The people around you..

[Nixxy]

How are people around you when they know about the diabetes? Do people act differently or not? Are there things you wish they would or would not say? Are there things you wish they would do or not do?

I'm wondering if I am doing and saying the right things at the moment. I don't want to be stupid and upset my friend or do something unthoughtful. I've noticed a few friends are treating him differently and talk to me (or not) about him differently. I'm finding this weird to be honest. I don't understand, but then I'm probably doing the same thing without realising.

What are your experiences with these questions?

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

What a thoughtful post @Nixxy!

There is a little ‘etiquette’ leaflet for friends and family of people with diabetes which might give you some thoughts and ideas.

Here’s a link to the PDF - http://behavioraldiabetes.org/xwp/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/BDIAdultEtiquetteCard.pdf

 

[AdeleTurner72]

Hi Nixxy. I'm only 6 months into my diabetes journey, others may have more experiences to share.
My OH and immediate family have been very supportive and helpful. The exception being my dad, who was very dismissive and doesn't want to know.
All my friends have been supportive. None of them are diabetic, though one of my friends was diagnosed pre diabetic a few years back, but got herself out of it by low carb eating, which she still maintains today.
At work, my bosses have been generally supportive. I haven't told many of my clients at work, because they have a tendency to keep asking me about it once they know.
In general I just want to carry on with my life without thinking about the Diabetes more than I have to ...... Hope that makes sense.
😉

 

[Ralph-YK]

Generally behave in a reasonable, decent way. Don't fuss/make an issue of food, eating or around meal times. Treat it as something you just do. (Yes, we have to manage carbs. Be mater of fact about it.)

 

[Ralph-YK]

who was very dismissive

Oh, yea, definately don't be dismissive.

 

[Vince_UK]

In general I just want to carry on with my life without thinking about the Diabetes more than I have to ...... Hope that makes sense.
😉

Terrific attitude and my sentiments exactly Adele, I view it as more of an inconvience and the lifetstyle change it "forced" on me has been very positive. I also view myself as being someone on a low carb diet and I make no secret of that fact. Sorry your Dad has taken that stance but.... we cannot win them all. Sometime parents don't want to oaccept the fact that their children could be ill and have different ways of handling it.

 

[KayC]

How are people around you when they know about the diabetes? Do people act differently or not? Are there things you wish they would or would not say? Are there things you wish they would do or not do?

I'm wondering if I am doing and saying the right things at the moment. I don't want to be stupid and upset my friend or do something unthoughtful. I've noticed a few friends are treating him differently and talk to me (or not) about him differently. I'm finding this weird to be honest. I don't understand, but then I'm probably doing the same thing without realising.

What are your experiences with these questions?

Hi Nixxy, you’re very kind and thoughtful, I think your friend is lucky to have you around.🙂🙂

I spent some years thinking I had T2 (and probably I’m still diabetic.) During those years, people around me were generally supportive, but I’ve got some requests, and the requests are mainly for people who I work with:

Please stop offering me food, because (both you and me know) I must say NO to your offer 99% of time. Not just I don’t eat cakes and chocolates, I don’t normally eat between meals. If I’m starving and need to eat between meals, I usually have snack of my choice, such as nuts and oats cakes.

Please do not get hurt when I say no to your offer. I’m thankful for your intention to please me but I have my own choice of food and when to eat.

Please do not pity me that I can’t eat sweets. I’m doing perfectly OK and I don’t even want them. So there is no need to stop eating sweets in front of me. (I still appreciate the gesture, though)

Please do not think I’m criticising what YOU eat, by doing my diet. I never give lectures about what you should eat. It was quite awkward at my previous job: I was working at an office, where other people are all overweight / obese and non-Diabetic, and me being BMI 20 and T2. I wasn’t doing my diet to lose my weight, but to lower my sugar level. Comments about what I eat from other people were like, you don’t have to do such strict diet, you can still eat sweets with artificial sweeter, etc. Just. Leave. Me. Alone.

Do I sound harsh? Maybe. That’s why I don’t often voice my requests. But, to be honest, this is what I’m thinking: Please do not make a fuss, unless I send you SOS.

As Ralph-YK put it, ‘Treat it as something you just do.’ 🙂🙂

 

[Nixxy]

Thanks for the advice everyone 🙂 It is tough as now I feel guilty eating what he can't. I do our dinners mostly the same now but everything else is different.

 

[kentish maid]

What a thoughtful post @Nixxy!

There is a little ‘etiquette’ leaflet for friends and family of people with diabetes which might give you some thoughts and ideas.

Here’s a link to the PDF - http://behavioraldiabetes.org/xwp/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/BDIAdultEtiquetteCard.pdf

I could have done with the 'etiquette' leaflet a few times when I was diagnosed. A 'friend' told me to stop panicking, after all I only had Type 2. When it came to deserts at Christmas, family kept insisting 'just a small piece won't do you any harm' and when I was diagnosed with a non diabetes related condition (Barrett's Oesophagus) my dentist told me his Mum had that and was currently in hospital following an episode of vomiting blood due to that condition😱 People can be so thoughtless

 

[CathyB]

Nixxy you are an amazing friend and a lovely person 🙂 One of my bug bears is my closest friend who won’t eat things in front of me because I won’t have them, no matter how many times I tell her she just won’t listen. It bothers me more that she thinks it bothers me to see her eat cake! I am choosing to eat carb free and low sugar, no one is forcing me to do it, it’s going to be a life long pathway so I gotta get used to it as the world is not going to be that considerate in front of me Another friend feels obliged to point out what I can’t have.....like I won’t know....and...I didn’t want it anyway, she looks at me with pity and I know she cares but I don’t need to be pitied by anyone, well intentioned or not 😡
Ask your friend how he wants you to be, what would support him, let him tell you what he needs

 

[AdeleTurner72]

Sorry your Dad has taken that stance but.... we cannot win them all. Sometime parents don't want to oaccept the fact that their children could be ill and have different ways of handling it.

Thanks Vince.
Yes, it's a shame that my dad is the only person in my life who hasn't responded supportively to my T2 diagnosis..... He told me he's "ashamed to have a daughter with a disease associated with obesity and laziness" and that he would "rather I was gay"!!!!
The irony is that my mum, his wife of 44 years, was diabetic.....
On the bright side, it's good to know he would be supportive if I did realise I was gay one day.... 😎

 

[Ralph-YK]

Adele, I think you shouldn't have to put with that kind of nonsense. Sorry he's like that.

 

[AdeleTurner72]

Adele, I think you should have to put with that kind of nonsense. Sorry he's like that.

Thanks Ralph.
This forum is much more helpful and supportive!!!

 

[Vince_UK]

Words fail me @AdeleTurner72 You are to be admired for your strength {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

 

[ajax]

Folk are neutral if I mention I have diabetes.

Conversely ..I reciprocate this sentiment towards a ✻co-patient✻ ..I won't be intrusive.

 

[KindaScared]

Hi, interesting thread

I don’t like “so and so has diabetes and eats whatever they like”

I don’t like people hiding food they eat from me like it will upset me if they eat it, seriously

I eat them now (for now) but when I was very low carb, the 2nd Christmas, may father in law sat me down to have a serious chat “now I want you to have potatoes with your Christmas dinner”..... uhh why?..... “because you are miserable not having them and your spoiling Christmas for everyone”. Seriously! Thanks for the support lol

I would be happy if everyone just ignore my dB, this is my struggle, let me be

 

[scousebird]

He told me he's "ashamed to have a daughter with a disease associated with obesity and laziness" and that he would "rather I was gay"!!!!

Wow, that's a shocker

 

[KayC]

Hi Nixxy, you’re very kind and thoughtful, I think your friend is lucky to have you around.🙂🙂

I spent some years thinking I had T2 (and probably I’m still diabetic.) During those years, people around me were generally supportive, but I’ve got some requests, and the requests are mainly for people who I work with:

Please stop offering me food, because (both you and me know) I must say NO to your offer 99% of time. Not just I don’t eat cakes and chocolates, I don’t normally eat between meals. If I’m starving and need to eat between meals, I usually have snack of my choice, such as nuts and oats cakes.

Please do not get hurt when I say no to your offer. I’m thankful for your intention to please me but I have my own choice of food and when to eat.

Please do not pity me that I can’t eat sweets. I’m doing perfectly OK and I don’t even want them. So there is no need to stop eating sweets in front of me. (I still appreciate the gesture, though)

Please do not think I’m criticising what YOU eat, by doing my diet. I never give lectures about what you should eat. It was quite awkward at my previous job: I was working at an office, where other people are all overweight / obese and non-Diabetic, and me being BMI 20 and T2. I wasn’t doing my diet to lose my weight, but to lower my sugar level. Comments about what I eat from other people were like, you don’t have to do such strict diet, you can still eat sweets with artificial sweeter, etc. Just. Leave. Me. Alone.

Do I sound harsh? Maybe. That’s why I don’t often voice my requests. But, to be honest, this is what I’m thinking: Please do not make a fuss, unless I send you SOS.

As Ralph-YK put it, ‘Treat it as something you just do.’ 🙂🙂

I’m replying to my own input.🙂 I was a bit carried away and made a long list of requests…. like I said I don’t want people around me to make a fuss over me (and what I eat), I’m a just-let-me-get-on-with-it person. However, no diabetics are the same……what is suitable for me is not good enough for another diabetic…... for example, my husband, who is non-diabetic, would really LOVE to be fussed about ! 😱 I can say so because he wants a lot of attention when he’s down with man flu !! So I think Nixxy can talk to her friend and ask how he wants to be treated. I’d appreciate if somebody asks me such a question.🙂

 

[KayC]

Hi, interesting thread

I don’t like “so and so has diabetes and eats whatever they like”

I don’t like people hiding food they eat from me like it will upset me if they eat it, seriously

I eat them now (for now) but when I was very low carb, the 2nd Christmas, may father in law sat me down to have a serious chat “now I want you to have potatoes with your Christmas dinner”..... uhh why?..... “because you are miserable not having them and your spoiling Christmas for everyone”. Seriously! Thanks for the support lol

I would be happy if everyone just ignore my dB, this is my struggle, let me be

This is shocking....! 😱 This is one of the worst remarks made to a diabetic !! 😱😱😱

 

[scousebird]

Everyone around us has been fine about mine & OH's diagnosis. I have changed our diet accordingly as best I can but make allowances when eating with friends if they have presented us with a carby meal, I'm happy not to impose our new diet on them for the sake of one meal.
My work colleagues have been fine, they all know I can't share the biscuits/cakes/chocolates that come into the office and in fact I tend to be quite humorous about it e.g. one of them left a Twix on her desk and I said "ooh, Twix, yummy. You know I won't nick it".
The kids are understanding, as some of may know my DIL is nearly a GP so she gets it completely and DD who's a boomerang (left home and had to come back ) is quite happy to eat what's put in front of her (she does sneak the odd choccy bar).