taboo

[Patricia]

Can I put in a plea here for the dads that are involved too? My husband is a rock, knows as much as I do if not more, and loves his children to the ends of the earth and back. Hence he sat in France for three days on E's school trip, right alongside but out of sight.

I know many mothers are in this and many other things on their own -- believe me, I do know, from so many situations....But mothers have not cornered the market on strength and love and stamina. Men and women may seem to love differently sometimes, but the depth of love is equal.

Heidi and Adrienne -- well, I guess if I'd been left to my own devices I probably wouldn't have been able to front out either E's day trip to London (done 3 months after diagnosis) or the french trip, done 7 months after diagnosis. But his desire to do both was clear, and I swallowed my own fears quite dramatically, and then considered it my duty to put as much into place as I could to enable him to do these things. In the event he had a dreadful hypo in London (but a teacher was with him), and in France things didn't go to plan, though he was always safe.

I don't know. I'm naturally cautious. It's my husband who is dead determined that E should do everything and anything he sets himself to. And lo, he does. We work very, very hard to enable it all, but it's meant that diabetes has had the chance, sometimes, to step into the shadows for him. Perhaps one of the things mothers are good at is holding on -- and one of the things fatheres are good at is letting go?! Don't know. But at E's age, 13, letting go is more and more important I feel, for him anyway.

Adrienne -- I can only say that actually you *can't* allow your daughter to go away without you, can you? I mean, it just wouldn't work, would it? You are in a tough, tough situation, from which you obviously make real and true happiness. This is such a gift. It must be flipping exhausting to be responding to alarms all the time. How difficult, difficult. I'm amazed you can put together a sentence, truly.

Bev et al, I'm sure there must be a saying about 'having the strength to change what you can, and the wisdom to accept what you can't' etc? Hope it's not too cheesy... It's recognising what's what though which is so hard!

 

[AJL]

'having the strength to change what you can, and the wisdom to accept what you can't' etc?

Sorry if I'm going off the topic a little (don't intend to) but I'm facing difficulties at the moment and Patricia's comment is so true - I had been feeling sorry for myself but about three weeks ago, when I woke up one morning, the thought just went through my mind that I had you have to deal with what life throws at you - not always easy but so helpful if you can believe in that yourself - however if I hear one more person say to me "well you have to be positive don't you" (although these were all people that I love so I teased them about it)

I think that we're lucky when we can find the strength and wisdom but should also accept that it is not always that easy to find these..................and I think that is some ways that helps us to accept who we are

ooops sorry if this sounds too philosophical, wasn't mean to just been doing a lot of thinking lately...........🙄

 

[SilentAssassin1642]

I posted something about this over at livejournal...and have since been told I have been inciting panic and causing drama for no reason It's horrible when you just report something with no bad intentions and you even SAY that and say that you want to have a discussion about it because you're worried, and the next thing is people are jumping in on the post accusing you of inciting panic because of it. I never meant that to happen, i just wanted to talk about it because it scared me silly

 

[Munjeeta]

Hi Bev... Can I just say good on you for posting this and also to other people for reacting rationall, supportively and positively. I haven't read all the posts (because I find it too difficult to face up to it sometimes) but I will when I am ready too. The facing up to mortality on a daily basis is something I've fought (very recently) to come to terms with and I'm not sure I'm quite ready to face it all over again. But, realistically, as a diabetic (or someone who cares for or is close to a diabetic) it is something that affects us all and should be discussed. i'm sorry I can't add any more to this thread at the moment 🙄

 

[Adrienne]

I posted something about this over at livejournal...and have since been told I have been inciting panic and causing drama for no reason It's horrible when you just report something with no bad intentions and you even SAY that and say that you want to have a discussion about it because you're worried, and the next thing is people are jumping in on the post accusing you of inciting panic because of it. I never meant that to happen, i just wanted to talk about it because it scared me silly

Hi
How ridiculous. We are all frightened whether we admit to it or not and we all need to lean on someone at some point and surely these sort of support groups are a part of that leaning process.

AJL wrote "Sorry if I'm going off the topic a little (don't intend to) but I'm facing difficulties at the moment and Patricia's comment is so true - I had been feeling sorry for myself but about three weeks ago, when I woke up one morning, the thought just went through my mind that I had you have to deal with what life throws at you - not always easy but so helpful if you can believe in that yourself - however if I hear one more person say to me "well you have to be positive don't you" (although these were all people that I love so I teased them about it) "

Sorry you are facing problems at the moment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling sorry for yourself sometimes. It is part of life, diabetes or not ! I had little sleep last night with this flippin alarm going and I then had to be in school for the morning as carer and by lunchtime I flipped. I had a go or was snappy about something (to do with carers at school) and I snapped at whomever would listen. I apologised to my friend later but she understood anyway as her daughter also has type 1 but it does get to you.

Remember though that a trouble halved and all that and there are loads of us here to help and make you laugh

 

[runner]

Can I put in a plea here for the dads that are involved too?

Absolutely, interestingly I was about to end my last post with "you never stop being a mother" but decided to put "parent" instead for just that reason.

Salmonpuff, that's a shame because sometimes we do need to talk about the realities of mortality and there's nothing worse than being scared and not being able to talk about it. I guess that's why bev very aptly named the thread 'taboo', because it still is a taboo subject socially.

 

[Adrienne]

I know lots of dads who are brilliant with this diabetes lark. I also know lots of dads who think they are brilliant at it, I know lots of dads who still don't believe it is happening. I know lots of dads who just ignore it.

I have found through my many contacts over the years that many dads take a lot longer to get over the fact that their child is not perfectly healthy anymore and that their lives as a family will be different to a certain extent. It seems to be like a honeymoon period that diabetes goes through and so does the dad. It seems to be the mums who jump to it and realise they have to step up to the plate immediately and the dads take alot longer. Many families have more arguments as the dads think that mum is overdoing it and doesn't need to test so much etc etc.

Eventually some of these dads will get there but some don't and it is left up to the mums to do the lions share if not all.

That is just a general observation and not all dads by any means.

I know a handful of dads who are expert and mum will happily leave their precious bundles in their care. Some are also expert at supporting the mum which is also a great job and a necessity.

Personally I trust the carers at school 100% more than my daughter's dad. He has just made too many mistakes over the years and bringing her home hypo and not following rules and generally being a plonker ! He has just been diagnosed type 2 himself (few months at most on diet alone). His first sentence to my daughter was 'oh its easier for you because you can just count carbs and eat what you like and have insulin, I have to watch what I eat now'!!!!! What can I say, that says it all really doesn't it.