Struggling?

[imtrying]

Hi everyone.

I feel bad posting this today, after reading so many positive and inspirational posts today, but I'm just getting very close to struggling.

I wrote a long post but felt like it was too negative, so I've written a blog post instead (http://charltonangel.blogspot.com/2012/03/when-does-it-stop.html)

This is some of it.

Right now, I just feel like I'm lost. The more I try to manage my diabetes, the more problems I seem to have. As soon as I 'fix' one problem, another one emerges. I still haven't heard any news about the pump, but I know I just need to be patient...but that emotional rollercoaster isn't helping.

I'm fed up with testing ALL the time.
I'm fed up with all the injections, and adjustment injections.
I'm fed up with having to inject my basal twice a day.
I'm fed up with not being able to just eat, without having to numerically analyse it.
I'm fed up with having to test and make sure my levels are at a certain number before driving...TWICE a day!
I'm fed up with hypos before I go to bed, making me sleep deprived,
I'm fed up with hypos or highs at inconvenient times that stop or delay me doing something. I'm just plain fed up.

For once I'd like to get up, without having to think about anything more than getting dressed.
I'd like to just eat, just because I was hungry, with no other thought.
I'd like to just get in my car and drive.
I'd like to just decide to go to bed...and that it could just be so, without a blood test, adjustment dose, and then a basal injection.
I'd like to be able to leave the house with just my keys and phone...without checking I have my blood test kit, that I have enough strips, that I've got my injection, spare needles, spare cartridges, fast acting sugar for hypos, slow releasing carbs for recovery and a book to record it all down in.

Sorry for this being so negative. I'm sure I'll pick myself up soon enough, but jsut feeling a litte deflated at the moment.

 

[Caroline]

There is no need to say sorry for being negative. Everyone has a day like this from time to time.

We all understand here, and it helps to tell others. I hope you are feeling better soon.

 

[margie]

Sorry that you are fed up Katie - actually your post doesn't sound that negative to me - maybe the likes at the end helped to start lifting it again.

Diabetes can be trying at times - and its easy to get frustrated. I try to realise how much better off we are in terms of treatment that a 100 or so years ago - or in parts of the world where we would need to be rich to get our hands on insulin. It helps give me perspective.

It may not help you to think that way - hope it doesn't make you feel worse. At least having a rent will have helped you get stuff out of your system.

 

[vince13]

All the sentiments in your thread will, I'm sure, ring a bell with most of those on this Forum. Having said that, it doesn't particularly help you to know others feel the same as you are at present, does it ? ....no !

Well, you know the mood WILL lift and things WILL turn around and you WILL begin to feel more positive again - I'm just very sorry I can't predict when though.

When I was very depressed with things in Autumn of last year it did help me to know that others on here knew what I meant when I posted negative feelings because they have all gone through the "living with Diabetes" thing, instead of being (like most professionals we come across) "experts" in the theory of having the condition.

All I can do is wish you a more positive future very soon and send virtual hugs - it seems so useless to me but it might help in a very small way. Good luck,

 

[trophywench]

Kat-eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Would you want to hazard a guess how many times over the last 40 years I've felt exactly how you describe your feelings at the moment? - cos I wouldn't, far too numerous.

But you know what?

After I've felt that for a little while I know by now for a fact (because I've had so much practice over the years) that I become a bit like Worzel Gummidge ( - remember him? - how he used to have a 'Thinking head' he'd have to put on, well, in order to think about a problem?) - but I put my Mrs Angry head on. 😡 And I say to my diabetes, 'Well - up yours* then, D ! if you think you'll get one over on ME you have another think coming!' - and I attack him with renewed vigour.

So then I put my Mrs Sensible and Very Determined head back on (cos it was there all the while really, usually under all the stuff in the ironing basket) and have another go.

* that's not what I say to my D, only I can't say exactly what I do say because I'd be banned for posting profanities - although I will just say it's a short phrase involving both sex and travel ...... 😱

And then he calms down a bit and behaves himself again.

He's a bit of a spoiled brat really, isn't he? You always know he'll try and catch you unawares again sometime with his 'attention seeking' misbehaviour - and you have to try to keep one step ahead. And as soon as you are daft enough to become a bit complacent, he'll remind you he's still there. At the moment I am slightly ahead, but FWIW I wasn't in December and January. I landed up having 3 visits to my DSN within a fortnight to sort myself out and it's still a bit of a work in progress, but we're getting there ......

Just like you will, too. Honest ! 🙂

 

[everydayupsanddowns]

That is a great post Katie. And, in funny kind of way, inspirational, because it speaks into the reality of living with D day to day.

I think every HCP involved in treating people with diabetes should be made to read it.

Yes it can feel like that sometimes. We have all been there many times. I know I have.

But (slipping into trite cliche mode) "this too will pass".

Hang in there.

Either a) give yourself a break from trying to fix problems for a week. Or b) focus on one and keep chipping away at it, while taking a good look over your shoulder to realise how far you have come already.

If all else fails, go into a big space and shout/scream very very loudly 🙂

 

[imtrying]

There is no need to say sorry for being negative. Everyone has a day like this from time to time.

We all understand here, and it helps to tell others. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Thanks Caroline, here's hoping it's just a day! 🙂

Sorry that you are fed up Katie - actually your post doesn't sound that negative to me - maybe the likes at the end helped to start lifting it again.

Diabetes can be trying at times - and its easy to get frustrated. I try to realise how much better off we are in terms of treatment that a 100 or so years ago - or in parts of the world where we would need to be rich to get our hands on insulin. It helps give me perspective.

It may not help you to think that way - hope it doesn't make you feel worse. At least having a rent will have helped you get stuff out of your system.

Hi Margie, thanks for your understanding words. I think I just needed to let off some steam, rather than doing what I do the rest of the time and just keep it to myself. All these responses are making me feel better already 🙂

All the sentiments in your thread will, I'm sure, ring a bell with most of those on this Forum. Having said that, it doesn't particularly help you to know others feel the same as you are at present, does it ? ....no !

Well, you know the mood WILL lift and things WILL turn around and you WILL begin to feel more positive again - I'm just very sorry I can't predict when though.

When I was very depressed with things in Autumn of last year it did help me to know that others on here knew what I meant when I posted negative feelings because they have all gone through the "living with Diabetes" thing, instead of being (like most professionals we come across) "experts" in the theory of having the condition.

All I can do is wish you a more positive future very soon and send virtual hugs - it seems so useless to me but it might help in a very small way. Good luck,

Thank you, I'm sure I'm benefitting from the postive wishes already. Sometimes it's just enough to know someone's listened, and even better when someone's heard.

 

[imtrying]

Kat-eeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Would you want to hazard a guess how many times over the last 40 years I've felt exactly how you describe your feelings at the moment? - cos I wouldn't, far too numerous.

But you know what?

After I've felt that for a little while I know by now for a fact (because I've had so much practice over the years) that I become a bit like Worzel Gummidge ( - remember him? - how he used to have a 'Thinking head' he'd have to put on, well, in order to think about a problem?) - but I put my Mrs Angry head on. 😡 And I say to my diabetes, 'Well - up yours* then, D ! if you think you'll get one over on ME you have another think coming!' - and I attack him with renewed vigour.

So then I put my Mrs Sensible and Very Determined head back on (cos it was there all the while really, usually under all the stuff in the ironing basket) and have another go.

* that's not what I say to my D, only I can't say exactly what I do say because I'd be banned for posting profanities - although I will just say it's a short phrase involving both sex and travel ......

And then he calms down a bit and behaves himself again.

He's a bit of a spoiled brat really, isn't he? You always know he'll try and catch you unawares again sometime with his 'attention seeking' misbehaviour - and you have to try to keep one step ahead. And as soon as you are daft enough to become a bit complacent, he'll remind you he's still there. At the moment I am slightly ahead, but FWIW I wasn't in December and January. I landed up having 3 visits to my DSN within a fortnight to sort myself out and it's still a bit of a work in progress, but we're getting there ......

Just like you will, too. Honest ! 🙂

lol Trophy, you always make me giggle 🙂 but you're right, what I am feeling right now is not the first time someone's felt like this, and it probably won't be the last time I feel like this.

I feel better (I think) for having shared, but you are spot on when you say about not letting it win. I'm not having it affect me in any more ways than it already does, and if I get down about it, that's just another way.

So, tomorrow is a new day, and I will start it with a 2-finger salute to the D! It's my mum's birthday tomorrow, and it is NOT going to ruin it for me. Thank you 🙂

 

[imtrying]

That is a great post Katie. And, in funny kind of way, inspirational, because it speaks into the reality of living with D day to day.

I think every HCP involved in treating people with diabetes should be made to read it.

Yes it can feel like that sometimes. We have all been there many times. I know I have.

But (slipping into trite cliche mode) "this too will pass".

Hang in there.

Either a) give yourself a break from trying to fix problems for a week. Or b) focus on one and keep chipping away at it, while taking a good look over your shoulder to realise how far you have come already.

If all else fails, go into a big space and shout/scream very very loudly 🙂

ah thanks Mike...I never saw it ever being turned into a good thing! But I agree, I suppose it would be a good thing for people to realise what just ONE day can be like...let alone all the rest. I know I don't suffer too much, and I should be grateful for that, but there are plenty of others who struggle like this every day.

The big wide open space is sounding very appealing....!!

 

[workhorse]

Hi Katie. I don't think I have the right to reply to your post as I only have type2, for eight months, on diet alone, and a top meter reading of 6.8. But I am going to risk it and say that after reading your post I will never feel sorry for myself again. I do not know enough about diabetes to offer advice so all i can do is to offer you my sincere and heartfelt hope that you very soon get the uplift of spirit that you need. I think Essex girls are known for their resilient nature. Hope all gets better for you very soon. Regards, Mick.

 

[Steff]

Hi Katie. I don't think I have the right to reply to your post as I only have type2, for eight months, on diet alone, and a top meter reading of 6.8. But I am going to risk it and say that after reading your post I will never feel sorry for myself again. I do not know enough about diabetes to offer advice so all i can do is to offer you my sincere and heartfelt hope that you very soon get the uplift of spirit that you need. I think Essex girls are known for their resilient nature. Hope all gets better for you very soon. Regards, Mick.

ONLY type 2? its numerical number may be higher then 1 but its still serious

 

[slipper]

Hi katie, although I'm a 2, I can empathise in that being long term ill with other problems too, now and again it really drives us all into despair. There is no simple answer but for the knowledge that it will pass before too long and in the meantime complain as much as you like and vent your feelings to the rest of us.

Whilst it is hard to look at it all in a positive way, it is worse I think to think too much about the negatives. Easier said than done I know, but the worse thing I do is reminisce about what I used to be able to do and cant now, but thats a dead end road to go down, nothing gained there, just more frustration.

So just spout off Katie, best therapy until you feel a little better which I hope is very soon, and spring is just around the corner.

 

[newbs]

I so know where you are coming from with this post at the moment. Life can be so hard sometimes, but it does help to get it all out. I hope you feel better about things soon, take care.

 

[trophywench]

Workhorse - don't say that - all things are comparative. An 8 for you probably has the same effect as double figures for someone else - because every single one of us is different! No matter what 'type' we are.

You have as much right as anyone else to have a darn good whinge - whenever you need one!

 

[Laureny019]

Hi Katie. In a weird way I'm glad you posted this as I was just thinking/ feeling pretty much everything you mentioned. I was just thinking " I really can't be bothered" but after reading everyone's helpful advice to you, im feeling a bit better & bit more motivated again . hope everything's eases up a bit for you soon 🙂

 

[imtrying]

Hi Katie. I don't think I have the right to reply to your post as I only have type2, for eight months, on diet alone, and a top meter reading of 6.8. But I am going to risk it and say that after reading your post I will never feel sorry for myself again. I do not know enough about diabetes to offer advice so all i can do is to offer you my sincere and heartfelt hope that you very soon get the uplift of spirit that you need. I think Essex girls are known for their resilient nature. Hope all gets better for you very soon. Regards, Mick.

Thanks for your kind words Mick and like others have said, you have as much right to moan as i do - there's always someone worse than us but it doesn't mean our feelings aren't warranted. I'm glad others have said the same too.

I sometimes feel some type 2s have it worse with trying to maintain a sometimes very strict diet, and don't even get me started on how difficult it is for 1.5s!

Whatever type you are, your post is welcomed and very appreciated. And I for one am appreciative for your kind words that, along with others posts, have helped me through a pants day. Keep posting Mick!

 

[imtrying]

Hi katie, although I'm a 2, I can empathise in that being long term ill with other problems too, now and again it really drives us all into despair. There is no simple answer but for the knowledge that it will pass before too long and in the meantime complain as much as you like and vent your feelings to the rest of us.

Whilst it is hard to look at it all in a positive way, it is worse I think to think too much about the negatives. Easier said than done I know, but the worse thing I do is reminisce about what I used to be able to do and cant now, but thats a dead end road to go down, nothing gained there, just more frustration.

So just spout off Katie, best therapy until you feel a little better which I hope is very soon, and spring is just around the corner.

Thanks Slipper. I do feel better, I'm trying not to worry too much and everyone's kind words has helped me through that dark cloud today. Thank you.

 

[Steff]

I just wanted to clear up i was not being milicious in my post to Mick btw I just got abit miffed at the word ONLY type 2

Mick sorry if i offended you ..

p.s sorry for hijacking

 

[imtrying]

Hi Katie. In a weird way I'm glad you posted this as I was just thinking/ feeling pretty much everything you mentioned. I was just thinking " I really can't be bothered" but after reading everyone's helpful advice to you, im feeling a bit better & bit more motivated again . hope everything's eases up a bit for you soon 🙂

Thanks Lauren, and if my post has helped you or anyone else, then I'm glad I did post it. I'll be back to my old happy positive self in no time I'm sure! 🙂

I so know where you are coming from with this post at the moment. Life can be so hard sometimes, but it does help to get it all out. I hope you feel better about things soon, take care.

Thanks Newbs. And yes it has really helped actually. Whilst I might have the odd moan, I don't normally share such negative private thoughts...normally just try to deal with things myself and not let anyone realise how I'm feeling.

I always feel guilty about whining so try to just focus on everyone else instead. But today I think i really needed it...once I started typing more and more stuff was coming out. I'm glad i have all you guys on here as I can't talk to anyone else.

 

[imtrying]

I just wanted to clear up i was not being milicious in my post to Mick btw I just got abit miffed at the word ONLY type 2

Mick sorry if i offended you ..

p.s sorry for hijacking

Lol I'm glad you did Steff... Don't want anyone feeling like that. It's all difficult, for all of us 🙂