Struggling

[Sazzaroo]

Hi,

I have a mixture of feelings at present, self loathing, anger, frustration just to name a couple but need to get it out so I do apologise. I currently am at rock bottom where weight loss/diabetes are concerned.
As most know I was diagnosed 2 years ago and have been drifting along but really have been in avoidance with it all and now I really want/need to get to grips with this.
I had some advice to have a look at a couple of books of which I'm doing but to be honest I feel totally overwhelmed and just don't know where to start with it all. I have a lot on my plate with pressure of finding more work, finances and my health and trying to juggle it all is now starting to get to me.
I recognise and acknowledge the achievements I have already made from where I have come from 3-5 yrs ago and they are huge, it's just right now I feel I'm walking through quicksand and am sinking deeper the more I try to stay afloat.
I know my danger zones, where I start to close down, go into myself and push people away and don't want to get to that stage and it is so difficult for me to ask for support being brought up and having instilled in me that it's a weakness but I know different now and i know if I can't be honest there really is no point in it all.
I'm always there for others and tend to put myself at the back of the line but I know if I don't look after myself and start to put myself first for a change then I will be unable to help anyone. I don't know what I am really asking for here, guess it's a lifeline and any help/advice anyone can give it is truly appreciated.
I think I best stop there as can't see the screen very well now.

 

[macast]

firstly................. a big (((((HUG)))))

it is a horrid disease.... and it is hard to manage it.... and it is hard to lose weight

but............... IMHO you need to put YOU first!!! take care of you as tenderly as you take care of everyone else.

stop beating yourself up for, what you perceive as, failing. if it was your best friend who felt like you do you would offer them encouragement and tell them that they were wonderful... and then help them pick themselves up again

draw a line under all 'failures'...... the past doesn't matter. today is important. just today.... always today 🙂

Gretchen Becker has written a brilliant book for Type 2s...... 'The First Year Type 2 Diabetes' ... I think it costs less than ?10... but perhaps you could find it in the library. she offers information and encouragement...... and made me realise that having diabetes wasn't the end of the world (which I thought it was when I was diagnosed a year ago)...... I love this book 🙂

so...... remember .... one day at a time.... forget about anything else..... just today

hope this helps a bit xXx

ps perhaps you could get out in nature today..... we have sunshine here, with frost...... it makes for brilliant photos 🙂

 

[Robster65]

Agree with Macast. Your perception is going to be blurred by the past, so start afresh each day, try to find someone who you consider rock solid rational and assertive and try to imagine how they would see it.

We're all clouded by odd upbringings. Normal only exists in fiction. The rest of us have our little foibles and have to battle them from time to time.

Some have learnt better coping skills than others. So what you see as weakness and failure is merely a poor way of teaching. You deserved to be shown better ways of dealing with the world, which includes asking for help, sharing your feelings and not being ashamed of showing them.

I hope you can spin it around and do as Macast says. Get outside, enjoy the sunshine and study the ones who were given a better start to see if there's something they do differently. Hopefully you'll notice them sharing feelings, good or bad, with others. We're all basically the same underneath.🙂

Rob

 

[cherrypie]

Hi,
Your anguish comes through in your post and I feel for you. ((((hugs)))).
I think you have started the journey by posting here and you will get support and help. Keep posting regardless of how you are feeling.
Have you asked your GP for support? I think CBT would help you. Once you get your mindset right then the rest will follow.
I am enclosing some links for you which may help, there might be something there that you can relate to.

This video is well worth watching. You say you always help others.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJshKBX1GaQ

Then there are these articles in Psychology today.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/topics/diet
There may be one or two that you can relate to and there are links on the Right that lead to specific subjects on weight/diet.

It is hard when you do not like yourself as you have stated. Try writing down your good and bad points and then ask a close friend to do the same. When you compare you will see that they do not see you as harshly as you see yourself. This means that you are a better person than you thought you were and should lift your spirits.

Nobody has to conform to the stereotypical person that Magazines and TV shows would have us believe we have to be. A happy person has more to offer than a size12 self obsessed person. I think once you realise that you are a unique individual who has as much right as anyone else to have a happy, fulfilled life then you will see things in a different light.

Once you are feeling better about yourself then you will be able to tackle your diabetes. It is not a disease but a chronic condition that can be managed.

When you have read my post, (sorry it is bit long) then you will know that you have to come first for now in order to be that person who looks after others and does not fall by the wayside in the process.

Hope this helps.

Maisie.

 

[Katieb]

Hi Sazzaroo

Great advice so far.When I feel overwhelmed by everything, I have to break it down into 'bitesize' pieces, because sometimes it feels like we have a mountain to climb, so like Macast says, take a day at a time. Set yourself a small goal for each day, then two etc. It's important to feel well in order to cope with other issues (work etc), so you need to focus on that first. Understanding that you are not alone and have others who can support you and have felt the same way is a great help. You have that already, here. So put those feelings of self loathing aside. We've all had them, honestly. Then focus on eating well and taking a little exercise if you can. That will take care of the next 24 hours, then set yourself a target of a little more exercise and try and read something which will motivate and inspire you (there a quite a few of those on this site. People who felt like you but now realise they can achieve their goals). As you begin to achieve small goals, you can set bigger ones and you will begin to feel more able to face some of the other challenges facing you. Keep posting on here and talking to us. It will help. I think you have already taken a big step forward by posting on here and it takes courage to do that, so please don't be too hard on yourself. With a little help from some friends (on here!) you will be able to feel better. A big hug from me too! {{{}}} Katie

 

[Northerner]

Can't add much to the advice already given, except to suggest that a lot of people fnd it very useful to start a food diary or spreadsheet, recording everything you eat and what the breakdown is i.e. carbs, cals, fat, sat fat etc. Also, if you are able, test your levels before each meal and then either one or two hours after. If you are having to fund your own strips, then I realise that this might not be possible, but it's worth doing for frequently eaten meals.

With all this information after a couple of weeks you will then have something to look at - or even better, if you can get a dietician appointment and look at it with him/her - and identify places where you can substitute with healthier alternatives. This might mean things with less fat, fewer carbs etc. Introducing these small changes can make a big difference over time.

And never worry about asking for help and support here - that's why we are all here, to give and receive support. We're all in the same boat, so it's brilliant if we can help each other! 🙂

 

[trophywench]

Sazzaroo

A lot of us have been there - and I feel for you.

You've taken a very positive step ALREADY by saying just how you feel on here!

I agree the way forward is indeed to take very small steps - it's an absolute irrefutable fact that no-one can eat a whole elephant - so the only possible way to do it, is to divide Nellie into bite sized pieces!

So - your only decision is - which bit are you going to attack first? That's your only task at the moment, that one little bit ........

 

[slipper]

Sazzaroo, hi, I think you said it all when you saidyou have to look after yourself else you cant look after others. You are the important one at the moment and as suggested take it one step at a time.

Pick what part of your diabetes worries you most and tackle that. If you dont know how, ask here or maybe ask your practice Nurse or GP.

Keeping a record each day can be an incentive in itself, as you can monitor your progress and it keeps it all formost in your mind.

I truly wish you every luck and hope it comes together for you.🙂

 

[lucy123]

Hi Sazzaroo I can't add any more to what has been said above, but want you to know I hear you.

I learnt to think of myself going through life and each problem/issue I faced was an overcoat. I came to realise you can't possibly walk around with 20 to 30 overcoats on - so I took them off and each day wore only one! (so to speak). This still works for me now.

Some days I choose not to wear an overcoat, and now most days its a mere anorak!

I wouldn't even think about your diet at the moment and certainly wouldn't feel bad for not sticking to it. What I would do though is couint today as day 1 and tell yourself you are going to eat only food that is good for you and your diabetes. This should improve your overall well being and how you feel. I don't think its the right time for you to get on the scales today so why not give them a miss this week? If you are just getting back onto eating healthy the first 3 days will probably be tough, but get through that and you will be fine and please note I am not saying cut down on your food - just eat healthy and think that you are just looking after yourself.

One day at a time, one coat at a time!

I do hope this makes sense to you.🙂

 

[Sazzaroo]

A big thank you to all of you that have posted on my thread, each time I have tried to post I have been too emotional and felt I just needed to down tools completely.
I have done a menu planner for this week using the recipes from the GL diet for dummies book that Northerner recommended so will see how that goes.
I tested this morning and was 7.0 so am gonna test 2 hours after food tonight to see as suggested on this thread.
I have also managed to get out today and have a 30 min walk, was cold but was also good to feel it on my face to remind me i'm alive and thankful too.
As far as work is concerned I am going to give mind mapping a go which from what I understand can help me see clearer pathways that are open to me.
I think things just got too much by the end of last week and needed to get it out before it got too bad and again I am grateful to all of you that came to my aid.

 

[Northerner]

...
As far as work is concerned I am going to give mind mapping a go which from what I understand can help me see clearer pathways that are open to me.
...

I found the book 'What Next' by Dr Barbara Moses very useful for working out where your skills lie and what type of work would suit you best. Looks like it's out of print but Amazon have some second hand copies for 1p! (plus p&p!). Well worth a read 🙂

http://www.amazon.co.uk/What-Next-C...4460/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326737883&sr=8-1

 

[Sazzaroo]

Cheers for that, I know what I am doing and am in post currently it's just my next steps with it I was having an issue with plus am applying for another and self employed work on horizon, just comes all at once and being as I haven't worked for a long time due to health issues it has all be overwhelming.

Will check out that book though, and for someone who doesn't read normally by eck lad your doing a good job to change that!

 

[Northerner]

Will check out that book though, and for someone who doesn't read normally by eck lad your doing a good job to change that!

I'm afraid I'm a bit of a bookworm, with 3,000+ books in my 'library'! 😱

 

[Sazzaroo]

Very impressive I might say there Alan. They say you can tell a lot about a man by the size of his library 😉 lol

 

[scarletthollie5]

HI

I joined these boards shortly after being diagnosed some 2+ years ago and while l rarely post comments l frequently read through the boards.

Following diagnoses l lost over five stone and my levels all dropped, blood pressure went down. I have not lost any more weight instead l have put on over a stone despite my intentions never to put on that amount of weight again, l had been losing a few pounds then gaining even more. Even joined a gym again with good intentions and initially managed to go 3/4 times a week. Then an injury forced me to stop , this combined with numerous other pressures has left me feeling like you described in your initial post. I have been called in for my 6 month diabetes review and keep avoiding making the call to arrange an appointment

I can feel myself sinking deeper into that black hole. I came onto the board just to have a look through saw your post and the replies and here l am.

The logical side of me knows l need to make the call for my review - my GP is excellent, the nurses too. The other "vulnerable" side just wants to hide away.

It is so easy to get "trapped" in that negative cycle reaching out is not always easy and l feel that is were this forum is excellent - you can remain as anonymous as you like, tell others as much as you feel able to do. You get some excellent replies, pointers on possible help and support and confirmation that you are not alone.

Sorry this has turned into a long piece what l want to say is be strong, seek help, gain support from these forums (many of the people have had years of personal experience, which is a valuable asset).

My best wishes for your happy future, take care

 

[GlucoseGary]

Hi Sazzaroo, and thanks for posting this.

As you've seen, you're by no means alone, and I think that has to help - glad to hear you're starting to feel better.

I was so full of purpose and drive after being diagnosed in the autumn, but since Christmas some domestic issues and failed attempts to get a job have started to get me down too. I've even stopped tracking my daily sugars and posting the results here, hardly been here at all in fact (hence joining the party late!).

Reading your post and scarletthollie's I see emotions just like my own and I know that I too have to fight back against the feelings of failure, realise that this illness is a huge burden and anyone's going to stumble under the weight of it sometimes. People here are great in that they don't judge, just encourage. That's such a tremendous help.

Good luck to everyone who's struggling in the post-Christmas blue period. Spring is on the way!

 

[Northerner]

scarletthollie and Gary, I hope that you can get back on track and look at things afresh! I get very down in the lead up to Christmas, chiefly because I hate the long nights and short days, but once we get past that Winter Solstice and the days start getting longer I find I have a new lease of life! Spring is just around the corner. SH, make that call and get the appointment sorted out so that you know where you are starting from. The past is behind us so learn from those experiences and move forward, we will be here to support you all the way 🙂

 

[lucy123]

Hi SH and Gary - and well done in posting.

SH - Please make the call to your GP - you may find it helps to make you feel more positive.

To both of you, one thing I keep saying to myself is little steps. Every day look for one thing that you can try and be more positive about. The next day add something else. I know its not easy and allow yourself a day off if you need to.

These little steps can then build into big strides!

Keep posting and then everyone can help with support for you.

I do hope you both feel better soon.🙂

 

[Sazzaroo]

Hi Scarletthollie, Thank you so much for posting and am pleased you chose to. I too would encourage you to call and make your appointment, I am dreading mine but at least I will know what work I have to do when I get results. My last Hba1c was 6.3, lowest it has been, BP down and cholesterol really good. Just can't seem to get a hang on this weight thing and with everything else well......

Thanks for your kind words and support though and please do keep in touch. 🙂

GlucoseGary Really good to hear from you and hope things turn around too and yea it's good to know we are not alone with struggles.

I have been trying out different food this week and tested 2 hours after evening meal and the other night it was only 7.5 so I was delighted, messed it up last night though as ate fish and chips, due to late return from London and no time to cook at home obviously I didn't bother testing and just felt quite sick later.

 

[Northerner]

I have been trying out different food this week and tested 2 hours after evening meal and the other night it was only 7.5 so I was delighted, messed it up last night though as ate fish and chips, due to late return from London and no time to cook at home obviously I didn't bother testing and just felt quite sick later.

After nearly 4 years since diagnosis I now find that particularly greasy food upsets my stomach - tastes change over time, it can be quite surprising by how much! 🙂