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Teenage Rebellion?

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Oh, how I feel for you! All this on top of normal teen angst, exams and hormones! Heady mix, isn't it...

I have no advice other than hang in there: do the natural mum stuff. MOST teens go through some form of rebellion. As a teacher in remission, I've seen that loads of times. Parents and kids usually survive it. Mine gets grumpy and rude occasionally, but having lived with his dad being Typre 1 all his life, he knew what he was in for when his own diagnosis came in right in the middle of his GCSE exams this year. So far he's coping admirably and doing everything as he should, including talking through reducing his long term overnight insulin while he's away on anual camp with the cadets, as he'll be getting more exercise than has been usual recently.

Some kids seem to take it in their stride, some go into denial, some just rebel. If their actions are out of character, get some professional advice on what to look out for and what to do. If they are consistent with the kid's normal behaviour and character, keep a sharp eye out, and a softly softly approach. It's usually easier for them to take the scary bits in from professional stangers than from those closest to them, rather like sex education and drugs warnings. And if you CAN get them involved in forums or groups with their peers, that may well help a lot: kids will often take advice from their own age group that they'd reject out of hand from the adults around them. And some of that advice will be excellent.
 
I took the plunge yesterday and phoned my son's DSN as he had gone back to school so I was able to talk. We are due at clinic next Monday so I thought if I called now I could put her in the picture of what has been going on and warn her that I expect the HbA1c to go up next week, and to see if she could have some tactics ready to try on him. Though it was her 'office hours' day she was not there but the answerphone was on. Unfortunately I found myself gabbling into this machine saying how bad his control currently is - I have now found at best he is testing ONCE A WEEK - and even worse than that, he is not bothering, or rather claiming to 'forget' his Novorapid - something I suspected from the lack of any missing from the fridge - and he is eating for England - carbs especially.

She has not phoned back, and now my big fear is that I probably forgot to say that I want this discussion to be 'off the record' so I now fear that next Monday at his appointment she will start by saying 'Your mum phoned last week......' Beginning to panic now! I guess the sensible thing to do is ring again tomorrow and say that I want it treated in the strictest confidence, but of course if she is on holiday, she may not get the message in time. I'm thinking out loud now. Of course if she is off and no-one has listened to her messages, then I having nothing to fear anyway! Oh what a dilemma!
 
Hi Tina.

Firstly. Don't Panic !🙂

I would ring again tomorrow and leave a 2nd message making it as clear as possible that your communication is strictly confidential and that you need their help in helping your son.

If he's still honeymooning he can get away with it for so long, but eventually it will catch up with him and make him feel ill. Hopefully, the clinic can turn him around before it comes to that.

If they're aware of the issues, they will have methods they can use. It sounds like he's in complete denial. Not somewhere I've been but plenty on here have and survived.

The DSN won't do anything without listening to all of her messages first, so both your's will be heard.

I hope she comes back this week and gets back to you. You sound like you could do with some reassurances. Hang on in there.🙂

Rob
 
Thanks for that Rob. I did mention a few days ago that he needs to at least check in the mornings for the next little while as we still get guidance from them re his Lantus levels and they haven't changed for months. I worry that if his HbA1c goes up then they will tell him to up his Lantus, which could prove disasterous. I put that to him, and I think it actually went in, as he has tested a couple of times since the end of last week, and to be fair his results seem pretty ok, but having got such good figures a few months ago I fear we are on the slide. He hasn't had a hypo for a good while, which is another sign he isn't having much/any novorapid, and the cokes still sit in their rightful place untouched. At times we seem to rattle through them but not for the past few weeks. Fingers crossed! I will report back early next week. His HbA1c was 6.1 - I am really intruigued to see what it comes back at next week. Probably nothing to worry about, but I half hope it is up a fair bit in the hope that he gets a lecture/scare from it all. Aren't I wicked!
 
The good/bad news is that his HbA1c will be seen as excellent, obviously due to his honeymoon, and it will only go one way. The scale of it probably won't reflect his lack of care or control.

He's freewheeling at the moment but would be better to get into some decent habits now rather than taking it for granted.

He does need the professional, proverbial 'slap round the back of the head' (no violence inferred!😉) to show him that it's his condition and his responsibility to manage it or other people will have to sort it out for him later in life. All very hard at such a young age but we survive.

It would prob do him good to meet some of our more rebellious members who've been there and got the t-shirt and come through to realisation that life is only lived once and you need to save some body parts for later.

I saw your other post about sharps bins. Is he putting a lot of needles in despite not injecting ? ie. is he being secretive and trying to appear compliant ? If so, it may need mentioning to the DSN so she can consider psychological advice.🙂

Rob
 
No Rob, don't worry about the amount of sharps bins we have. We have them stored since early January, and back in the early days he had individual lancets too which were quite bulky in themselves, plus he up until prob June injected 5 times a day, so one litre bins filled pretty quickly. Now his current one has been sitting around for ages. He is being very open with his usage as he is a messy little so-and-so and leaves needles all over his desk. Now he is back at school I go in each day and tidy up a bit, so put them in the bin, but there are only one or two. I was very sneaky this morning (and I don't like that it has made me become a right sneak) and whilst he was in the shower I peaked at his novorapid pen. Consider that he put a new cartridge in before the August bank holiday as he went away with friends then, and his normal usager would be 4 doses a day x anything up to 12 units a time, there are still 180 units left. That is proof he isn't using any/much on a daily basis. Oh well, we will see what happens Monday.
 
I'm relieved to hear he isn't being secretive. That would add another dimension. Starightforward pig-headedness and kicking out against the thing that stops him from being 'normal'.

I can understand you feeling sneaky, which I would normally not condone, but it seems that you needed to know for sure.

If he's not using his insulin, he'll still need to change the cartridge before a month is out, due to the shelf life of the insulin. I think 28 days is the usual maximum.

I would imagine his biggest issue, if the DSN can get him back on track, will be to change his eatign habits back to some sort of structure. For my first few years, i needed snacks mid morning and afternoon but this was due to the insulin regime I (everyone) was on. With MDI, snacks can be an option, but I've never found they work unless you're exercising hard or are a bit clever with the meal doses and can figure one in shortly after a meal. Extra fat will also cause insulin resistance to a degree, which ay mean extra insulin is required and may even speed the demise of his own beta cells, which are clearly still hanging on in there. Maybe he could be persuaded to backtrack a bit in the hope that his control would be easier in the long run, rather than batter his pancreas into submission and have to battle for control like many of us do after decades. Just a thought.🙂

Keep posting. He clearly isn't going to come to much harm at the moment, so that's one less worry.

Rob
 
Robster65 said:
If he's not using his insulin, he'll still need to change the cartridge before a month is out, due to the shelf life of the insulin. I think 28 days is the usual maximum.


Rob
Click to expand...

Gosh, hadn't thought of that - good point. Will have to keep an eye on that. I know exactly when he changed it (though would have to look on the calendar for the exact date) it was the Thursday before the bank holiday, so if he hasn't taken a new cartridge within 4 weeks of that I must remember to jog his memory. Note to self on mobile phone I think!!!

He has seen the dietician at clinic a few months in as his weight is shooting up at a violent rate again, but she only suggested drinking diet coke before a meal. My boy can still drink a 2 litre bottle of diet coke in the evening and pack away a vast amount of food, it certainly doens't curb his appetite like she suggested it would. He admits food is the most important thing in his life - I would challenge that statement - his computer is - but at least now he is back at school there is a limit to what he can get his hands on for 7 hours a day!

We keep plenty of fruit and stuff in (I realise fruit is a bit iffy for diabetics) but he will eat anything he can get his hands on. If I don't have anything in he fancies he just goes over the shop with his own money and buys whatever he fancies.

I know I must sound awful, but I keep thinking the only way things are going to change is if he has a real scare of some kind. It's great to have my happy and generally well balanced teenage son back again, but I am just seen as one enormous nag if I try to discuss ANYTHING to do with his diabetes and eating habits. Oh the joys of parenthood!
 
I must pass the credit for the insulin date thing to Sarah. I wouldn't have thought of it either 🙄

All you can do is keep an eye on things and avoid the confrontation issues for now. If he thinks you're backing off, he may even open up after his DSN visit.

The drinking could be a sign of high BGs but if he's returning to normal levels, he's getting away with it for now.

He sounds like me as a teenager and presumably has difficulties socialising. I didn't have a computer but had a hi-fi and books. I had a couple of close friends and didn't feel the urge to seek out large groups. But I was basically shy and craved social contact without the ability to go get it. I wonder if he's using food and the computer as a distraction.

Im guessing he wouldn't want to join the circle-D facebook group or one of the other diabetic youth type forums ?

Even a personal blog where he can rant may help get it all out.

Gotta go now but keep doing what you're doing.

Rob
 
Thanks for all your input Rob. He is a pretty sociable lad, he does have a group of friends, one close one but a group of about 4 others too, and they do go out and about a bit in the evenings, when they can be bothered, but of course these days they all play computer games online together, so don't need to be actually physically together to be socialising. Bit of a change from my day!

I did get to speak to the DSN today after again leaving a message. She said she is not at all surprised this is happening at this stage (9 months) and does understand my concern, and assures me the team at the hospital are used to dealing with this type of thing. As she said though, some admit to what they are doing, others lie through their teeth. She did ask if he is likely to fill in the gaps in his diary (do others keep diaries of BG levels?) with made up figures because if they don't tally with the HbA1c they will ask to see his meter and then the truth will be out. I really don't think he will, and I think he may even admit when they look at his diary that he hasn't been doing all he should be. I have asked her to keep this conversation as confidential between the two of us. She is quite happy with that, and said as we all have that he is obviously still in the honeymoon period to be getting away with it at the moment.

I await Monday's appointment with interest.
 
She sounds like a very grounded and experienced DSN ! 🙂

Your son also sounds very grounded, despite wanting to remove diabetes from his life (which is probably quite reasonable I suppose!). I'm sure he will be persuaded that it's a pointless task and it will bite him sooner or later.

You can only sit and wait for the outcome next week. Meantime, post as much as you can. ANd it's a new series of Strictly starting. :D

Rob
 
ps. Just about everyone diagnosed as a teenager must have presented made up figures at the clinic. Especially before the days of meters.😱

I have (or rather Sarah has) kept a strict diary for the last 18 months btu prior to that I didn't bother. So if he does it properly, he's actually doing quite well.:D

But good habits are best started early on, so don't tell him or the DSN that.😱

Rob
 
Our DSN has let slip on a couple of occasions at home visits that her son (same age as mine I believe) is also type 1, though I have never liked to probe and ask how long he has lived with it. I guess that gives her great insight, though she is softly spoken and appears kind of 'perfect' if you know what I mean so I often wonder whether her son would dare break the rules. I am sure he's just a normal teenage lad though.

As for Strictly, well I have a husband who loathes that type of programme, and of course you would know being a man, your lot rule the remote :D You never know though, it's on at teatime tonight, so I may accidentally turn it over on my way to the dinner table with the meal!
 
Clinic appointment today, and as suspected his HbA1c has risen significantly - from 6.1 3 months ago to 9.1 today. I didn't go in on the consultation with him, they give him the choice and I think today he knew what was coming and wanted to fact it alone - I had no problems with that. He didn't take his diary in, but again not surprised at that, after all, there was very little in it.

The upshot is that he came out looking rather sheepish, and though I wasn't going to bombard him with questions, I just casually asked what his HbA1c was, then asked if he was surprised with that result. He said he told them that since finishing his GCSEs mid June there has been no real structure to his day and that is why it has all gone so wrong. They have told him to really tighten up his control, and the DSN is phoning me for a chat next week apparently and then coming to do a home visit in 4-6 weeks. I can't ask for more than that can I? He was suitably remorseful, so hopefully he really does knuckle down with it all now.
 
Sounds like it may help him to see the realiy of it all.

Maybe ask him what he thinks he can do to turn it round and leave it to him to gradually make the changes.

If it's on his terms he may go that bit further. Maybe. 🙂

Hope you're not too worried about it. The odd blip can be a stark reminder of how unforgiving it can be if left to its own devices over the long term.


Rob
 
Tina63 said:
Clinic appointment today, and as suspected his HbA1c has risen significantly - from 6.1 3 months ago to 9.1 today. I didn't go in on the consultation with him, they give him the choice and I think today he knew what was coming and wanted to fact it alone - I had no problems with that. He didn't take his diary in, but again not surprised at that, after all, there was very little in it.

The upshot is that he came out looking rather sheepish, and though I wasn't going to bombard him with questions, I just casually asked what his HbA1c was, then asked if he was surprised with that result. He said he told them that since finishing his GCSEs mid June there has been no real structure to his day and that is why it has all gone so wrong. They have told him to really tighten up his control, and the DSN is phoning me for a chat next week apparently and then coming to do a home visit in 4-6 weeks. I can't ask for more than that can I? He was suitably remorseful, so hopefully he really does knuckle down with it all now.
Click to expand...

Hopefully the DSN will be able to help you next week and the HbA1c rise has given him the incentive to get things back on track x
 
Yes I do truly think it was a bit of a wake up call for him. He saw the softer of the two consultants today, but then I think that enabled him to open up a bit and be a bit more honest than he might have been. The fact he has been so nice and friendly since we got home tells me he is kind of sorry in his own way!

I think I will start the odd gentle reminder to test each morning and I will also tell him carb content of dinner each night like I used to. It has been hard to get the balance right. I do sometimes think if he were younger I really could be the one to be properly 'in control' of it all for him, but of course I can't be like that now. I did carefully weigh and measure everything for the first few months and calculate his units, but the whole family thought I was over the top doing that. I think I was proved right though getting the HbA1c down from 15.8 to 6.1 in 6 months, and though it's unkind, would like to remind the whole family that since I have backed off this is what has happened. I guess I am just a bit cross with my family for telling me to leave him alone to get on with it then see things going quite badly the wrong way.

I am not really worried, I do see this just as a blip and hopefully a proper wake-up call to him, and he and I both know our GP will call him in now because months ago he wasn't happy with a 7.8 so he will have a field day with this. I might actually write to our GP explaining what has gone on recently and that we are on top of it and hopefully will start to turn things around from today. That may head off a letter from him to us! At least with the DSN coming to see us in a few weeks my son knows he has to start regaining good control.

Thank you for listening!
 
Hi Tina

Just a thought but is it worth sitting him down now whilst the visit is still fresh and ask him if there is anything you can do to help/support OR that he would like you to do to help/support him whilst he regains control.

This may seem a more "adult" approach for him, also the fact that most/some/many men like things to appear to be their idea, so if maybe worded right ie "I could weigh your food again if that would help" he may be happier to accept some support?

I think in many ways it's great that you have backed off, although I can see your point of view and I know I would be the same 😱 Sometimes guided mistakes are better than the non guided and its still early days he has been through so much just recently.


Hope the call goes ok from the dsn.

Take Care

Sarah x
 
I really can't be sure what's going on at the moment, but my son certainly is carrying his stuff around with him now he is back at school, and I just casually popped my head in his room last night and said 'Dinner will be 7 (units)' and walked out. He came down a few minutes later to see how long dinner would be, then just as I served up he disappeared to his room for a couple of minutes, which used to be his routine, to have his Novorapid. Hopefully that's what he did, only time will tell. I am just keeping a close eye on the amount of insulin in the fridge. Fingers crossed!
 
That sounds very promising Tina. Let's hope so !🙂

Rob
 
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