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Teenage Rebellion?

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T

Tina63

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Parent of person with diabetes
I am at a bit of a loss as to what to do. My 16 year old son was diagnosed at Christmas. His starting HbA1c was 15.8, at last clinic in June it was down to 6.1. We were over the moon. During June though he started running a bit high to avoid hypos during GCSEs, but has since then got very lax with it all. We saw the consultant at the last check up and she looked at his diary and commented that he obviously was able to gain good control afterwards, so she wasn't unduly concerned about it.

Well whether that gave him the green light to do as he likes, or whether it is all out silent rebellion, he has just become incredibly lax with it all. He used to test religiously before every meal and before bed every night, if he now tests once a day it's a miracle. When he was at school I used to sneak up and 'borrow' his monitor to update the diary when he was in the shower (he is aware I do it - he just doesn't like me talking about his diabetes in any form at all, so even asking to look at his monitor causes friction) but of course having been home since June his shower times are erratic and I rarely get a look now. I was shocked to find he had gone a whole week without testing a little while back. He admitted last weekend he woke in the 13s or 14s, having 'forgotten' his Novorapid with his meal the previous evening. Mealtimes too, I used to weigh everything and be very specific with it, telling him how many units etc, but he, and the rest of the family told me to 'back off' and let him take control, and now this is where we are at.

Oh, and even his prescriptions, well we used to need more testing strips and needles every 18-20 days, but this week I put the first prescription in for 2 months, and even then he went mad at me asking why I ordered stuff as he doesn't need it. He keeps telling me he doesn't need anything, well of course he won't if he isn't testing or is 'forgetting' to inject on a fairly regular basis. The fact he hasn't had a hypo in ages perhaps tells it's own story.

He has clinic again mid September, I suppose my only hope is that when (and not if) his HbA1c starts to rise again he will get a good talking to. I do try to talk to him, and try to mention long term implications, but he just doesn't want to listen. At clinic they seem all 'nicey nicey' with him too so I am not sure it will have any impact. Oh well........ The joys of being a parent!
 
Hi Tina,
sorry to hear you have all the worry about your son now.
I'm sorry to have to say most teenagers go through this stage and it's very hard on his/her loved ones having to stand back and watch what is going on.
Blame it on hormones and their thinking they are invincible 😱
The best aproach even though very hard as you are so concerned is to not comment on any results at all nor pester him to do his testing.
Have a look in the links section for some books that will help and also just in passing when it's mentioned he wants a driving licence, that he wont be able to drive due to his non existant control. This isn't your rule it's DVLA's.

Have a word with his DSN as well in private explain it all to her/him they have heard it all before so don't worry. Ask if there are any other youngsters your son can meet. Also perhaps show him a pump as well. Pumps take a lot of commitment and hard work so he will have to prove he is worth having that money spent on him and also he can and will use it properly.
Best wishes
Sue
 
Hi Tina.

It's a huge emotional and physical burden he's carrying and if he's not the sort to talk about (male, teenager 🙄) then he can only lash out at the diabetes and you, sadly.

I can only agree with Sue that a direct approach is unlikely to help anything but don' give up on him. At some point soon he'll need good control and will have to make that decision himself. The Driving licence being the perfect example from Sue. They're getting tougher each year about T1s.

I know from experience that T1s are especially good at lying to consultants and nurses about forgetting results and everything's ok really but they will get to know him before he does damage and hopefully be able to read the riot act. There's a few members on here who could probably scare him enough but he'd have to show an interest first.

Maybe he'll find a girlfriend who can turn him into the model diabetic. I hope so. Meantime, keep posting for your own sake.🙂

Rob
 
Hi Tina,

I really feel for you having read your post. You are both only months into "the diabetes life" and you really are going through it. Its so easy for people to say just to let them get on with it but like you my "motherly instincts kick in and we try and take some of the burden from them." If you are anything like me you will actually be feeling a bit guilty yourself that you cant do more to "make it all go away."

I dont think there is an overnight cure for your situation, I think that as he matures he will take more responsibility. Has he ever spoken to anybody about how his life has changed as he must be feeling very angry with what life has thrown him. His HBA1C at his next appointment will highlight to his team that there are problems, be honest with them and I am sure they will help you both.

My daughter is also 16 having just finished year 11 (4 years type 1) and has had a tough year although things are much better. I know she would be happy to talk to your son on MSN, facebook etc as a friend if you think it would help. If you think it would help just let me know and we can swap details etc.

Take care.
 
Just to add that Gill's mention of anger is spot on. I can remember feeling very resentful of everything and everyone but not havign anything to lash out at.

Some counselling or just someone who can get those feelings out would do him the world of good. But I do think that, at this moment, any attempt to over-protect him will not be a good thing.

My father was (and still is, bless him 🙂) very protective and I found it very oppressive and it delayed my full acceptance of diabetes. He has to go through the whole range of emotions before he will take it on board as his own responsibility. I suspect that will happen sooner than you think.

But it's awful for you too and as Gill said, you need to talk it all out as well.

Rob
 
Hi Gill,
I do realise how hard it is for a parent to watch a child go through all of this. I was speaking from the person with diabetes view point though.
It was in the hope that the acceptance for Tina's son would be easier and a bit more stress free for both of them.
I know my lovely Mum still worries about me now even though I am in my 50's and Mum is 75. I was diagnosed as a 4 year old child but can still remember the teenage years and the nagging as I called it 🙄 It caused a lot of resentment and rebellion.
So as I stated even though it's very hard for the parents not to keep on it's the best option to deal with things. Confide in the DSN and ask what help is available for both parents and child and work on it from there.
46 years down the line I am complication free so hope this proves that diabetes isn't all doom and gloom 🙂
Best wishes
Sue
 
Hi Tina

Does your son know you participate in the forum? Would he want to join so he can ask questions when/if he needs to? xx
 
Thank you for all your replies. I will try and answer all I can remember.

Driving - well yes he always intended to learn - that is until April when on top of his T1 diagnosis he had an eye test and learned he needed glasses for distance including driving. On top of everything else it was just the icing on the cake for him and he stormed out of the opticians refusing to get any glasses. So, at the moment, until he is prepared to address that, he won't be able to learn to drive anyway. I did point that out to him and his response of course was "Well I won't learn to drive then". Who knows, as his 17th birthday draws nearer, he may have a change of heart, I certainly hope so.

He knows I look on this forum, but I think if he found out I write about him he would go absolutely mad at me. He never ever wants to talk about his diabetes, let alone read anything about it, and the idea of talking to others about it, or reading (I did buy the Ragnar Hanas book after recommendations on here and think it's brilliant) about it to him is a complete no-no. When I bought the book his attitude was "What on earth have you bought that for, it's my problem, not yours." I did tell him he is welcome to look at it at any time but he just gave me a derisory laugh. He hates anyone asking about him or diabetes, so I try and head that off before it begins. I can understand that from his point of view, but of course I do understand too people being genuinely concerned about him.

We do know another local boy a bit younger than him, but his control is dreadful at the moment, to the point he is back on monthly appointments and even being told he will go back to twice daily injections if he doesn't buck his ideas up, and my lad was seemingly genuinely horrified at his behaviour only a couple of months ago, but here we are being very lax about it himself.

I guess I am only at this stage assuming his HbA1c will rise at the next appointment. Just because he doesn't test very often doesn't necessarily mean the figures will be bad, but I know we don't have the tight control we did a few months ago.

I did discuss pumps with him a while back when I first learned about them. They are not funded in our area, but he isn't interested in one anyway. He doesn't like the idea of being attached to something permanently, and to be fair has very good control with MDI when he follows the rules. He says the injections are no big deal - it's the finger pricking he hates.

I will try and contact his DSN if I can, but with him around all the time at the moment and her having an answerphone message on, it could be hard getting a time to talk privately (I am also a childminder so have a houseful of little children being the summer holidays). Maybe I wait until they return to school and ring her just ahead of his next appointment (mid September) so she is in the picture. At least then if the levels rise she knows why. Again though, he will go mad if he finds out I have spoken to her behind his back. I can't really win can I?

This does all make him sound a bad lad, but he really isn't. He's a lovely boy and has handled all of this fantastically really at a very difficult stage of his life, exams and all, but I guess being Mum I just want everything to be as perfect as it can be for him.
 
I forgot to add he did see a psychologist at school a few months ago as he was having big issues with anxiety away from home, and that seemed to sort a few things out. He was offered the chance to see her again at his last clinic appointment in June but he declined and couldn't get out of the hospital quick enough. He hates going, it is a big deal to him. He hardly ever even saw our GP before diagnosis, so now having all this association with the medical profession is horrible for him. He does go out all the time now and stays over at friends' overnight too, has been away with a friend's family for a long weekend and my husband and I are going away in a weeks' time leaving him home with his elder sister for the week. I have myself got over a lot of the anxiety of what could happen to him if I wasn't there, so it will do us all good to have this break from each other. His sister is a very good level headed girl and was in fact the one who persuaded him he had a problem at Christmas and helped getting him diagnosed, so I know she will take it all seriously if any incident arises. They are very close so that's all good. She has even asked if she can go with him to the hospital next time. I am all for that, in fact she will probably tell the truth if things aren't good and will not get the sharp edge of his tongue like I would! She could prove very useful! Maybe again whilst we are away he may open up to her a bit more. She will be able to get through to him where I fail.
 
HI Tina,

I am not sure if this helps re getting your concerns to his GP/Nurse but I had a similar problem with my mum recently. I couldn't ask questions with her about/was worried sick she found out I had been talking to her gp/ wasn't sure if I actually was allowed to speak to her GP without her say so.

In the end, I wrote a very long letter, pouring out my concerns and also about how the letter had to stay totally confidential from my mum. I also added at the end of the letter if I was doing anything I shouldn't in contacting them I understood if they could not help.

I was so surprised when the very next day, I received a call from the GP telling me everything I had said and done was okay and she promised me complete confidentiality.

She has worked with me since in getting my mum an assessment which has shown she is in the early stages of dementia. I never thought I would get mum to agree to an assessment of this time - but its all thanks to the GP and the support team she now sees (again agreed to because of gp help).

I would therefore suggest you write everything down and post it - asking for complete confidentiality. My GP has since told me its the best method - she read my letter 3 times before contacting me - with a phone call she wouldn't have had the time to do this.

By writing the letter you will also receive some support which I think you deserve too.

Sorry I can't help with how to help a teenage diabetic specificially, but thought this might help you?🙂
 
Hi Tina,
your lad sounds just like a normal teenager so no worries no one thinks he is a bad lad.
It has prob just dawned on him diabetes is for life.
The DSN will have an email addy you can write to, so drop her a line 🙂
Your area has to by law fund pumps or make provision for pumps to be had from the nearest hospital.
Everyone is doubtful about being attached to a pump 24/7 but after a few hours you just don't notice it.
Has it been drummed into his head that he can eat the same as everyone else does as long as he injects for it?

Glasses! Can he have contact lenses? Men/boys 🙄
 
I would therefore suggest you write everything down and post it - asking for complete confidentiality. My GP has since told me its the best method - she read my letter 3 times before contacting me - with a phone call she wouldn't have had the time to do this.

By writing the letter you will also receive some support which I think you deserve too.

Sorry I can't help with how to help a teenage diabetic specificially, but thought this might help you?🙂[/QUOTE]

Thanks very much for this Lucy, I will certainly bear it in mind, and maybe just sit tight until our next appointment and see exactly what his results are, then take it from there. A very good idea though. I am not very good at talking directly to the medical profession anyway, I am always a bit tongue tied and nervous myself, but I can write for England! Our GP will be very stern with him if things aren't good, and that may be enough to get him thinking and behaving a bit more over it, but I don't want them thinking I am not taking it seriously on his behalf. As I said earlier, I used to weigh and calculate all his carbs for meals, and it worked, the figures spoke for themselves, but he just got to the point he was sick of me telling him "7 units tonight, plus 2 more if you want pudding" etc. To be fair, he knows the values of most of the regular stuff we have, knows to read labels on processed food, but there is a good amount of guesswork going in by him at the moment too I fear.
 
Pumper_Sue said:
Hi Tina,
your lad sounds just like a normal teenager so no worries no one thinks he is a bad lad.
Has it been drummed into his head that he can eat the same as everyone else does as long as he injects for it?

Food - well there's another issue. My lad was seriously overweight before diagnosis, lost a shocking amount of weight, which is why I knew what was wrong with him before he did. The problem is he now eats for England again and is piling the weight back on at an alarming rate. Initially we were really anti him eating anything too sweet, being told he should only have cereals where the sugar content is less than a third of the total carbs, but over time he has started eating ANYTHING, including putting sugar in tea, honey on toast etc, saying to me "They told me in hospital I can eat anything." I even caught him a couple of weeks ago with a large (family sized) bar of galaxy chocolate in his room, and by morning he had eaten the whole bar. I don't have a clue if/how much he injected for it. The thing is, from what I can see nothing seems to do him any real harm - not yet that is.
Click to expand...
 
We did catch him at diagnosis before he went into Ketoacidosis - ketones were 'only' 2.4, so he hasn't had a foretaste of what that's like, but I sometimes think it will take a serious illness to show him how seriously he needs to take it. I really do hope I am just overreacting.
 
Food - well there's another issue. My lad was seriously overweight before diagnosis, lost a shocking amount of weight, which is why I knew what was wrong with him before he did. The problem is he now eats for England again and is piling the weight back on at an alarming rate. Initially we were really anti him eating anything too sweet, being told he should only have cereals where the sugar content is less than a third of the total carbs, but over time he has started eating ANYTHING, including putting sugar in tea, honey on toast etc, saying to me "They told me in hospital I can eat anything." I even caught him a couple of weeks ago with a large (family sized) bar of galaxy chocolate in his room, and by morning he had eaten the whole bar. I don't have a clue if/how much he injected for it. The thing is, from what I can see nothing seems to do him any real harm - not yet that is.
Click to expand...

Your team gave him some good advice. I should have said anything in moderation, except full fat coke etc and sweets.
It sounds to me as if he is going through the honeymoon period so can cope with things a bit better than he would if not honeymooning.

Sweets etc are best eaten after the main meal so less of an inpact on blood sugars.
It does sound to me as if he is in full blown rebellion, Cereals are a no no to most diabetics as so much sugar in them.
Perhaps not have them in the house? A bit hard on other family members but then they are not that healthy anyway. (cereals not family)

All you can do is guide him as best you can and see that he has plenty of healthy options available.
Hopefully with your love and concern he will come out of the rebellion sooner rather than later. Just hang in there, it must be so hard not showing the concern outwardly for him.
 
Hi Tina

I have just joined the forum today, my son was diagnosed 3 years ago but we are just hittting the teenage years, he will be 14 at the end of this month. My son will only test voluntarily if he is feeling weird and suspects a hypo. I don't think he understands how serious the long term implications could be, they scare the hell out of me!

My other two children are only 9 and 5 so this is my first experience of the teenage years so not sure how much is normal and how much is the resentment and anger about the diabetes?!

Even though it is sad that we are in this situation it is nice to be able to chat to people in the same boat.

Take care

Cat
 
Hi Tina ...

Im Heidi, mam to Nathan, aged 16 and type 1 for the past 4 and a half years.

I can only draw on my own experience with Nathan to try and help you with your son.

Firstly, because your son is newly diagnosed could it be possible he is still in some form of denial over his diagnosis? .. that is a natural reaction ... for a teenager, life as they knew it has changed ... but not over ... teenagers strive to fit in be accepted, and anything they seem to have to do that other peers dont .. is not classed as normal ... I had these conversations with Nathan .. and it has taken him time to accept, come to terms with, that he is as normal as the next person ... my mantra ... " Whats normal ??? ... normals only a cycle on a washing machine."

Boys do tend to be laid back ... and unfortunately do take risks .... Nathan has ... and still rebels and tries to do his uptmost not to conform ... but then he realises he doesnt feel to well .... and that taking his insulin is the only thing that is needed.

This doesnt however help us mam's ... when all we want to do is protect, help, love and assure them ... hence my grey hairs ...

I have had insulin pens thrown at me, as well as, its my fault he is diabetic .. ultimately Nathan, as with any teenager is lashing out .. and as us as fab mams are right in the firing line ... also diabetes is a perfect weapon for a teenager ... and god do they us it ... they will manipulate it to there advantage.. and will become ruthless in there words and actions ....

The main lesson I have learned with Nathan .. as hard as it is.... avoid getting into a battle over it, and confrontation... teenagers thrive off getting a reaction ... ultimatelt we cannot physically hold them down and force them to take there insulin.

The approach I have adopted with Nathan is ... keep all lines of communication open, get them to talk openly, honestly about how they feel about it ... try to keep things postive ... there is nothing a diabetic cannot achieve in life .... it will not stop them from reaching goals etc ... Yeah, Nathan has missed injections, wont test blood etc ... but he has told me ... and thats the most important thing ... at least if things go wrong I am aware ... I dont agree with this... but Im not diabetic, I have no idea what its like to inject insulin to keep me alive ... But there isnt a day goes by that I dont wish it was me instead of Nathan ... He has to learn, and yes, may be the hard way, but its is there diabetes, there body, and have to understand all areas and variables of the impact it has on there life. But that said is life not a learning curve ... Im sure we all have rebelled over something when we were teenagers...

I have taken a hard approach with Nathan over the past couple of years ... He knows the bottom line.. Diabetes cant be dressed up ... its a c**p condition ... but managable, controlable.

Eventually your son will emerge from the inital shock of diagnosis, and may be he will start posting here ... if he does want to chat, in his own time .. Nathan is on facebook and a keen xboxer, and would be only to happy to offer an ear for your son ... You also need support, so keep posting, and please pm me at anytime if I can help.

Heidi
xx🙂
 
Thanks very much Heidi and Cat, it's great talking to someone in the same position who truly knows where I am coming from and the issues I face. My lad though not behaving perfectly does actually come and tell me if things have gone way off radar, like for instance the admittance the other week that he had woken at either 13 or 14 point something (can't remember which but 5 - 6 is normal waking range for him) then admitting he had forgotten his Novorapid. He was quite panicked about forgetting his Lantus too once and came to me with his tail between his legs asking for advice.

He keeps quoting "They told me there's nothing I can't eat" though when I find him coming back from the shop with something I consider 'bad' and I just get told in a typical teenage fashion to get off his case.

We do have a really good relationship on the whole, and a good family unit as a whole, he and his sister are really close, so at times he opens up to her a bit more, so we will just keep plodding on for now. Thank you for all your support. Boys eh? And Teenage boys at that!
 
Have to admit back in my teens I got very sloppy also. Avoiding blood tests (still hate the things but well who doesn't), and even skipping injections as "what's the worst that can happen".

Think my big wake up wasn't my long term bloods, which didn't really get higher than 8 through it, but on a visit to the clinic and sitting there in the waiting room and chatting to this lady there who had lost her leg due to bad control she explained "how us whipper snappers should look after ourselves" and then showing off of a very disgustingly mangled leg was pretty much enough shock treatment to drum into my teeny mind that ok, maybe I'm not invincible.

Mother wise all she did was really irritate me and get my back up which fed the whole rebellion thing. Actually saying which, she still does and I'm 35 now but still doesn't stop her "you can't eat that!" lectures off her 🙄
 
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We are still under the children's service at the moment, so no chance of meeting anyone with amputations yet - saying that, he did have his retinopathy screening at our local GPs and a man there was in a wheelchair with a leg missing. Not sure that early on after diagnosis (it was only weeks in) if he made the connection - I did. I don't know when he will be passed over to adult services, but maybe then it will hit home. That is true though, shock tactics may be the thing.
 
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