Thought I could cope.........

[astbury1]

Well seeing as Ive not been posting for a bit and others on here seem to be having a bad time too I shall finally admit that Ive crashed and burned and admitted defeat. Diagnosed in July and obssessed so much over it all and especially hypos I got to the point where I just convinced myself I would just fall over and wouldnt go anywhere or rather couldnt without being extremely anxious dizzzy. Got to the point where even walking a hundred yards was difficult or staying awake no matter how much sleep. Lots of blood tests as convinced something else was wrong to find out everything ok. Sooooo just me making myself this way. Got to the point that if I had a hypo I would just presume anxeity as like this 24/7. Suffered for years with generalised anxeity disorder and finally got it all under control to be confronted with diabetes. Am annoyed that I let this get to me so much and annoyed that ive had to up my anti depressants and am struggling yet again. I hate it when people sya 'you should be glad you have a disease that is controlable' Problem is generalised anxiety involes not being able to cope with uncertainty..... hence hypo issue (not even had one). Am unsure why am writing all this in a massive post but I suppose it is just to say that until you have diabetes no one really understands. Anyway I would just like to say a massive thankyou to everyone that has answered all my diabetes questions this year and hoping that 2013 is onwards and upwards!😱

 

[AJLang]

Hi Astbury I'm sorry that you're feeling this way and hope that you feel much better soon. We are all here to help and support you. It's good in a way that you've never had a hypo BUT sometimes fear of the unexpected can be worse than experiencing the actual event. Although they are not pleasant most hypos aren't too bad and you get used to them just a case of oh dear sugar is low have three jelly babies feel a bit rough for fifteen minutes and then get on with things is what happens the majority of the time - and I say this with 41 years of experience. I hope that 2013 is a brilliant year for you

 

[Northerner]

My dear friend, so sorry to hear about the problems you have been experiencing But very glad you have posted. I hope that it helps just knowing that you are amongst people who do know how you feel, how difficult it can be at times even for those who may appear totally in control and blas? about it all - it affects us all at some time or another. I think the problem is not just the diabetes, but that it adds an extra, insistent dimension to things we may already be finding difficult to cope with - as you have been with your anxiety. I hope that, by talking about it, some of the fear can be dissipated and you can learn to feel stronger and more in control. 🙂

I must admit, my anxieties stem from the opposite fear to yours - I am more afraid of the consequences of high levels rather than lows. I've had hundreds of lows since diagnosis, and for me, knowing that the vast majority can be dealt with quickly and easily has removed the fear. I'm not suggesting, of course, that you deliberately set out to have hypos! 😱 If, however, I have a sequence of high readings I feel very down-hearted and begin imagining all sorts. Logically, though, I know that the frequency of those highs will have little effect overall, but it doesn't stop that sinking feeling.

Could you have a good chat with a DSN? I found that it really helped me to just sit and talk it out with one of these wonderful nurses. Or perhaps ask to see a psychologist?

I hope that posting helps you take the next step towards normalising your feelings about diabetes, so that it begins to become more of an irritation than a burden, and that you can enjoy your life to the full without it encroaching on what you want to achieve 🙂

 

[Ginnie]

I think your very brave to post how your feeling its hard admitting your struggling but thats the first step. What I find useful about this forum is knowing everyone has been through it and more importantly survived through it 🙂 having this has definitely been my biggest test so far but you need a good support network no matter who it is I hope you starting feeling better about things I completely understand the anxiety a few months ago I was the same created a nice little 'bubble' that was safe and didnt want to leave so even going out of my front door was difficult but what helped me was doing what I feared and realising I was ok keep your chin up..

 

[trophywench]

Hi Astbury

I wonder ....... whether it would help to confront your fear?

I mean everyone has a fear of the unknown, yes it may be a supposedly exciting thing you are about to do, you know, people who get a kick out of base jumping or summat 😱 but ordinary mortals like most of us would rather admit No thanks - I'm far too scared to even try it ta, but I'll hold the coats for the rest of you. They also serve who only stand and wait LOL

Experienced DSNs are usually quite good psychologists and frankly if they aren't, then they are in the wrong job - because you ain't alone - either generally or amongst diabetics. So I endorse the suggestion of discussing with your DSN.

However - it may be worth requesting either your DSN, your consultant or your GP for a course of CBT-based counselling. You may not be able to change other people or events, but you can sometimes change your own perception of them.

Have you ever considered also, whether your DSN would be willing to literally 'nurse' you through a CONTROLLED hypo? ie do you think experiencing one, would assist you and thereby reduce your fear?

 

[astbury1]

Thanks guys for responding. It is interesting to hear that (Northerner) you fear the highs. Strange how one person is so different from the other. I shall bear that in mind that hypos cant be that bad if you would rather go low than high. I think the problem I have at the moment is that every little feeling is a hypo and I just dont know what my warning signals are as am always tired, anxious, slightly dizzy, bleurry eyed as I manage to bring it o myself. Cant seem to live in the present moment. Although definitely trying!

Trophywench- I have considered giving myself a hypo however I realised that I would get sooooooooo wound up and even more anxious waiting for it to happen that I would most likely always associate my warinig signs as anxeity therefore everytime slightly anxious cause a vicious circle. I have had CBT before and understand the concept and has helped me to some degree. I managed to get my panic under control by saying to myself I wont fall over or pass out but that has all been undone with Hypo fear. I am having couselling however it still got all too much and beating myself up at the thought of this vicious circle of being on tablets all my life. I maybe should give myself a break as being diagnosed with diabetes isnt exactly a walk in the park and should be atleast proud got my hba1c down to 8.2 from 12 which is alot considering would rather run higher!lol

Ginne I know what you mean about not wanting to leave the house! Weird in a way because having a hypo in the house alone would more likely be worse that when out! Wish someone could tell my brain this 🙂 Oh th joys of a runnaway brain!

 

[astbury1]

Thanks for your support. I would like to think when I have 41 years experience I wont be the same as now lol! 2013 can only get better!!!!!🙂

Hi Astbury I'm sorry that you're feeling this way and hope that you feel much better soon. We are all here to help and support you. It's good in a way that you've never had a hypo BUT sometimes fear of the unexpected can be worse than experiencing the actual event. Although they are not pleasant most hypos aren't too bad and you get used to them just a case of oh dear sugar is low have three jelly babies feel a bit rough for fifteen minutes and then get on with things is what happens the majority of the time - and I say this with 41 years of experience. I hope that 2013 is a brilliant year for you