Sliding into Depression

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AlisonM

AlisonM

Much missed Moderator
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 1.5 LADA
It's been a really awful few days. For those of you who don't already know we had to put our dog down last week and I really miss her company. She's been my pal for years and my shadow ever since I got home. I've been a wreck since it happened. In addition the person who signs the cheques here is in hospital and there's no alternate (it's a small charity and run by volunteers mostly, they're very sweet but sooo disorganised) which means I haven't been paid this month and I'm really struggling for cash at the moment. I've only just started working after a long time off and haven't had time to build up my reserves at all.

So there I was at the weekend, feeling really sorry for myself and I stopped taking my pills... All of them. And to make matters worse I bought a huge bar of Cadbury's and ate the lot. And so it went, until yesterday when I started feeling really ill and took my bloods: 18.7! Talk about a wakeup call. I know I can beat the depression but I feel so miserable just now that it's hard to get motivated to do anything to help myself. I just want to curl up and sleep till the world ends. Problem is, I can't sleep, my mind is racing and won't let me rest, I haven't slept properly since Wednesday and I'm exhausted. If I go to the doctor, she'll just put me on the 'happy' pills again and that won't help sort anything.

That's why I haven't been in for a few days and may not be around much for a while. I am fighting it, but it's very difficult. I'm back taking my meds though, hopefully I'll get back on track soon.
 
ali HUGGGGYS ...do you wanna chat with me on FB ...?? please hun x
 
Hi Alison

My heart goes out to you. My sister had to have her beloved dog put down and month or so ago - she lives alone and is rather solitary and this has hit her so hard. She fears not being taken seriously by uncaring people who think "It was just a dog" so won't share her grief. You have taken a big step in sharing with us🙂

I had a breakdown a few years ago and finally accepted the help of "happy pills"! I hated being so "weak" but had got so low I couldn't pick myself up. You must know these are an aid to recovery and not a solution but then so are many other medications - please think about going back on them if your doctor wants you too. If they help you to get some sleep and can see things more clearly, then maybe you will be able to start looking at life in a more positve way.

Sending you big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Hi Alison
So sorry for your loss. Can't give you any practical advice, but I feel for you...
Kay
 
Hi Alison,

life can be hard at times and I think there are days when we all went to give up. Can your family help motivate you with the meds. Just knowing they are taking an interest may help.

I wonder if there is anywhere you can get advice on the money situation, ie if there are any processes that can be put in place to get an additional signature on the account etc. Its a situation that must occur in other places, is there anyone at the charity (other than the person hopitalised) who looks after HR and/or finance issues that could look into things for you ?

The NICE recommendation on depression (may be different in Scotland), is that GPs are meant to prescribe anti-deps only after you have had a persistant low mood lasting more than 2 weeks. Its also meant to be informed consent, ie you have to agree to having them prescribed, rather than the Dr saying here take this.

Are there any things that might lift you, a relaxing bath, a walk, watching a comedy.

Take care sending you hugs.
 
I wish Marg. My brother with whom I share the house is a useless 'Bleep' and my OH is still stuck in Spain on family business. Besides, he's as devastated as I am and hiding in his room when he's not working. He hasn't said two words to anyone since last week. You can't talk to him, he just walks away.
 
hi ali ...you're grieving hun ... the chocolate was a S*D it !! it is all perfectly normal ...
re work put an emergency proccedure in place ...could her family get her to sign a few cheques ...maybe the bank can have an emergency signature whilst shes out of action
re the depression...my last serious bout lasted about 4 days and was brought on by the stress my family love to put on me ...my gp had given me a further little pill to take when i feel i need it to help me sleep ...when those whizzing thoughts just wont go away ..the slow down the thought process so you can rest .
the dames comment that these pills are used to aid recovery its so true ...i have always been very open about my medication on here ...i treat it like any of the other meds i take ....it helps me keep well . xx
you are however recognising what is going on and you are an intelligent woman...it will go away eventually... ride the storm hunny the sun will come out and there is always calm after a storm as well XX big HugsXXX
 
Alison hun if you need a chat please PM me il like to think we are close mates xxx hugs to you and i know your missing yout dog it is like losing a human relative x

Keep strong and we are all here for you
 
Sorry to hear about the loss of your dog.
 
Hi Ally,

sorry to hear about your doggie I know how you feel I had to do the same to my sacha who was nearly 15 when I had to say goodbye to her I thought my world had ended there and then she was like my wee baby.Forget about chocccy bar and start afresh hope all goes well for you and you will be feeling a bit better soon.

Take care
Lanzlady
 
I'm really sorry.

Just remember the good times that you had with your dog and take comfort from the fact that she had a cracking time whilst visiting this world.

Andy
 
Thanks every one for your kindness. I'm actually feeling a bit better now. I spent the whole weekend wallowing when all I really needed to do was come in here and whinge. Note to self: Quit trying to be so independent.
 
Hi Alison
Hope "not being so independent" continues to work for you 🙂 How's your brother coping with loss of doggie? Perhaps he's keeping out of your way to try to prevent causing more upset?
Also really hope the charity will get some way to pay you - one of my employers is a small charity, and when 1 cheque signer was unavailable for whatever reason, it meant we got paid late. Eventually (after 7 years of employment!) they moved to bank transfers, having got a charity bank account with Charities Aid Foundation, I think.
 
Big (((hugs))) Alison xxx
 
Don't loose Your Hope ever!!! adopt a kitten, meet Your family and friends, find somebody for a date and feel the sweet taste of life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Bro is coping better now and has started talking again. I've finally been paid - hooray! Oh, and WealthyPoor - I'm allergic to cats, I have an OH I adore who is currently stuck in Spain for reasons I won't go into and my friends and family are so wide spread it's quite hard to get to see them all with any regularity!:D
 
AlisonM said:
It's been a really awful few days. For those of you who don't already know we had to put our dog down last week and I really miss her company. She's been my pal for years and my shadow ever since I got home. I've been a wreck since it happened. In addition the person who signs the cheques here is in hospital and there's no alternate (it's a small charity and run by volunteers mostly, they're very sweet but sooo disorganised) which means I haven't been paid this month and I'm really struggling for cash at the moment. I've only just started working after a long time off and haven't had time to build up my reserves at all.

So there I was at the weekend, feeling really sorry for myself and I stopped taking my pills... All of them. And to make matters worse I bought a huge bar of Cadbury's and ate the lot. And so it went, until yesterday when I started feeling really ill and took my bloods: 18.7! Talk about a wakeup call. I know I can beat the depression but I feel so miserable just now that it's hard to get motivated to do anything to help myself. I just want to curl up and sleep till the world ends. Problem is, I can't sleep, my mind is racing and won't let me rest, I haven't slept properly since Wednesday and I'm exhausted. If I go to the doctor, she'll just put me on the 'happy' pills again and that won't help sort anything.

That's why I haven't been in for a few days and may not be around much for a while. I am fighting it, but it's very difficult. I'm back taking my meds though, hopefully I'll get back on track soon.
Click to expand...

Oh Alison it's so sad that you are feeling the way you do. I am animal mad, it's rips your heart out when a beloved pet dies, my Holly was 14 when she passed away, I have a photo of her in the front room, I'm looking at it now, it does take a while to get used to your pet not being there, not wagging it's tail and getting so excited when taken out for a walk. I KNOW how you are feeling, it will get easier, but i know it's so hard. Try to think of the lovely dog that she was, and what a loving and responsible owner you were. She had a good life with you. Lots and lots of hugs and happy thoughts to you. SheenaX
 
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