This Disease is beating me...need help please

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Ellowyne

Ellowyne

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Still no head way with my blood sugar readings...Had really bad night with Migrain, woke to reading of 14.8!!

Still felt unwell but was very hungry..always know I need to try and eat something when Migrain attacks. Done pre lunch reading: 12.8. Had half a sandwich and few crisps...Gave myself 13 Units Novo. Done pre dinner reading: 12.4. Had beans on toast with cup of tea, gave myself 18 Units Novo...3 Hour post dinner reading: 15.1!!!!!

Just can't do this anymore, I know I am going to die very soon...this disease is killing me. I spoke to my DSN Today, I told her there was no way I am waiting to see her untill Feb next year, not with readings like this!!!! She is going to try and get me in before Xmas but say's it will probably not be
untill 6th Jan!!!...Can they leave me in this state?...With readings like this?...It's like what I told my Counsellor, I think they will let me die. I know this sounds mad, but, they just don't seem to care...I am going to die of a heart attack with these readings!!!!!!

I am just bloody terrified and feel so lonely...I have gave myself 34 Units of Levimer tonight, instead of my usual 31/32...I just know this increase will probably give me another migrain and round I go again!!!

Please advise me of what I am entitaled to ask for from Diabetic clinic...can they leave me over period of time with these readings?...Please help.

Ellowyne
 
Hi Ellowyne, I know that you are in despair, but just look at your readings again and see what they are telling you. You are actually controlling them very well, since there is very little difference in them all - you are not shooting high and dropping back down again, you are staying steady throughout the day - the only problem is the base number that you are starting from before each meal and on waking.

What else have you done? You have decided that you need to increase your levemir to try and combat those highs. That is exactly the right thing to do! I think that your anxiety and bad thoughts are obscuring the fact that you are learning how to manage your levels by adjusting your insulin. This is what you need to discuss further with your doctor or DSN, so that you can really tackle that 'base' level and reduce it.

You can do this Ellowyne, stay talking to your diabetes care team and to us - remember, if you're not sure about something you can always ask our opinion and we'll try our best to help, and we'll ALWAYS be here to support you when things get you down! 🙂

{{{{Ellowyne}}}}
 
Hi Ellowyne, I can't add to what Northerner said, but I just wanted to give you a 'hug'! (((()))) Don't let diabetes win! Just tweak slowly & carefully.

Take care of yourself,

Twitchy xxx
 
Thank you...again, I hate doing this, I hate getting in this state and then coming here to dump it all...I feel like I am out of control...My moods are all over the place, I get so aggitated and then end up in floods of tears...I just don't want to die before this year ends, and these readings are making me think that my thoughts are REAL...like they WILL come true.

I am so sorry, I am used to be a listener...Me, 9 years ago, you won't know this, but, I am actually a qualified 'Client Centred Therapist' Carl Rogers therapy based....I have not practised in 9 years though, life and ill health got in the way!!

So you see, I used to be the one listening, the one with all the empathy...now I feel so needy, so helpless...I feel quite suicidal tonight, like, if it's going to get me I might as well put pay to things now....I read this and I think how pathetic I am, how weak...yet I can't help it...please forgive me for coming here and being so eratic...I'm just going through a really bad time.
 
Ellowyne said:
Still no head way with my blood sugar readings...Had really bad night with Migrain, woke to reading of 14.8!!

Still felt unwell but was very hungry..always know I need to try and eat something when Migrain attacks. Done pre lunch reading: 12.8. Had half a sandwich and few crisps...Gave myself 13 Units Novo. Done pre dinner reading: 12.4. Had beans on toast with cup of tea, gave myself 18 Units Novo...3 Hour post dinner reading: 15.1!!!!!

Just can't do this anymore, I know I am going to die very soon...this disease is killing me. I spoke to my DSN Today, I told her there was no way I am waiting to see her untill Feb next year, not with readings like this!!!! She is going to try and get me in before Xmas but say's it will probably not be
untill 6th Jan!!!...Can they leave me in this state?...With readings like this?...It's like what I told my Counsellor, I think they will let me die. I know this sounds mad, but, they just don't seem to care...I am going to die of a heart attack with these readings!!!!!!

I am just bloody terrified and feel so lonely...I have gave myself 34 Units of Levimer tonight, instead of my usual 31/32...I just know this increase will probably give me another migrain and round I go again!!!

Please advise me of what I am entitaled to ask for from Diabetic clinic...can they leave me over period of time with these readings?...Please help.

Ellowyne
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Ellowyne oh you poor thing, I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad, but really the readings aren't so bad, they may seem terrible to you, but I'm sure other people have had similar readings, I know I have. Try to have a restful night and things may look a bit better in the morning. Take care love from Sheena x
 
Ellowyne, my dear, you know you don't need to apologise. I don't think you are being needy or pathetic at all, you are very distressed by your situation and unfortunately the high levels will be contributing in no small part to this. Think back to when YOU were the listener and how you related to your clients - as you say, you gave empathy and support. Now, you need it for yourself, and it is freely given by the kind people here.

I know it must be so hard, but try not to let these awful thoughts overwhelm you. Take a deep breath and try to relax - ignore the diabetes for tonight and try to get a good night's sleep.
 
We're all here for you Ellowyne. Northener's advice is gr8.

Believe us, we've been through similar stages; you're not alone.

I know bookin appointments to see DSNs and specialists is a pain, but ur doin ok so far. Results are close together which means a pattern is emerging. Take it slow for a few days and try to correct it.

Want to ask whether you've done a carb counting course or DAFNE?

I'm suffering from morning highs currently, not had a result under 12 for the past two weeks...can't share your feelings but I know how you feel. Keep sharing and battling on, the rewards are fantastic...
 
Northerner said:
Hi Ellowyne, I know that you are in despair, but just look at your readings again and see what they are telling you. You are actually controlling them very well, since there is very little difference in them all - you are not shooting high and dropping back down again, you are staying steady throughout the day - the only problem is the base number that you are starting from before each meal and on waking.

What else have you done? You have decided that you need to increase your levemir to try and combat those highs. That is exactly the right thing to do! I think that your anxiety and bad thoughts are obscuring the fact that you are learning how to manage your levels by adjusting your insulin. This is what you need to discuss further with your doctor or DSN, so that you can really tackle that 'base' level and reduce it.

You can do this Ellowyne, stay talking to your diabetes care team and to us - remember, if you're not sure about something you can always ask our opinion and we'll try our best to help, and we'll ALWAYS be here to support you when things get you down! 🙂

{{{{Ellowyne}}}}
Click to expand...

Ellowyne,
Northerner is right - you have made a great decision to increase your basal insulin and you have done that on your own - when you are distressed - and that takes some courage.
I know your levels are higher than they should be - but they are not dangerously high - they just need tweaking and giving yourself more basal might actually sort them out - do let us know tomorrow what your levels are like and if you need any more advice - we are all here to help.🙂

Sometimes the 'listener' needs to be 'heard' and thats fine so dont worry - just come on here for support when you need it.🙂Bev
 
Thank you for so much kindness, I do not know how I would manage without the very kind and caring people here...I still feel a burden to you all, just used to me being the helper I guess.

I think I should get myself to bed, try to sleep...My DSN wants me to set alarm for 3am to test, just in case I am dipping during the night, she say's that may be the cause for high readings in the morning?...I'm normally awake at 3 anyway, I fall in and out of sleep throughout the night.

Will test again before I go up...just water tonight I think, I am so thirsty all the time!

Thank you...Ellowyne x
 
The higher levels will be making you thirsty Ellowyne. 3 am is normally (and rather inconveniently!) the time when our blood sugar levels drop lowest as the liver slows down through the night, so this is why she wants you to test then. Let us know what you get in the morning. Sleep well, my dear 🙂
 
I hope you are feeling much much better in the morning and your readings start doing as they're told!

I understand how you are feeling - I am always the listener and am totally hopeless and receiving help....probably why my diabetes is not that well controlled!

battle through, you're doing great, and just remember...it's just one blood test at a time! 🙂

HUGS.
 
I hope you have a good night sleep.

I think you think you think one thing but your actions are telling a different story. Posting on here indicates that you do want to live, your brain is just tricking you into thinking otherwise.

Does your DSN have an e-mail address where you could send your figures to and he/she could advise - I know it is not face to face but it could help. Maybe you could e-mail the info and he/she could then call you back and advice.

It does seem that you are injecting enough for your food its just getting you to a good starting point - so you are half way there.

I hope you start being able to see the way forward.
Sending you hugs.
 
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Hi Ellowyne, how did the 3am check go? Hope you're feeling ok today... please don't think badly about yourself - we all go through periods in life where things can seem overwhelming - if we didn't, lovely places like this forum wouldn't come to exist! 😉 (guess that's the silver lining eh? 🙄)

Take care of yourself, hope you're having a good day. ((((hug!))))

Twitchy xxx
 
Big hugs from me too Ellowyne, hope you are feeling a little brighter today 🙂
 
Thank you!...Update on Blood Sugars

Hello, thank you so much for so many kind messages, I am blessed to of found this group!!

I am feeling a little better today, thank you.

Oh, but I slept through the 3am alarm!...I think I was feeling so overwhelmed and so emotionally drained that it wore me out!...I went to bed and next thing...it was 8am!! I was naughty first thing though, I was'nt all that hungry, so I treated myself to 2 digestives with a cup of tea!! 😱

My fasting reading was : 9.9 (Better than yesterday!)

Had 2 digestives & Cup tea (Gave myself 4 units Novo)

2 Hour reading post after naughty biscuit...11.2!

Had lunch: Ham & Mayo Sandwich, cup tea, 6 pringles (13 units Novo)

Pre Dinner reading: 10.5

Dinner: Just had Chicken, 3 Roast potatoes, 1 Yorkshire Pud, sweetcorn, cabbage, broccolli (22 Units Novo)

Will do 2/3 hour post dinner reading later.

So, has been bit better today...Also, I managed to take a bath!! Oh, that sounds weird, but, I have trouble with bathing because of my mobility problems...I am on the waiting list to have a Wet room fitted, with chair and all 🙂 I have to rely on strip washing and my partner has to help me when I bath...I do appretiate his help, but, well, I would like my independence and privacy back some!

I think it is my limited mobility that makes my weight gain more so since starting the Insulin...my eating is far less than ever before I started on the Insulin :(

Just wish I could excersise enough to combat the Insulin, and help with my levels...I have complex back problems plus Fibromyagia and sciatica, all of which cause me great pain every day....but I do try, I guess that that is all that any of us can do.

Thank you agin, your support means so, so much to me, all the messages give me great comfort.

Love to all Ellowyne x
 
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Hugs hunny xxxx sorry i missed you last night and dont apologise for posting ...you have come on so far to when i first met you on this forum.... this is a support forum no apologises needs x hun x
 
Ellowyne, I am so pleased to see your numbers - they really are very good again, it's just a case of reducing the fasting levels. Your insulin doses for your food have been spot on, so I applaud you! 🙂 Great also to hear that you slept through, it sounds like you very much needed that sleep and you do sound in better spirits today.

Keep up the good work, my dear - baby steps, but you will get there! 🙂
 
Yes, thank you!!

My numbers are better today...I Just wish I could get my fasting levels lower!

Also, with this increase in Insulin again I will have to be mindful to weigh myself, I am just hoping I have'nt gained more weight!!!

Anyway, my 2 Hour post dinner reading was : 10.4 (Pre dinner was 10.5)

I was quite pleased with that...still very thirsty, drinking so much iced water I feel so bloated!!...and peeing soooo much! Still, the water will be good for me 🙂

I gave myself 34 Units of Levimer again tonight, I split the dose into 2 injections...something that my DSN said I might want to give a try to see if it makes any diffrence...can't quite remember why?

Up and onwards...Thank you again! 🙂

Love Ellowyne x
 
Good stuff Ellowyne 🙂 They probably recommended splitting your levemir as it often (usually!) doesn't last the full 24 hours so there can be a gap between doses. Splitting it gives you a longer 'coverage' and should help to lower your fasting levels. I'm surprised they didn't explain more fully why you should try it - some people also have an uneven split so that (for example) they take more in one injection than the other. This can help when you are more insulin resistant at certain parts of the day so could do with more insulin.
 
Hi Ellowyne,
Your levels with food are great - you obviously have your insulin ratio's worked out well - all you have to do now is get the fasting level lower and you will have it sorted out. I hope splitting the levemir has an effect - it might take a couple of days for you to see the results so dont be worried if it doesnt happen any quicker.🙂Bev
 
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