Show respect and consideration, please.

[Ralph-YK]

Most good forum software (and vBulletin v3) have a feature whereby a poster cannot delete his/her post if it's the one which started the thread, because doing that would result in (usually accidental, but possibly malicious) deletion of the entire thread. This feature was enabled on the Email Discussions forum when a poster was (IIRC) getting rid of posts he felt were obsolete, so as not to clutter the board, and found to his horror that he had deleted quite a long and useful thread.

On the forum I'm thinking of, it's a editing delete. The 'post' is still there, the text has just gone/changed. When someone deletes their account what you describe actually happens. And every single one of their posts is deleted.
Interestingly, only the op can be changed. People can not edit or delete reply posts. That has to be done by an admin/mod.

 

[AlisonM]

People can not edit or delete reply posts. That has to be done by an admin/mod.

?! Too much like hard work. In here, we'd rather let folk 'police' themselves as far as possible, on the whole we belong to the 'less is more' school of modding. In fact, it's really boring these days since we don't even get to chase spammers any more, the software does it for us.

 

[Ralph-YK]

In fact, it's really boring these days since we don't even get to chase spammers any more, the software does it for us.

Really.

 

[Ralph-YK]

Of course, it means you have to stand by what you say. Except for the op in their op.

 

[AlisonM]

Really.

Yup. Back before we moved house to our new software we spent 90% of our time chasing spammers trying to sell Fakagucchi and fUgg boots.

 

[Andy HB]

I have to say that whilst I made no complaints to the moderators, I did start thinking that some of the threads were becoming too overloaded with, shall I say, off colour jokes on too regular a basis. But on one occasion I did suggest to the poster that one particular joke went a bit too far. Yes, it was replaced, but with another sexually orientated joke! 🙄

 

[Jonsi]

I found the jokes funny.

That goes to highlight the difference in opinion that you'd expect to find on a cross section forum. Our common link may be diabetes but we're all still people at the end of the day.

If I were to join a forum that suited my tastes only, I'd probably be there on my own. How dull would that be?

If I read something I don't like, I ignore it. If I read something I agree with or could add to, I'll probably join the conversation. If I read something that was clearly wrong on all counts (not just my taste) then I'd report it. People are clever enough to Police themselves which, as Ali says, is the way the Mods like it.

Respect and tolerance cuts both ways.

 

[ypauly]

I found the jokes funny.

As do I. I hate the thought that people think they can't bring humour as we can all do with a good laugh from time to time.

 

[Robin]

Respect and tolerance cuts both ways.

Yes it does, but is that two way thing really happening if you say that you require me to tolerate things I find offensive ( or usually just plain tedious), just because you personally find them funny. For me, the balance has then gone too far in your favour. You would probably disagree, and as seasoned members of the forum we could agree to differ. But I think we have to remember that even people who normally have good senses of humour may be on here because they are worried, frightened, depressed, or otherwise in a vulnerable state and I think we owe it to them to be particularly respectful of their feelings. I'm not saying we can't therefore say anything humerous to lighten the mood, just to think about some of the blue jokes, which some people can find offensive.
(I don't accept that you can just ignore posts you don't like and move on. if they're on a well marked thread, fair enough, but sometimes in the past a thread has come derailed and you suddenly find yourself mired in something you have to wade through to see if there are any more relevant comments lower down. Also, a new member or browser won't know on their first visit what to avoid)
.

 

[Jonsi]

Yes it does, but is that two way thing really happening if you say that you require me to tolerate things I find offensive ( or usually just plain tedious), just because you personally find them funny. For me, the balance has then gone too far in your favour.

So I cede to tolerate your preference? There's plenty I find tedious and offensive (I strongly disagree with right-wing politics) but those that hold those views are perfectly entitled to them, just as I am entitled to a) challenge them if I wish or b) ignore them if I wish. The choice is mine to make. In the example quoted a joke Andy found had (in his opinion) gone too far and it was removed upon request and replaced with another joke that he also found not to his taste. Had that been removed also, which way would the balance have swung then?

You would probably disagree, and as seasoned members of the forum we could agree to differ. But I think we have to remember that even people who normally have good senses of humour may be on here because they are worried, frightened, depressed, or otherwise in a vulnerable state and I think we owe it to them to be particularly respectful of their feelings. I'm not saying we can't therefore say anything humerous to lighten the mood, just to think about some of the blue jokes, which some people can find offensive.

I don't disagree with you about the reasons why people might come here - help, advice, reassurance, hope, explanation, insecurity, confusion ...all those things for sure, but also for some normality. What I'm saying is give credit to people to sort the wheat from the chaff themselves. If a topic isn't for you, ignore it. What you personally consider offensive is without doubt and I really wouldn't dream of questioning your opinion but please don't try to second guess everyone else just in case they might find it offensive or tasteless IF they decide to come here maybe sometime perhaps.

(I don't accept that you can just ignore posts you don't like and move on. if they're on a well marked thread, fair enough, but sometimes in the past a thread has come derailed and you suddenly find yourself mired in something you have to wade through to see if there are any more relevant comments lower down. Also, a new member or browser won't know on their first visit what to avoid).

...but they would on their second and subsequent visits. I read (and write) a lot of rubbish in print and on several fora but I particularly dislike poetry. I understand the cleverness of it, the adept use of words, the tempo and all that ...but I just don't like it, so, if I come across some poetry, no matter how well executed it may be, I will happily skip past it. As for a joke in a thread marked 'Sarcastic Comments' - not well marked?? Really?

 

[Robin]

So I cede to tolerate your preference

I think what I was trying to say was that, where our preferences differ, we can agree to disagree. I personally would always try to set the balance in favour of other people ( my husband once remarked early on in our relationship 'when you meet someone on a narrow pavement, why is it always you who steps off into the gutter?') it's just the way I was brought up. I'm not saying that's the right way to be, and it has its disadvantages, I've got tougher as I've got older, but it's just the way I am. So I will continue to worry about those forum readers who see something they can't deal with right now, and never make that second visit.

 

[AJLang]

I've been a member of the forum for a long time. I've found it extremely helpful. However in recent months I've found that the tone has changed a lot. Often, recently, I've gone into a post to offer support and have found that some people have completely changed the tone of the original post. It has put me off posting a lot and I'm glad that Northerner, Robin etc have said what they've said.

 

[Owen]

I think this point that Robin and Jonsi are debating takes me back to my earlier misunderstood observation.
On a Kendo forum I am involved with, we have a section called flames. This is where e move threads that become contentious. The section clearly warns people that there may be threads that contain rhetoric that could be offensive or argumentative. Sometimes it is hard to see why a thread may land in the "naughty section", but that is why there are three sides to every argument. Obviously personal abuse is definitely a no no. But your risqué jokes and political debates are much better suited to this type of moderation allowing people after being adequately warned to read are their own peril.
This is purely my own view and does not reflect on my opinion of the moderators that do have a hard job in keeping some form of normality. I am also not trying to say it should happen here, purely passing an observation of where it works somewhere else.

 

[Robin]

I think this point that Robin and Jonsi are debating takes me back to my earlier misunderstood observation.
On a Kendo forum I am involved with, we have a section called flames. This is where e move threads that become contentious. The section clearly warns people that there may be threads that contain rhetoric that could be offensive or argumentative. Sometimes it is hard to see why a thread may land in the "naughty section", but that is why there are three sides to every argument. Obviously personal abuse is definitely a no no. But your risqué jokes and political debates are much better suited to this type of moderation allowing people after being adequately warned to read are their own peril.
This is purely my own view and does not reflect on my opinion of the moderators that do have a hard job in keeping some form of normality. I am also not trying to say it should happen here, purely passing an observation of where it works somewhere else.

We've got a similiar thing on our village forum. All political or risqué stuff goes into, or gets moved to the Grease Pit, go there at your peril! It doesn't solve the problem of otherwise innocuous threads getting derailed, though, as the the informative stuff is lost to people who don't venture into it.

 

[Hazel]

Which all just goes to prove - we are all different, with a wide range of opinions and beliefs, with only Diabetes which binds us together.

 

[Amigo]

My suggestion would be to keep the more risqué, colourful stuff firmly in the 'off topic' sections so members can choose whether or not it's for them. My objection to my legitimate post being removed in its totality was that the original topic and my contributions (I hope) were acceptable but off topic deviations caused the whole thing to be pulled which I feel reflected on me. I honestly think the posts should be dealt with on an individual basis rather than deleting every other on point contribution and deleting the thread entirely.

I have absolutely no problem with humour, adult or not but can see that many would feel it somehow diminishes the primary advice and support function of this site. An administrator then has the unenviable job of trying to meet all needs and expectations. The worst thing that can happen on support forums of any kind are for factions to develop because inclusion and acceptance is paramount for people to feel safe in expressing their fears and needs.
In terms of respect, the thing that upsets me more than harmless banter or humour are the blunt, careless responses that we sometimes encounter on here. Often they are tolerated as the idiosyncratic nuances of long termers but for a newbie, I feel they do much more harm than experiencing a site with a vibrant sense of community. For curt, blunt or personally sarcastic responses, I think we should have a zero tolerance policy.

 

[mikeyB]

But the risqué and colourful stuff is, by and large, firmly in the off topic sections for "sarcastic" comments and the pub, just as in real life.

I agree with AJ, it just takes one posting to send a thread completely off topic, and the follow up posts appear to follow that new posting. I find I have to start posts with "Back on topic, ....". I think a bit more self discipline on the main forums should be applied. If you can't add anything new or useful to the topic under discussion, don't bother adding anything at all.

 

[SB2015]

I am pleased that Northerner has posted the reminder about the purpose of the forum and the protocols. It is a strong feature that this forum is moderated and that it is possible to refer a post if necessary. So thank you to those that put the time in to do this.

There are a lot of regulars on here, and at times I have dipped into the associated threads that are off topic. The only time I visited the pub I felt very much not one of 'the gang' so just leave them to it. I too have found some of the humour offensive so avoid those threads.

I have found that this forum has taught me a great deal, and I have had excellent support from some who choose to use many of the off subject areas. I would have missed out if they chose not to be on here, and in general their other topics are clearly labelled. All I would ask is that where posts are specifically about diabetes, that these do not get hijacked by regulars. Just keep an eye on the title of the post, and stick to that in order that people can get hold of the info that they have asked for.

Thanks again to all who post on here and to the moderators.

 

[Ralph-YK]

My objection to my legitimate post being removed in its totality was that the original topic and my contributions (I hope) were acceptable but off topic deviations caused the whole thing to be pulled which I feel reflected on me. I honestly think the posts should be dealt with on an individual basis rather than deleting every other on point contribution and deleting the thread entirely.

That's the way it is on the other forum I talked about.

 

[Ralph-YK]

On another forum I'm on, when moderators/admin delete a post they'll put in a comment, and actively direct people to keep on topic, be civil etc. Sometimes they'll just say "post deleted" though, which isn't very informative.
If it goes too far they may close a thread (stop any further comments) as opposed to deleting the whole thing. Allowing people to see the useful info that was posted.