming to terms with the limitations on my life because of my chronic condition is How to Be Sick which takes a Buddhist approach. You might find other books or podcasts are more appropriate for you. Think Like a Pancreas has a little in it about the author’s feelings after diagnosis and may fit where you’re at.
It is normal to have times where you are angry and/or depressed about your diagnoses and living with your illnesses. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you can’t accept your situation with a smile. Chronic illness sucks. It’s ok for that to be hard to cope with. It does take work to come to terms with it and that work is often easier with help so do think about reaching out to support groups and your GP. The diabetes uk helpline is available too.
Vonny
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 2
I won't begin to go into some of the utterly crap life choices I have made, suffice it to say that if I said "if only" about a multitude of things I would probably lie down and die. I've had to draw a line under so many things just to keep moving forward. Life is harsh, diabetes is harsh, but there is always some blue sky lurking above the clouds and, just sometimes, it shines through. That's what keeps me going. Enjoy the sunshine x
AJLang
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
@spell sorry if I've missed this but when were you diagnosed with diabetes? What treatment are you on for it and how has it changed over time. What are your levels like e.g. daily levels and last HBA1C? How do you monitor your levels? Some of this information could help to guide you as issues with the diabetes control itself could impact on your mood.
Inka
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Do you think that about other people? Babies and children with serious health conditions, for example? I’m guessing/hoping your answer will be No.
You’re the same - it’s bad luck not punishment because you’re a ‘bad person’ or anything. That’s not how life works. Look at the papers, read history - often bad things happen to good people. The amount of bad things that happen to someone is in no way a measure of how good a person they are.
I mentioned counselling to you before, but this is something it might help with if you engage. Laying out all your thoughts and picking through them sounds stressful, I know, but it’s also a release and a relief. You start to see things in a different way, and you can feel stronger and more sorted mentally, like pulling out junk from the attic, going through it, tossing stuff away and putting it in order.
Leadinglights
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 2
The OP seems unwilling to say anything about how he manages his diabetes which is probably why you are seeing no suggestions on that front.
spell
Well-Known Member
Diagnosed 1978
MDI originally then inhaled insulin.
Now Omnipod and libre
Daily levels normally above 15mmol, can never get it right.
Lowest hba1 ever 10.
I've been bad at it for 43 years, the doctors and everyone else just think I'm a waste of time who doesn't try or care or commit
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spell
Well-Known Member
I manage diabetes badly.
Think of it like this, imagine a steaming fresh dogpoo on your front door mat every morning and you have to clean it up with your hands. That's type 1 to me
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Pumper_Sue
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
May I ask you a question?
Have you met anyone who is perfect?
I doubt you have because they do not exist, yes some of us have more cr*p than others to deal with and it's a case of finding the right coping strategy.
No1 rule is sort out your basal before anything else.
Have you seen or heard of the book pumping insulin by John Walsh? It's known as the pumpers Bible. If you don't know how to do a basal test, then have a look in the pump forum as one of the sticky's explains how to do one.
Edited to add, a pump only does what you tell it so it's down to you to programme your pump correctly. 🙂
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Yes but your cleaning it up and not just stepping over it… that’s got to be a start !
spell
Well-Known Member
Yes ok. But the next one is on your car seat,then in all your tools,in your lunch,in your bed.... That's what it feels like to me, it's all just dogshite24/7/12/365
Pumper_Sue
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Then again, it's you and only you allowing the situation to happen. Nothing will improve unless you get off of your article and do something about it will it?
This is a very naughty dog !!
Leadinglights
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 2
Just think of all the people who have conditions which they can do nothing about and also suffer everyday whereas with some effort you could make improvement in your situation, but you have totally shut your mind to it. I assume you have no family that you are affecting with your negative attitude.
AJLang
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
Thank you @spell for sharing that. Apologies if I'm making suggestions that you've already thought of but when I have difficulties I try to focus on the five minute, or even the one minute rule or what I would consider to be a baby step. The five minute or one minute rule means that I will try something for one minute or five minutes in a day - some days I even find it difficult to brush my teeth so I will say that I will do it for one minute. Once I've started something I then find it can get easier and if it doesn't I go back to the one minute rule.
So, for example, could you write down your results for one day and what you've eaten - and then maybe share it with us so that we can make suggestions? Or write your morning result in the 7 day waking average post. For example I have gastroparesis which causes immense problems with what I can/can't eat but because of my mental mood today I've eaten a Danish pastry AND a packet of Monster Munch. Not good but at least by noting that I can review the effects. Would you feel that you can share with us in the same way so that bit by bit the small steps help? So, for example, by writing your waking blood test each morning in the seven day waking average - it can be from a Libre scan or a blood test.
spell
Well-Known Member
Yeah, wife is fed up with trying to help, mostly just gets shouty and angry with me.grown up kids with their own lives
spell
Well-Known Member
Yes I could try that,but having had no sense of smell or taste for many years food is of no interest to me, pretty much the same thing every day,as long as it's really sweet or salty ,if I ever get my senses back it could be a good idea.
AJLang
Well-Known Member
- Relationship to Diabetes
- Type 1
@spell I completely understand how that loss of smell and taste affects what you eat but we can help give guidance (we're not allowed to give specific medical advice) about changes you might want to consider with regard to your basal and bolus on your pump so that it is based around what you actually eat (rather than what might think you should/shouldn't eat). I could be wrong but you might possibly have a small glimmer of hope if you could get a HBA1C of 9.9 or lower just by making one minute/baby step changes. It was be great if you could post your waking levels in the 7 day waking average section or something similar for your first/next one minute step.
I must admit that I've stopped posting in there because my levels can be all over the place but I commit to making a one minute change of posting my results in there. My results will be for around 4am/5am because I usually find I have to correct at that time and if I posted after a correction (of insulin or carbs that would be cheating 🙂 ) But I think that everyone else actually posts for when they get up for the day.
I only get up at 5am to have painkillers and them go back to bed for another long snooze.
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