Out the door

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spell

spell

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Been trying and trying for ages to get out.soon as I reach the door I stop and give up because of all the grief that goes along with doing something as simple as that cos of type I.i think if I stay at home ill have some semblance of control.
Walking is soooooo boring and I am a social outcast because of what diabetes has made me become,vile according to some people, unapproachable, miserable, confrontational.
Spouse refuses to go ANYWHERE with me now,I'm just an embarrassment and a pointless useless human being,all because of type 1
 
spell said:
Been trying and trying for ages to get out.soon as I reach the door I stop and give up because of all the grief that goes along with doing something as simple as that cos of type I.i think if I stay at home ill have some semblance of control.
Walking is soooooo boring and I am a social outcast because of what diabetes has made me become,vile according to some people, unapproachable, miserable, confrontational.
Spouse refuses to go ANYWHERE with me now,I'm just an embarrassment and a pointless useless human being,all because of type 1
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I contribute zero to humanity, just cost the NHS so much money
 
I find walking really boring too spell, and sometimes outside can be a bit too peopley for me lol. I’m lucky, I have a treadmill so I usually watch a true crime documentary and speed walk for an hour. Soaking in nature is good for the mind tho , I live near dovedale, I do feel 1000 x better after a walk round there!
 
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I often walk late at night to avoid people. I find it really therapeutic being out in the dark when I have the world to myself and it is quiet. Sometimes it takes a lot of psyching myself up to leave the house but once I get out there and start power walking it really helps me mentally. I have to make sure to keep a close eye on Libre and take plenty of hypo treatment to be safe but that really works for me.
 
Getting out, especially if part of the route can be somewhere green(ish) is really good for you. not just the exercise, but rge lasting changes in the brain.

And don’t believe the story you have constructed for yourself. You have huge potential, you matter, you were made for more than this. you have people who care about you and want you to be happy (otherwise your behaviour would not impact them). You are carrying a lot of pain, anger and hurt for a long time. Perhaps you might try setting some of that down for a while. It’s a heavy burden, and you don’t need to let it drag you down.
 
spell said:
Been trying and trying for ages to get out.soon as I reach the door I stop and give up because of all the grief that goes along with doing something as simple as that cos of type I.i think if I stay at home ill have some semblance of control.
Walking is soooooo boring and I am a social outcast because of what diabetes has made me become,vile according to some people, unapproachable, miserable, confrontational.
Spouse refuses to go ANYWHERE with me now,I'm just an embarrassment and a pointless useless human being,all because of type 1
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Well only you can change your behaviour. You have been given the elixir to life (insulin) so make good use of it.

Just for your information a good friend of mine died last month at the age of 40 due to cancer, he fought hard and beat stage 4 bowel cancer 8 years ago, had his yearly scans and it was shown he had cancer again and was dead within 3 months of that scan.

Did he moan? No, he didn't.
Learn to manage your diabetes and things will improve for you and your family.
You blame everything on your diabetes yet do nothing to manage your condition.
Perhaps try some exercise by getting off of your backside and doing something to manage your diabetes.
 
spell said:
I'll get off my backside when this disease stops me from doing so
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Yet again blaming your condition when it's down to you to manage/control it.
 
spell said:
I'll get off my backside when this disease stops me from doing so
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If you have walking difficulties you can look up seated exercise or wheelchair exercise on YouTube and you will find lots of workouts free there
 
Before diagnosis I think I was ok ish.when I realised the implications of type I, is when I became full of hate.
Didn't help that brother had been murdered around the same time,I was 11 he 13 so that caused the diabetes(fact) and I was a poor, unloved council estate rat
 
I am in the grips of depression for all sorts of reasons, not even really related to my diabetes, but I am sure that plays its part, being a type 2 on metformin, so while having a hypo is less of a concer,n, never knowing when I will need the loo as a matter of urgency does affect me.

Doctor suggested I go back to running and yoga which I had neglected, I am not suggesting you do either of these things unless of course you want to. But went to my first yoga session in months and yoga teacher suggested a 10 minute walk each day, could be a gentle stroll, a power walk, and to try to see if I could find something nice to look at, something I hadn’t noticed before, maybe just a nice flower in a garden that sort of thing, for context I live on a large housing estate built in the 90s so not much architectural difference in the house.

I know you said you find walking boring, but just try 10 minutes. This morning. I saw the geese that I hear flying over and said morning to 3 dog walkers, doesn’t sound much of an achievement to most people, but improved my mood just a little.

I have been off of this forum for months due to my depression, but logged on this morning, and saw something of myself in your post, albeit for different reasons So wanted to reach out to you.

Take care.
 
@spell - thanks for cutting out the obscenities from me as well. Saves me a task but more importantly your posts are more compelling without them. I found that when I edited some of your earlier posts.

A lot of us will be trying to work out how the trauma you describe (which must have been unbelievably difficult to come to terms with at that age) caused what is an autoimmune disease. Why are you so certain of it?
 
Docb said:
@spell - thanks for cutting out the obscenities from me as well. Saves me a task but more importantly your posts are more compelling without them. I found that when I edited some of your earlier posts.

A lot of us will be trying to work out how the trauma you describe (which must have been unbelievably difficult to come to terms with at that age) caused what is an autoimmune disease. Why are you so certain of it?
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Severe shock/grief can be a trigger I believe but as far as I understand it, the predisposition for it is always there and it is just a question of what is going to trigger it and when.
I wonder if the hormone fluctuations of the teenage years may be a common trigger and perhaps similarly the hormone fluctuations at menopause.
Or of course it could be something totally unrelated and just pure coincidence and it would be impossible to prove, but you can understand how two such traumatic events happening around the same time would be strongly linked in your mind, particularly as a child.
 
Docb said:
@spell - thanks for cutting out the obscenities from me as well. Saves me a task but more importantly your posts are more compelling without them. I found that when I edited some of your earlier posts.

A lot of us will be trying to work out how the trauma you describe (which must have been unbelievably difficult to come to terms with at that age) caused what is an autoimmune disease. Why are you so certain of it?
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The research on it may be anecdotal,but it's out there.
I don't care what anyone says, it's the reason I have type 1
 
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