shutting down and giving up

Status
Not open for further replies.
Griffin.

Griffin.

Well-Known Member
Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
hey all ,,
im griffin but i get called griff im 48 been a t2 diabetic for nearly 15 years on insulin and metformin and to be honest im giving up giving in and losing the will to continue i don't only have diabetes i have a few more comorbidities to contend with on a daily basis and i also live with tourettes and extreme ocd I'm a widower live alone and i just simply have no will to keep on trying i stopped taking my meds stopped testing my bloods and I'm now down a rabbit hole of my own making so to speak!! before the pandemic and before my wife died i was on top of it had it all in control i was eating right had my weight under control and was getting pretty good results every day now I'm in the high 20 mmols every time i test which is seldom because i keep avoiding the damn meter and the anxiety that comes along with it i guess i'm asking if anyone has gone through this or is going through it and what can be done to motivate oneself when you get like this i know i'm slowly destroying myself from the inside and i cant seem to give a damn or care enough to do anything about this I'm not asking for a magic bullet or a kick up the arse i just need some direction and tips to help me pull myself back towards myself so yeah any tips,hints or even a few words of encouragement would be gratefully received . im sorry about the long thread and i appreciate you reading this
griffin
 
Hi Griff and welcome.

So sorry to hear that you lost your wife. I can't begin to comprehend how tough that must be. Diabetes "burnout" is common even without having that loss to bear and the increased pressure of managing other health conditions, so don't be too hard on yourself. You have been through a really tough time.
The good thing is that you have reached out to the forum for help, so you must want to change things. The problem I am reading from your message is that you are feeling so overwhelmed you don't know where to start. Do you feel able to ring the Diabetes UK helpline 0345 123 2399 ? Do you have a Diabetes Specialist Nurse or doctor you can talk to? I know getting appointments these days is pretty difficult.

Can you tell us a bit about your diabetes management when you were doing well with it? Which insulins you are prescribed and when you take them. Do you carb count or just take fixed doses? Knowing that info may help us to give you more appropriate advice.

Do remember that the numbers on your meter are not a judgement of you. A BG meter is just a tool to help you mange your diabetes and the numbers are just numbers, so don't let them intimidate you or feel bad about them. The important thing is to use the meter to find out what they are so that you can make better decisions about how to improve them.
I guess what I am saying is that perhaps the first step is to start testing again and then use some insulin. Seeing the numbers start to come down, should help to encourage you a bit and lower numbers should help you to feel a little better.

Anyway, just wanted to reach out to you when I read your message. You are not alone and you clearly recognize that you need help, so hopefully some of the options I have suggested will come through on that but at the very least, please keep posting here and myself and others will do our best to support you.

There are people here who have been through burnout and perhaps have some useful strategies to suggest. I am only 3 years into my diagnosis, and I am thankfully yet to face this challenge. I will tag a couple of regular members who I believe have struggled with this to some extent..... @Inka and @SB2015 perhaps they can share their tips on dealing with it. It may be slightly different as they are both Type 1 but strategies should be similar.

Good luck and keep posting here to let us know how you are managing.... particularly any small achievements even if it is just that you have managed to test your levels today.... Sending virtual (((HUGS))) your way. You are not alone with this!
 
Really kind of you to say that Martin but I struggle to manage my own life and mental health. Might be a bit too much like the blind leading the blind.
 
Hi Griff. Nice to meet you, Im Lou 🙂

I'm sorry you have had to deal with so much in the past and still have a complicated set of circumstances to contend with.

Depression to the point of not caring about yourself to that level is crippling. I have danced that dance before and I'm saying this from being in that dark place and not because it is the right thing to say.
You really need to get in touch with someone to help with the mental health side of things. GP would be first port of call and see what they can offer.
I know there is a fight/desire in you to get on top of things a little bit. Some glimmer of hope somewhere. Keep your eyes on that.

As far as the diabetes is concerned, try think of it as 2 versions of you. "Current you" and a potential "future you" who is back in control and on top of life again.
Current you doesn't care much but future you does. Fight for future you and his potential. When you dismiss the thought of giving yourself your medications, remember future you asking for a chance.

I'm not saying that it wont be a struggle or it is that easy but you have to take a positive step somewhere. Climbing out of a mental health black hole is hard. It isn't as easy as getting up and telling yourself to just do x y or z. Some days getting up getting dressed is an achievement.
I have good days, bad days and somewhere in between but over time the good days have overtaken the bad days and I am much better at recognising that my negative thinking that will lead me back down to those dark places and stop myself going there.

You aren't alone and I promise you it can get easier, it just might take some time but we have to start that path to a better future somewhere.

Keep posting, let us help you as much as we can but I again gently nudge you to seek out some help from a professional 🙂 x
 
Hi Griff

Another struggling diabetic here, who has gone off of the rails in the last couple of days, and many times before.

I am sorry that you are struggling and you have been through a very difficult time recently, so just take it one small step at a time. You have already taken a big step by posting on here.

Have you had any or do you have any help or support following your bereavement? Struggling after a bereavement is perfectly normal.

Sending you virtual hugs, we are here for you.
 
Hi Griff, I can't better the things people have said here, I just wanted to add my thoughts into the mix. I lost my husband in 2005 and bizarrely I did the same thing when I was diagnosed with diabetes: I took one day at a time. The day I lost my husband I went to bed thinking "this day is over, I've got to get through tomorrow now", then again the next day, and the next until it had been a week of loss. The week turned into months, which turned into years and I learned to live with it. I don't say the grief gets less, it's just that I managed to cope eventually. Loss is hard, damned hard, and no wonder you are in a dark place.
Please, please feel free to vent at any time here...we are here for you xx (from a fellow lifelong OCD sufferer)
 
Welcome to the forum @GRIFFINLONEWALKER

So glad you have joined us.

Sounds like you have been having a really tough time.

My wife died in 2018, and I absolutely recognise some of those almost self-destructive feelings of abandonment and demotivation as having been part of my grieving. Grief is a painful and very individual process, and I don’t think any two people go through exactly the same experiences. The popularly quoted ’stages’ may have come over you in torrents and waves, jumbled in any order - sometimes all on the same day - if your experience is anything like mine.

I don’t know if you have tried any of those popular tools like CBT or Mindfulness?

Not sure if they appeal, but I have found some of the ways of identifying our habitual ways of thinking, and the way the ‘problem solving’ part of the brain always trying to constantly fix things can be altered were very helpful. Separating thinking and being, and attempting to allow things to be as they are (even if that is unpleasant or unwanted), rather than resisting them.

It’s not an instant fix, but perhaps some of those tools might offer you some support?

If you haven’t spoken to anyone about your wife, I can thoroughly recommend the CRUSE bereavement charity too, who will connect you with someone locally for free counselling www.cruse.org.uk
 
Welcome @GRIFFINLONEWALKER Please don’t blame yourself or pass judgement on your numbers. Diabetes is exhausting at the best of times, and when life throws other things at you it can be almost impossible to focus on dealing with the diabetes. When I had ‘burnout’, I felt as though my brain wouldn’t switch on. It was like being anaesthetised. I could see what I had to do, but struggled so much to do it.

What helped me was being kinder to myself and lowering my expectations a bit. I also tried to ‘do enough’ rather than pressure myself by aiming for perfection. I simplified things by having the same or very similar breakfast and lunch every day. I tried not to let the diabetes get to me.

I don’t know when you lost your wife, but grief is a long thing. You go through stages, and it’s very hard. Do consider support for dealing with that if you think you need it. Remember too that your GP will have dealt with many patients who’ve felt similarly and might’ve able to offer your help.

Getting out of the house and having a daily routine can help. Make sure the routine is simple rather than an endurance test. Shape your day into some kind of structure. Try to make taking your meds and preparing healthy food part of that. Getting your blood sugar back in range can help you feel better physically and mentally.
 
hey all
thank you one and all for the feedback and the gentle words of encouragement. i think me posting this thread is a way of admitting that i'm not ok and I'm trying to find the ladder to climb out of the hole i've fallen into i actually reached out to my G,P also spoke to mind i've have asked to be seen in person so they can try and get me the help i need i struggle with asking for help at the best of times. i think i need to give you some more background info as there's been a few questions around my mental health and also around my diabetic routines and meds . i was diagnosed with tourettes at the age of 6 and have lived with ocd since i was 16 years old . i have been through a few sections in my time and its left me terrified that i will be once again deprived of my liberty and put in a ward full of people that i can't relate to, i have had cbt gone through 4 years of talking therapy i suffer with crippling anxiety im socially awkward and due to my tourettes i'm extremely shy and i struggle to make and maintain relationships in my life i have motor and verbal tics so it's tough to judge whos laughing at me and whos laughing with me, this is the first time i've ever gone online and opened up to anyone about this.
i've not seen a diabetic specialist in three years now i get appts and im so anxious about it all i end up having panic attacks and not making the appts made, it's embarrassing and i know how important it is to attend the appts but its a different kettle of fish for me . i didn't only lose my wife i lost my support system too she was the one who helped me to get to the appts i needed to get to and made sure i ate and took my meds .it's been three years and i'm still not over it i try and try but i still can't seem to move on from it all.
you've spoken of it being a struggle to get out of bed some days i've had months where i cant get up cant take care of some of the most basic things in life and not eaten for a few days and then ill binge on crap or carbs and spike my sugars to dangerous levels i've been hospitalized three times over the past 2 years with ketoacidosis and i still can't seem to find a good routine to ensure that it doesn't occur again .
i'm supposed to take 2x metformin and 20 units of humulin with my morning meal and then again with my evening meal. the thing is the further i fall away from these routines the less it becomes a important factor for me its been a case of well i've not eaten so i don't need to take the meds and i feel fine so why bother .yes I'm aware of just how dangerous it is and just how much damage i'm doing to myself but my ocd has gotten its claws into my thinking around meds and left me so untrusting of my own thoughts that i just don't think of it at all lets just say in a nutshell im not kind to myself at all

I'm sorry if this is a long and rambling reply but i think i needed to be honest and as open as i can be about this all and the thread is a way of me taking stock seeing the damage and asking for some guidance from you lovely bunch and admitting that i cant see the forest for the trees again i thank you one and all for the words and the advice .
today's been a better day i got up took meds checked bloods and even managed to walk my little pup
peace love and veggie rights
griff
 
So glad you've posted on here and hopefully we can help. As you struggle to attend your appointments would it help to write it down or share your posts above with your gp/hospital either in advance or at the appointment? That might help with some of the anxiety. You've been given kind advice above, hopefully you can pick what you can cope with and start there. Sending you peace and love back ❤
 
All of my consultant appointments since COVID have been telephone ones @GRIFFINLONEWALKER Would you find that easier or not? Would writing things down and giving/sending them to your consultant help? I always take a written list to my appointments or have it beside me for telephone appointments to make sure I cover everything I want to, and just writing the list helps me focus. Does your consultant know you get very panicky? If not, then make that clear and detail how it might affect you.

Your fear of a being under a section again is completely understandable, but if you feel yourself falling deep into the hole and so seek help from your GP, isn’t that demonstrating that you’re aware of this and sensible enough to seek some support? That is, it might be a positive thing rather than negative.

I wonder if there are local voluntary groups that could provide support for you? I’m not sure myself which groups might help, but I wonder if @Docb might know.

I’m glad today has been a better day for you - well done. Every little victory like that should be a cause for celebration 🙂 No need to apologise at all for ‘rambling’ - that’s what the forum is for: to offer support, a ‘listening ear’, and online friendship.
 
Hi again Griff, I assume you are already aware of services which may be able to help. However, if not, your GP can refer you onto psychiatric services, or you can refer yourself to SPA (Single Point of Access) and IAPT (Improved Access to Psychological Therapies). The latter may not provide the answers and support you need as it is Talking Therapy, but they may be able to refer you onto more suitable services. I'm guessing that having been sectioned in the past you may be somewhat suspicious of such services. However, in my experience, there is a real reluctance in my NHS trust to section willy-nilly! I am only an admin, but working in mental health I get to see a lot of different presentations and am aware of the various support teams available. And, as @Inka says, @Docb may have more information having been in the business, as it were.
We are all here for you and wishing you all the best xx
 
Good morning @GRIFFINLONEWALKER, how are things today?

A couple of members have suggested I might have some ideas for approaches you could use. Sadly, my limited experience is with help for carers and so I might not be able to help. What I do know is that things vary a lot around the country and only by being persistent will you find what help might be available in your area.

Do you have anybody around who helps you with day to day living, somebody who perhaps just makes life a bit easier by being around? If there is, then they might count as a carer and be able to get access to carer services in your area which might open up ways of finding other informal support services for you that might help.
 
Also, I know this sounds trite and cliched and it’s something people always say, but it can be a good thing - are there any local clubs you could join? I know COVID has messed everything up, but, for example, there are a number of walking clubs in my small town, including one linked to the GP surgery. They’re very casual and not demanding at all. A chance to get out and have a bit of company. I know you’re probably thinking of your Tourette’s when I say this, but if you explained I’m sure you’d be met with understanding. There are also adult education classes, local history, etc - just ideas.

I think my local area also has a befriending service run by volunteers, so you could explore that maybe.
 
AI love this forum for the support, both emotional and practical that people can offer. I don't have much to add to what is already said.

Just wanted to step back in and say ramble away. In reality it isn't rambling, its important for you to let it out somewhere and it can be therapeutic to take stock of what is going on and impacting your life, not just with diabetes.

As @Inka said, a victory IS a cause of celebration. I've said on here to someone before to pick one victory/win a day and go for it. Depending how your day is, getting dressed, testing your bg, injecting your insulin can all be wins. Doesn't have to be "oh I frolicked through the park with sunshine and rainbows" it really can be the mundane that you couldn't do yesterday.

I totally encourage you to keep posting and sharing. There are many people here with many different experiences and someone might just be able to hand you the key that unlocks something in you that allows you to take a step in the right direction <3

Sending a whole ton of hugs. Let us know how your day is going x
 
In my area there are groups of people who volunteer to do litter picking and that can be as social as you want it to be. It may just get you out and give you an opportunity to meet a few people.
 
salutations all and a very happy first day of summer !
apologies for not responding yesterday i was exhausted and spent the day avoiding screens and napping here and there.
id love to join to a litter picking group or a walking group but unfortunately i can't as i have osteoarthritis and i can't walk too far before it gets too much and im beset with the old pain gremlin . i have a appt with my doc tomorrow (first one in 3 years) and i have a representative from MIND calling me back to see what help they can provide i think that's a win for me as i've finally reached out and admitted i need some help and guidance. i'm not going to avoid these (even tho the anxiety troll is already rattling its cage very loudly).i've also taken the advice to write a list of things i need to discuss with both of them i think the famous ghandi quote springs to mind at this point "it's better to light a candle than to be afraid of the dark"
it's a small win and i have a long way to go still but at least i know i'm starting to climb that ladder and find a little daylight at the top of this insipid hole i've fallen into .
I've taken meds everyday since friday , i'm still struggling to do finger pricks that meter seems to be a snarling hulking menace in the corner, but i'm working on it and towards it.
again thanks to all for the great advice and kind words its nice to know that im not the only one floundering around its making me feel more positive and willing
have a great sunday and a to those mums out there i hope you've been spoilt rotten and have a amazing day
peace love and veggie rights
your friendly nieghbourhood
Griff
 
Hi griff.

Go you with your med regime!!!
Asking for help is hard so I do appreciate the achievement in reaching out with MIND. Epic win <3

Kinda perfect quote there. It IS better to lay it all out on the table and start tackling what is there and not hide it away and let it fester.

Life can be total crap and you defo have had a fill of it. I don't think anyone will judge you for being in the hole you are in. A lot of people get there on much much less.
Anyone who thinks otherwise can go "do stuff I cant say on public forums".
I hope the GP steps up and offers a solid level of support. We all know how that goes sometimes so don't be disheartened if they don't.

Testing bloods, while important, it isn't as important as getting back on top of meds. Maybe a check in a few days (or sooner if you are up for it) will surprise you enough to make it less fearful (because insulin is on board and working). (of course if you feel hypo make sure you do etc etc etc blah blah blah 😉 )

If I find a way of murdering the anxiety troll that rattles the cage I'll be sure to let you know 😉.Maybe amazon sells anxiety troll poison :confused: or the sword of the troll slayer :confused:.

Hope tomorrows appointment goes well.
Let us know how it went or jump back in before then if you need to.
We are all here offering hands to help you up x
 
Just wanted to give you a huge cheer as it is a real achievement reaching out, and going to the doctors. You should be very proud of yourself, and for taking your meds too. One day at a time.... xxx
 
Thanks for the updates @GRIFFINLONEWALKER

It’s a long ladder, but it’s great to hear that you have found the rungs, and can take it one step at a time.

Hope the appointment goes well and the anxiety troll has along nap
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top