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[BBarb]

Hello. I'm the 'carer/wife' of a stubborn 77 year old farmer who will not cut down on his work and is overweight and recently diagnosed as type 2 diabetic.
I have been quite successful in cutting down on his carbs as I'm coeliac myself and our diets are quite similar, but his constant cheating frightens me. For example, I know he buys chocolate when he goes to collect the newspapers each morning because I find the wrappings in his land rover (also biscuits) and after I got him a meter he now refuses to check his bloods.
Why do people do this?

 

[Mini-Vicki]

Hi BBard,
Sorry to hear you're both having difficulty.
I have done exactly what your husband is doing, the secret eating and the refusal to test. It was because I was scared. Diabetes is such a huge diagnosis to get, and the lifestyle change is so big, that I didn't want to deal with it. I would eat the healthy meals my husband would make for us, and then eat something 'naughty' in hiding.
Has he been on a diabetes education course? I found that really helped me, talking to other people with the same illness, and seeing that it was possible to live a completely normal life.
How was his diagnosis handled by the GP? Mine was absolutely shocking, I was just given the diagnosis and told to come back in three months, after not eating sugar so the shock contributed to my denial I think.
My husband came along to the diabetes education course with me, and it helped having him there to learn as well!

 

[Northerner]

Hello. I'm the 'carer/wife' of a stubborn 77 year old farmer who will not cut down on his work and is overweight and recently diagnosed as type 2 diabetic.
I have been quite successful in cutting down on his carbs as I'm coeliac myself and our diets are quite similar, but his constant cheating frightens me. For example, I know he buys chocolate when he goes to collect the newspapers each morning because I find the wrappings in his land rover (also biscuits) and after I got him a meter he now refuses to check his bloods.
Why do people do this?

Hi BBarb, welcome to the forum 🙂 Sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis - how did it come about? It's very difficult to change your ways when you get diagnosed later in life - I was diagnosed aged 49 myself, and found it quite difficult to begin with to negotiate what I could tolerate well and what I couldn't. Part of the problem, of course, is that sugar is quite addictive, and it makes it even harder to cut down on things when we are told we should! 🙄 Has he been given any medication for his diabetes? Any other health problems? He sounds as though he must be active in his work, which is a very good thing 🙂

Not everyone takes to testing their blood, but it can be helpful if you can get him to agree to perhaps test occasionally - testing on waking maybe a couple of times a week, and perhaps before bed, just so he gets an idea of how things are going.

 

[BBarb]

What very kind replies, thank you.
He was originally diagnosed because he'd reported headaches after a year or so on statins. He was given a diet sheet based on the 'healthy plate' where a third of his daily allowance was carbohydrates. I'd already picked up on the fact that this was not a good idea, and insisted on going with him to fis first (and only) consultation with the diabetic nurse. Amazingly she agreed with me and explained the evils of too many carbs to him, and also pointed me to several websites for recipes etc.
He's on metformin, and does a lot of physical work, but weighs over 20 stone - that's as far as our scales go.

 

[bilbie]

Buy him some 70+% cocoa chocolate, it is low carb and a few squares will be fine.

This video will be worth showing him, I think.
I would cut the Sugars including fruit/juice and Starches, including breads, pasta, rice, potato etc
This gives a simple overview to how it works for me. The more carbs I eat the more carbs I want. They don’t give up easy and it’s biochemical

 

[KateR]

Welcome to the forum BBarb. 🙂

 

[grovesy]

Welcome!

 

[Lindarose]

Welcome BBarb. 🙂
I'm glad you're so supportive and helping your husband as not everyone has that.
I'm lucky in that way too but have to confess to eating things I know I shouldn't and getting rid of the 'evidence' i.e. wrappings! It's so wrong and yet I still do it sometimes. And once I've got rid of it doesn't count. 🙄 Typing this it sounds so stupid and of course it is. But if you've a real love of the things you should restrict it doesn't come easy. We just have to keep trying.
I hope your husband will start to try too. Good luck.

 

[Northerner]

What very kind replies, thank you.
He was originally diagnosed because he'd reported headaches after a year or so on statins. He was given a diet sheet based on the 'healthy plate' where a third of his daily allowance was carbohydrates. I'd already picked up on the fact that this was not a good idea, and insisted on going with him to fis first (and only) consultation with the diabetic nurse. Amazingly she agreed with me and explained the evils of too many carbs to him, and also pointed me to several websites for recipes etc.
He's on metformin, and does a lot of physical work, but weighs over 20 stone - that's as far as our scales go.

That's interesting about the statins as they are known to be a possible factor in causing Type 2 diabetes 😱

The dark chocolate is a very good idea, see if you can persuade him to try some 70% (or higher) cocoa content chocolate - it's relatively low carb and you don't need much of it to satisfy the craving 🙂 Nothing wrong with the occasional treat, but it's best to make them a 'treat' as you appreciate them more 🙂

He sounds a big lad, but is it due to a lifetime of hard work? The measurements of being 'overweight' don't really take account of the fact that muscle is denser (and therefore heavier) than fat, or a person's build - many top athletes would fall into the 'overweight' or even 'obese' categories! Please feel free to ask any questions you may have, and have a browse of the 'Food' section, there are lots of ideas for tasty, lower carb alternatives in there 🙂

 

[BBarb]

Wow! Thank you for your welcome everyone.
I knew statins could give certain people headaches and joint pain but didn't know about diabetes! That's shocked me.
As a coeliac I'm never tempted to cheat because the retribution is almost instant (ie a night spent on the loo with stomach cramps and the big D) but I know only too well how delicious these forbidden foods are.
I wonder if there's a leaflet on statins, re the reasons for not taking these things.

 

[grovesy]

I doubt there is such a leaflet as the majority of the Medical profession think they are a wonder drug!

 

[HOBIE]

Good luck with things BBarb. I worked for farmers for years & I know how stubborn (in a nice way) they can be. Welcome to the forum 🙂

 

[Marsbartoastie]

Hi BBarb. You sound worried. Secret eating is an insidious state and it's difficult to even mention it without causing offence. If you were to give your husband a little notebook and a pen, do you think he could be persuaded to keep a food diary...just as a personal exercise. Sometimes the act of recording what you eat is helpful in making the mental changes necessary to addressing 'issues around food'. This strategy certainly helped me.

 

[Diabeticliberty]

Hello BBarb and a very warm welcome to our forum. Perhaps your husband doesn't test his blood because he really doesn't want to know what his blood glucose levels are running at. The same sort of thing applies regarding eating chocolate. If he doesn't want to stop then short of tying him to his tractor, assuming he drives one of course then you cannot really stop him. Perhaps however you might get him to compromise. Maybe start by suggesting that you are OK with the chocolate providing he does a blood test first and his blood sugars are not too high. If he agrees then at least you have a starting point. You may then start to slowly move the goalposts with the ultimate goal of getting him to do blood tests and perhaps wean him off chocolate altogether. Perhaps he is not prepared to face a whopping great big lifestyle change all in one go. Bit by bit is surely better than not at all.

 

[Radders]

I would start by talking to him about how this makes you feel. If he is fully aware of the risks he is running, and this does not motivate him to change, then reminding him might just make things worse, however he may not be aware of how it makes you feel, knowing that he is increasing his risks of nasty complications and so on.
Then you could ask him how you could help him: perhaps he does want you to nag him, or maybe just being there to talk to is enough, but if you don't know, you can't help.