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So Angry and Scared!

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A

Autumn2020

Active Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Hi Everyone and Happy New Year,

I am so so angry with myself and really scared of what is to come.

I was diagnosed type 2 last July and in October my reading was down considerably. The receptionist gave Me my results and said we Will see you in a year for another blood test. That was it. No doctor or nurse to explain anything just a “see you in a year” 3 months after diagnosis. while I’m not blaming anyone but myself for my current situation, looking back now I feel a little angry that 3 months after being diagnosed with something that still now feels like a total mine field and something I still know very little about, no one explained what these results would mean.

Anyway, I’m sure you can guess what’s coming, I fell off the band wagon and I still haven’t got back on. For the last 3 months, I have eaten what ever I wanted, pigged out on sugary foods and takeaways and I feel so ashamed of myself and now worried that I will never sort myself out.

I’m not even sure why I am writing this as I know there are no magical solutions that anyway can give me and it’s me that has to do it, I suppose I just wanted to write it down to maybe make me feel more accountable for what I am doing.

I would dread to think what my HBA1C would be now, I lost two stone between July and October and have now put 7lb back on and am so worried I’ll end up with it all back on.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it off my chest.
 
I would second Martin’s comments it’s easy to fall off now and then, in my 20’s I was always falling off, too much partying most likely but I always managed to get back on the wagon and I have to say I never really cut myself up about it, just got back on with things
 
And as for not knowing much about diabetes - nobody does to begin with, and every single one of us is different anyway but if you want to learn more about it, stick around and ask, ask, ASK, whatever it happens to be someone is likely to know on here! You might start by clicking on 'The Learning Zone' and taking it from there.
 
Sorry to hear what a you have been going through, and how left on your own you felt.

But well done for recognising what has happened and beginning to turn things around. That is such an important step, and it is so great that you have made it. Channel the emotions you are feeling towards tackling your diabetes afresh.

You can’t change what had happened in the past, and try not to dwell on it too much, but what really matters is what you do next. Better still use how you feel about those choices and decisions to focus on living well with your diabetes from now on.

You've lost the weight before - so you clearly have the determination. Be kind to yourself and believe in yourself. You can do it!
 
Hi Autumn,

I think you know why you’re writing this...because you want to give yourself a talking to and you know what needs to be done. Plus I think you’ll get back to where you need to be. Hell you took a Hba1c of 50 and took it down to 32 in 3 months! That’s a tremendous achievement you can be proud of. Your level wasn’t massively high to start with but even without medical support, you lost 2 stone and turned it around. So you clearly know what needs to be done. You may have gained 7 lbs but you’re still 21 lbs lighter. Think of it that way.

I‘ve been where you are and sometimes we have to rein ourselves in. There’s usually an emotional component to this but just by writing this down, it shows a determination to change. And you will because it will be for you. Just tell yourself this is your gift to yourself 🙂

Good luck! Amigo
 
Don't go into a panic because the more stressed you get about it the harder it will be, just make small changes rather than going mad with your diet because that will just make you feel deprived. You have already done so well so remind yourself of that, you haven't fallen off the wagon your hanging onto the side so pull yourself up but take your time.

As already suggested, look at the learning zone here just abit every day and the info will sink in also this forum is better than any diabetic nurse for support and advice.
 
Thank you all so much.

I definitely know what needs doing. Having the kids off school and a house full of Christmas junk is not helping. Think it will all be getting boxed up and put in the car boot to keep it out of the house.

It’s so hard sometimes to think that I will have to control this for the rest of my life as I’m only 32, and while I know I am here through my own doing it still feels so hard.

I have suffered with anxiety and depression for the last 15 Years and at the minute I feel so frustrated, as I just keep failing.

Then the guilt kicks In and makes everything feel even worse. How can I complain when so many people are going through much worse. My best friend died last year and I still don’t think I have grieved for her, with everything else going on. I have always turned to food, I need to find something else to turn to instead.

I will start to read through the learning zones bit by bit and hopefully I can get myself to a good place again. I got a reading of 15.5 last night 2 hours after eating and it has really scared me as I have never been that high before.

Thank you all again, it’s nice to have somewhere to come and speak to people who are or have gone through the same. Much Love xxx
 
You'll be fine, start easy, avoid bread and potatoes, and chocolate and crisps and pop and takeaways. Do the house a bit at a time, my Mum always says the house will be there when we're gone. She's right. I'm getting rid of all my junk too, bit by bit, it does make you feel better, just don't stress about it. I am sorry about your friend. I can't stop eating either, it's pure comfort eating but we know it has to stop. 🙂
 
Is that starting easy ?? haha they are all of my favourite things. I almost completely cut them out when I was first diagnosed and I think that is why I am here now. As soon as I allowed A little back in, I went over board. This time I am going to try telling myself that I don’t have to eliminate those things from my diet completely but that I just need to limit them and make sure the majority of what I eat is Agreeing with my diabetes. Fingers crossed it works. I have ditched the takeaway tonight and making home made burgers with salad. Meter says I can handle a small bun So I am happy with that and I got some dark chocolate with Mint from Aldi. Hopefully that will help with the sweet cravings. X
 
Diabetes is a marathon not a sprint and any changes you make must be sustainable You have probably seen those many times in here.
Now please don’t beat yourself up , we can all fall of the wagon from time to time, I know I have.
Cut back on your carb portions , let your meter show you what you can and can’t tolerate, because their may be some carbohydrates you tolerate well and it would be a shame to cut them out unnecessarily.
 
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