Type 1 adult son and diabetes burnout

Inka said:
But any girlfriend will be his career if he gets ill….

It’s good he’s got a girlfriend - I hope that makes him feel positive. Perhaps you could ask him, tactfully, how he’d feel if his girlfriend had Type 1 but wasn’t looking after herself? If he cares about her a lot, then she might be the catalyst that motivates him to look after himself.
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He would absolutely be the first to support her and help her. That's what is so frustrating he's always there for everybody but there's no self care. He's a really lovely lad and I'm very proud of him but it's like he presses self destruct at times. I also know that the high blood sugars are affecting him in terms of constant thrush which must be impacting on his relationship as well. The one saving grace is that he's very open with me and he does talk to me even if he doesn't listen!
 
CC72 said:
He would absolutely be the first to support her and help her. That's what is so frustrating he's always there for everybody but there's no self care. He's a really lovely lad and I'm very proud of him but it's like he presses self destruct at times. I also know that the high blood sugars are affecting him in terms of constant thrush which must be impacting on his relationship as well. The one saving grace is that he's very open with me and he does talk to me even if he doesn't listen!
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Assuming the relationship has gone that far then his girlfriend would need to be treated for thrush as well as it is quite contagious.
 
CC72 said:
He would absolutely be the first to support her and help her. That's what is so frustrating he's always there for everybody but there's no self care. He's a really lovely lad and I'm very proud of him but it's like he presses self destruct at times. I also know that the high blood sugars are affecting him in terms of constant thrush which must be impacting on his relationship as well. The one saving grace is that he's very open with me and he does talk to me even if he doesn't listen!
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Persistent high sugars can also cause erectile dysfunction. My DSN told me that’s often the biggest thing that motivates young men to look after themselves.

Does his girlfriend know about the Type 1? Would he listen to her?
 
CC72 said:
He has a girlfriend but he doesn't want her to know what's really going on as he says he doesn't want her to be his carer. His only real passion is cricket and sport in general really. He can be very upbeat but then he can also be very low in himself as well. I will ring the clinic anyway to see if they will offer some advice. He won't have a pump, I've tried.
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The issue at that age. Is you do hear the stuff about what happens with unmanaged diabetes but it can be fobbed of the agenda as “it only happens to older folk?” Due to the cockiness of youth. I’ve done some “stuff” in my time with a buried head.
 
Inka said:
Persistent high sugars can also cause erectile dysfunction. My DSN told me that’s often the biggest thing that motivates young men to look after themselves.

Does his girlfriend know about the Type 1? Would he listen to her?
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She does know about it. And the nurse spoke to him about ED which has also affected him I believe. I mean if that doesn't motivate him I really don't know what will.
 
Hello and welcome @CC72 I’m sorry you’re having such a worrying time

I was in a similar position to your son, very angry about diabetes & developed an eating disorder where I deliberately missed insulin injections or reduced any bolus I did take to lose weight. It was my rebellion against everything and was the one thing I could control.

I was in my early 20’s and naively thought all the devastating complications were for old people not for me, I’d be the one that showed diabetes what for. High glucose makes you feel really dreadful both physically and mentally & unlike low glucose you can keep going for a while. I was so angry with everything& everybody, it’s a very hard spiral to break out of & you have to want to do it.

Feeling unwell when he does bolus is due to operating at high glucose levels, that’s probably his norm & he’s used to it. His body needs to get used to more in range glucose when he can accept some help.

I’d have a conversation or write a letter if a discussion is not possible saying you want him to have the best happy healthy life possible & he does need to start to take care of himself. I was desperate for help but couldn’t discuss it and was terrified of going to clinics as I was in such a mess. I was randomly injecting insulin to try to stay out of hospital, an incredibly dangerous approach. So many people struggle especially through the vital years of growing up & gaining independence. Life is exciting then, job opportunities, driving, travelling, meeting new people, moving out of home etc. & the last thing I wanted was to have to bother about diabetes. Diabetes clinics have seen it all before, it isn’t his fault & they would much rather help him now than patch him up later.

Getting diabetes managed and back in its box is such a relief, it doesn’t need to be centre stage & the cause of such anger & fear. It is doable and as an adult with it all in front of him I hope he will start to engage.

Wishing you well. It’s such a challenge, there is help out there. I hope things improve.
 
Flower said:
Hello and welcome @CC72 I’m sorry you’re having such a worrying time

I was in a similar position to your son, very angry about diabetes & developed an eating disorder where I deliberately missed insulin injections or reduced any bolus I did take to lose weight. It was my rebellion against everything and was the one thing I could control.

I was in my early 20’s and naively thought all the devastating complications were for old people not for me, I’d be the one that showed diabetes what for. High glucose makes you feel really dreadful both physically and mentally & unlike low glucose you can keep going for a while. I was so angry with everything& everybody, it’s a very hard spiral to break out of & you have to want to do it.

Feeling unwell when he does bolus is due to operating at high glucose levels, that’s probably his norm & he’s used to it. His body needs to get used to more in range glucose when he can accept some help.

I’d have a conversation or write a letter if a discussion is not possible saying you want him to have the best happy healthy life possible & he does need to start to take care of himself. I was desperate for help but couldn’t discuss it and was terrified of going to clinics as I was in such a mess. I was randomly injecting insulin to try to stay out of hospital, an incredibly dangerous approach. So many people struggle especially through the vital years of growing up & gaining independence. Life is exciting then, job opportunities, driving, travelling, meeting new people, moving out of home etc. & the last thing I wanted was to have to bother about diabetes. Diabetes clinics have seen it all before, it isn’t his fault & they would much rather help him now than patch him up later.

Getting diabetes managed and back in its box is such a relief, it doesn’t need to be centre stage & the cause of such anger & fear. It is doable and as an adult with it all in front of him I hope he will start to engage.

Wishing you well. It’s such a challenge, there is help out there. I hope things improve.
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Thank you so much for this message. I'm going to discuss this forum with him and show him some of the replies. Because he only speaks to me and if I'm honest I'm the only one in the family who really understands the complications that can arise I often feel like I'm blowing everything out of proportion and over dramatising the condition. Hopefully if he reads your reply it may help him to understand how he's feeling and that it is really important that he starts to take better care of himself. I will also look at your blog.
 
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