my son is self harming

[Mysonjoshua]

Hi everyone.
First time posting and in at the deep end!
My son Josh who is 13 had severe DKA, ICU for 4 days, and was diagnosed with type1 2 years ago. His HBA1C has since been around 9 with no signs of going down. Annual visits to the clinic become a screaming match as he hates the needle when giving blood.
His insulin injection method is to hover close to the skin and proceed with a slow piercing of the skin which is painful 30% of the time but works for him.
He has been phoning childline to talk about feeling depressed and alone with diabetes. They advised him to write his feelings down in a letter and give it to his Mum and I. In the letter he said he didn't want to live with diabetes anymore and wanted to die.
He has also nervously rubbed his hand which resulted in a thumb size burn.
He has since seen his GP and is waiting on a referral to CAMHS.
How can I do better for hI'm?
Sent from my LG-H815 using Diabetes.co.uk Forum mobile app

 

[Copepod]

Welcome to the forum, Mysonjoshua. So sorry that you have to be here, and that Joshua is suffering.
It's good that he's found a method of insulin injection that works for him. That's positive. How about finger pricking for blood glucose meter? Often more painful than injections.
I'm not surprised he doesn't like blood taking at clinic - neither do I! What else happens at annual clinic appointments? Is there any support or is it only medical intervention?
It's good news that he's seen his GP and has been referred to CAMHS. How long is the expected wait?
I'm not sure there are any easy answers, but one thing I'd mention is to encourage him with normal life eg school and enjoyable activities eg sports / drama / hobbies - whatever he loves doing.

 

[casey]

Hi, I am so sorry to hear about you son. I'm afraid I am not very good at giving advice, but as I have a severe mental health illness and have also self harmed, big time, I thought I would try to help a little. As I'm sure you know, your son hurting himself is a cry for help, not an attention seeking gimmick. When I was self harming my wonderful family ( not ) just ignored me, not one of them asked me what was wrong or if they could do anything to help me. All I needed was love and understanding. Someone to hold me and hug me and tell me everything was going to be alright. Someone to ask me what they could do to help me, someone just to sit with me and listen to me talk. As I said, I am really not good at giving advice, but all I can say is be there for your beautiful son. Hold him, love him and above all else don't get angry if he self harms again. He is just crying out for help, so just love him and cuddle him and reassure him that you will always be there for him no matter what. I really hope his appointment comes through soon.

Sorry this is not a very intelligent reply and might not be much help, but when I was where your son is, all I needed was love, understanding and someone to listen to me. Best of luck to your dear son.x

 

[Mysonjoshua]

He does finger prick but needs to be reminded to rotate sites and stay in the side rather than pads. He is going to clinic on Thursday to see if Libre is going to work for him.
Last clinic appointment was a new doc and not nearly thorough enough (my fault, more focused on bloods).
He had a great weekend, out on bikes, out with good friends, long walks, bowling and ice skating but then had a meltdown when he had to go back to school this morning.
I did the wrong thing and shouted at him over the phone, which I now feel awful for doing, to try and get him out the door. My superstar wife is at home at the minute looking after him.

 

[trophywench]

All Paediatric Diabetes Clinics are supposed to have Psych help on hand for their patients.

WHY hasn't yours and can you not 'request' (forcibly!) to be referred to one that has?

Joshua - it seems to me - is a VERY intelligent boy - one that has realised the meaning of the word 'chronic' PDQ. It takes ages for adults to get their heads round it - let alone kiddies - who whilst inwardly priding themselves in their individuality and doing better than the others at something - outwardly their main desire is to just be the same as everyone else in their peer group and not stand out for any reason - except their brilliance at doing something (whether it's how high they can **** up a wall - or anything else) - doesn't matter what it is - as long as it's something which gains respect and admiration from the other kids.

Please be aware that getting your head round being diagnosed with a chronic condition is actually - a grieving process! - just the same as when somebody dies, and needs the same considerations to recover from. It takes time. Recovery is never instant. See http://www.businessballs.com/elisabeth_kubler_ross_five_stages_of_grief.htm

Diabetes UK - and maybe JDRF too but don't know - arrange days/weekends/holidays for kids - and parents and siblings - to meet other kids with T1 and have fun with them - and offer advice and education to the adults. Hobie on this forum, helps out at some of them - he's a T1 dad, so he 'gets' diabetes and he 'gets' kids LOL DUK and the volunteers they recruit for these occasions have a brilliant reputation for organising - they organise the children so well - they don't think they HAVE been organised. And this takes a rare talent, as every parent knows LOL I've seen it. Went to a big DUK day attending various lectures and as the day finished all the kids piled back in to the reception area that I was just meandering through to leave. Two little boys - brothers - dunno which one or other of them was D - rushed at the couple just by me at that moment - out of breath and shouting "That was brilliant! - when can we come again?" Hilarious - I certainly didn't envy the parents.

Things usually seem darkest, just before dawn, Dad.

 

[Dasroots]

I'm sorry to hear about your son. Could you ask to be reffered to a health psychologist the diabetes clinic could possible organise this? CAMHS often have long waiting lists have you thought of trying to access some counselling in the meantime? There are specialist counselling services for young people. These are normally means tested.

What about going to a Diabetes support group. There are a few around and may help if he mixes with other young people with type1. There are also Facebook support groups for parents and teenagers.

I suffer from psychosis and been under mental health teams since a teenager. It is hard work living with a cronic illness like diabetes. I find it overwhelming even now looking after my DM. I find that services aren't really geared up to support people with long term health conditions. The mental health team are better at dealing with psychosis than they are with the depression associated with my physical health problems as that seems to be out of their remit as its not seen as a mental health need. Form my experience you may need to fight to get your sons needs met by CAMHS.

Let your son know it's OK to express his feelings and look into more positive ways he can do this other than self harm. Maybe karate or boxing if You think he would enjoy that. Self harm normally escalates so try and keep communication with him open so he doesn't hide it as that can make it worse.

I go into schools and talk about mental health to young people and teachers if there is anything I can do to support your son or you. Please let me know.

I think DUK do a mentoring services that may be helpful for him.

Any idea how long until the CAMHS assessment will be?

Das

 

[Flutterby]

Is something happening at school do you think that is particularly upsetting him? Just wondered as the meltdown happened pre return to school. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.x

 

[jocat]

I have severe mental health problems and have self harmed severely for many years, started on insulin a couple of months back, it's hard work dealing with everything for everyone involved. Try to keep the communication channels open and be kind to yourself and each other. Take things a minute at a time if you need to, that's what I have to do anymore is too too much, sending you all kind thoughts
Jo

 

[Northerner]

Very sorry to hear about Joshua An additional source of advice could be the Children with Diabetes UK website. They have a Facebook group, and might be able to suggest groups or others his age in your area who he could meet and talk to. Just talking to others in the same situation can be a huge boost to how you feel about things 🙂

 

[Mysonjoshua]

Hi, I am so sorry to hear about you son. I'm afraid I am not very good at giving advice, but as I have a severe mental health illness and have also self harmed, big time, I thought I would try to help a little. As I'm sure you know, your son hurting himself is a cry for help, not an attention seeking gimmick. When I was self harming my wonderful family ( not ) just ignored me, not one of them asked me what was wrong or if they could do anything to help me. All I needed was love and understanding. Someone to hold me and hug me and tell me everything was going to be alright. Someone to ask me what they could do to help me, someone just to sit with me and listen to me talk. As I said, I am really not good at giving advice, but all I can say is be there for your beautiful son. Hold him, love him and above all else don't get angry if he self harms again. He is just crying out for help, so just love him and cuddle him and reassure him that you will always be there for him no matter what. I really hope his appointment comes through soon.

Sorry this is not a very intelligent reply and might not be much help, but when I was where your son is, all I needed was love, understanding and someone to listen to me. Best of luck to your dear son.x

Thank you so much. Very kind and wise words.

 

[Mysonjoshua]

Is something happening at school do you think that is particularly upsetting him? Just wondered as the meltdown happened pre return to school. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.x

He gets on well at school, and has average and above grades despite his 73% attendance rate. Quite a few sick days with small infections and tonsilitis. He was going through exams last week but is confident about them.

 

[Mysonjoshua]

I'm sorry to hear about your son. Could you ask to be reffered to a health psychologist the diabetes clinic could possible organise this? CAMHS often have long waiting lists have you thought of trying to access some counselling in the meantime? There are specialist counselling services for young people. These are normally means tested.

What about going to a Diabetes support group. There are a few around and may help if he mixes with other young people with type1. There are also Facebook support groups for parents and teenagers.

I suffer from psychosis and been under mental health teams since a teenager. It is hard work living with a cronic illness like diabetes. I find it overwhelming even now looking after my DM. I find that services aren't really geared up to support people with long term health conditions. The mental health team are better at dealing with psychosis than they are with the depression associated with my physical health problems as that seems to be out of their remit as its not seen as a mental health need. Form my experience you may need to fight to get your sons needs met by CAMHS.

Let your son know it's OK to express his feelings and look into more positive ways he can do this other than self harm. Maybe karate or boxing if You think he would enjoy that. Self harm normally escalates so try and keep communication with him open so he doesn't hide it as that can make it worse.

I go into schools and talk about mental health to young people and teachers if there is anything I can do to support your son or you. Please let me know.

I think DUK do a mentoring services that may be helpful for him.

Any idea how long until the CAMHS assessment will be?

Das

He has an app with the Clinical Psychology for next Wednesday. We were lucky and got a cancellation.
He is also going to the youth support camp mid July at Tollymore outdoor centre with a good friend from school.

 

[Mysonjoshua]

Very sorry to hear about Joshua An additional source of advice could be the Children with Diabetes UK website. They have a Facebook group, and might be able to suggest groups or others his age in your area who he could meet and talk to. Just talking to others in the same situation can be a huge boost to how you feel about things 🙂

I had a look at the site and it only covers mainland UK. We are in Co. Down, N. Ireland.

 

[Copepod]

Is he going on the holiday at Tollymore 17 - 21 July 2016? If so, it could be the ideal time to meet people of his own age with type 1 diabetes. Hope he has a great time and tries some new activities. https://www.diabetes.org.uk/In_Your_Area/N_Ireland/Care-events/Childrens-holidays/
If he's keen on outdoor activities and wants something to aim for, have a look at http://www.britishexploring.org/ expeditions for people aged 16 years and above. I was a leader on an expedition to South Greenland and had a 17 year old young man with T1D in my fire (group) and a few years later, after my diagnosis, went as Chief Scientist & Spanish interpreter to Chile / Falklands / South Georgia.