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Tragic ... Why?

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This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.

sasha1

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Parent of person with diabetes
Hi All,

Firstly may I say sorry for not posting for such a while, I have had a lot of personal events that have changed my life with a profound effect, and given me a new understanding of pain.

Before you read this thread, it is not meant to cause anyone panic, upset , alarm. It is a moving subject, and maybe to a degree a taboo subject, but the reason for my posting will become clear at the end.

As some will know on here, I have a best friend who is type 1 diabetic, and a 16 year old son who is also type 1. The events that unfold surround my best friend, and such a tragic waste of life.

The problems began many years ago in her life with type 1, after being diagnosed at the age of 8mths old, through boiling her syringes, first glucose testing machine the size of a shoe box, having her injection sites cleaned with surgical spirit, being subjected to the intense and strict eating regieme that was enforced back in those days. She hit the teenage years and rebellion kicked in, all of us can relate to that regardless of being diabetic or not. She did the smoking, drinking probably in her words to the excess, not eating, not injecting etc and paid the price by having 2 strokes. However after the last stroke she had at 17, a stark warning from a Dr, " Carry on like this and you wont live to see 35". This snapped her into trying her best to get control of her diabetes and live the full life she wanted.

From this period, up until about April 2010, she married, had 3 children, worked, got divorced, yes she struggled with the highs and lows, and to get her hb below 10, she gave up on seeing a diabetic specialist many years ago, due to the off hand manner she was approached with, however when Nathan (my son) was diagnosed 4yrs ago, I managed to persude her to go back. She did, and for the time up until April 2010, her hb had come down from about 13ish to 10 and finally the magic 9, I've never seen her beaming as much as when she hit this number.

What happened from April 2010 to March 2011, it all went drastically wrong with tragic consequencess. She had personal set backs and passings of people close to her, it never let up for her. She suffered cold after cold, infection after infection, levels all over the place off the meter to being out cold on the floor.

From christmas 2010, the lows became a weekly, the daily occurance, paramedics called out ... god I have lost count of how many times. We had so many conversations about this, she was lucky there was always someone about to call them and help her, majority of the time her children. In begged her to seek help, go back to the clinic, split the long acting insulin, making a hypo kit up for her to keep by the bed, all she would say was "Yes Mam". She always said " Oh, it will be ok", maybe complacency had set in, part of her had given up, she was tired of the hypos and generally unwell. She had no idea how long each insulin would last in her body, until a conversation we had. I even said "What if the kids arent about, and told her the hard facts, you will be in serious trouble and may not come round." Why would she not listen.

On Friday 18th March 2011, she called round to mine before picking smallest child up form school. She said "I dont feel well, and I dont know what way, I just dont feel right" She checked her bg on my orders and it was fine. But she didnt look right. The children where staying with there dad for the weekend. So the last words I said were " Have a good rest over the weekend, catch up on some sleep". She'd had the paramedics out 3 times that week, at silly o'clock in the morning. I used to get texts off her, when she came round, whatever time that may be, I didnt mind, she was like a sister to me. On sunday 20th, I phoned her a few times to see if she was ok ... No answer, I didnt think it was strange, thought she be out with her beloved dog or tied up with the kids, she'd phone me back, when she was free.

On Monday 21 march 2011, a got a phone call at 8.14am, from her ex husband, I didnt even question why he was on the phone, I said "Hiya, how you doing?" .... His words will echo in my head for the rest of my life " Are you sitting down Heidi?? .... No things arent ok, she has died ..... found in bed at 4.30pm on sunday by her then 15yr old son, as she had failed to collect them.

Inital coroners report was inconclusive, although it is suggestive she had, had a hypo in her sleep and passed away.

She was just a few weeks away from her 39th birthday.

Why could I not make her listen and let me help her??? ...Just a complete waste. Yes know one knows what fate has in store for us.

I suppose me writing this, is me trying to come to terms with her death, but also if one person out there is struggling please, please go and seek help from you diabetic team, ask advice from these wonderful people on this forum. There is help out there just ask .....

Heidi
xxxx🙂
 
Oh Heidi, I'm dreadfully sorry to hear about your friend, it must be absolutely devastating for you. :( Thank you for telling us about her, and I am sure that all the support and friendship you gave her will have been a tremendous help to her. I suppose that, maybe after all those years of living with it, she felt that she would always get through things and no longer lived as cautiously as someone more recently diagnosed would do.

Very sorry, big hugs for you my friend {{{{Heidi}}}}
 
Heidi hi so lovely to hear from you, but so sorry the post was of this nature so sorry to hear of your freinds passing, my thoughts go out to her family,your such a good freind and it ust of took alot for you to write this x Condolenses to all

All my love to you and Nath also xxx
 
I am so sorry to hear about your loss - but please don't blame yourself. You did all you could to help her. When someone is denial for whatever reason they don't think they need help. I am sure that she knew that you cared. Its tragic that she could be calling 999 so many times and yet didn't get the help she needed. If only the emergency services had some way of collating the calls they may have realised that maybe taking her to hospital for an assessment could have helped.

I hope that posting has helped you deal with some of the emotions/ shock etc but if you need to please have a word with your Dr about grief counselling.

Post if you feel it will help - but be kind to yourself and remember you did all you could and were a brilliant friend. {{{{Heidi}}}}
 
Thank you all for your (((Hugs))) and wishes ... 🙂

I have had a little bit of grief counselling as in Nov 2010, I also lost my dad .. he was a fit man, walked 3 miles a day, didnt smoke, drank an odd glass of wine now and again, went to bed with what we thought was flu mid oct ... only to be admitted to hospital the 2nd week in Nov to be told he had cancer of the liver, stomach, kidneys and lungs on the 15th Nov .... he passed on the 29th November. He had no symptoms or signs till that point. We got my dad home for a week, and cared for him there, till he was admitted to the hospice on the friday and passed on the monday.

Hopefully I will be posting more on here, as I have missed you all . 🙂

Heidi
xx🙂
 
Thank you for posting your story Hedi , so so sad , it makes you realise just how fragile life is especially when living with diabetes , it will certainly make a people think about their own situation, a few years ago this could of been me ,ive been diabetic for 30 yrs since i was 10 and had very unstable diabetes (brittle diabetes ), i suffer with hypo unawareness ,its only been a dafne course and going on the pump that has changed my diabetes. It must all be really hard for you (((Heidi)))
 
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Oh my, your post is so sad, it has struck things home for me and admit I've had a weep, the rebellion and denial definately strikes a chord with me along with only being 7years younger.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, she sounds that she was very special to you and although diabetes has taken your friend away, it can't take your memories from you.

Take care and god bless to you and your friends family at this extremely difficult and painful time.

xxx
 
Hiya Heidi,

Thanks for sharing and I hope that you and all around are okay, or doing well at least.

Thinking of you, hope to see you around more often maybe!

Take care,

Rossi
 
So sorry to hear your news Heidi. Hope the writing of it has helped a little, you were clearly a great friend and provided a lot if help and support.

My thoughts are with you and her family, especially the son who found her. hope you can make sense of it in time.

M
 
Hello Heidi,

I'm so sorry to hear about the sad death of your friend and send my love to you all who love and miss her.

Thank you for finding thr courage to tell us about it. I hope it helped to write it all down. It is indeed a very sad story about a waste of a young life and should serve as a stark warning to us all. Such a pity she wasn't able to get the help she needed. You mustn't blame yourself though as you did all you could and was a good friend to her.

A similar thing happened to a good friend of mine a couple of years ago, except he lied to me and told me he was getting medical help, and it was only after he died that it came out that he hadn't kept his appointments for over 7 months. He was Type 2, on insulin but nothing was working for him. He was 41 when he died in his sleep.

Take care of yourself and remember you did all you could. XXXXX
 
I am sorry to hear of such a tragic loss. Thank you for having the courage to share with us. I hope this will help others too.
 
Hi Heidi,

So sorry to hear of both of your losses, it must be so difficult for you.

Thanks so much for sharing the story of your friend. It is indeed a sobering thought and a reminder for me on a down day of why I spend so much time checking BG and adjusting doses.

As has been said, you couldn't have done more for your friend. It's a very sad situation, but take comfort from knowing you did your best.

Best wishes and lots of ((((hugs)))) to you.
 
I am so sorry to hear your story Heidi but thank you for sharing it with us (((hugs)))
 
Heidi I'm so sorry to hear that this has all happened. Big hugs
 
Status
This thread is now closed. Please contact Anna DUK, Ieva DUK or everydayupsanddowns if you would like it re-opened.
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