Terribly isolated and lonely .....need some tips

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Taffyboyslim

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
My often serious mental health problems have prevented me from developing a career , forming long term relationships with the opposite sex , having children etc

I cared for both my parents through dementia and got no help from my family so I am estranged from them and its for the best as I really don't want anything to do with them

It's incredibly difficult though , even more so with diabetes thrown in the mix

I don't like Christmas and that's a particularly bad time . My friends are married , have children and have the sort of family links and friend links etc that really matter

I have none of that , I am very isolated and it's affecting my mental and physical health in a bad way



I am 57 , live alone , have two chronic illnesses and really need some guidance and suggestion as to meeting people

It really is incredibly difficult , society is geared towards healthy people and smiling , happy families and it isn't my reality

Thank you
 
There’s an app called Meet Up @Taffyboyslim It’s not a dating app, it’s kind of a friends app where you meet up with people you have things in common with, eg hobbies, etc.

Going to local events is good too. Google the name of your town and “What’s On” and you should get an Events calendar. Many are very low key local events, which you could attend. You could also ask around local charity shops to see if they need volunteers. That’s a good way to meet people and be part of a team. Local communities also organise things like Litter Picks or similar where people go to help out for a day or a few hours.

For Christmas, even the rural area I live in has a Christmas Lunch and Day event with lunch for whomever wants it, company, support. I can’t remember who runs ours. It might be the Salvation Army, or the church or a charity, but there’ll probably be something like that near you so you don’t have to spend Christmas alone.
 
Inka said:
There’s an app called Meet Up @Taffyboyslim It’s not a dating app, it’s kind of a friends app where you meet up with people you have things in common with, eg hobbies, etc.

Going to local events is good too. Google the name of your town and “What’s On” and you should get an Events calendar. Many are very low key local events, which you could attend. You could also ask around local charity shops to see if they need volunteers. That’s a good way to meet people and be part of a team. Local communities also organise things like Litter Picks or similar where people go to help out for a day or a few hours.

For Christmas, even the rural area I live in has a Christmas Lunch and Day event with lunch for whomever wants it, company, support. I can’t remember who runs ours. It might be the Salvation Army, or the church or a charity, but there’ll probably be something like that near you so you don’t have to spend Christmas alone.
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Thank you

It's an awful place to be some days
 
I can’t stress enough how getting out of the house helps, even if it’s just for a walk or to browse in shop windows. The natural light can help lift your mood. Also, if you do similar walks every day, you tend to see the same faces and can just say a friendly hello. Human interaction like that can help so much.

Remember too you have friends here to chat to. It doesn’t have to be about diabetes. There are general chat threads here too. There are also a lot of other online forums where you can share interests in music/films/hobbies/whatever. But mainly getting out can help. Remember that you’re not the only person in this situation. There will be lots of people just like you.
 
Just to add that if you’re really struggling, you should always seek medical support. It’s nothing to be ashamed of - and, again, you’re not alone in how you feel. Sometimes people need a little extra support or even meds to help them over bad times. Far more people than you’d imagine. Never be afraid to ask for what you need.
 
Inka said:
Just to add that if you’re really struggling, you should always seek medical support. It’s nothing to be ashamed of - and, again, you’re not alone in how you feel. Sometimes people need a little extra support or even meds to help them over bad times. Far more people than you’d imagine. Never be afraid to ask for what you need.
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I have given up on the nhs

Unless you have a schizophrenic or bipolar type illness they don't want to know

And if if you get on the waiting list to see a mental health expert it's 18 months

Even for basic counselling with your gp surgery ......12 months

Get more support on here
 
Any interested in gardening? If so, allotments can be good and they can be sociable spaces
 
Hi Taffy,
So sorry to hear about your trials and tribulations and that you are having such a tough time.
Some very good suggestions by Inka and I echo Tdm s thoughts about any interests do you have such as gardening where you can meet like minded people and share a common interest.
I know you said society focus’s on a happy life with everyone else appearing to enjoy the best of everything but I think if you knew the reality of many peoples lives you will fInd they are dealing with all kinds of stresses and strains financial,emotional and/ or health wise.
That is not to say many folk do not enjoy a contented life but much is to do with “ expectations” and not achieving what they think society may judge them a success or not.
Very important imo to focus on yourself and look after your own health both physical and mental and not worry too much about others.
Once you are more comfortable with your own thoughts and feelings you will probably get a much better perspective on any negative feelings you may have and hopefully can see more light.
I know it is much easier said than done but do not be afraid to seek help and wishing you the very best
 
Taffyboyslim said:
My often serious mental health problems have prevented me from developing a career , forming long term relationships with the opposite sex , having children etc

I cared for both my parents through dementia and got no help from my family so I am estranged from them and its for the best as I really don't want anything to do with them

It's incredibly difficult though , even more so with diabetes thrown in the mix

I don't like Christmas and that's a particularly bad time . My friends are married , have children and have the sort of family links and friend links etc that really matter

I have none of that , I am very isolated and it's affecting my mental and physical health in a bad way



I am 57 , live alone , have two chronic illnesses and really need some guidance and suggestion as to meeting people

It really is incredibly difficult , society is geared towards healthy people and smiling , happy families and it isn't my reality

Thank you
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Exactly, it's not your reality. Nor mine. I gave up on doing what others do just because that's what everyone does a long long time ago.

I suggest you do what makes you happy. That's what you should be aiming for.

There's also a difference between being alone and being lonely. I will admit though loneliness is a killer.

I wish you all the best.
 
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Wendal said:
Hi Taffy,
So sorry to hear about your trials and tribulations and that you are having such a tough time.
Some very good suggestions by Inka and I echo Tdm s thoughts about any interests do you have such as gardening where you can meet like minded people and share a common interest.
I know you said society focus’s on a happy life with everyone else appearing to enjoy the best of everything but I think if you knew the reality of many peoples lives you will fInd they are dealing with all kinds of stresses and strains financial,emotional and/ or health wise.
That is not to say many folk do not enjoy a contented life but much is to do with “ expectations” and not achieving what they think society may judge them a success or not.
Very important imo to focus on yourself and look after your own health both physical and mental and not worry too much about others.
Once you are more comfortable with your own thoughts and feelings you will probably get a much better perspective on any negative feelings you may have and hopefully can see more light.
I know it is much easier said than done but do not be afraid to seek help and wishing you the very best
Click to expand...

Very kind words

Thank you x
 
RichardsUsername said:
Exactly, it's not your reality. Nor mine. I gave up on doing what others do just because that's what everyone does a long long time ago.

I suggest you do what makes you happy. That's what you should be aiming for.

There's also a difference between being alone and being lonely. I will admit though loneliness is a killer.

I wish you all the best.
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I enjoy being alone and my own company but when you don't see anyone or get any phone calls for a week it's time to do something about it
 
Taffyboyslim said:
I enjoy being alone and my own company but when you don't see anyone or get any phone calls for a week it's time to do something about it
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I agree. Just make sure it's something you enjoy. What you need is balance.
 
Taffyboyslim said:
I enjoy being alone and my own company but when you don't see anyone or get any phone calls for a week it's time to do something about it
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Do you have a food bank where you live as they are often looking for volunteers to help out.
You mention having some friends so do they do any hobbies or activities you could join in with.
We have a magazine called Your Call and it has loads of local groups listed, there may be something similar near you and if there is anything that appeals to you could you ask one of your friends to go with you.
Are there any U3A groups where you are as they are pretty country wide.
 
Leadinglights said:
Do you have a food bank where you live as they are often looking for volunteers to help out.
You mention having some friends so do they do any hobbies or activities you could join in with.
We have a magazine called Your Call and it has loads of local groups listed, there may be something similar near you and if there is anything that appeals to you could you ask one of your friends to go with you.
Are there any U3A groups where you are as they are pretty country wide.
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This is the problem .....I have friends but they are married with kids

And you simply are not in their social circle
 
Tdm said:
Any interested in gardening? If so, allotments can be good and they can be sociable spaces
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All in our area they have men’s sheds, it’s a National loneliness charity, hobby based but recent feature on tv highlights is just to give the gents something to bond over and anyone is welcome.

Also mind often have local meet ups around certain themes and loads of other charities crying out for volunteers with loneliness as a theme to help each other, out local church runs loads of things each week on all sorts of themes.
 
Taffyboyslim said:
Sadly no , I enjoy walking in the country though
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There’ll be local walking groups near you, I’m sure. There are a couple where I live. Have a Google maybe? They’re usually quite informal so you’d be able to come and go as you chose.
 
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