Mother not taking condition seriously - regulary over 20mmol. Any options?

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StephenUK

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Relationship to Diabetes
Type 2
Hey,

I (32) was diagnosed with Diabetes myself in November 2022 after I had to be hospitalised for a week with DKA. On admission my BG was 31.8 and KT was 7.2. They first diagnosed me with Type 1 and I had to inject insulin for a few weeks but then the result came back I was type 2 so I am now on Metformin - which I admittedly take sporadically, because I mainly manage by restricting carbs. I had known I was pre-diabetic but it was a big shock and I went low carb, cut all sugary drinks, lost 3 stone and had gone into remission by April 2023. I continue to remain in remission and test regularly. Usually BG 5-7 now - bit higher over Christmas... All good.

My mother (61) has had Diabetes for a number of years (don’t know how long exactly), but I hadn't realised how poorly she manages it until I myself was diagnosed. I even had to buy her a Glucomen machine and implore her to ask the doctor to restart her prescription Glucose, Ketone strips and lancets - and apparently, she hasn't used them for months! She also buys and consumes 24 pack pallets of full sugar drinks from wholesalers like Costco and will drink them instead of water (won't make simple adjustment to sugar free because "it doesn't taste the same"!). She also eats garbage and despite me explaining many times what the relationship between carbs and blood sugar was, why glycaemic index is important - still eats carb loaded junk (I estimate her diet is 50-60% carbs solid - 80% if you count all the sugary drinks)

What frustrates me is, if she just stopped DRINKING sugar - she would be in a much better position. The diet can come later.

Tonight I came home from the cinema and she was passed out sleeping on the couch in an awkward position, I woke her up and she was very drowsy. I got her to test her bloods and it was 25.6 with ketones of 0.4. She said this was "normal" for her and she had "even been the hospital for something else today and they tested her and didn't say anything about the blood sugar level". I have noticed over the past 2 years her mind is dulling a lot, something I imagine is related to the capillary damage she is doing in her brain - and every other organ.

She just will not take seriously how damaging sustained levels like that are even though I am sure she knows really (she is a Mental Health Nurse herself!)

The thing is I get that she is an adult but is there ANYTHING I can do to get the doctors to look at her treatment regime? I feel like even if I can scare her into managing it properly, it will only last a week or two and she'll be back to being like this. It feels like she won't be around much longer if she carries on riding so high all the time...

I feel like she needs some kind of intervention and perhaps even putting on insulin - because she just will not adjust her diet or behaviour and I know she won’t. Does she have to ask for this or can I refer her as a family member?

Thanks
 
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She maybe going through a stage of denial and just not bothered as to the outcome. I gave done this myself and did nit realise as you dont feel ill as it creeps on gradually. I have tried this tome too but struggling to lower it.
insulin resistance is hard. Your hungry so you eat and it can make you feel worse so you comfort eat. Its a viscous cycle and hard to break.
Often we just get told off fir our weight and diet which is nagging and soul destroying so you could be making it worse.
She needs to be in control so try to be kind. A Gp may listen to you as it is affecting you but they should decide themselves and its up yo your mum its her body.
Id be inclined to say mum you making me anxious you bloods are high and could we try and get them lower snd if she snaps you have tried. Id be more furious if you went behind my back.
 
Nayshiftin said:
She maybe going through a stage of denial and just not bothered as to the outcome. I gave done this myself and did nit realise as you dont feel ill as it creeps on gradually. I have tried this tome too but struggling to lower it.
insulin resistance is hard. Your hungry so you eat and it can make you feel worse so you comfort eat. Its a viscous cycle and hard to break.
Often we just get told off fir our weight and diet which is nagging and soul destroying so you could be making it worse.
She needs to be in control so try to be kind. A Gp may listen to you as it is affecting you but they should decide themselves and its up yo your mum its her body.
Id be inclined to say mum you making me anxious you bloods are high and could we try and get them lower snd if she snaps you have tried. Id be more furious if you went behind my back.
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I'm very sorry but I disagree vhemently. She is not in denial. She has been diabetic for over 4 years minimum. This is closer to self-neglect/harm than it is ignorance.

My mother is medically trained and knows exactly what damage she is doing to her body but continues to do so. I am very concerned for her.
 
StephenUK said:
Hey,

I (32) was diagnosed with Diabetes myself in November 2022 after I had to be hospitalised for a week with DKA. On admission my BG was 31.8 and KT was 7.2. They first diagnosed me with Type 1 and I had to inject insulin for a few weeks but then the result came back I was type 2 so I am now on Metformin - which I admittedly take sporadically, because I mainly manage by restricting carbs. I had known I was pre-diabetic but it was a big shock and I went low carb, cut all sugary drinks, lost 3 stone and had gone into remission by April 2023. I continue to remain in remission and test regularly. Usually BG 5-7 now - bit higher over Christmas... All good.

My mother (61) has had Diabetes for a number of years (don’t know how long exactly), but I hadn't realised how poorly she manages it until I myself was diagnosed. I even had to buy her a Glucomen machine and implore her to ask the doctor to restart her prescription Glucose, Ketone strips and lancets - and apparently, she hasn't used them for months! She also buys and consumes 24 pack pallets of full sugar drinks from wholesalers like Costco and will drink them instead of water (won't make simple adjustment to sugar free because "it doesn't taste the same"!). She also eats garbage and despite me explaining many times what the relationship between carbs and blood sugar was, why glycaemic index is important - still eats carb loaded junk (I estimate her diet is 50-60% carbs solid - 80% if you count all the sugary drinks)

What frustrates me is, if she just stopped DRINKING sugar - she would be in a much better position. The diet can come later.

Tonight I came home from the cinema and she was passed out sleeping on the couch in an awkward position, I woke her up and she was very drowsy. I got her to test her bloods and it was 25.6 with ketones of 0.4. She said this was "normal" for her and she had "even been the hospital for something else today and they tested her and didn't say anything about the blood sugar level". I have noticed over the past 2 years her mind is dulling a lot, something I imagine is related to the capillary damage she is doing in her brain - and every other organ.

She just will not take seriously how damaging sustained levels like that are even though I am sure she knows really (she is a Mental Health Nurse herself!)

The thing is I get that she is an adult but is there ANYTHING I can do to get the doctors to look at her treatment regime? I feel like even if I can scare her into managing it properly, it will only last a week or two and she'll be back to being like this. It feels like she won't be around much longer if she carries on riding so high all the time...

I feel like she needs some kind of intervention and perhaps even putting on insulin - because she just will not adjust her diet or behaviour and I know she won’t. Does she have to ask for this or can I refer her as a family member?

Thanks
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Any (lasting) change has to be self led, that is the conclusion I have drawn from many years of seeing what people put themselves (and those near to them) through. We can try and cajole, encourage, show concern, worry etc but the change has to be self led. As an example, weight loss. Sometimes it just needs something that wakes them up from themselves, a sharp shock. For some it will be the thought of not being there for their kids etc.

Is there any reason(s) you can think of that would provide that "short sharp shock" (or put another way -- something compelling) to motivate your mum into taking control?
 
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StephenUK said:
I'm very sorry but I disagree vhemently. She is not in denial. She has been diabetic for over 4 years minimum. This is closer to self-neglect/harm than it is ignorance.

My mother is medically trained and knows exactly what damage she is doing to her body but continues to do so. I am very concerned for her.
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yes but grief hits anytime and denial is part of being in that process . its not cause n effect its life i just can empathise instead of pointing out what she is already is aware of .
 
I feel for you @StephenUK, very difficult and the sense of helplessness is unbelievably frustrating.

My experience from being in a situation with some similarities to yours is that you need the intervention of a third party to make any difference. The GP, unless particularly dedicated is unlikely to be much help.

In my case, it was the intervention of what was left of social services, called in and pestered by a family member, that was the turning point but these days those services have all but disappeared round here. Might be worth investigating what is available in your area.

Is your mother still working? If so, then contacting her employer might be in order. A bit drastic and would need a lot of tact on your part, but it is something to think about.

I agree with @Amity Island that lasting change has to be self led but not convinced about the "short sharp shock" approach. Unlikely to work after 4 years in I feel. A professionally led systematic approach is likely to be more use.

And @Nayshiftin, from what @StephenUK has said, things are way beyond denial and something other than waiting for things to adjust themselves is needed.
 
StephenUK said:
I'm very sorry but I disagree vhemently. She is not in denial. She has been diabetic for over 4 years minimum. This is closer to self-neglect/harm than it is ignorance.

My mother is medically trained and knows exactly what damage she is doing to her body but continues to do so. I am very concerned for her.
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Unless she lacks capacity, you can’t force her to do anything. You could, however, write to her doctor and let them know exactly what’s going on with her blood sugar and diet, including the drinks. They might then call her in for a longer appointment. What drinks are they, by the way? A friend was addicted to energy drinks and needed help to stop.

I suggest you speak to your mother and point out the risk of diabetic complications, including blindness and amputation. Paint a picture of a possible future. Then offer to help her turn things round.
 
Nayshiftin said:
yes but grief hits anytime and denial is part of being in that process . its not cause n effect its life i just can empathise instead of pointing out what she is already is aware of .
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To explain myself a little more. Grief is not just loss of a person.
Diabetes means you have to change your way of life. Type 1 need to take insulin or sugar to
stabilise their blood sugars. Type 2 may be the same or nay have to reduce sugar intake and that means carbs too as they convert to sugar.
whatever its change which means you lose something.
You may adapt at first and then think why should i. I got myself in a state of denial and believed it should go the way it came.
Sometimes our bodies do heal themselves. Being hungry and having no sweet treats is punishment. So why not punish ourselves life is hell anyway.
You are young and may not empathise but being in control you are . That might be the problem your mum cannot control and has given up. Try reading Helen kubler Ross and not just on death but on the fact it can be applied to changes in our life and loss can be moving away having a disease etc
I mean well not articulate enough but read until you can empathise then you might help your mum more.
 
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Docb said:
I feel for you @StephenUK, very difficult and the sense of helplessness is unbelievably frustrating.

My experience from being in a situation with some similarities to yours is that you need the intervention of a third party to make any difference. The GP, unless particularly dedicated is unlikely to be much help.

In my case, it was the intervention of what was left of social services, called in and pestered by a family member, that was the turning point but these days those services have all but disappeared round here. Might be worth investigating what is available in your area.

Is your mother still working? If so, then contacting her employer might be in order. A bit drastic and would need a lot of tact on your part, but it is something to think about.

I agree with @Amity Island that lasting change has to be self led but not convinced about the "short sharp shock" approach. Unlikely to work after 4 years in I feel. A professionally led systematic approach is likely to be more use.

And @Nayshiftin, from what @StephenUK has said, things are way beyond denial and something other than waiting for things to adjust themselves is needed.
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well i was in denial let my blood sugars HbA1c go to 108 so
i obviously know nowt .
Call it what you like !
If you have been there you may understand.
No amount of calling names etc will help.
whose life is it ?
 
Docb said:
I feel for you @StephenUK, very difficult and the sense of helplessness is unbelievably frustrating.

My experience from being in a situation with some similarities to yours is that you need the intervention of a third party to make any difference. The GP, unless particularly dedicated is unlikely to be much help.

In my case, it was the intervention of what was left of social services, called in and pestered by a family member, that was the turning point but these days those services have all but disappeared round here. Might be worth investigating what is available in your area.

Is your mother still working? If so, then contacting her employer might be in order. A bit drastic and would need a lot of tact on your part, but it is something to think about.

I agree with @Amity Island that lasting change has to be self led but not convinced about the "short sharp shock" approach.
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@Docb

I meant something compelling. Might be something as trivial as a grandchild saying something honest. These short sharp shocks can come from the most unexpected situations. It just needs to be something that really resonates.
 
Apologies @Nayshiftin - I'm not trying to create an argument, we are both talking about the same thing but coming at it from slightly different directions.

Is anything said here helping you to work out a way forward @StephenUK ?
 
Docb said:
Apologies @Nayshiftin - I'm not trying to create an argument, we are both talking about the same thing but coming at it from slightly different directions.

Is anything said here helping you to work out a way forward @StephenUK ?
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The high 108 was my sharp shock . It really needs the person to want it.
 
StephenUK said:
I'm very sorry but I disagree vhemently. She is not in denial. She has been diabetic for over 4 years minimum. This is closer to self-neglect/harm than it is ignorance.

My mother is medically trained and knows exactly what damage she is doing to her body but continues to do so. I am very concerned for her.
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There's a thing called diabetiic burn out wheres people can stop doing things they need to do as fed up(its more then that but i stuggling to desribing it probllerply) pherherps that a possiibity?.
 
Bottom line is, @StephenUK , provided your mother has capacity (in the medical sense), change has to come from her, and be maintained by her. You might think her decisions are unwise and put her into an unsafe place, but as a competent adult, she has the right to make that decision.

I fully appreciate how hard it must be for your to oversee what your feel as self-harming, but my steer to you would be to let her get on with it, and wait in hope that she will, maybe slowly, want to change.

What does capacity mean NHS?


What is capacity? Capacity means the ability to use and understand information to make a decision, and communicate any decision made. A person lacks capacity if their mind is impaired or disturbed in some way, which means they're unable to make a decision at that time.

It could well be that your mother has an addiction to sugar. It is a known phenomenon, and more common that any of us would find comfortable. Dr Jen Unwin has done some excellent work on it. This YouTube video is from the Public Health Collaboration conference a few years ago. The audience are health professionals and those interested in metabolic health. Their responses to the "quiz" were enlightening and a trifle shocking, but hey ho.


Her book, "Fork in the Road" is excellent.

Apologies if my font colours are brain frying, but I was trying to highlight the definition of capacity, then couldn't revert to the more usual colour. Techno-numpty here. 🙂
 
StephenUK said:
She's not burnt out though. She lives as though she isn't diabetic.
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diabttiii c burn out can actually make you do that. it was just a thought. its mental heath conidiation really where people will decide they dont eant to be a diabteic anymore and start acting like they arnt in some cases(even if they lived with it for years)
 
@StephenUK A wise person once said, “You can ignore diabetes, but it won’t ignore you”. Perhaps some straight-talking is in order? I’d also be looking for an alternative to those drinks to start with. Also, point out that a Type 2 diet doesn’t have to be miserable. She can still eat nice things and enjoy her food.
 
rayray119 said:
diabttiii c burn out can actually make you do that. it was just a thought. its mental heath conidiation really where people will decide they dont eant to be a diabteic anymore and start acting like they arnt in some cases(even if they lived with it for years)
Click to expand...

That’s not what burnout is and I wouldn’t really call it a mental health condition. It’s absolute exhaustion from dealing with all the diabetes jobs. It’s not deciding you don’t want to be diabetic.
 
Docb said:
Apologies @Nayshiftin - I'm not trying to create an argument, we are both talking about the same thing but coming at it from slightly different directions.

Is anything said here helping you to work out a way forward @StephenUK ?
Click to expand...

Anything is better than nothing, so please don't penalise Nayshiftin or yourself in any way.
 
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