Tired of this life

[Tired_diabetic]

I’m a diabetic with combined ADHD got diagnosed with T1 when I was 12 I’m about to 27 this summer.


My country isn’t big on mental health and only just started asking me how I’m doing 14 years later. I’ve always felt so alone as no body ever understands me, I gave up taking good care of myself and ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. It was the only thing that would fill that empty void as it made me feel a lil normal eating like everybody else. During my whole journey I’ve never been able to accept my T1 just tolerate it, I do my insulin because I love my family to much and appreciate the gift of life too much but IM F***** TIRED. I want to wakeup and not have to think about my injections and eat whatever I want without thinking about any consequences, I want to not have to take several trips to bathroom, I want to stop my horrible eating habits but my impulsive adhd brain makes it easy to just block off the things I have to do and just end up doing the thing I want but can’t do.


Life is so hard and I’m tired, I’m sick of constantly having to deal with something, doctors appointments and them having no empathy, I’m 26 with a low libido due to my thyroid medication which was also triggered by my T1 and lastly I’m sick of being referred to get help with a phycologist and still waiting years and years and years later. It’s a bloody joke at this point I hate my life but thankfully I have people around to support but at the end of the day this S**** life is always at the back of my mind

So my question for everyone is how do you cope, do you not crumble with a strict life. Do you not get tired of leading life with this horrible condition.

 

[Anna DUK]

Hi @Tired_diabetic, thank you for being so open and honest about how you are feeling. I'm glad you have felt able to share this with the community; you're not alone. I see from your IP address that you are in Gibraltar, is that correct? You mentioned your country is not big on mental health support and I can imagine this can feel isolating, especially as you have been waiting for years to see a psychologist.

People with long-term health conditions, like diabetes, can become fed-up with trying to cope day-in-day-out with the same things, and it's natural to feel like this at times. You may have heard of diabetes distress, which sounds like the symptoms you have expressed. Without finding ways to cope through, this can lead to burnout. It's important to find coping mechanisms, perhaps in things that you love, such a hobby. You mentioned wanting to stop your current eating habits (of eating what you want, when you want), which is a positive step in looking after yourself.

I'm glad to hear you have people around you. Have you been able to be open with them about how you are really feeling? Talking to others and hearing yourself speak about your thoughts and feelings aloud can sometimes help you to see things differently, maybe not as horrible as they initially first felt.

There's a few links I'd like to share with you which I hope you find helpful and insightful:

What is diabetes distress and burnout?

Diabetes distress is what some people feel when they’re overwhelmed by the relentlessness of diabetes. This can lead to diabetes burnout. The way you react to things and the emotions you feel can vary for different people. You might feel frustrated, guilty, sad or worried. Sometimes you might...

www.diabetes.org.uk

https://www.diabetes.org.uk/guide-to-diabetes/emotions/stress

Diabetes and your emotions

Diabetes doesn't just affect you physically, it can affect you emotionally too. Whether you've just been diagnosed or you've lived with diabetes for a long time, you may need support for all the emotions you're feeling. This could be stress, feeling low and depressed, or burnt out. The people...

www.diabetes.org.uk

https://www.diabetes.org.uk/guide-to-diabetes/emotions/your-feelings-about-food-and-diabetes

Hope this is helpful for you, be kind to yourself. 🙂

 

[Tired_diabetic]

Hi @Tired_diabetic, thank you for being so open and honest about how you are feeling. I'm glad you have felt able to share this with the community; you're not alone. I see from your IP address that you are in Gibraltar, is that correct? You mentioned your country is not big on mental health support and I can imagine this can feel isolating, especially as you have been waiting for years to see a psychologist.

People with long-term health conditions, like diabetes, can become fed-up with trying to cope day-in-day-out with the same things, and it's natural to feel like this at times. You may have heard of diabetes distress, which sounds like the symptoms you have expressed. Without finding ways to cope through, this can lead to burnout. It's important to find coping mechanisms, perhaps in things that you love, such a hobby. You mentioned wanting to stop your current eating habits (of eating what you want, when you want), which is a positive step in looking after yourself.

I'm glad to hear you have people around you. Have you been able to be open with them about how you are really feeling? Talking to others and hearing yourself speak about your thoughts and feelings aloud can sometimes help you to see things differently, maybe not as horrible as they initially first felt.

There's a few links I'd like to share with you which I hope you find helpful and insightful:

What is diabetes distress and burnout?

Diabetes distress is what some people feel when they’re overwhelmed by the relentlessness of diabetes. This can lead to diabetes burnout. The way you react to things and the emotions you feel can vary for different people. You might feel frustrated, guilty, sad or worried. Sometimes you might...

www.diabetes.org.uk

https://www.diabetes.org.uk/guide-to-diabetes/emotions/stress

Diabetes and your emotions

Diabetes doesn't just affect you physically, it can affect you emotionally too. Whether you've just been diagnosed or you've lived with diabetes for a long time, you may need support for all the emotions you're feeling. This could be stress, feeling low and depressed, or burnt out. The people...

www.diabetes.org.uk

https://www.diabetes.org.uk/guide-to-diabetes/emotions/your-feelings-about-food-and-diabetes

Hope this is helpful for you, be kind to yourself. 🙂

Thank for the links, I have read them and have tried them all. Nothing works anymore I really need the psychologist but Gibraltar is soooooooo behind ive cried to them and still nothing soo many steps need to be taken just for someone to see you. It’s actually disgusting

 

[rebrascora]

Hi and welcome.

Really sorry to hear that you are struggling so much but totally understandable and it is something that many people struggle with at times in their life, because diabetes management is relentless and can very easily become overwhelming even without other conditions which impact it like ADHD. I doubt it is much consolation but there is very little mental health support here in the UK for people struggling to manage their diabetes or indeed mental health problems in general. I struggle with stress and depression and anxiety but I have to say that being a part of this forum and actively engaging with members here and asking questions and comparing notes and gaining knowledge and practical support has meant that I am able to manage it well and learn strategies to make it less frustrating and mentally challenging. Getting Libre sensors has also been a huge benefit in changing my mental attitude to my diabetes and now I tend to see it more like a long running computer game where my goal is to keep in range as much as possible and perhaps improve on my previous personal best "Time in Range" (TIR) That more game and challenging myself to do well focussed mentality, rather that it being drudgery and life or health threatening, really changed my whole outlook on it. Some days or weeks I don't do so well which is a bit frustrating but I accept that I can't give it as much focus all the time and even if I could, things beyond my control change including my body so it isn't all within my control anyway and there is an element of ebb and flow with it which I have learned to accept, and other days I am really close to a personal best, which can be very motivating to dig in and see if I can achieve it.

I don't know if you have Libre or other CGM or even if you do, whether this sort of mentality would work for you and how you would go about achieving it if you did. It just happened automatically with me when I got it and started playing with it. If you don't have Libre or other CGM then I would highly recommend it BUT you have to be aware of it's quirks and limitations.
I think for me there was an element of effort and reward. Finding the minimum amount of effort I have to put in for beneficial results was made much easier with Libre and gaining practical tips and support from people here.

Another option is simplifying your daily life for a while and getting into a routine of just treading water with your diabetes management. Keeping things simple and familiar so that you have the same breakfast and similar lunch every day, so that you can deal with those on autopilot and then just have to think/carb count your evening meal.

As regards eating disorders, I was a sugar addict and comfort eater pre-diagnosis. For me going low carb has stopped most of the cravings for the stuff that was derailing me. I was initially mistakenly diagnosed as Type 2 diabetic, so I was incentivized to eat low carb and once I got used to it and saw the health benefits and particularly how much control it gave me over my disordered eating, I was keen to continue with it even though the nurses encouraged me to eat normally. I don't know whether this would work for you and your lifestyle but it might be something else to consider. It wasn't easy at first but it is now although I do allow myself to have a normal meal now and again, particularly socially when it would be difficult not to or potentially be awkward.

Another thought is an insulin pump although these take a lot of time to get used to using so if you are already suffering burnout then maybe not but perhaps a new bit of technology to make your life easier might actually motivate and incentivise you. If you already have a pump, perhaps a hybrid closed loop system might be something that would make your life living with diabetes easier. I don't know what the health care situation is out in Gibraltar, but here in the UK these systems are becoming accessible to more people after an initial small trial and we have several people on the forum who find them wonderful for taking away a lot of the burden of diabetes although you do still have to carb count for meals and snacks.

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and send you a BIG virtual (((HUG))) and I really hope that you can find some reassurance and hope and practical tips and strategies from the support of the forum that will make your life a bit easier. There is no single right way, just the way that works for you and sometimes you just have to try different ideas from people and perhaps different gadgets, to see what works well for you.

 

[Anna DUK]

Thank for the links, I have read them and have tried them all. Nothing works anymore I really need the psychologist but Gibraltar is soooooooo behind ive cried to them and still nothing soo many steps need to be taken just for someone to see you. It’s actually disgusting

It's super frustrating when you're not able to access the support you'd like. As @rebrascora touched on, access to ongoing mental health support in the UK could be better. I wondered if speaking to PALS at your hospital would help to get clarity on waiting times and any support that's available as an interim measure: https://www.gha.gi/services/patient-advocacy-liaison-service/

Are you looking to access psychological support through your diabetes team or through the mental health services?

 

[Inka]

Thank for the links, I have read them and have tried them all. Nothing works anymore I really need the psychologist but Gibraltar is soooooooo behind ive cried to them and still nothing soo many steps need to be taken just for someone to see you. It’s actually disgusting

With Type 1, when you have a little wobble things go off track really quickly @Tired_diabetic I find the trick is to not let things slip out of your hands. You say you gave up and began eating what you wanted - when was this? After a few months? A few years? Just in the last year or two?

Are you on meds for the ADHD? I have ADHD (no meds). I find the Type 1 extremely tiring, and I suffered from burnout quite recently. What helped me was to take one day at a time; to keep my breakfast and lunches the same most days; and to reignite my passionate hatred of the diabetes. You can’t ignore it. If you do, you’re handing control of your whole life to it. I make myself control my feelings and channel my energy into beating the b***** thing as much as possible.

To be honest, I don’t think a psychologist would do much (unless you have other reasons for seeing one). The bottom line is it’s up to us. We ourselves hold the power to act or not act. I see every act (blood test, insulin, working to achieve reasonable blood sugar) as one in the eye for the diabetes.

Regarding the oh-so-tedious Type 1 chores and planning, I deal with it in the same way as I do mundane tasks in life. I think about them enough to get them done, but I don’t dwell on them.

Poor control makes you feel absolutely crap in every single way. You won’t believe how some improvement will make you feel. Take it slowly, take one day at a time and count every win you get.

 

[stephenS50]

With Type 1, when you have a little wobble things go off track really quickly @Tired_diabetic I find the trick is to not let things slip out of your hands. You say you gave up and began eating what you wanted - when was this? After a few months? A few years? Just in the last year or two?

Are you on meds for the ADHD? I have ADHD (no meds). I find the Type 1 extremely tiring, and I suffered from burnout quite recently. What helped me was to take one day at a time; to keep my breakfast and lunches the same most days; and to reignite my passionate hatred of the diabetes. You can’t ignore it. If you do, you’re handing control of your whole life to it. I make myself control my feelings and channel my energy into beating the b***** thing as much as possible.

To be honest, I don’t think a psychologist would do much (unless you have other reasons for seeing one). The bottom line is it’s up to us. We ourselves hold the power to act or not act. I see every act (blood test, insulin, working to achieve reasonable blood sugar) as one in the eye for the diabetes.

Regarding the oh-so-tedious Type 1 chores and planning, I deal with it in the same way as I do mundane tasks in life. I think about them enough to get them done, but I don’t dwell on them.

Poor control makes you feel absolutely crap in every single way. You won’t believe how some improvement will make you feel. Take it slowly, take one day at a time and count every win you get.

Hello there @Tired_diabetic thank you so very much for your openness and all I can suggest is don't give on life .