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You said before that you didn’t ask for diabetes and that you’ve failed at it. Only one of those is true. You haven’t failed. You’ve kept on going. That’s winning. One foot in front of the other. Keep going.

Also, if you’re not on any meds for the MH, then do ask if you could have something to help. Sometimes we just get stuck in a dark place and meds can help.
 
It’s a total pain, for sure @spell but we’re closer than ever to a cure. Do just enough to get by. Keep the monster in its cage. If you can’t face bolusing when you eat, perhaps you could see about looping. The loop would mop up some of your high blood sugar and help a bit.

I know you’ve said you can’t inject, and it sounds like the bolusing via the pump/PDM is an issue for you too - is that because it’s a constant reminder of the diabetes? If so, try to not think about it. I’ve just bolused for my meal but I didn’t dwell on it. I purposely thought about what I was going to eat and what I was going to do this evening. If I’d stopped to think about the annoyance of it all, I’d get pissed off or upset. I try to think about the diabetes work as something trivial like getting cutlery.
 
Hang in there @spell

One day at a time. @Inka ’s suggestion of doing just enough to get by is a good thought

Can you up your Omnipod basal dose during daytime (around mealtimes) to automatically give you more available insulin in those hours?

Do consider calling Samaritans, the DUK Helpline, and the MIND resources too. Do whatever you can manage. Every day.

As a reminder calls to the Samaritans are free 24 hours a day on 116 123

Or check out Mind, the national mental health charity
MIND - getting urgent help
 
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It's like trying to fein interest in something you hate and despise. Engagement with it just causes stress anxiety and despair
 
You have to not think too much @spell If you dwell on your full feelings, it will eat you up. I hate it too but I keep that hate to be side, dialled down to more like annoyance. That way the hate doesn’t hurt me and the diabetes becomes that little bit smaller in my life. It’s an annoyance like a stupid job. You have to keep it in that ‘annoyance’ headspace else it will drive you mad.
 
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