From one fibro sufferer to another.
You are NOT to blame for your son's condition, nor for not getting things totally right for him or for yourself every single time. No-one who has not lived in the fibro-fog darkness can know just how debilitating it is. You cannot concentrate, you feel lost, alone in crowds, your family feel like aliens, you either don't hear or misinterpret what they say, and you suffer from bleak depression that sears the soul. You cannot ask for help: the words get lost between your brain and the outside world, in the fog bank. And the constant pain means you lose sleep. Sleep deprivation over weeks and months and YEARS gnaws into you. It's an ever-spinning cycle. And that is compounded by the diabetes and other health issues.
It's a horrid, vicious cycle, but there are ways to break out. They are not easy, I won't try kidding you. You'll need to be strong, and your own best and most serious tough love friend... These are the things that helped me:
First thing is diet: you need a properly balanced diet. Scarfing down chips feels fine in the short term, but it'll aggravate the gall stones and the weight, and isn't the best thing for the diabetes. I ended up in hospital on a drip for a week. A cocktail of power-crazed painkillers and antibiotics, and saline. We used to eat in a more ad hoc way. Now I plan meals: I plan for a week ahead. I start with dinners, and then fill lunches and breakfasts in round them. And I make my shopping list from the menu. Once I've added in things like loo roll and washing powder and stuff, I hand the list to the husband and he does the shopping. That way I don't have to drag my fibro-pain body and fibro-fog head round the hell that is Asda/Sansbury's/Tesco/Aldi... It also means that I have everything I need to cook the meals to hand, and I don't actually need to think about food until it's time to cook it without being tempted by daglo cake and mountains of chocolate. If you can get a partner of friend to either shop for you, or do it online, it'll take a lot of the pressure off you. I don't always manage to STICK to the planned menu, but having the basic framework helps. Especially on chaotic days! The plan helps my weight loss, my IBS control, and the BG levels of my two menfolk.
Then there's exercise. Exercise helps in several ways: it helps with raised endorphin levels, which make you feel better. It'll help get you moving, which will eventually help with the general ability to move. It'll help with the spiraling insulin levels (though I can't predict how much: that depends on several factors in addition to just the physical effort). It'll help with the weight. Start gently, with a few minutes of stretching exercises. It WILL hurt to start with. It's always going to hurt a bit, but you needn't let it stop you. The trick is to find the balance between getting fit which will make the pain less and ease the stiffness, and setting off a serious flare up. I find swimming is a great help as it stretches, tones, and strengthens the whole body. And doing a few minutes of stretching exercises in bed before I get up in the morning makes that a bit easier. I tend to keep going even if I do trigger a flare because they happen less often and are less severe when I am exercising regularly and am fitter. But everyone is different, and you have to find the right level for you.
Being organized: I find that being organized over the main points of the day - stuff like regular meal times, planned weekly menus, and a calendar of things everyone is doing (like cadets, exams, Weight Watchers, quilting group... ) - helps me not to get lost in the fog. And I set alarms to remind me of appointments and events. I keep my calendar/diary on my computer, so it bongs at me, or beeps, and sometimes sends me an email! I can set it to remind me the day before, an hour or so before, and in time to get to appointments. And I can set it to signal the difference between a work appointment, a social engagement, a home regular like cadets and weigh watchers, and I can colour code for different members of the family. Being organized helps to relieve the stress. That allows me to relax a bit and THAT eases the fibro.
I am lucky that I have very understanding and supportive siblings and friends, and a loving husband. But they still can't see inside my head or hear the crawling mess that my thoughts become when the fog clamps down. Without that support, you are going to have a much tougher time, I do realize. So the very FIRST thing you need to do is acknowledge your own worth, your own value. It's the old thing, but you need to learn to love and value yourself, to acknowledge the person you are, and the huge added value you bring to your son's life.
Baby steps, love. Start small and you will get there. Remember how to eat an elephant? Yup, one bite at a time.
And tell me to mind my own business if that helps, too.
